soul

Beyond

Folder: 
Poetry

What if all was beyond that,

Would there still be innocence?

I cannot live with such a thought,

It will surely break me apart.

 

Is nature itself innocent?

It's full of ravage and wrath.

But it is not evil nor good,

Being one with the Soul, not apart.

 

Magick is what once was lost,

To be discovered thereupon.

Magick is the key to knowledge,

To the Unknown and the Soul.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this once for a contest on another poetry-site.

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Black ink oppression

The graze of your touch stings like shards of glass..

making my heart tremble and shake inside it's cage of desolace..

and as i'm with you, I can feel the emptiness seep deeper, my soul is drowning..

leaking of darkness..

 

Black ink of despair. pour it all over me, drench my spirit..

it already feels too heavy to bare.

as you glance over, you'll see I was never really there..
perhaps I was just smoke passing through the air.. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

9/27/12~

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Twisted reality & a wounded love

Realities twisted, lying through your every day lives, seeping in your eyes...

fusion in their very own true colors...

our skin is dead.. the heart is greatest the vessel.

my brain is on overload.. nothing stays in tune. 


Forever packaged in your box of perfect calamity. misery hate's herself, but loves her company..

shadowed by death & the light is to conceal the darkness.

water flows inside us, like our waves of emotions..
Ocean of life, the constant misty rain to trickle despair,

the sand to hold us together & bury the fear sunken beneath it..

I won't ever know if you really love me.

Your mind is almost always ingested with shit.. & then you go & feed it.

although fantasy is my favorite belief, I don't want to be the plaque on your mildly yellowed teeth..

I don't want to be that needle in your arm...

I do wish I could free you from "your reality" of pain..

i'd like to take you on an adventure far away with me.. somewhere we'd both be free.
because in the end I think I know I can ignore & re-create parts of reality to where I need it to be.

I hope one day you'll be able to comprehend that state of freedom mentally.. 

I don't expect automatic acceptance. I know everything is a test..

sometimes, or for the most part, it could make everything seem worthless..

I try my best not to fall on my face.. I live for spiritual feat.

but if what I live for isn't on this earth too, then why is my body here to begin with...?

I feel physically unnecessary.

everything here now just ends up what used to be... i'm not sure if it mean's anything to me..

I miss so many people every second, every passing day... it's like each day is a bigger loss then the one before.

but I guess the soul could just be a gaping black empty growing hole..
Don't get me wrong. I entrust positivity.. but this pain is buried within my identity.

a lot of the time when you'll try so hard to fly... you will end up falling..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Oct. 2012. 

Cutting (Epilogue)

Pain scorches my mind

As I peruse the novels

Of my recollections

Every night is identical

Read, reminisce, agony

So I incinerated the library

Of my long kept memories

And their embers seared a hollowness

Into my soul

The ashes of my past

Floating away into the blood-red of the firmament

Or is it of my veins

I can’t say

I can’t remember

I don’t care

The stars sing tenderly to me

Their mournful cry from afar

Helpless to relieve me

Powerless to help

Incapable of aiding

A dying man

A vanished cause

A solitary shadow

I’ve given up the contest

There is no longer a challenge

No longer the next battle

Just eternity at my fingertips

And the doorway in my hand

A slit across the open earth

And I fade into nothingness

Perhaps they will miss me when I’m gone

Funny how they listen

When you can no longer speak

Yet, perhaps they will forget me

I do not know

Another life aborted

Gone into I know not where

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Note: I do not cut now, this is just a story.  Written after the end, therefore subtitled Epilogue. I won't say to enjoy this one...

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 18

Folder: 
ThoughtShock

Chapter Eighteen

'As The Echo Fades'

Part; 3

 

 

They call me insane,
squeeze the trigger and blow out my brain.
Does that make me crazy
I never see it through cause I am to damn lazy.
Lets all dance to the thriller,
label and brand the serial killer.
They call me a psycho
When its just the truth that I know.
I use the obscene for this show
aiming for that shock value,
It sure beats taking out my anger on you.”

