You feel you can deplete me
Make me feel small
Have me question you,
Then get angry when I do
I hold onto you
Feel hopeless without you
Grab on to your coat tails
And let you drag me through the mud
I am nothing without you
Or so I tell myself sometimes
You are nothing without me
What's happening here?
How am I losing focus?
What's happening to me?
Where am I going?
Only following you
Only seeing you
Wondering why you float away from me
I am stronger than this
I am a woman
I am independent when I need to be
And I can kick your teeth in
I'm not begging for you
Or giving you that time of day
Make your own decision
Maybe I'll be it
The beast inside…
© 2017 SachikoMochiko " Sachi Ruaya
What’s worse than killing someone? Leaving them suffering alive. Now, whether or not they suffer is up to them…
Cracks…that’s how the light comes in.
You found that someone,
Who you deem; is the last piece of you
O’ but that one…that other one just "
…
How long will your grip hold?
It’s a dark feeling; jealousy
Where green, grey and black swirls weave your heart
Like steel, poison ivy
As your blood curdles and boils,
your red-laced eyes eyeball
That one who touched your precious
Your precious gem that you admire from afar.
Your precious one, who births a hazy warm chest.
Your precious half…the other fading half of you.
But you refrain from killing
And instead of making arrangements to prey,
You keep that one alive but suffering from your fangs
Your inner beast lurks inside,
already devoured half of you and yourself.
Its true form will not feast unless you do
Your fangs…its fangs bite, drawing thick, oozy blood
Of the one you hold captive in your prison
All for that one precious one, you shed blood
Your bite…your torture…your beast
Is a reflection of the steel, poison ivy
Is a being born from your selfishness…your jealousy
But you continue to feast even when you know
Know that this beast will soon consume your flesh, Bone-clean
Because pleasure will come from ones’ suffering
You are blinded by the beast; your scarlet eyes see no more,
the beauty of your precious gem…
Blurry. Vivid. Pitch-black.
You have lost sight of your intentions,
And your precious gem’s light is no more
Now, you know: You. Are. Devoured.
You sit there on the bottom of the beast’s stomach
Living with the pure darkness of your own
Alone. With your crackling, dry heart -unable to love
After all, you were just blind.
Destined to lurk in darkness.
Emptiness. Your skin slowly peels off from the dry darkness
Slowly…painfully, in this prison, the veil is ripped
Revealing something undeniably powerful
You.
The bleeding wounds of which the skin is peeled
Thus, shunned the lies and unveils the truth
The truth of you embedded inside -within the beast
…
The light suppresses the dry darkness
With your passion, memories, joy and love
You slice through the belly…striving for freedom once more!
Author’s Note:
This is one of the small fragments to ready one of my upcoming masterpiece. I will write more poems like this (having the same motivational force). WORRY is next.
I was getting more and more aggressive.
Every day I was becoming too passive.
a counselor wouldn’t give.
Keep your mouth shut. Or I wouldn’t live
A couple weeks went by with a routine
of the counselor acting like I was a bean
my mouth shut. I acted a bit mean
I wasn’t even a teen. I was a stick so lean.
My face was green.
The counselor told my mother I needed to be put on a med.
But I wasn’t screwed up in the head
put me in a hospital for a couple weeks but
hooked up to an IV. I wanted to scream
it was so bad I smashed my head on a steel beam
I gained weight. got kicked from the soccer team
Everyone at school made fun of my appearance.
But I managed to find just enough endurance.
I started to have nightmares when I would dream
Eventually I saw some doctors
They just “talked” with me.
I wanted to scream.
They told my mom I had Autism.
I lost all my confidence and optimism
Everyday felt like I was trapped in a prism
So many angles but I was still in a prison
A mental Hospital.
Actually, more like a couple.
I remember the screaming at night,
My mom and step father became tight
I was in trouble and they became a couple
Being strapped to a bed, I could turn my face purple
Multiple shots in my ass, felt like months before I could pass
Everyday a shot in the booth
Wanting to wear a suit so I can look nice
In front of heavens gates.. or hell
Angels would have given me the boot
Dropped me like a deuce. Oh well.
I guess no one ever gave a hoot
Maybe life is a game.
I should just cock it and shoot
I was the one they blamed.
I remember my “roommate”.
