past

Scabbed

if I had a scar for every mistake i've made..
I think i'd have as many as you.. 
Satan is impaling his dagger into my throat..
why can't you see that inbetween every breath, I choke..
you spin that thread like some spider in the corner above your bed..
casting webs into thin air.. 
you look so evil while you sit back & stare...
everything around you struggling..
 
your screams echo in the center of my head...
sound waves of pain..
pulling me further into disdain..
from you I try to refrain...
I swear every single day is just another suicide..
all you've got is filthy money on your mind..
 
if I could, I would wipe you out..
never to see the grey of another fucking New Jersey day..
would you finally be happy?
stop saying "it'll always be this way"..
cause fuck you i'm going to get out of here no matter what I have to do.
I've grown tired of the constant debating with you..
just let me do what i'm going to do..
apparently my hands aren't clean anyway, so bloodstains wouldn't make a difference..
it can be washed off, but the memory leaves a permanent stain.
 
inhaling that same toxic air...
how do you ever expect to get anywhere..?
your eyes have grown faint & your laughter means nothing to me..
you're all just bathing in one another's self destructive disease.. 
 
I want so badly to just float in the sky...
I need a real change of tide.. 
I want to climb a purple mountain,
dive off & grow some black angel wings,
man of all the fucking simple things.... 
can I fly to another dimension?
or will this back always be scabbed of the wings you've prevented me...?
robbing me of my potential as I watch everyone else let their's coil down the drain..
damn.. which of us is truly insane?
 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

2.8.13

What If?

What If?


It is the only question, 
Without seldom, 
A mind at stir has no exemption. 


What if I had? 
Would I still be sad, and mad? 
Or was it a chance at being glad? 

I wouldn't have cared if it lasted a tad. 


But I guess ive made my bed, 
And that's all there is to be said. 
For we walk our own path, 
But the roads we build will never last. 


Building forward and looking back, 
It's as though our compasses are outa wack. 
If only I could rewind, 
Relive the memories that are mine. 
To stand in their just one more time, 
Would be eternally sublime. 
été 

J. Wallace

2013


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Cthugha

Folder: 
Poetry

Little is known about this entity,

I don't know if it roams free.

It could be locked somewhere,

In the past, future or present.

 

It is made out of living fire,

Something you could not hire.

Associated with the star Fomalhaut,

Which is its home, its delight.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about Cthugha.

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Humanities shell

all of you have always seemed hollow to me...

I can't feel your forced company.. just a shell with no meaning..

why do you people keep breeding..?

absent of harmony, it's all been chased away by fear..

rejecting the light, crawling into loneliness, you can only pretend for so long..

bouncing off the walls our past memories, never are they comforting..

 

society will try to saw off your wings..

they'll rob you of your money so you can't afford the pretty things..

false attachments out of feeling, co-dependance keeps on feeding on our heart's gentle beating..

 

mis-communication all the time, where on earth is everyone's mind..?

creativity locked up and self expression is confined..

why do they continue to try & waste my time... because they've been wasting their own..?

don't let them leave you hollow, or you'll find yourself without a core, before the end of tomorrow..

you'll be living off their systematic LIES.

you will no longer see yourself when you gaze into the reflection of your own eyes... 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sep. 2012~

City of Dreams

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Welcome to the City of Dreams

All full of nightmares, daydreams, and schemes

Whatever you dream; it’s a wonderful theme

Whenever you want; you’re always the king

 

Lie down and sleep your pain away

Forget your past, forget the day

Here the only toil is play

It’s easy to come here, there’s many a way

 

Become the hero you wanted to be

Without actually being what you see

In this world only, can you be free

Stay with us, is our only plea

 

Be rich, be naughty

Be powerful, be haughty

Live in this dream, decaying body

No one will care if you’re a bit dotty

 

It’ll be too late, when you finally know

You’re not in control; was only a show

So just sit back, and go with the flow

While we take you to an all-time low

 

Down the rabbit hole

                Into the earth

                       Shadows will blind you

                                Now what was this worth?

                                                           Life is so fleeting

                                                                  Death is now eating

                                                                                    Living and dying

                                                                                             Laughing while crying

 

 

Fall into madness

    Can’t tell the difference

Between night and day

               Between real and fake

Between right and wrong

                       Between sky and cake

There is no difference

                                       Only existence

Nothing to do

 

 

But dream

 

 

 

The City of Dreams…

 

Welcome to The City of Dreams…”

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Overwritten Despondency

every breath I take is another mistake, each exhalation, lingering in this lonely space..
i'd love to just break down & cry.. but puff, pass, i'll let out another deep sigh.. 
the taste of your skin is like... pale sin.
& your smile as dead as the love that's spiraling downward into the drains of past content..
it filters out all the shit.
your eyes feel like daggers, when they're on me..
maybe that's why you can't truly see.. why do you even bother to criticize me.. why hasn't God set me free..?
 
like a fish, starving.. going in circles, de-sha-vu, I don't remember you..
but my intuition tells me otherwise.
an insect, hearing it's last words...
crushed, beneath the foot of mankind.. what sort of man is really all that kind..?
a bird, rattled in a cage.. shaken up.. absorbing rage..
being fed the scum that's left, to hold you sustained..
 
it's like not being able to turn to the next page..
& everyone keeps writing over the page i'm on, & telling me to read it once again.. & again.
until it's all scribbles, on top of one another.. it makes no sense..
you might as well be spitting on me... this is an overwritten despondency...

Pilgrimage of Life

Pilgrimage of life
Birth to promise and elation
Probability of contrary
Conundrum to commence

Ready at the foot

Voyage broken upon a path
Adversaries of nature
Aghast at the burden of the future

Drumming ten thousand forward 
Sojourn to harken
Blurs with voices 
Epistles in the dirt

Past of echoing
Distortion of a journey
Antique of earth 
Written in stone
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Numb

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Every tear a snapshot

Every wound a memory

Scars I can’t remove

Remind of what you did to me

Visions glare in front of me

But I can’t feel a thing

That life both past is present

All lost because a ring

 

I'm trying to make things better,
but they only get worse.
Trying to stuff the pain away
To try and hide the hurt.
But this world is grinding at my sand paper sanity
until it's absolutely nothing.
And these demons have me on my knees begging for mercy.

Well, at least it’s something

 

I can’t go on like this

I’ve got to get away

Fallen angels dragging me down

To die again today

My heart has lost it’s city lights

It’s eroded into the slum

And I’ll never feel a thing again

I only can feel numb

Lost, abandoned, forsaken, left

Deserted, discarded, neglected, bereft

Cast off again, I can’t even start

Another child aborted, but this was my heart

 

All that’s left is apathy

Nothing left inside of me

Never will we be one

And so I’m left again, numb 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Italics were written by Underwater_Trying_Not_to_Drown.  Enjoy

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Fall Song

Folder: 
Love

Winter comes

To ice over my heart

Gone is my sunshine

My only sunshine

Summer is past

Our prime behind

Fall is here

And I strike the earth

“What goes up

Must come down”

And “what goes around

Comes around”

But as the leaves change

And fall to the ground

Someday you’ll fall

In my arms again

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