ocean

Equal grounds

all I need back is my peace of mind..
i've been walking down the borders of life, looking out to the vast sea..
the ocean of all that is to be.
wishing to float with you...
I don't want to feel so cut up.. 
the clams at the bottom are so rough.
there's dead jellyfish about..
the seagulls are so loud.. 
but I wish we could be together & completely shut it out.
 
I know you really don't need me.. so this is it.. 
i'll try not to think too much about all this, until i'm given a better reason to.
I feel sick.. is it just me?
i'm beginning to think everyone around me is ailed in some way..
this is probably true..
for me, it is not use or be used... 
equal grounds is where I like to lay.
 
this will help mask the pain.... 
one day it will just stop for awhile... 
she'll be able to smile without aching.. 
without tears swelling up in that cloud of grey & blue..
king & queen knocked off the board, your knight's & pawn's crumble, is this game done..?
 
I feel like this body just isn't me.. it's not at all a part of who I am.. 
I want to break free!!
I don't want to feel like a worthless piece of flesh...
but I re-assure myself, each time this skin blisters red..
i'm sorry I keep letting you down.. 
 
sometimes, I really just want to fall off a cliff... 
it always feels like i'm being pushed, anyway..
what's making me stay?
I can't stand being stuck in constant resistance.. 
hesitation versus action..
it's nothing happening at all, against consequence.
it's like being pulled both directions & stuck where you're at.
 
i've stretched so far for the both of you... 
the center of myself is but an empty hole.. 
worn thin.. deteriorating..
would you lie to me, if I questioned, are you all parasites..?
simply feeding...
 
i'm not here for you to feast upon..
Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.17.13

View blackrainbow0fhope's Full Portfolio

Metallic love

I can't focus... it's getting to me, more each day.. 

my thoughts stretch like clay, & unfortunately mold me, here & there.. 

I wish so much for you to of been able to stay.

was it really mean't to be this way..?

cause I surely feel unsatisfied.. 

comfort is something we all crave.. 

but you were like security to me, & I watched it all get ripped away..

what a waste of a night.. what a realization, I couldn't fight..

 

I miss you more then the depths of the ocean go deep..

some nights like this.. I have trouble trying to sleep.. 

we yearn, we learn.. forever burn...

tables turn..

I want to take back so much i've said..

because they were useless particles floating around in my head..

6 months pass.. everything falls to ash but the memories.. 

 

fuck me for letting other opinions get in the way of my true heart..

fuck them for denying love.. as if they really knew.

sorry I can seem like a rainbow of emotions.. or a bleak cloudy day.. 

but I can promise much sunshine after being drenched in such heavy rain.. 

 

will another 6 months make a difference..?

or would it just be a whole year spent needing you..

it's not like I can't live... or breathe without you..

but it's to the point I really just don't want to... 

sorry about getting "distracted".. 

I don't excpect you to still feel like you need me,

want, love or care about me.. 

though I feel all the same & even more.

 

this incense continues to coil... & I could watch it for hours.

as i'm thinking.. when I die.. would this all of passed right before my eyes?

I want to know that instead of sitting here, waiting..

hoping, wondering.. not knowing.. 

instead, I'll get to see you smile again..

that for me, would never ever be a waste of time.

at least i'd know that's what I did with my last bit of life.

 

I don't know if I have the power anymore to get you to laugh without trying..

or the privilege of being on your mind... 

when I take my last breath, please tear this heart out of my chest..

put it in a jar.. keep it preserved.

if you go first.. i'll remember your wish, if it's still what you'd want.

i'll hold onto yours too.. even though it's no longer beating..

always I will love you.. through my hands this blood is seeping..

like treasure... from the chest.

metallic love..  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.12.13..

Failure in a glass

sad but true, shame on you... all has come unglued..

i'm swimming through this ocean, tide pulling me over & under, just to try & make it back, without blunder..

I'd rather dig a thousand pins into my skin, or burn a billion holes onto my back, then hurt you unintentionally..

can't you see, I'd much rather strike myself...

I don't want anyone to be an object of my pain..

so please refrain from stepping any further.. 

you don't know what goes on in my brain...

these chemicals are mine to control.

so stand back while I get a-hold..

