numb

Control.

Trust.

It was a given, though you should have earned it.

A mistake I keep repeating;

As if I am not learning shit.

 

Every.

Single.

Experience.

Now, deemed worthless.

But you tell me how I feel.

You can tell me if this is real.

Did I make this mess?

 

"Selfish".

Ridiculous, spitting words like this is a spelling test.

"Emotional".

Memento mori, you turned your back on me.

I'm a human fucking being.

Excuse me for grieving, the death of myself.

 

Banging on a cardboard coffin.

Hands bloodied, dont feel the hurt.

Don't think of all the dirt gettin in;

Make it up up to the surface,

don't let them win.

 

I can feel the grass and tug at it rough.

Crawling out, organs a mess.

"Not today, Satan"

I tell myself in a huff.

Tired of going through things.

I've seen enough.

 

Trying to avoid hurt.

Licking my wounds.

Not self consumed.

Begining to breathe now.

It's like I've forgotten how.

Throat full of earth, I throw it up.

Dust off my dress, 

Memories of being alive with cough syrup.

Walking dead at this point,

barely breathing.

 

Simply trying to heal.

The coffin I left behind is real.

With a piece of myself in there.

"There lies a piece of Betty"

No one cares.

"A tenacious woman that always cared"

 

Now I'm up here.

Human being amongst people.

Fucking.

Scared.

Too tenacious to die, too emotional to be alive.

Simply trying to deal;

With things I should have never felt.

 

These are just the cards,

that I have been dealt.

One cannot control that,

But how they handle their hand.

 

I cannot control what life hands me,

but I can take a stand.

 

I refuse to me told how I feel,

My emotions are valid.

I am real.

I've got balls of steel;

They are just misplaced.

I am not something to be forgotten,

Something you can simply replace.

 

You mistreat me, or try to break me down.

I go Casper.

You don't find me anywhere in town.

I'm a woman, I deserve respect.

But, I get treated like a Leper.

A damn reject.

 

This mental illness is at the steering wheel.

I get barked at for this so much, I can no longer feel.

You want to control me?

Take a number.

You can't even handle me.

 

 

 

Scent of death

Who are you?

what am I?

this is life--

we're passers by.

 

radiance falls

& fragrance lingers

this subtle numbness

tingles through the tip of my fingers

 

could love fill the empty room?

 

this desolate space,

it consumes 

the human race,

like a black hole 

a vacuum to the light in your soul..

 

hazey eyes

gloomy skies

sunshine cries--

the funeral's today..

 

the windows shine

stained glass

colored in disarray

 

I prayed to God, may you stay..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2.24.15

My Heaven'

Folder: 
Just a thought!

Slowly I run my tongue around the

savory delight

taking in all it's glistening content, then

up and down the sides

tasting every drip of sweetness that envelops

my hunger. I nibble at the edges till, in a

moment of weakness, thrusting my tongue

deep into the center

grasping a mouthful of creamy coated ecstacy.

Numb and quivering with delight,

I engulf it'...

and finish off this delicious, delectable Old  Fashioned

dip cone'



Author's Notes/Comments: 

Some things in life just don't compare'Tongue Out

View deepinyourdreams's Full Portfolio

Childs Horror

Folder: 
Dark

Tampered and torn

Used and misinformed

Memories transformed

This truth never born

Battered lost

Forgotten and tossed

Heart full of frost

Trying to defrost

Waiting debating

Life worth taking

Changes are making

These hands shaking

Slithering by

Time doesn’t fly

The known defies

 My luminosity dies

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Feelings too familiar. I lock myself away, cause I can barely deal with my own insanity.

View truthintragedies's Full Portfolio

Catholic Caravan

Reality, like childrens nail polish across my skin;


toxic film that wrinkles when I move my hand to reach for the television remote.

 

 Like a ghostly pretense,


or an old man's hand

   

that's only a membrane stretched over bones which have bent and cracked with the cobble stone, peeling paint times.

 

 Humans walk past me in my plastic arm chair, 


their bodies being stretched

 

 and ripped


from seconds before into watercolor zombies.

 

 My own saliva wraps around my brain, dripping down into my eyes and turning to milk. 


I can't feel the scintillating, raspberry thoughts

 

 bob through my mind and explode into a shower of citrus and wood stain.


From sitting to standing

 

 I can't even feel the transition blow against my skin.


Wading effortlessly through my existence

 

 I accidentally wiggle my hands into the holes of reality, and then I sit down again;


that rusty red moment

   


in which I could see through my eyelids is gone


and will only come again

 

 when another travels towards me in a catholic caravan. 

Lost

Lost, I suppose

Lost in a time

Full of hatred

And little love

 

Between the tears,

Between the dreams,

The sobs, the laughs,

The infinite cries for help.

 

Our world is falling;

The Skies are darkening,

Nature begins to disappear,

And the oxygen we breathe

Is soon to vanish.

 

Our family tears apart;

We stop caring for each other

The right thing seems so wrong.

 

Our friends are losing their values;

We're forgetting who we are,

And continuing selfishness.

 

So very lost.

Where shall we go from here?

View raiseyourpinky's Full Portfolio

Rain On Down

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Go on and just let it rain

Rain on down

I don’t care

Anyhow

Keep on washing

This pain away

I don’t care

She’s gone away

 

Twilight’s moonlight

Shines against the sun

Hasn’t taken over yet

But I know it’s won

Just like how I feel right now

Numbness sets on me

Taking away how I felt

What we could’ve been

 

Hell ya rain is a good thing

Because where would I really be

Without it taking away my thoughts

And all my memory

Without my past

I have a future

So just go on

 

And just let it rain

Rain on down

I don’t care

Anyhow

Keep on washing

This pain away

I don’t care

She’s gone away

View seraphim's Full Portfolio

Within

Look across and see the dark

The art of disappearing

Unspoken words and emotions

Too sunken for resurfacing

 

Into the night it creeps

Becoming harder to endure

The day light helps it sleep

But the quiet forces its pulse

 

And the pain just crawls deeper

Until the strength to fight is gone

When the morning light shocks the senses

Despair lingers on

 

Throughout the day the walls get smaller

Hallways extend far into space

Tears swell in currents

Leaving ambivalence in their trace

 

It reminds me of your passing

When I saw the last light of hope

I couldn’t reach to you for many reasons

None of which you will ever know

 

The thoughts just sit in puddles

That I pray to go away

But puddles become oceans

with no escape 

 

I sense its arrival

try to prepare 

even send out signals 

to anyone that is there 

 

But the line is left unanswered

no one can hear the call

it isn't without caring 

no one can feel me fall

 

Empty

I want to stop thinking
I want to just lay there
I want to be numb
I want to be cold
I want to never see the light
I want to be in the dark forever
I want to be still
I want to stop feeling
I want to be emptied
I want to be hollow
I want to stop breathing
I want to die