past

Empty Suitcases

Folder: 
2013

I know it's not easy
To be in love with me
I'm holding onto
5000 pounds
Of luggage
From the past

And when I packed my bags
And I sat beside you
You asked
If you could carry
Some of the burdon

I swear there were tears
In my eyes
When your smile radiated light
Into the darkest depths
Of my damaged home

So I took my bags
Locked the suitcases tight
And I threw them
Into
The sea

Rain On Down

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Go on and just let it rain

Rain on down

I don’t care

Anyhow

Keep on washing

This pain away

I don’t care

She’s gone away

 

Twilight’s moonlight

Shines against the sun

Hasn’t taken over yet

But I know it’s won

Just like how I feel right now

Numbness sets on me

Taking away how I felt

What we could’ve been

 

Hell ya rain is a good thing

Because where would I really be

Without it taking away my thoughts

And all my memory

Without my past

I have a future

So just go on

 

And just let it rain

Rain on down

I don’t care

Anyhow

Keep on washing

This pain away

I don’t care

She’s gone away

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FROM ME TO THE PAST

NOW IS THE FUTURE OF THE PAST

EVERYONE HAVE A PAST

IN THE PRESENT THEY REMEMBER THE PAST

FROM THE PRESENT TO THE FUTURE

MEMORY NEVER FORGOTEN

SO FAR SO CLOSE

NOW IS NOW

PAST AND NOW ARE DIFFERENT

MEMORIES ARE JUST PAST

THE PAST NEVER COME BACK

 
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tags:

Sweet euphoria

so enticed by your own suffering..

it keeps coming back around.. 

just when you think you're standing up, you get pushed down.

you wonder, but why bother..

 

I know what that feels like... 

to be swallowing dirt, with your face planted into the ground..

your mind is in constant crucifixion..

you can't look at the clouds, & know the sun is behind it.. 

 

the hands of time move in circles...

quality is not quantity.. 

tomorrow is not today.

 

if this storm hovers over me,

if it fucking pours down on me,

for all eternity..

raindrops will glisten through my eyes.. 

you'll see I never tried to hide.. 

 

because the rain can bring out our true colors,

when given the chance to pass..

I will walk along a street of rainbows,

while the past burns, & falls to ash.. 

 

my heart says not to turn, & walk away.. 

but so badly it yearns to fly, & just escape..

oh, Sweet Euphoria..

 

Sweet Memories

Folder: 
Songs

Time flies by way too fast

And what was the present’s now the past

And I think how we were back then

The trees whisper your name again

 

Sing to me sweet memories

Of just how great things used to be

Remind me again what went wrong

To end the time when we’d get along

Laughing and playing in the summer breeze

Jumping in the river from an old tree

I remember how great things were back then

Sing to me sweet memories

 

Twelve years later at a county fair

Our first date I was so scared

But your hand felt so right in mine

How would I know I’d forget that time?

Our wedding day, and honeymoon

Before long you’re a mother soon

I felt like I was on top then

I wish I could go back again

 

Sing to me sweet memories

Of just how things used to be

Of how her kiss felt that night

How holding her felt so right

Knowing my son was on the way

Thanking God everyday

I remember how great things were back then

Sing to me sweet memories

 

Here I sit in a Hospital room

Doctor says it will be soon

Forgotten life for so long

And my body is not so strong

But as I’m leaving, just before I pass

I see my life through the looking glass

And I see my wife once again

I remember how it was back when

 

Sing to me sweet memories

Of just how things used to be

Kiss my wife every night

Living, loving through my life

Now to Your Son, I’m on my way

Thank You God everyday

For letting me remember how things were back then

Sing to me sweet memories

 

Sweet memories

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this song from the viewpoint of an old man with alzheimers.... I don't know, something just clicked as I wrote.  Enjoy

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Metallic love

I can't focus... it's getting to me, more each day.. 

my thoughts stretch like clay, & unfortunately mold me, here & there.. 

I wish so much for you to of been able to stay.

was it really mean't to be this way..?

cause I surely feel unsatisfied.. 

comfort is something we all crave.. 

but you were like security to me, & I watched it all get ripped away..

what a waste of a night.. what a realization, I couldn't fight..

