although
doubt still
controls and betrays
faith stands strong
as we sway
I've been loving on it
for several years
and living
as I count the ways
of blessings
I don't like small talk, it's never been one of my strong points. If I want to say something I say it, because what's the point of wasting time on useless topics? If I'm aware of where I stand and what I want, why beat around the bush? I'm talking exactly about this moment, this presentation to you guys. This is a message from my past self, sitting at the comfort of my house and watching the sun go down. I'm saying what I want to say at this moment, and right now, I don't care what you might think. I'm just giving you a ticket into my train of thought. I usually try to be as dierct as I can, but some people can get offended or use that information against you. When you play with all your cards on the table, you can become others' victim. And that's fine, it's something I've managed to deal with after some years of experience. But still, doesn't matter what I am or whom I think I am, I never give someone the whole picture. I can't. Nobody can. We don't even know ourselves completely, what makes you think someone else can? And what's even worse, some people tend to pretend to be someone else. I hate hypocrites, eventhough I know how to be one myself. Ocatavio Paz says that we mexicans, as a culture, in order to defend ourselves, put a mask to hide our true selfs from the rest of the world. And usually that mask is someone that we'd like to be with characteristics we admire. After a while of using it, the mask becomes such a big part of ourselves that we can't separate them anymore. And so the mask becomes you and you become the mask. And I include myself, I think of myself as just one more person trying to take advantage of the situations I'm in. I'm not more special than any of you guys. I try to remember that I can learn something from everyone, eventhough I don't always manage to. Something I've learned through all these years is that people usually don't speak the truth, but they always speak with reason. If you manage to not look at the words and truly grasp the meaning behind them, you're one step ahead in this illusion's game. Everyone can lie, but if they lie it's because they have a reason to. Perhaps everything I've told you up until this point is a lie and you'll never find out the truth. But what you should be thinking about, the real question is, why am I lying to you?
I’m alone in a darkened room
Laying curled up on the floor
With silence haunting; heavy clouds
The rain bleeds down, ever more.
The cold air slithers round
Wrapping its eager piercing claws
Around my throat, so tightly bound
Numbing my heart of everything but flaws
Tears stream like rivers
Out of my blackened waterfall spouts
Damning the world of happiness
While I’m living in my world of doubt
This floor is cracked and jaded
This soul a mirror of what’s felt
Erasing all the good that lay prints
Searching for hidden sunshine to melt
there is something though,
i read up on it
when you pass through the fields
of unbelievable doubt,
a man is there as your shadow
marking hits in his journal
making a shrine of your corpse.
Come and go, ebb and flow
fast and slow, time will go
the reality of truth,
will we ever know?
What does it mean, the feeling in between
the good and the evil
Is there such a thing?
Or is it up to me, just to make believe?
Shakespeare said the worlds a stage,
sometimes I feel the world a plague
If I act a fool, if I act a king
if I take a gun and a sling
if I lose my mind to take a drink
or take a drink to lose my mind
does it matter, once we all die?
or am I just high? Please, can I get high?
In the land of sinners, the brothelsloth is King
coming and going, doing as I please
The more I know, the less I care
the less I care, the more I bear
I bear my soul, so that others may know
the lessons I learned, from life, my foe.
So many tears,
Shed along that day.
so many fears,
That will always stay.
Though looking out,
With a smiling face,
I need to shout.
Where joy should be,
There is only doubt.
Now listen to what I have to say
For the wicked hide in the shadows of this day
You know nothing of what is of me
You may know the color of my eyes
But not of what they are capable to see
Now here, I've warned this upon you
For not every smile is ever true
Everything is not set in stone
You may say there is an answer
When nothing is completely known
Close your eyes, please understand
That what you may rely on is a blood-thirsty hand
Unknown of what they truly are
Watch think before you turn and talk
Someone so close to you can be so far
So remember before you go on and say
"But why would anyone do this to me anyway?"
Human nature can be full of evil and greed
Unwatched, A monster born within the shadows, full only of self pleasure and need.
Clocks slow to a crawl time creeps it's deceit
Some days lack ambition no spring in my seat
Pounding heart sure to cave won't endure it's fatigued
Need mighty endowment strength stability proceed
This pen hits the paper racing heart slowly calms
I believe in my words the sweat dries from my palms
Trembling hands quieten be sturdy as steel
I take a deep breath... Now to enjoy how I feel
Shane Aaron
Dec 7 2013
doubt can tear you apart...
that horrible nagging little feeling can kill you,
if you let it get to you....
believe me it will eat at your insides till there's nothing left...
but sadness and loneliness...
if you let one voice in...
it's over...