past

Pilgrimage of Life

Pilgrimage of life
Birth to promise and elation
Probability of contrary
Conundrum to commence

Ready at the foot

Voyage broken upon a path
Adversaries of nature
Aghast at the burden of the future

Drumming ten thousand forward 
Sojourn to harken
Blurs with voices 
Epistles in the dirt

Past of echoing
Distortion of a journey
Antique of earth 
Written in stone
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Numb

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Every tear a snapshot

Every wound a memory

Scars I can’t remove

Remind of what you did to me

Visions glare in front of me

But I can’t feel a thing

That life both past is present

All lost because a ring

 

I'm trying to make things better,
but they only get worse.
Trying to stuff the pain away
To try and hide the hurt.
But this world is grinding at my sand paper sanity
until it's absolutely nothing.
And these demons have me on my knees begging for mercy.

Well, at least it’s something

 

I can’t go on like this

I’ve got to get away

Fallen angels dragging me down

To die again today

My heart has lost it’s city lights

It’s eroded into the slum

And I’ll never feel a thing again

I only can feel numb

Lost, abandoned, forsaken, left

Deserted, discarded, neglected, bereft

Cast off again, I can’t even start

Another child aborted, but this was my heart

 

All that’s left is apathy

Nothing left inside of me

Never will we be one

And so I’m left again, numb 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Italics were written by Underwater_Trying_Not_to_Drown.  Enjoy

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Fall Song

Folder: 
Love

Winter comes

To ice over my heart

Gone is my sunshine

My only sunshine

Summer is past

Our prime behind

Fall is here

And I strike the earth

“What goes up

Must come down”

And “what goes around

Comes around”

But as the leaves change

And fall to the ground

Someday you’ll fall

In my arms again

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That's Why I Pray

This world’s going to Hell
Cause parents won’t teach their children
The difference between right and wrong

When those towers fell
I didn’t see one person
Whose heart wasn’t movin’

How quickly we forget
The past and how it
Kicks us in the back today

This generation’s in a fit
Like a child who don’t get his way
Spoiled brats who’s gotten everything handed to them

Always looking, never full
People ain’t got no aspirations
Why be more if you’re just an animal

Work just ain’t for us
And we don’t want to know
How much some people want it
To give their families a home

This world’s gone crazy
They think You’re gone
Little do they know
That they’re dead wrong, God
They’re dead wrong
They do what they will
And hurt those who go or stay
So until this mess is cleaned in Your good time
That’s why I pray

Gunfights, city lights, murder on the streets
Bombs exploding, blood is flowing under another human’s feet
School’s teaching lies, ‘cause the people tell them to
Our babies losing lives to play the whims of the few

America the giant, now only giant sideways
The glory past, now coming fast, is the time to pay
Declarations of freedom to tax the people under us
Send our soldiers to a war, then bring them back, just because

This world’s gone crazy
They think You’re gone
Little do they know
That they’re dead wrong, God
They’re dead wrong
They do what they will
And hurt those who go or stay
So until this mess is cleaned in Your good time
That’s why I pray

That’s why I pray

So if you’re a God-fearing
America loving
Child rearing
Government shoving
Good ole’ boy
Or city guy
Join me and I’ll tell you why

This world’s gone crazy
They think You’re gone
Little do they know
That they’re dead wrong, God
They’re dead wrong
They do what they will
And hurt those who go or stay
So until this mess is cleaned in Your good time
That’s why I pray
That’s why I pray

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Uncertainty in Normality

I walk through leaves
To stolen storms
Where green is not an option
I want to see the powder stream down
And paste the sidewalk frozen
The towers above me I do not fear
I have come here many a year
To places so familiar
I am home
Lights of brightness and of snow
I spread my wings and land on a cement rainbow
Grey for streets that never end
Yellow lines instructing you to keep to the path you choose
A palate of colors
That are always knowing
If I walked by you
Yes you that billboard there
Would you remember when I was here 3 years ago with my father?
Seeing my first staged production?
Or do you remember the summer after
When I went running forever through the streets
Looking for the cast of a television show
That no longer gives me laughter
I change with the seasons
I become different yet the same when it snows
When I enter the steel garden
I remember what has been
And I am never quite sure if I should be happy that it has been
Or sad that it can no longer happen the way it once did?

My question

What is life?
Is it your memories of old,
Is it the actions of present,
Or is it the fear of the foretold?

What is age?
Is it the scars on your body,
Is it the winkles of skin,
Or is it the year on your ID?

What is time?
Is it the hands on the clock,
Is it the 4-digit year,
Or is it the thing that doesn't stop?

What is death?
Is it your result of living,
Is it the end,
Or is it your beginning?

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Drowning

Everywhere I look is destruction
Everything I’ve built is ruined
It’s remains litter my past
With little hope for the future
You are my own worst enemy
It’s not the pressure of what I should be
It’s that I’m drowning in a sea of Me
I can’t believe that you’d lie to my face
But that’s your nature
You can’t help it
You’re a spawn of the Father of Deceit himself
A child of the devil
Just let me go
Die already
That I may live
And live fuller
Let go of me!
I am no longer am under your power
So why do I fall for it?
Why can’t I die that I may live?
Why can’t I kill my Self that I may survive?
That demon of ancient instinct
Who’s preyed upon my soul for so long
I know what’s right
And yet I choose wrong
Willingly
Passionately
Go to Hell Self,
Go back to where you belong
Free my soul from your clutches
That I may live eternally
For I know you
And I am my own worst enemy

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Shadows of the Past

Folder: 
Inspiration

Part of me died.
The love that existed within my spiritual heart
has particles of disappointments that renders me numb for I feel not anymore
but tear the moments that kept my other parts alive.
I fear the last breath I take would be filled with such pain.
For I am blind because life that I knew is covered by such darkness.
I hear sounds through the dark.
Whispers of opportunities. Shadows of the past.
Yet I'm scared of what might unfold.
I only wish I had a true home.
I roam this earth for years and yet to find that light.
Every night I pray for another day of chance.
Something different.
Something more.
Before I lay to rest.

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Sharpnels of You

Folder: 
2010-2012 Poems

I walked around the city 
And it burns deep inside. 
Throbbing pain as if my
Insides are slowly pinched,
Stretched and punctured...
Over and over again. 

I walked around the city
And it slowly kills a part of me.
I wiped the gushing blood
In anger, pain and desolation. 
For it fucking hurts,
And it's not even coming
From these stitched, 
Surgical wounds-
Near my heart. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(c)jerlin 22Sep2012- Bangkok

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