 

ashes to ashes... everything collapses.. piece by piece, coming apart.

nothing ever felt right, from the very fucking start..

sometimes I cannot convey the thoughts in which my mind is stirring up,

or the feelings that cause my heart to silently bleed..

if only I had those wings, I would of flown away long ago..

& saved you from the inevitable hurt..

 

not being here.

sometimes I wonder if that's the only real dream in which i've truly conceived through out this life time..

nothing special, but it sure seems realistic..

she screamed at me, "it's all just a fantasy!" .. inside I went ballistic..

twisting & turning, face to the floor, squirming..

staring down at the shriveled remains of sanity... 

 

your eyes expell such melancholy.. do you see the same in me..?

am I just a tree for you to chop down..?

to carve your name in..?

to climb..? to rest up against..?

no longer will I walk along such a thin frail line..

no longer will I stand out of the shadows to be seen...

for these shadows are all that will vaguely cover me..

offering faint protection.. 

 

sometimes you can't avoid the rejections, the experiences, or the lessons..

when you drink that water, check the bottom to make sure it's clean..

though it may appear transparent & clear..

you could end up swallowing a ton of nails...

choking on how much you've failed..

shame on me, too.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.2.13

-sigh-

Twisted reality & a wounded love

Realities twisted, lying through your every day lives, seeping in your eyes...

fusion in their very own true colors...

our skin is dead.. the heart is greatest the vessel.

my brain is on overload.. nothing stays in tune. 


Forever packaged in your box of perfect calamity. misery hate's herself, but loves her company..

shadowed by death & the light is to conceal the darkness.

water flows inside us, like our waves of emotions..
Ocean of life, the constant misty rain to trickle despair,

the sand to hold us together & bury the fear sunken beneath it..

I won't ever know if you really love me.

Your mind is almost always ingested with shit.. & then you go & feed it.

although fantasy is my favorite belief, I don't want to be the plaque on your mildly yellowed teeth..

I don't want to be that needle in your arm...

I do wish I could free you from "your reality" of pain..

i'd like to take you on an adventure far away with me.. somewhere we'd both be free.
because in the end I think I know I can ignore & re-create parts of reality to where I need it to be.

I hope one day you'll be able to comprehend that state of freedom mentally.. 

I don't expect automatic acceptance. I know everything is a test..

sometimes, or for the most part, it could make everything seem worthless..

I try my best not to fall on my face.. I live for spiritual feat.

but if what I live for isn't on this earth too, then why is my body here to begin with...?

I feel physically unnecessary.

everything here now just ends up what used to be... i'm not sure if it mean's anything to me..

I miss so many people every second, every passing day... it's like each day is a bigger loss then the one before.

but I guess the soul could just be a gaping black empty growing hole..
Don't get me wrong. I entrust positivity.. but this pain is buried within my identity.

a lot of the time when you'll try so hard to fly... you will end up falling..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Oct. 2012. 

Felled To - Adopted By - the Sea

The coastal shifts knocked me daft; treading blind in
depths with curious push and pull, subjected to the tide,
and beaten back to vague awareness - I braced
myself aloft in the water. Held prone by kicking legs,

I surveyed and found no sign of arrival -
no smoke from abandoned ships or flares alight in the sky.
A deep throb draws my vision into my head
and my consciousness flickers in thinning, desperate gasps.

When awoke by the salted breeze assaulting
me, I stirred and frazzled the waves that carried me away;
with every limb heavy and soaked to bone,
there wasn't much momentum left for me to generate.

I watched the patterns of the stars as I bobbed
along the curve of the ocean's tongue. From its mouth, we sail
as if we belong to this ecosystem
by choice. We don't, but we can pretend, as long as we like.

View sivus's Full Portfolio

Dead Ship On Live Water

Rounding one corner of this century:
ship's been good about plodding on in spite
of mutiny's whip. Doubts I've been having
are nesting deep in pocket, but that's fine;
an optimist is less prepared for woe.