 

              When I opened my eyes the room was dark. Hours had gone by as night crept in and a storm was brewing outside. Looking around I noticed my hospital room was empty. I was alone. Where was Lust and Desire? I slowly sat up in the bed. My bruises and broken bones were healed as were the bullet wounds. I sat there in a slight daze as I looked over my own body. My eyes trailed from my arms to the machines that would have been turned on if they had been connected to me. There were even no scars to be found.
The door to my room opened, creaking as it moved ever so slow. I turned my head and watched as a shadowy figure stepped into my room. He stopped just short of the light that came in the window from the moon. “Matthew.” I slowly tilted my head to the side. I knew what to expect by now but what name does this angel of death ride upon? Another doppelganger, just another demon that I will face that should be in my heart and mind not some manifested mutation. 

            Kicking my feet over the side of the bed. I turned facing the creature hiding within the shadows. It did not move, only spoke and in a soft voice. “You are not like the others.” I wanted to laugh at this delusional figure before me but there was something in his voice that caught me off guard. I slowly climbed down from the bed  my feet touched the cool smooth surface of the tiles on the floor. “and I have a feeling, you are not like the others as well.” I said as I tilted my head once again this time trying to focus on the shadows, trying to focus on him.
There was something different about this abomination, I watched as he glided into the moonlight. He did not even need to touch me to feel his presence. As he entered into the light I could see the monster in his true form. “Ego” My voice was weak.

       “So you do know me.” Again his voice was soft as he walked around the foot of the bed. I turned following his movement on just instinct. “What did you do with Lust and Desire” I asked nervously. He stopped in his tracks just short of the window leading outside. Watching the rain splash against the window, he turned his head slowly. I saw the wicked grin from the devil but his smile sent chills down my spine. I swear I even saw his eyes flash before my own. “Oh you don't need to concern yourself with them.” Was all he said as he turned his head back towards the window.
           I griped the railing of my hospital bed tight as I walked towards the foot of the bed, I let go when I ran out of support my entire being was being filled with anger, with fear. “It's hopeless. You know I will kill you before you make a move” He said as he turned around facing me. It was like he was reading my mind, as I just wanted to kill this thing before me.       
Ego raised his left hand up, his long hair went down past his shoulders. He was wearing an expensive suit, with a red tie. He snapped his fingers and at the same time there was a flash of lightening and the crash of thunder when I instantly realized there were two men standing beside me. They quickly grabbed me before I could do anything. I started kicking and struggling as they wrestled me back down onto the bed. Without hesitation they went to town strapping me down to the bed. First they strapped down my hands then my feet and to add insult they pressed down on my shoulders to keep me from struggling.

          Ego walked casually to the side of the bed. He sat down on the edge just next to one of the large guys holding me down. “Are you so delusional that you do not see what is going on here?” He said with a wicked smirk on his face. It took his verbal slap for me to begin putting together a few small details. For instance the large men were wearing white uniforms. These “orderlies” were restraining me as Ego reached into his pocket producing a small pouch. He grinned at me once more as he pulled his neatly folded napkin from his front pocket, unfolding it laying it out over my chest as he leaned in whispering.
I know you are a little slow. So let me help bring you up to speed. You see all of this?” He leaned back up pointing around the room before continuing. “It's of my creation. Everything you have been experiencing” Ego started laughing as he opened the pouch turning it over above the napkin dumping out several small neon green capsules.

