Into the depths of despair I succumb,
not knowing which one thy will be done.
With hope bleak and options none...
forsake this day for I'll be gone.
RBJr
Behind each blow,
is passion.
Behind the mean words,
is a hurting heart.
Beyond the blood shot eyes,
is a mind clouded by unhappiness.
Each sleepless night,
has a deeper meaning.
The anger comes,
from a place of love.
The slamming door,
is only because there was care at one point.
Every day life feels painful...barely to none human one on one contact. The usual hi or bye from students. the usual how are you but not really genuine.
who wants to get to know me?
really?
suffering from this loneliness
I feel isolated
I hate being a loner
I want to have friends and go out and do simple stuff like getting together and chatting about nothing in particular
just the warmth of knowing we want to be in each others presence...and not caring that our conversation is lame or trivial.
I want to talk to someone about my deep mental problems
to pray together
read scriptures together
everyday!
Since I left the life of the world
not partying
no doing drugs
or drinking
my friends have vanished
and now I am left with nothing
did I really have anyone to call 'friends' to begin with?
Had I only had God?
Everything and everyone is so fake.
when will they be genuine
am I crazy?
do I come off as insane?
why can't I have a normal life
wanting to throw myself in traffic
I longed for death since I was a child
how long will I have to be alone?
random clouds fill the sky as a blanket of morphed thoughts and untapped imagination. billowing to what seams like the ends of the earth, they multiply with an eerie calm. capable of anything your deepest thoughts can conjure, free your mind. while you ponder your strife, wonder of your worth while you sit and stare, think youre all alone in an infinite space occupied by you as you are in some other place, dont let frustration overcome. soon depressed thoughts will seep from your head and be taken away far to clouds so distant theyll remain unseen by any until a much later day.
November-5-1997
Trisha M. Barrek Hopkins
Deep in my soul
It is all empty
Never reaching my goal
There is no beat in me
My heart has fallen apart
Knowing no one really cared
Knowing from the start
To get to know me no one dared
I mid as well become heartless
Get rid of my tears
Want to change my inner mess
All i got are my fears
Trying to tell someone that im depressed
Its useless no one cares
Feeling all the pain
Wanting to disappear
Showing that i care isn't a game
All i want is someone to hold to be near
All i do at night is cry
My love i want to share
But i rather just die
With me no one wants to start that flare
Wanting to lay by the fire
Holding and loving someone is the desire
Wishing someone would look my way
Wishing they would stare
I love you is what i wish they would say
Heartless i am
You care too much people say
All i want to be is your precious jem
Wishing i am strong enough to see the next day
Im sick of feeling hurt
You are beautiful I've been told
I've always known that from the start
But no one ever sees the tears on my shirt
But all i want is someone to hold
But all i get is a heart torn apart
Close your eyes and dream
And you can be with me
Love me with all your heart
Let our hearts be free
Stick together lets not fall apart
Inside builds up all this stress
Feeling all alone and afraid
I don't want to be heartless
All inside the pain is made
One day i will be dead
Because of a broken heart
No on believed on what i said
No one can put the pieces back from being apart
Im all alone
All by myself
My heart has turned to stone
Put me back on the shelf
Where i belong
For everyone to walk by
It wont be long
Before my soul will die
The tear falling from my eyes
No one wants to pick me
Why cant i have bluer skies
The hurt building inside why cant people see
Is everyone as heartless as me
All alone and blue
Why cant the hurt set me free
On how much i really hurt i guess no one knew
So i remain as i be
Stuck with this painful mess
No one will ever see
That i will always remain heartless
Copyright
I don't always make the right decisions.
Every time I close my eyes
I escape into a world of paradise
One that fits my needs
A place where there is no one but me
No more abusing never will I fear
A world without gossiping
A place where a person can heal
People don’t understand why it means so much
It’s a place where I let lose
Where I feel nothing but pure bliss
Situations seem so less complex
A blink of an eye can solve any mess
I can make my own decisions without anyone interfering
I’m a whole other person when Im in my little world
I wish I never come back to reality
And face everything once again
i guess I said it too soon
its time for me to leave
next time ill make sure I succeed
I’ll cut deeper this time
And make sure everything ends
but for now I must go I’ll come back again
Depression...
What people think it is:
Sadness, crying, dressing in black.
But they're wrong...
Depresion is:
always feeling numb....
Numb to emotions,
numb to life...
Wake up in the morning,
pretend you're okay,
then sleep again...
Repeat daily.
You smile, but you want to cry...
You talk, but you just want to be quiet.
You pretend to be happy, but you aren't!
Depression is feeling trapped,
abandoned,
lonely,
scared,
tired,
lost.
Depression is feeling like you're suffocating,
like you're never going to breath again.
Depression is those times when you're happy,
and then suddenly,
for NO reason, you become hit with sadness,
and you break down again....
Crying those tears,
those tears that hurt to cry.
Your body racking with the pain.
You're crying so hard
that you can barely breathe,
you clutch your stomach,
trying to breath or keep quiet,
trying to make it stop!
You sink to the floor,
holding your body,
trying to hold yourself together.
That's depression...