melancholy

Please, End This

End things

Please

Tell me

You never meant any of it

Break my heart

And leave it in a million pieces

I will lay amongst them 

Wallow in my pity

Make me hate you

Destroy every ounce of my being

Leave my soul raw

Leave me even more broken

Please, end me

 

End this 

Make it so painful

That I never long to see your face again

Tear out my very being

Set it free with the other broken souls

 

Forget me

So I can forget you

Make me feel like you aren't special

Make me feel like I never mattered

Tell me you used me

That you just didn't want to be alone

 

Rip me apart

Tell me I'm nothing

Tear me so far down

That I can not rise again

I cannot take this pain

 

Please, just destroy me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written: 2/21/2018

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Relapse

I've come to the realisation:

Depression is like an addiction,

Always the chance of relapse.

It would be so easy, perhaps.

 

So easy to fall back into old routines:

Anxiety and the influence of fiends;

The familiar melancholy, just one sip;

Surrender to the incessant drip, drip, drip.

 

Existence is a losing battle,

Watching people slaughtered like cattle.

To lose one's faith - to lose resilience

Would be surrender to life's persistence.

Genesis

Folder: 
Confessions

I was but a faithless faithful married to my odes

A paradox of love and hate

A chainless slave of death

The master of a destiny roaming down lonesome roads

 

You came one day and I knew what to expect

Dark-red roses and a month for my heart to wreck

Like many of my poems, this love too will come to dust

In the comfort of the night, this bond will start to rust

 

But your light is stronger than my pessimism

Like a blanket in a stormy night, you envelope me

The touch and warmth of your skin tells me to believe again

In the vision of a tomorrow where I’ll never be alone again

 

With your lips, I remember my youth and hopes and dreams

With your hands, you take me back before I began to fear

With your tongue, you breathe life to my long-lost faith in heaven

With your eyes, I begin to hope and love again

 

And so then I took down my Berlin Wall,

Forgetting my sorrow and fear to fall

The Cold War is now over and the Sun has come

Here comes the Summer I've waited years to come

 

A puzzle I want to unravel,

You upped my curiosity

You bring more questions than answers

Testing my long-held tenacity

 

Years of reasons have finally abandoned my sanity

What is left is your voice and the visions of our promises

Gone are the days I preferred Rand and Hegel than your predictable daily updates

I now only crave for your fucked-up emojis and monotonous 'Hi's' and 'Hey's'

 

Wreathe me with your holy Marian poetry

As I undress my Peregrine peculiarity

Cast away the bedlam of the world

And cover me with your celestial words

 

If this love is a game of dark and light

Take me to Bethlehem where the stars breathe life

I'll lead you to my deepest sorrow

Off to Gethsemane our hearts shall go

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My first poem in 3 years!!!

Please do read. This is about the beginning of the romance I am with right now. 

Please do comment and provide reviews. THANK YOU.

Unsaid

Folder: 
10 minute prose

What would I tell you?

If but all the things left unsaid

My heart overflows

But you can’t hear them


When did love become a field

That when plowed with such tender words

Becomes a battlefield

that runs red with the open wounds of untold thousands?


With the love in my heart my soul wishes for you

A brighter day than the last

Where we greet each day with a thought of each other

And end each in turn in an embrace.


Where a road not traveled

led to a grove of refreshing trees

and we stood unafraid in the clearing

confessing our love for each other


The sweet nothings, the sound of your breath in my ear

a melody of daily perfection

where we meet our fullness

in the bread that is the other’s mere presence?


Reality is our bread,

Pain it’s main course

Damned by our own limitations and longings

Of it we’ve had our fill


A tender expression,

a longing look,

a lingering touch

reminders of a love that cannot be


Forever is our course

Eternity is our damnation

That our paths had crossed earlier

So that our longing could be satisfied


So what’s leftover?

True love never dies.

It’s sad undeath remains

unsaid


View fauxtrot's Full Portfolio

Insight in reality

We all breathe, we all bleed

we all burn our skin beneath the same sun.

we all dry run our works of labels,

we all try to be able,

but never enough to turn the tables..


always finding to be unable to find purpose,

always finding ourselves nervous,

nervous in a world full of ignorance and hatred

all because some of us are afraid to bleed.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i dont know exactly where i was going, i was writting this while depreseed 

View liquornlovelost's Full Portfolio

The Melancholy of a Bodyguard

1

When she walks into a room, all is silent.

Poised with aplomb, no one is ever violent.

Classy is her adept style, she’s set to rule.

Be I her earth, always her eternal tool.

 

Her aspects of a princess, looks smooth like water.

Her words are true, known to have stopped a slaughter.

Clothed in pleasing robes of silk, she has it all.

Eternal bliss, an angel sent from heaven’s hall.

 

Her red lips arouse firm lust, my mouth turns dry.