From rope slung by an unforeseen vessel,
men crash like waves on deck and steal away
with goods carried short, or furthest to date -
robbed from the belly of the cargo hold.
All attempts to anticipate have failed.

Twice my wits have failed me; twice I've driven
this beaten pile into treachery,
only to be shown that life favors none.
Shot full of gulping wounds and with the mast
aflame; the day's lessons were lost on me.

Still I have the cobwebs for company.
Drunk on thick dust that's gathered at the base
of the bottle and the salt that's soaking
into my skin like embalming fluid.
There never was a better way to drift.

What crew I'd had are long dead; abandoned
by hope and the desire to see home.
And now that hope leaves me, as well at sea,
absent of the needle pointing towards
north. I'll take my peace with a powder slug.

View sivus's Full Portfolio

bloom

Who i thought you were fades into the past
Like a sky i once painted
So blue.
I think about you all the time, ive gone mad
I can't stop this, I'm tainted
Its true.
All thats left in my hand is a few grains of sand,
But I am laying on the entire beach
Shoreline stretches to the endless horizon,
Endless opportunities i will never reach.
Oh, how I need you here to tell me it is possible!
I would drown swimming to the impossible,
If you would tell me it is possible.
I open up, like a flower,
be my sun, be my reason for laughter.
I dont want to be locked tight inside this bud, only seeing me,
I dont care to be safe. With this love like the ocean, you're all i can see
I want to throw my heart overboard, and surrender to this drowning,
I wont fight against the great waters, your embrace is what rescues me.
I let go of what i thought, of what i once knew, i let go
I am a flower starting to bloom, the pure essence of love
Is all i know.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I know this has not very much consistency.... Just needed to vent through writing. Let out whatever is surfacing within the ocean of my being. Namaste.

king of the sea

he was die-hard
far from anyone imagination
he was a freak

had a something to fulfill

 

in the silence of nobody
unsettled the settled
disturb all the rituals of beauty
that's what he wanted

 

he entered in the world of treasure
treasure, maybe he got something
that's what we called that place
but for him
it was a place for match
it was a place
where all the reality converge
where all the chirping of birds
and nature come together

 

he entered into the sea
with his ship named 'tomodachi'
cause it was all about go with splendor
and in that sparking parallel world
feel everything
where waves mixes and 
can become friendly, 

can make some enemy 

 

they fought with the storm together
they fought with nature together
they fought with others together
they saw the group of birds
leaving together

 

his tomodachi got damaged
he wounded badly
but holding his comrades he said
" we are in beauty
we are in art of nature
so lets make our own history
friendly, ahhh! it hurts"

 i finally found my treasure

 

come to the ocean you will find it too"

I'm the king, king of this ocean

somesay you will know 

it's meaning too

Author's Notes/Comments: 

he found his treasure in the beauty of ocean ...what was it can anybody think of it

View alkaharuno's Full Portfolio

The Behemoth, Submerged

He's thankfully placid, continent-sized;
eyeless in hide with maw opened wide -
able to drain with a swallow such seas
that dot all our nations and drown us in reeds.
Momentum from current and liquefied air
that pull all his mass, abyssal to snares
caught on his bulk from boats with their winches,
torn down to depths in sways made of inches.
As per his drifting, his marginal 'lax,
creatures don't fear, nor dare they attack;
but come to conform, so tapered and dull,
swirling in droves about the flesh of his hull.
Blind to the sunlight or its absence in dark,
wading at ease with immensity stark
against the frontier of blues and of black,
with faint little glimmers that peck at his back.
And shy as he isn't, soundless he is;
his traveling porous like something candid,
with gears beyond grasp affixed to his lid
that grind without oil or layout or grid.
Though only a moment, this moment he'd pause,
and rear up his snout in something like awe
of shimmering surface that houses the sky
and stars made to glimpse when darkness is nigh.
In this reprieve, a clear thought has course:
the behemoth recalls a familiar remorse.
The twinkle obscured by thrashing of waves
gives rise to a knowing that's buried in haze.
But just as his interest seems piqued and affixed,
he begins a descent, inattentive to quick
and flitting small life that must flee from below,
just as they'd done when he'd come long ago.

View sivus's Full Portfolio