past

That's Why I Pray

This world’s going to Hell
Cause parents won’t teach their children
The difference between right and wrong

When those towers fell
I didn’t see one person
Whose heart wasn’t movin’

How quickly we forget
The past and how it
Kicks us in the back today

This generation’s in a fit
Like a child who don’t get his way
Spoiled brats who’s gotten everything handed to them

Always looking, never full
People ain’t got no aspirations
Why be more if you’re just an animal

Work just ain’t for us
And we don’t want to know
How much some people want it
To give their families a home

This world’s gone crazy
They think You’re gone
Little do they know
That they’re dead wrong, God
They’re dead wrong
They do what they will
And hurt those who go or stay
So until this mess is cleaned in Your good time
That’s why I pray

Gunfights, city lights, murder on the streets
Bombs exploding, blood is flowing under another human’s feet
School’s teaching lies, ‘cause the people tell them to
Our babies losing lives to play the whims of the few

America the giant, now only giant sideways
The glory past, now coming fast, is the time to pay
Declarations of freedom to tax the people under us
Send our soldiers to a war, then bring them back, just because

This world’s gone crazy
They think You’re gone
Little do they know
That they’re dead wrong, God
They’re dead wrong
They do what they will
And hurt those who go or stay
So until this mess is cleaned in Your good time
That’s why I pray

That’s why I pray

So if you’re a God-fearing
America loving
Child rearing
Government shoving
Good ole’ boy
Or city guy
Join me and I’ll tell you why

This world’s gone crazy
They think You’re gone
Little do they know
That they’re dead wrong, God
They’re dead wrong
They do what they will
And hurt those who go or stay
So until this mess is cleaned in Your good time
That’s why I pray
That’s why I pray

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Uncertainty in Normality

I walk through leaves
To stolen storms
Where green is not an option
I want to see the powder stream down
And paste the sidewalk frozen
The towers above me I do not fear
I have come here many a year
To places so familiar
I am home
Lights of brightness and of snow
I spread my wings and land on a cement rainbow
Grey for streets that never end
Yellow lines instructing you to keep to the path you choose
A palate of colors
That are always knowing
If I walked by you
Yes you that billboard there
Would you remember when I was here 3 years ago with my father?
Seeing my first staged production?
Or do you remember the summer after
When I went running forever through the streets
Looking for the cast of a television show
That no longer gives me laughter
I change with the seasons
I become different yet the same when it snows
When I enter the steel garden
I remember what has been
And I am never quite sure if I should be happy that it has been
Or sad that it can no longer happen the way it once did?

My question

What is life?
Is it your memories of old,
Is it the actions of present,
Or is it the fear of the foretold?

What is age?
Is it the scars on your body,
Is it the winkles of skin,
Or is it the year on your ID?

What is time?
Is it the hands on the clock,
Is it the 4-digit year,
Or is it the thing that doesn't stop?

What is death?
Is it your result of living,
Is it the end,
Or is it your beginning?

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Drowning

Everywhere I look is destruction
Everything I’ve built is ruined
It’s remains litter my past
With little hope for the future
You are my own worst enemy
It’s not the pressure of what I should be
It’s that I’m drowning in a sea of Me
I can’t believe that you’d lie to my face
But that’s your nature
You can’t help it
You’re a spawn of the Father of Deceit himself
A child of the devil
Just let me go
Die already
That I may live
And live fuller
Let go of me!
I am no longer am under your power
So why do I fall for it?
Why can’t I die that I may live?
Why can’t I kill my Self that I may survive?
That demon of ancient instinct
Who’s preyed upon my soul for so long
I know what’s right
And yet I choose wrong
Willingly
Passionately
Go to Hell Self,
Go back to where you belong
Free my soul from your clutches
That I may live eternally
For I know you
And I am my own worst enemy

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Shadows of the Past

Folder: 
Inspiration

Part of me died.
The love that existed within my spiritual heart
has particles of disappointments that renders me numb for I feel not anymore
but tear the moments that kept my other parts alive.
I fear the last breath I take would be filled with such pain.
For I am blind because life that I knew is covered by such darkness.
I hear sounds through the dark.
Whispers of opportunities. Shadows of the past.
Yet I'm scared of what might unfold.
I only wish I had a true home.
I roam this earth for years and yet to find that light.
Every night I pray for another day of chance.
Something different.
Something more.
Before I lay to rest.

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Sharpnels of You

Folder: 
2010-2012 Poems

I walked around the city 
And it burns deep inside. 
Throbbing pain as if my
Insides are slowly pinched,
Stretched and punctured...
Over and over again. 

I walked around the city
And it slowly kills a part of me.
I wiped the gushing blood
In anger, pain and desolation. 
For it fucking hurts,
And it's not even coming
From these stitched, 
Surgical wounds-
Near my heart. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(c)jerlin 22Sep2012- Bangkok

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A Maize of Listening Ears

Folder: 
Love

Young love
An old truck
Cornfield with a picnic lunch
Just the two of us
But with friends close
Get away from a crazy world
Getting to know you better
You call it romantic
I just call it life
‘Cause this is how I want to spend the rest of mine

Lost in a maize of listening ears
Watching to see what we do
Both our families on our side
Praying to see us through
I want to do this right
Screwed up once before
And I don’t want to go one more night
Without you knowing
Who I adore

Now I’m not rich
But I get through
Love’s more precious than gold
So this ring
I give to you
Shows you you’re my whole world

Lost in a maize of listening ears
Watching to see what we do
Both our families on our side
Praying to see us through
I want to do this right
Screwed up once before
And I don’t want to go one more night
Without you knowing
Who I adore

Now I told her
If you want me
You’ll find me near God’s side
He’s my best friend and Father too
Now He’s smiling at my bride
Growing old
Growing up
Never seemed so hard
Lot of broken dreams
Broken pride
But I never gave her up

Lost in a maize of listening ears
Watching to see what we do
Both our families on our side
Praying to see us through
I want to do this right
Screwed up once before
And I don’t want to go one more night
Without you knowing
Who I adore

Who knows
Someday down the road
I hope it looks like this
Two rocking chairs
Crowded with kids
And all of them are ours
We work hard
But it’s worth it
To see them grow up strong
And see their mother smiling at me
Wrap her in my arms

Lost in a maize of listening ears
Watching to see what we do
Both our families on our side
Praying to see us through
I want to do this right
Screwed up once before
And I don’t want to go one more night
Without you knowing
Who I adore
You’re my hero

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Moment August 25, 2012

Another day.
Another life.
Another moment
Where has the time gone?
Were we just lost
and given up on that firendship?
Years have gone by
with me wondering
how those cracks,
trials, and tribulations
have tested yet severed our friendship.
In the end, it was not
meant to be.
We've both moved on.
Surely, we'll meet again
like the stars in the sky.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Not my best work but surprisingly, I have been writing. Better than nothing?

Silhouette August 24, 2012

Out of sight.
Out of mind
Somehow, these memories
Won’t fade with time.
A silhouette is
All I see.
Shdows and darkness
Engulf your mind.
Take me back
To those days
Where we both
Were so carefree
And simply living…
Making the best
Of all we have
Despite all those
Abuses suffered.
These scars run deep
Into your mind, heart,
Body, and soul.
Close your eyes.
Imagine a world
Where we’re both
Relinquished of our
Pasts that still haunt us.
Move forward.
Go free.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written based on the situations of my close friend and I...progress and regression is a pain in addition to various forms of abuse suffered.