Her wise bright eyes, shining like a fair blue sky.

Like a time lord’s solitude, her mind wanders.

Embracing fate, her clipped wings...she needless ponders.

 

Gentle are her chosen words, finer than mine.

Drunk when she laughs, her grin tastes like a cool wine.

She’s the saviour of many, none oppose her.

Contrast us both, I am but a lowly cur.

 

Be still my heart, if only for a second.

So I can ponder my fate, my soul I reckon.

Damned I shall be, for the feelings I hold dear.

LEAVE FLEE DEPART! For now you must disappear...

 

Feelings of love, sorrow, joy, they have no place.

The devil toys, with feelings that cannot erase.

If God were to rub me clean, I’d be left scarred.

To be her guard...

Is my love truly this barred?

 

Forever am I bound, by law, by curse?

Bulk my bias, would just make her vigour worse.

She is breath to all who gaze, I am her foil.

Nevertheless, I love and therefore must toil.

 

Thus, this princess I do love, my heart doth beat!

Stout misery, her scent is pang bittersweet.

When I look into those eyes, it pains me so.

She is my life, and that is all I know.

She is perfect, sadly, that is my woe...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem of the internal turmoil which arises from one living a life of servitude.

Starving for closure, choked by the rope of regret

 

laying drenched in hopeless tears, & fear is a blanket over us.

I feel like there is a rope around my stomach,

wrapping around my esophagus,

all the way up into my throat..

it tightens without warning.

 

sometimes I can't remember who I am..

spitting up blood. can't stand...

on my knees, looking up to you.. 

why did you turn & walk away..?

guess I wasn't thinking ahead far enough..

lost love, tough luck.

 

if I had a cut for each time I regret not giving more then I felt I could..

these sheets would be completely stained red.. 

but I guess we all screwed up.

over time, i'll be able to cut the line... 

i'll be able to tie together the ends of these loose knots..

closure will come to me, whether awake or asleep.. 

it will crawl down my throat, & rip out that fucking rope!

 

no more blood, just bile..

the impurities enter & leave as I encounter endless trials..

vortex of hesitation, it never pulls you in, but continues to drain you of all it can..

spinning around in the middle of no where,

no gravity, no constriction..

maybe this is why i'm choking & crying out for oxygen..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.21.13

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Eyes of serpentine

the grip of each day grow's tighter... my head keeps feeling lighter..
my heart is falling too heavy to bare.. my throat is clenching..
i'm sorry.. I think I need air... why did you ever bother to care...? 
intoxicated by your gaze.. I don't regret not keeping our distance...
but I didn't know how much I would miss the way your eyes looked, subtle & penetrating, before we'd kiss..
I could sit with you for hours..
watching your hand rolled cigarette burn..
smoke elevates to the corners of your ceiling..
no longer am I granted with such a simply wonderful feeling.
 
I don't need you anymore!
.. but i'll always be there, to care.. even if you think i'm not.. 
no matter how far out I could be.. doesn't matter who you're with.. 
my love isn't blind.. so don't think I can't see..
the distance between us now means nothing to me.

Failure in a glass

sad but true, shame on you... all has come unglued..

i'm swimming through this ocean, tide pulling me over & under, just to try & make it back, without blunder..

I'd rather dig a thousand pins into my skin, or burn a billion holes onto my back, then hurt you unintentionally..

can't you see, I'd much rather strike myself...

I don't want anyone to be an object of my pain..

so please refrain from stepping any further.. 

you don't know what goes on in my brain...

these chemicals are mine to control.

so stand back while I get a-hold..

 

ashes to ashes... everything collapses.. piece by piece, coming apart.

nothing ever felt right, from the very fucking start..

sometimes I cannot convey the thoughts in which my mind is stirring up,

or the feelings that cause my heart to silently bleed..

if only I had those wings, I would of flown away long ago..

& saved you from the inevitable hurt..

 

not being here.

sometimes I wonder if that's the only real dream in which i've truly conceived through out this life time..

nothing special, but it sure seems realistic..

she screamed at me, "it's all just a fantasy!" .. inside I went ballistic..

twisting & turning, face to the floor, squirming..

staring down at the shriveled remains of sanity... 

 

your eyes expell such melancholy.. do you see the same in me..?

am I just a tree for you to chop down..?

to carve your name in..?

to climb..? to rest up against..?

no longer will I walk along such a thin frail line..

no longer will I stand out of the shadows to be seen...

for these shadows are all that will vaguely cover me..

offering faint protection.. 

 

sometimes you can't avoid the rejections, the experiences, or the lessons..

when you drink that water, check the bottom to make sure it's clean..

though it may appear transparent & clear..

you could end up swallowing a ton of nails...

choking on how much you've failed..

shame on me, too.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.2.13

-sigh-