help

Maybe I'll Be It

You feel you can deplete me

Make me feel small

Have me question you, 

Then get angry when I do

 

I hold onto you

Feel hopeless without you

Grab on to your coat tails

And let you drag me through the mud

 

I am nothing without you

Or so I tell myself sometimes

You are nothing without me

 

What's happening here?

How am I losing focus?

What's happening to me?

Where am I going?

 

Only following you

Only seeing you

Wondering why you float away from me

 

I am stronger than this

I am a woman

I am independent when I need to be

And I can kick your teeth in

 

I'm not begging for you

Or giving you that time of day

Make your own decision

 

Maybe I'll be it

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2/20/2018

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The Beast Inside...

The beast inside…

© 2017 SachikoMochiko " Sachi Ruaya

 

What’s worse than killing someone? Leaving them suffering alive. Now, whether or not they suffer is up to them…

 

Cracks…that’s how the light comes in.

 

You found that someone,

Who you deem; is the last piece of you

O’ but that one…that other one just "

How long will your grip hold?

 

 

It’s a dark feeling; jealousy

Where green, grey and black swirls weave your heart

Like steel, poison ivy 

 

 

As your blood curdles and boils,

your red-laced eyes eyeball

That one who touched your precious

 

 

Your precious gem that you admire from afar.

Your precious one, who births a hazy warm chest.

Your precious half…the other fading half of you.

 

 

But you refrain from killing

And instead of making arrangements to prey,

You keep that one alive  but suffering from your fangs

 

Your inner beast lurks inside,

already devoured half of you and yourself.

Its true form will not feast unless you do

 

 

Your fangs…its fangs bite, drawing thick, oozy blood

Of the one you hold captive in your prison

All for that one precious one, you shed blood

 

 

Your bite…your torture…your beast

Is a reflection of the steel, poison ivy

Is a being born from your selfishness…your jealousy

 

 

But you continue to feast even when you know

Know that this beast will soon consume your flesh, Bone-clean

Because pleasure will come from ones’ suffering

 

 

You are blinded by the beast; your scarlet eyes see no more,

the beauty of your precious gem…

BlurryVivid. Pitch-black.

 

 

You have lost sight of your intentions,

And your precious gem’s light is no more

Now, you know: You. Are. Devoured.

 

 

You sit there on the bottom of the beast’s stomach

Living with the pure darkness of your own

Alone. With your crackling, dry heart -unable to love

 

 

After all, you were just blind.

Destined to lurk in darkness.

 

 

Emptiness. Your skin slowly peels off from the dry darkness

Slowly…painfully, in this prison, the veil is ripped

Revealing something undeniably powerful

 

You.

 

 

The bleeding wounds of which the skin is peeled

Thus, shunned the lies and unveils the truth

The truth of you embedded inside -within the beast

 

The light suppresses the dry darkness 

With your passion, memories, joy and love

You slice through the belly…striving for freedom once more!

 

 

Author’s Note: 

 

This is one of the small fragments to ready one of my upcoming masterpiece. I will write more poems like this (having the same motivational force). WORRY is next.



 
 

© 2017 SachikoMochiko

Author's Notes/Comments: 
This is one of the "practice" poems so I can produce a higher quality work for a special someone of mine:)

Gosh...my punctuation is bad. Just like any other poems I post here, it ain't finished. Still more reviewing to be done. But overall, I hope you enjoy XD

=

Jealousy, eh? Just a quick note, any poem I write is nearly always based off of my true feelings and recent events/emotions. 
"I thought it was good but felt it would be better if it was a story...it feels like your using a lot of words which is good but feel it would make an amazing story if it had a bit more body in it... not sure what type of criticism you wanted. I think you would be amazing at writing stories I’m not being negative I agree with what the person below said just think it’s more story like xx" - Simba
"Raw and honest.Outstanding imagery in words and visuals. I can picture you in my head, shouting these words at the person this story is intended for. My only little critique is that there are more than a few harsh words used that I would have replaced with something different. He's not returning your love but you can't force someone to do so. Other than that brilliant as always I look forward to the rest of the story " Thedeus Hobbs

Help

Folder: 
Haqueian Verse

Today,


I helped,


He felt happy,


‘Thanks’ he did,

 

Say!

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tags:

Mental

I was getting more and more aggressive.
Every day I was becoming too passive.
a counselor wouldn’t give.
Keep your mouth shut. Or I wouldn’t live

A couple weeks went by with a routine
of the counselor acting like I was a bean
my mouth shut. I acted a bit mean
I wasn’t even a teen. I was a stick so lean.
My face was green.

The counselor told my mother I needed to be put on a med.
But I wasn’t screwed up in the head
put me in a hospital for a couple weeks but
hooked up to an IV. I wanted to scream

it was so bad I smashed my head on a steel beam
I gained weight. got kicked from the soccer team
Everyone at school made fun of my appearance.
But I managed to find just enough endurance.

I started to have nightmares when I would dream
Eventually I saw some doctors
They just “talked” with me.
I wanted to scream.

