emptiness

TRANSITS OF THE SUN

The sun shone brightly today
It was beautiful 
Or so they tell me

I saw it
I know it was there
But I couldn’t feel its presence

Everything is dark in my world
As another day passes without you
Another day without warmth 
Another day without light
Another day like every other
Since you’ve been gone 

Shining sun 
Skies of azure blue 
And fluffy white clouds

But none of them exist in my world anymore 

There is no color
There is no hue 
Everywhere I turn 
I see nothing but the absence of you 

When will it shine again?
I don’t know 
My sun is gone 
And I don’t know if he will come back 

I am the moon 
Trapped in eclipse 
Invisible and silent 
Cold and dark 
The world is between us 
And your light cannot shine on me 
Now I’m just a sphere 
Void of life
I emanate nothing 

And here all I can do 
Is wait for the earth to move
For this barrier to pass
So your light will shine on me 
Then I will reflect your brilliance
Then I will radiate your light 
And finally enveloped in your love
I will be beautiful again.

 

Jrh ~;;~ 


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Art...Imitating Life

Folder: 
Soul Poetry

 

 

Sometimes, 

we paint a colorful 

and pretty picture 

for others to look at...

so they don't notice 

the stark 

black and white reality 

of the 

torn, 

empty,

lonely,

battered

and discarded canvas 

beneath...

 

 

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Enter My Fear

All of the welcoming emotion suddenly dies.
and the darkness shrouds the land in only misery's cries.

 

Enter grief!
A timeless ocean. 
Trapped of despair, trapped without relief
Enter the moon!
Endless racing of the thoughts.
Including you alone, trapped dead inside an empty room

The dead is holding you stiff once more!
Staring into your eyes, never have you felt so gone before

The time comes again, to pit against all that is you
Will you ever find the part of you that is actually true?

Paint the sky bleak
Consider everything we cannot speak

The one painting with the sun I painted as a child is lost.
Reality has broken the barrier, this is the ultimate cost



 

Poking Around

Do you remember when we would get drunk, and I would feel your naked body

All the parts that I like

And you would be open allwhere and I'd be there

Poking around?

 

Then in the day I would talk about beautiful things with the people who offered a rip in themselves

Or talk beautifully about things

Or talk about things

Or talk.

 

And I would walk for awhile and imagine myself wherever I please

Pretending here and there

With honor melting from the world and into me and only me

So when we met again we were strange and new

And it would be time to drink again

So you and I could be open allwhere

And poke around.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

There was a time in my early 20s when I was so full and so empty at the same time, living in cold water apartments, sleeping in bathtubs, fucking and pretending, and going to college.  I've lived at sea now for a few years and sex and seduction are more and more becoming distant memories.  This poem is about a strange time when one could be naturalistic without being ineloquent, and heartfelt yet unsentimental, and get away with the grandest prize.  Looking back on it now and writing this, it seems very sad and beautiful and alien and a little evil, and I miss it late at night and early in the morning.

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Misunderstood

Folder: 
My hidden self

I feel misunderstood,

Like no one around,

Can see past my smile to the part of me

That is killing me slowly.

I feel as if, if they could see they wouldn't care.

They would leave me to lie there,

In the depths of darkness, 

To the raging sea inside of me.

I am misunderstood.

I am more than you see..

There's so much more to me. 

Yet, no one understands. 

That leaves scars, and they are deep.

Sometimes, I think it is me.

I build up walls no man could scale,

I don't let people in, for I am afraid they will fail,

And break my heart, make me frail

Maybe one day someone will prevail. 

They might post my bail, and set me free,

Help me live happily.

Is it possible for someone to really understand

All these things, all my plans?

One day soon it will be my day.

To be understood, to laugh and play.

On that day you will hear me pray.

No more tears is what I'll say!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

One of those days...

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tags:

Epitome of loss

I can see you falling, piece by piece, withering... like dead petals..

& the vase your dying in, is cracked & worn thin...

you can't elude this fate.. the memory can't be erased..

the gaze of your eyes pushed through the surface of who I am, & what I was..

it was like choking on nails.. I could feel each of my flaws..

epitome of loss...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

written maybe almost 2 months ago.. short but it expresses a lot for me.

A Million Dandelions

he asked for my soul,
i handed it over; no doubts, no hesitation, no fears;
he asked for my lust,
i gave him all i had then he left and i got more;
he gave me his seed,
i'm trying to use it to fill a hole inside of me;
he gave me his love,
i took it and screamed at him it's not enough;

now we've reached reality,
the ecstatic mood has been broken;
an awkwardness has engulfed our every interaction,
my rational thoughts are flooding back to me;
the bell can not be unrung,
his hazel eyes have seen me crazy;

now there's secrets and lies,
i feel dirty, ashamed and unworthy;
he can't forget what his absence bore,
and i can't escape who i am when i'm not his whore;
time draws us closer to the bitter end,
love can't mend shredded dreams;

i stumbled over the ghost's of lovers past,
he boiled and now he simmers over it in his mind;
i snuck across a digital line,
my friend my fault and i agree;
i'm my own worst enemy and my own best friend;

i keep hope alive on caffeine and pizza,
he works himself into a numb living death;
i'll bury us under a million dandelions,
our love will never be gone;
we will forever float in the wind,
the seeds of us planting where ever they land!

In between

I feel lost in this world that I do not understand / I do not know where I am or where I am going. / Where is this world going? / A feeling of emptiness and sadness / As I think of what's to come. / What is my purpose? / Do I have a purpose? / Am I meant to fade away? / I can see for miles and there is nothing / Such a desolate place. / Everything I know may end, / And after that what will I be? / I feel like I'm losing myself / And I'm sad to say goodbye. / My past is gone, and there is no future. / I'm stuck in this scary place in between

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Empty

I’m empty, empty!

And it’s a dull pain, like a needle in my vein
It’s not like it was before — in too deep to reach the shore
I simply wade; I have no end in sight
Like a voyager without a compass
I forget my destination and resort to trying to survive
I’m driven not to desperation
Where I belong on my knees
I instead try to be my own anchor
But my resources are depleted

I face the realization that I’m weak.

And although I have moments of understanding
Where the truth is clear
I’m made of only human
At my core is doubt, hate, and fear

And this is the reason why I must believe
That there’s something greater than me
Because sometimes I can’t get myself up
Nothing else will fill my cup

But my old understanding of the way the world makes sense
Has left me unfulfilled and on the defense
My heart has been polluted by the world’s ideals
Of strength, of truth, and love
They replace it with ambition and zeal
And because I lack direction
I feel a certain disconnection
Not only from those around me
But also from divinity

So without resolution,
despite my absolution
I’m empty, empty.

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