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The Crucifixion Of Humanity (formerly 'Eyes Wide Closed')

 

I found my daughter dead today with a needle in her arm,
I thought I taught her right from wrong to shield her from such harm.
Authorities preach “Just Say No!”.  Do they simply play the “game”?
Society yields a great cash flow…their naivety a shame.

Egos argue a dollar bill amount….
As innocent lives don’t seem to count….

A man decays behind steel bars…
He pays for his mistakes….   And ours.

The fight goes on…
What’s right?
What’s wrong?

The lesson’s learned.
Be careful what and how you enjoy.
This life….so brief….is not a toy….

         …….I found my daughter dead today.

 

© 2002

 

Edited by a Title Change 2013 © 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

When we read a story about someone else's misfortune, it can be difficult. That is when all we have been taught as child comes tumbling down upon us. It sears into our psyche and emotions in much the same way that a branding iron burns a mark onto the new flesh of a baby steer, leaving with us all of the anger that we can seemingly hold to last us a lifetime to fuel our revenge for who we perceive as the one who caused us to become so stigmatized by an event or action of another. When grave misfortune happens to ourselves, it can be quite different. Trauma is something that will make you or break you. Ask any veteran who has healed from the traumas of war if given the chance, would they have declined invitation into the military. You may be surprised to hear that many of them will say that they have no regrets and would never change a thing. I do not know, because I am no where near an expert on much of anything at all, let alone psychiatry, but I am pretty sure that is how it is supposed to work in the best scenario, given the fact that there has not to my knowledge, ever been born, a person who has lived a full life without having things go wrong. Things are suppposed to go wrong, I think. The phrase, 'life handed to them on a silver platter' doesn't really happen to anyone. It is a fairytale that we imagine happens. The murderer, the rapist, the theif, the adulterer, usually has a previous life of hell or psychological and emotionsl turmoil before they commit the horrific acts that we judge without any consideration to our own tresspasses or what they must have experienced to commit the act in the first place. It is much easier for us to project the 'good vs bad' scenario that man's conditioning has created and shove them away into the darkness of our minds, crossed off the list as 'a job well done', and move on as if we have completed the task. It doesn't work. On the other side of the karmic drama we have the first time victim, who usually sees life cloaked in a picture frame of pleasantry and flower paved roads until the plastic shell that their conditioning created buckles under the rigors of reality and cracks the surface to give their soul a breath of it's own antipathy to balance the scales of justice within. And then there are those from war torn countries who have lived nothing but trauma... I do not know, but understanding trauma now as I do, I am thinking about what happened on September 11, 2001, was altogether different from what we were told. If we do not see trauma for what it is, --a need for the balance of inner harmony-- it can result in years of pain and anguish, and the trauma is never healed. The divine spark within us will continue to create the same story over and over in our lives until we learn to accept our best and most useful self as the version of who we are....who we were meant to be from birth, before the opinions of conditioning and the scales of justice invented by men twisted our own inner scales and toppled down our divine tower of reasoning and discernment that was meant to shape the puzzle piece of ourseves to fit the larger puzzle we call 'life'.

Accepting facts can be difficult when it comes to a truth that we must face about ourselves. We can ignore it, justify our actions, hide it away as though it never happened, and see what we want to see. When we broaden our scope of vision, we can clearly see that everyone has these moments in their lives. The things we endured did not happen because we were, or are, any better or worse than anone else. They happened because they were meant to happen for us to learn from. In between the taboos, conditioning, and lies that we are raised with, some people are able, through spirituality, through a 'God', through another friend or relative whose lives touch them in some magical way, to break down the walls within ourselves and look at the world in a way that promotes the balance and peace of mind we need to accept that we are human, and we make mistakes. Sometimes, a ray of light somehow makes it through the tiny cracks in the places of our mind where we have neglected to be merciful with ourselves, and we become free to accept that we all enter this life with a purpose, each individually designed to complete it's own task in order to move the wheels of evolution a step furthur into the future for ourselves, our loves ones, and the people of this planet. The great wall of our conditioning can run alongside of each culture like a childhood friend. We honor it as our friend, we love it as we do our cultural birthright, but like any friend, it has no capability or place in our lives when it comes to our own innate discernment about our purpose on this earth.  A mirror reflection of our dark side, it is there to remind us we are fallible, but only if we have the ears to listen to it.

We justify our right to label those who do not deserve the labeling to give them, under the petty faults of our 'parents, teachers, and society's' judgements of 'right' and 'wrong', 'their purpose' whilst being ignorant to our gods, divne intelligence and inner gifts without conscience in attempt to  create harmony for ourselves without regard to the harmony of all beings, and then we wonder why the pieces of our puzzle do not fit. It doesn't make sense.

"I found my daughter dead today"

Epitome of loss

I can see you falling, piece by piece, withering... like dead petals..

& the vase your dying in, is cracked & worn thin...

you can't elude this fate.. the memory can't be erased..

the gaze of your eyes pushed through the surface of who I am, & what I was..

it was like choking on nails.. I could feel each of my flaws..

epitome of loss...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

written maybe almost 2 months ago.. short but it expresses a lot for me.

Stricken

 

 

I feel like I've dipped

into the most vial parts of me

I don't appreciate who 

I've presented myself to be

 

am I really untrustworthy?

am I really tactless?

am I really so insensitive?

my answers seem to be yes

 

unfortunately

 

who am I?

how am I to overcome 

this disgusting side of me

I don't like her... I judge her

 

this giant ego

that takes over reactively

blinding me so I can't see the truth 

when it's standing right in front of me

 

Ego writes this now 

to degrade me

and I allow it

to come crashing in on me

 

I feel sick

I am sick

 

stricken with the worst kind of pain

tortured...

I think I know what it feels like to be

and it's awful

 

no one should ever be 

subjected to such misery

yet I've endured it 

knowing that I deserve it

 

allowing that kind of behavior

that I don't respect in others

so why do I give myself a free pass?

 

perhaps I don't 

no...

I became ill

severely ill

 

and I don't believe 

it was just food poisoning

 

 

 

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