 

I miss you more then the depths of the ocean go deep..

some nights like this.. I have trouble trying to sleep.. 

we yearn, we learn.. forever burn...

tables turn..

I want to take back so much i've said..

because they were useless particles floating around in my head..

6 months pass.. everything falls to ash but the memories.. 

 

fuck me for letting other opinions get in the way of my true heart..

fuck them for denying love.. as if they really knew.

sorry I can seem like a rainbow of emotions.. or a bleak cloudy day.. 

but I can promise much sunshine after being drenched in such heavy rain.. 

 

will another 6 months make a difference..?

or would it just be a whole year spent needing you..

it's not like I can't live... or breathe without you..

but it's to the point I really just don't want to... 

sorry about getting "distracted".. 

I don't excpect you to still feel like you need me,

want, love or care about me.. 

though I feel all the same & even more.

 

this incense continues to coil... & I could watch it for hours.

as i'm thinking.. when I die.. would this all of passed right before my eyes?

I want to know that instead of sitting here, waiting..

hoping, wondering.. not knowing.. 

instead, I'll get to see you smile again..

that for me, would never ever be a waste of time.

at least i'd know that's what I did with my last bit of life.

 

I don't know if I have the power anymore to get you to laugh without trying..

or the privilege of being on your mind... 

when I take my last breath, please tear this heart out of my chest..

put it in a jar.. keep it preserved.

if you go first.. i'll remember your wish, if it's still what you'd want.

i'll hold onto yours too.. even though it's no longer beating..

always I will love you.. through my hands this blood is seeping..

like treasure... from the chest.

metallic love..  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.12.13..

Breaking the cycle.


That's what happens when you just can't let go.
You end up a broken person.
Crippled by guilt.
Brakes on rotors, you grind.
A deep sigh at the end of the day
Hoping to push out some of the emptiness.
To fill the pit in your stomach.
You never become whole.
You live. you laugh. you smile.
while you are forever mourning
your loss chances,
your failures,
your past.

Eyes of serpentine

the grip of each day grow's tighter... my head keeps feeling lighter..
my heart is falling too heavy to bare.. my throat is clenching..
i'm sorry.. I think I need air... why did you ever bother to care...? 
intoxicated by your gaze.. I don't regret not keeping our distance...
but I didn't know how much I would miss the way your eyes looked, subtle & penetrating, before we'd kiss..
I could sit with you for hours..
watching your hand rolled cigarette burn..
smoke elevates to the corners of your ceiling..
no longer am I granted with such a simply wonderful feeling.
 
I don't need you anymore!
.. but i'll always be there, to care.. even if you think i'm not.. 
no matter how far out I could be.. doesn't matter who you're with.. 
my love isn't blind.. so don't think I can't see..
the distance between us now means nothing to me.

She Said

when I look to the window outside, she said. it hurts as the world passes me by, she said.

this sharp ivy grows around my heart, she said.. leaving holes inside.

 

I want to hear the sound of the grass beneath my footsteps.. the wind pushing forward.. 

I want to see the sunlight beam into your eyes, & right through back to me.. so lovely..

to hold you & know it's okay, even for more then awhile, to get lost just lying there, admiring that smile..

you'll always be precious to me.

 

I never gave you up willingly.. it's the way things came to be.. great memories, but greater pain.. 

so full & complete, then so drained.. fragments floating around, everything that used to be..

debris.. in this cloud, drifting down.. 

 

to me your pain is so loud.. I can hear your screams from afar, like they're all kept in a jar.. thrown around..

smashed is the glass, it shatters deep inside of me.. shards left where you once were.. 

the screams are traveling through, these veins course, wishing to intertwine & convene with blood we both keep warm..

become one.. 

 

i'm sorry this pathetic heart is so latched onto you, & that my mind cries out for freedom, to penetrate the atmosphere..

this grey sky feels so confining, like the clouds are keeping us where we are.

no escape.. miserable daze..

some day i'll fly through these clouds, & into my own world of happy haze.. 

where the memories are far weaker then the future, or power of my dreams..