They told my mom I had Autism.
I lost all my confidence and optimism
Everyday felt like I was trapped in a prism
So many angles but I was still in a prison

A mental Hospital.
Actually, more like a couple.
I remember the screaming at night,
My mom and step father became tight

I was in trouble and they became a couple
Being strapped to a bed, I could turn my face purple
Multiple shots in my ass, felt like months before I could pass
Everyday a shot in the booth

Wanting to wear a suit so I can look nice
In front of heavens gates.. or hell
Angels would have given me the boot
Dropped me like a deuce. Oh well.

I guess no one ever gave a hoot
Maybe life is a game.
I should just cock it and shoot
I was the one they blamed.





I remember my “roommate”.
The center mass. He was filled with hate
Believing these months were fate
Every night he would sing this song

about suicide. He would even pull out his dong
Maybe he thought it was long. But he was like a monkey
A tad bit chunky. A king kong.
Rubbed himself til he felt he was wrong

He wouldn’t even sleep.
He would just leap and sing things that were really deep
I wouldn’t make a peep.
“Suicidal, Suicidal, that’s what makes me gooo”.

Go where? The kid was choking on his big toe
He leaned over and told me his mom was a hoe
Top it with the constant screaming
A sound like a goat bleating as it gets dethroned

By a saw and hell.. maybe I need to reload
Cause my inmates drove me almost insane.
The pain would never go away.
Life is not an Xbox game.

Although my friend thought it was.
Russian roulette. A damn shame
My mother put me on the tracks
Got hit by this train

All I had to eat was a bit of grain
Some bread.
Pain stole the rest to get some weight gain
I was angry at my roommate for not shutting up,

Just a couple months ago the humane society got my pup.
The back of my head had a huge lump. I was too much of a chump.
Nurses came in and shot me in the ass with a needle til I was plump.
but most of all I was angry at the world.

I wanted to twirl around another way.
I couldn’t face what counseling had to say.
My mind began to whirl and swirl but
I couldn’t find a girl.

I would ask her out and give her this Pearl
But I’m a coward. But every once in a while I get that thrill
Eh, maybe I just need to chill.
My mind is Ill and my brain is locked away by a seal

Dimness.. I can’t feel. Numbness.
All I can see is this Dumbness.
I guess I’ve been having too much stress
“You need to go see this counselor”
Maybe she’ll help me..


or not because she cant even fix herself
she’ll throw me in another asylum
Give me meds. She’ll have me try em.
I got all these feelings and I cant express em or confess em


You just need to confront them. Fight them.
Light that mind on fire. Spit out your desire
Inspire. Then you’ll have people that’ll admire.

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A Piece of Advice

 

When boy meets girl from the other side,

Things were moving very fast.

No one could have ever imagined,

Things have gotten so serious.

 

Lots of secrets need to expose,

Lots of lies need to explain.

Hearts torn into pieces,

Don't know which way to go.

 

During that short time,

Things felt real, sadly its not.

Choose your man wisely,

That's all I have to say.

 

 

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*Help Me Understand*

 

 April.2.2005

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

How do I go on

When someone dear to me was wrongfully taken

How do I deal with the fact she is gone

God is putting us through hell

The hurt we can't explain

This pain put upon us was mistaken

The way we feel with her loss

We don't know how to tell

The memory of her still fresh in our minds

To bring her back for my mother I'd pay any cost 

Now only above is a lasting storm a lasting rain

 

I'd do whatever it takes to find

A way to put her memory to rest

And help my mother cope and be strong

And make my mom remember all is for the best 

Make her understand

That she's done nothing wrong

 

But how do you help someone go on

How do we go on with our lives 

When she's lost most of all

When she's lost her only angel..her mother 

One who she can no longer call

Even our God

Our one above

Our holy father 

Can't help her up after she may fall

She can no longer tell her mom "I love you"

 

Or celebrate any holiday

Because she is in heaven surrounded by blue

She has no way to talk with her mother

No way to say

The things she holds in her heart

The way my mom really does feel

Now that her mother has part

No one who tries can heal

 

Only her mother had that power

From the start 

But now she's above

With God and his angels in the sky

We can no longer experience her love

Just answer me this 

At a young age of 75 

Why did she have to die

Making memories with her mother she will always miss

 

Copyright

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Dedicated to my nana. I love you and miss you so much. She died of cancer

Trust

Sex, 

drugs, 

ciggerettes , 

money and music , 

power and fire , 

pornography ,

philosophy , 

on top of me, 

inside of you ,

can you trust me?

 

space, 

death, 

lies , 

loniliness ,consciousness,

treading thy water ,

everyday I'm worse ,

everyday I wake up,

come wander with me love ,

come wander with me ,

away from this sad world ,

come wander with me ,

I came from the sunset ,

I came from the sea,

come wander with me love ,

can you trust me? 

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L.E.V.I.

From nightmare to nightmare ,

wake up from a nightmare,
 And enter this nightmare,
 it's never a dream,
 
 if ever at all ,
I stand I fall, 
Berate befall,
It's Never a dream ,
 
 
Control is a lie,
I live I die ,
L. E. V. I.,
It's never a dream,...(there is more but to slowly unleash the damn of me is taken well)

Helping Others

Helping others feels like heavenly,


I mean it truly,


The very feeling is like the cold air,


Rushing quickly to the shore.


 

We should help others,


Without looking for the chance,


Of obtaining something in return,


Letting the greed and egotism in us burn.


 

Helping the deprived ones should our motto be,


The world will then be changed certainly.

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