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 April.18.2007 2:31am/December.24.2011

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

Everynight 

Everyday

I miss your gorgeous sight

When before I go to bed

I lean down and begin to pray

I'll remember the last thing you said

"My love I will be back soon someday"

That is then I fell to my knees and began to cry

I pray to God everynight 

My love comes back wishing he finds

His way back to my heart

Asking God our love that we have let it be 

God every moment my heart pleads

Don't let my love,My hearo from me part

Let our souls for each other continue to bleed

For our love has been strong since the start 

I miss my love so much

I want to feel on my face

His gentle touch

When he kisses me 

He does it so 

With love and at a slow romantic pace

It sets my worries free

While your always my sweet

Let God protect you with the angels above

While I sit here and wait for your warm body heat

Tonight when I enter the world of dreams

I will go to our favorite spot to meet

To look into your eyes and to feel your arms

Around me it feels real

You say "Next to me will always be your seat"

And then tell me 

"I am always in your heart"

No matter the distence no matter how far 

Please believe me please stay strong

Keep in your heart and wishing on that star

Together forever and always 

And back agian we belong

And soon my soul I will be back to stay

It won't be long

So please believe in what I say

You're my love, my hero

The one I will love forever 

My hate for you will always be at zero

We will always be together 

I will take care of you 

As you will take care of me 

And our love will always remain true

We will never let each other free

Because you are my love and you are my hero

Copyright 

I want to drown myself in coffee.. I want to melt into every part of you.

beauty lies within the eyes, so what you expell is what you put out, & in turn recieve.. 

& in those times you bleed, & feel ugly, know it's all a part of being set free.

crippled, I stand.

shaking, my hand.

waving, goodbye... I let out a sigh.

why bother to ask? alone at last.. comfort in this clasp..

the suffocation of myself. 

breathe, be, clear my eyes with water, in attempt to better see. 

I can't bare anymore to feel the black shroud of this clouded memory..

my heart cries out for clarity..

envisioning the future, I climb..

but we all tend to fall a little short in the grasp of time.. 

how I wish to call you darling.. & stroke your hair..

caressing the sides of your face, & playing with the jewelry in your ears..

i'm sorry I couldn't of done better.. for my family has the tendency to fight & fetter.. 

another sunny day, wasted away.. I kind of wish I could lie down in my grave, & rest eternally..

maybe so many of us are unhappy because we never stop searching, we never let our heart or mind get a rest..

we always push ourselves further, & wonder why it seems like a test.. 

why haven't my eyes bled out yet...? why am I still here..?

this fear is parasitic.. consuming your insides.. till it's all that's left there... 

if I were to die, i'd hate to know he got the satisfaction of my silence...

the suffering I endured, creating massive hurricanes of inner violence.. 

i'll try now, to bring up a well of pity... just for you.. maybe i'll even throw in a penny, or dime..

but not a quarter, cause you were never worth my time.....

if you continue.... I hope you fall on your face someday, & land on my grave...

when you do, i'll be sure to pull you straight through, down under, to burn in hells fire..

this is one of my many darkest desires..

sad but true, shame on you... all has come unglued..

i'm swimming through this ocean, tide pulling me over & under, just to try & make it back, without blunder..

I'd rather dig a thousand pins into my skin, or burn a billion holes onto my back, then hurt you unintentionally..

can't you see, I'd much rather strike myself...

I don't want anyone to be an object of my pain..

so please refrain from stepping any further.. 

you don't know what goes on in my brain...

these chemicals are mine to control.

so stand back while I get a-hold..

ashes to ashes... everything collapses.. piece by piece, coming apart.

nothing ever felt right, from the very fucking start..

sometimes I cannot convey the thoughts in which my mind is stirring up,

or the feelings that cause my heart to silently bleed..

if only I had those wings, I would of flown away long ago..

& saved you from the inevitable hurt..

not being here.

sometimes I wonder if that's the only real dream in which i've truly conceived through out this life time..

nothing special, but it sure seems realistic..

she screamed at me, "it's all just a fantasy!" .. inside I went ballistic..

twisting & turning, face to the floor, squirming..

staring down at the shriveled remains of sanity... 

your eyes expell such melancholy.. do you see the same in me..?

am I just a tree for you to chop down..?

to carve your name in..?

to climb..? to rest up against..?

no longer will I walk along such a thin frail line..

no longer will I stand out of the shadows to be seen...

for these shadows are all that will vaguely cover me..

offering faint protection.. 

sometimes you can't avoid the rejections, the experiences, or the lessons..

when you drink that water, check the bottom to make sure it's clean..

though it may appear transparent & clear..

you could end up swallowing a ton of nails...

choking on how much you've failed..

shame on me, too.

After the thunder

Comes the rain

After a blow

Comes the pain

After it’s done

Comes the shame

You shouldn’t have done it

Brother Cain

Did you not know

That death is hungry

Did you not know

It always needs

Did you not know

It’s never full

Didn’t you know

It eats him who feeds

Cursed are you

For killing your brother

Start life anew

Far from another

Marked is your forehead

So you’ll never forget

Your feet feel like lead

Death feeds on you yet

Why does the sky cry

When I’m crying

Why does the wind howl

As I’m dying

Why do the animals whimper

As I bleed

Why is it so cold

When death feeds?

Tear it up
Bleed it out

Just a scream
Just a shout

When the Blood falls
Because of the Cause

I will pause

No Gauze,
I will open it with my Claws

Breathe Blood when it's in your skin.
Breathe Blood when it's out of it.

Breathe Blood when it's innocent.
No longer in your skin.

A razor will bring it out of it.

Yes, a lovely, gorgeous, delectable razor will do it all.
I know it may be wrong.

But the feeling is just so strong.
And it doesn't take too long.

I'll cut deep,
And I'll cut a stream.

To Bleed is to go deep.

I've fallen to the floor,
There is blood galore.

I'm bleeding and drowning
I'm drowning and counting

How many seconds I have until I'm dead.
And drowning in what's left.

Breathe Blood when your inhaling it

Breathe Blood when it's in your head

Breathe Blood when it's in your lungs.

Breathe Blood Until you're done.

Give me my orders

I do as you wish

Tell me what to do

I am your bitch

Treat me like shit

Please slap me again

God and everyone knows

That I love to sin

Whip me harder

It’s what I deserve

It’s what you wanted

And it’s you I serve

Please hurt me

I love to bleed

I want it too much

It’s now become a need

Punish me master

Please make me cry

Deep down inside

I just want to die

Torment me please

Isn’t it easy to see

That I love it

Now give it to me

~Chrystal

Written on

October 5, 2005