The center mass. He was filled with hate
Believing these months were fate
Every night he would sing this song
about suicide. He would even pull out his dong
Maybe he thought it was long. But he was like a monkey
A tad bit chunky. A king kong.
Rubbed himself til he felt he was wrong
He wouldn’t even sleep.
He would just leap and sing things that were really deep
I wouldn’t make a peep.
“Suicidal, Suicidal, that’s what makes me gooo”.
Go where? The kid was choking on his big toe
He leaned over and told me his mom was a hoe
Top it with the constant screaming
A sound like a goat bleating as it gets dethroned
By a saw and hell.. maybe I need to reload
Cause my inmates drove me almost insane.
The pain would never go away.
Life is not an Xbox game.
Although my friend thought it was.
Russian roulette. A damn shame
My mother put me on the tracks
Got hit by this train
All I had to eat was a bit of grain
Some bread.
Pain stole the rest to get some weight gain
I was angry at my roommate for not shutting up,
Just a couple months ago the humane society got my pup.
The back of my head had a huge lump. I was too much of a chump.
Nurses came in and shot me in the ass with a needle til I was plump.
but most of all I was angry at the world.
I wanted to twirl around another way.
I couldn’t face what counseling had to say.
My mind began to whirl and swirl but
I couldn’t find a girl.
I would ask her out and give her this Pearl
But I’m a coward. But every once in a while I get that thrill
Eh, maybe I just need to chill.
My mind is Ill and my brain is locked away by a seal
Dimness.. I can’t feel. Numbness.
All I can see is this Dumbness.
I guess I’ve been having too much stress
“You need to go see this counselor”
Maybe she’ll help me..
or not because she cant even fix herself
she’ll throw me in another asylum
Give me meds. She’ll have me try em.
I got all these feelings and I cant express em or confess em
You just need to confront them. Fight them.
Light that mind on fire. Spit out your desire
Inspire. Then you’ll have people that’ll admire.
When boy meets girl from the other side,
Things were moving very fast.
No one could have ever imagined,
Things have gotten so serious.
Lots of secrets need to expose,
Lots of lies need to explain.
Hearts torn into pieces,
Don't know which way to go.
During that short time,
Things felt real, sadly its not.
Choose your man wisely,
That's all I have to say.
April.2.2005
Trisha Barrek Hopkins
How do I go on
When someone dear to me was wrongfully taken
How do I deal with the fact she is gone
God is putting us through hell
The hurt we can't explain
This pain put upon us was mistaken
The way we feel with her loss
We don't know how to tell
The memory of her still fresh in our minds
To bring her back for my mother I'd pay any cost
Now only above is a lasting storm a lasting rain
I'd do whatever it takes to find
A way to put her memory to rest
And help my mother cope and be strong
And make my mom remember all is for the best
Make her understand
That she's done nothing wrong
But how do you help someone go on
How do we go on with our lives
When she's lost most of all
When she's lost her only angel..her mother
One who she can no longer call
Even our God
Our one above
Our holy father
Can't help her up after she may fall
She can no longer tell her mom "I love you"
Or celebrate any holiday
Because she is in heaven surrounded by blue
She has no way to talk with her mother
No way to say
The things she holds in her heart
The way my mom really does feel
Now that her mother has part
No one who tries can heal
Only her mother had that power
From the start
But now she's above
With God and his angels in the sky
We can no longer experience her love
Just answer me this
At a young age of 75
Why did she have to die
Making memories with her mother she will always miss
Copyright
Sex,
drugs,
ciggerettes ,
money and music ,
power and fire ,
pornography ,
philosophy ,
on top of me,
inside of you ,
can you trust me?
space,
death,
lies ,
loniliness ,consciousness,
treading thy water ,
everyday I'm worse ,
everyday I wake up,
come wander with me love ,
come wander with me ,
away from this sad world ,
come wander with me ,
I came from the sunset ,
I came from the sea,
come wander with me love ,
can you trust me?
From nightmare to nightmare ,
Helping others feels like heavenly,
I mean it truly,
The very feeling is like the cold air,
Rushing quickly to the shore.
We should help others,
Without looking for the chance,
Of obtaining something in return,
Letting the greed and egotism in us burn.
Helping the deprived ones should our motto be,
The world will then be changed certainly.