Stuck

Sea Of Words

Folder: 
Poems.

I try to find the words

The words for you

The words for him

The words for myself

I cannot seem to find the

The ones that feel right

 

I know I shouldn't hold it in

So I call to this paper and pen

To help me begin

To find the words

For you

For him and

For myself

 

In one moment

I think I know

What to do and

What to say

To you and to him

And to myself

 

In the next moment

I find myself

Completely unsure

Of what to do

What to say

To you and to him

And to myself

 

This sea of words

It kisses the shore

Never quite meeting my toes

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written March 8th, 2017


Block

There comes a time,

when nothing fits,

nothing works. 

It is in this time

that words seem lost,

and ideas evade.

What shall be done?

How to take the 

cork out of the bottle?

Perhaps a walk, a jog,

and a jump will suffice

to shake it loose. 

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I Walk An Endless Road

I walk endless an road

locked into a heavy load

Of these questions and fears

Gripping from it's unreasonable tears

 

As a car roars by

I look dead into it's light

Wondering where it leads

But just like that it's gone

just like another day

As I wake up to the sun's harsh light

 

I try not to look back

As I attempt to fill this crack

Of this hurt and wonder

Unstoppable, a storm of rain and thunder

 

As a car roars by

I look dead into it's light

Wondering where it leads

But just like that it's gone

just like another night

As I stay up to the moon's hypnotic might

Undertow.

Do you run the risk of breaking down too deep,

is this what you were wishing for,

when the rain was bearing down on me and together we hit the floor?

did you get lost; caught up in the undertow?

are you miles off the shore?

you're never gonna get to heaven--

but hell's got open doors.


Equal grounds

all I need back is my peace of mind..
i've been walking down the borders of life, looking out to the vast sea..
the ocean of all that is to be.
wishing to float with you...
I don't want to feel so cut up.. 
the clams at the bottom are so rough.
there's dead jellyfish about..
the seagulls are so loud.. 
but I wish we could be together & completely shut it out.
 
I know you really don't need me.. so this is it.. 
i'll try not to think too much about all this, until i'm given a better reason to.
I feel sick.. is it just me?
i'm beginning to think everyone around me is ailed in some way..
this is probably true..
for me, it is not use or be used... 
equal grounds is where I like to lay.
 
this will help mask the pain.... 
one day it will just stop for awhile... 
she'll be able to smile without aching.. 
without tears swelling up in that cloud of grey & blue..
king & queen knocked off the board, your knight's & pawn's crumble, is this game done..?
 
I feel like this body just isn't me.. it's not at all a part of who I am.. 
I want to break free!!
I don't want to feel like a worthless piece of flesh...
but I re-assure myself, each time this skin blisters red..
i'm sorry I keep letting you down.. 
 
sometimes, I really just want to fall off a cliff... 
it always feels like i'm being pushed, anyway..
what's making me stay?
I can't stand being stuck in constant resistance.. 
hesitation versus action..
it's nothing happening at all, against consequence.
it's like being pulled both directions & stuck where you're at.
 
i've stretched so far for the both of you... 
the center of myself is but an empty hole.. 
worn thin.. deteriorating..
would you lie to me, if I questioned, are you all parasites..?
simply feeding...
 
i'm not here for you to feast upon..
Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.17.13

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Writers Block

peace is an idealism
and happyness is an emotion
both are the same sides of two differant coins.
psycologicly not possible yet highly probable
at the possiblity of reaching this state of mind.
so many subjects and effects
that dilutes and tampers the overall outcome
many people want to achive this.
yet so few do.
yet from the outside looking in
i feel as i am the only one
with the uncertanty on how to go about this
am i chemicly imbalanced or is it the self indulgence
that devistates my state of mind
all i can give is a piece of mind
due to lack of my high state of mind
so close in prononciation
that it almost fucks the product from being interpretable
well i dont mind waking up alone
and i miyself find that incredable
yet my lack of peace and happnyness is indefinable
yet isolation plays a roll into the solution
but the solvant isnt me its the lack of restitution
even an institution seems a little more desreable
well my outlook on life is my greatest downfall
witch this situtation is nothing but a paradoxal preffix
to the little ironic known fact that i am sleepless
yet i consider myself a dreamer
well more like defeater due to the lack of success
(i am glad i am not in theater)
many people try to steryotype and say i am just simply lazy
well you forgot the underlined message
that joey fucking drake is cleary fucking crazy

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tags:

Wants And Wishes

Folder: 
2011

I feel like I am stuck in the middle
Like I am suck between now
And what could have been

If only, if only
What might have been?
What never was?

I know I don’t want to go back
Because I know who I was
And that’s not who I want to be

But if I could keep him
And drop all that I used to do
I would like that the most

But I can’t go back in time
No matter how much I wish it
So I can’t waste time on wishes

But I can change the future
But how do I do that?
Maybe, I’ll never know

All this plagues me every night
Makes it so I cant sleep
But maybe that is just because

I want him to be near me
And hold me as I sleep
Oh, back to wishing

~Chrystal
Written on
October 1, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was another written to Tom ___. This is jusy a short list of my wants and wishes. I know I cannot change the past, only the future but that does not keep me from wanting or wishing.

Never aload to do anything.

Everytime i try to stand,
somebody comes along, and pushes me back down again.

Everytime i turn on a light,
somebody comes in and takes the bulb.

Everytime i open my eyes,
Somebody comes and closes them tight.

Everytime i reach my hand out,
somebody grabs it and then lets go.

Everytime i scream out,
somebody comes past, and ignores it.

Everytime i get warm,
somebody takes my sweat shirt away.

Everytime i trust and belive,
somebody shows me not too.

Everytime i breath,
somebody out there, trys to stop me.

Everytime i do anything in life, there is always somebody wanting me to lay down and die.
Well thats not going to happen. this time.

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