        “You see, you are nothing without your ego, or your sin for that matter.” He reached down grabbing a handful of the pills. Holding them in his closed fist as he stared off into space for a moment as if deep in thought. He snapped back as he looked down at me into my eyes I could see the fire burning deep behind them. “But you, you are bound and determined to kill everyone of us, what did you call us?” He paused for a moment. “Abominations.” He burst out laughing again before going quiet and that is when I heard it, he flexed his muscles in his hand causing the capsules to rupture within his closed fist. His laughingly tone suddenly grew very serious when he looked me back in the eyes. “The only abomination is when a Soul refuses to accept it's own nature, that even in the conflict of duality, you need desire.” Using his free hand he grabbed my jaw forcing my mouth open as he held his closed fist above my mouth. Joy emanated from him as a smile formed across his face as he watched the green liquid drip from his fist down into my mouth. I closed my throat but once all the liquid had drained from his hand one of the orderlies quickly let go of my shoulder placing one hand over my mouth the other over my nose.
Suffocate or swallow, this was the choice I was reduced to. Ego was teaching me a lesson that deep down I already knew, only I refused to face. I gave in and swallowed, as before the effects were almost instantaneous. I quickly became lost within myself.

         My pupils contracted to the size of a pinhole. I could feel the chemical rushing my veins. My heart starts beating faster and faster. I shot up from the bed no longer strapped down, my arms were bound around me. I jumped from the bed to the floor, still dizzy from the drugs I lost my balance causing me to fall. I laid there struggling for a few minutes before my eyes begin focusing on my surroundings. I was laying where my doppelganger's dead body should be, but there was no corpse. I sat up leaning against the frame of the bed as I looked down at the straightjacket that bound my arms to my chest.
A few more minutes had passed, as I had managed to climb back into the bed sitting there just staring off into space trying to organize my thoughts. What was real? Did all that happen? I looked around the room once more. It was a different room, it was the same layout only smaller, and the walls were padded. There were no machines in this room, and one small outside window about a foot long and a foot wide.

        “It was all just a nightmare.” I sighed in relief when I heard a familiar voice from behind me. “What was?” I quickly shot around facing the now open door. Standing in the door way a young orderly was holding a clipboard her hair pulled back into a ponytail. “Desire?” I choked out as I tilted my head a bit, still trying my hardest to put together a puzzle that now only seems to fade the more and more I try and focus on it. “What?” She inquired as she walked into the room setting the clipboard on the bed. “How are we feeling this morning sweety?” She asked smiling at me as she began fiddling for her stethoscope. I could not find anything to reply, just stared at her blankly as she went about to checking my heart beat.
“What is your name?” I asked staring up at her, becoming intoxicated by her perfume. She looked at me as if I were playing a game and laughed. “You know my name hon, it's Anna.” Looking down once again at the straightjacket I nodded my head and softly responded “right.” her sensitive demeanor must have picked up on my vibrations as she responded. “You had a pretty nasty breakdown last night, but you will be okay dear I promise”    
I looked up into her eyes and saw a glimmer of hope behind them, as I let out another sigh. “So I am just crazy, guess it makes sense.”

 

I am starting to believe that karma
just might be the desperate mans cling to hope.
Where evidence is abundant to support this thought.
Simply open your eyes and tell me
if the assholes and whores don't get the upper hand.”

          I had sat on my bed for hours now just staring off into space, deep in thought. Remembering now only bits and pieces of what I had only thought transpired. Orderlies had came into my room a few hours ago to remove the straightjacket, saying I was “calmed” down enough that I did not need it, but it I were to have another “outbreak.” They would come back and sedate me putting it back on me. I did not care, my reality had been shattered.
         
It was starting to get late, as I had not moved from my spot on the bed. Plastic spoon in my hand as I played with the food on my tray that someone had brought to me since I refused their offers of going out into the common room. I simply had just wanted it all to end. The lights to my room went out as I looked up towards the door seeing another orderly standing there. “Lights out, bed time.” I heard another orderly shout from the hallway. Looking back down the tray was gone, had been for hours now as I laid down under the covers, on my back. Looking up at the ceiling I closed my eyes.

 

Sanity is overrated, becoming diluted by reality.
Ten second stars who would kill for the vanity.
With all of your twisted dogmas, corrupted morals
we enter into the age where your god is dead,
where every lie is the truth simply cause it's what they said”
 

Words of love, The words of passion
are forgotten on the page of romance.
Sold our souls we took the devil to the dance.
 

So much pain, So much suffering, a life of torment
becomes your prison cell, a living hell, filled with regret.
The misery never fades,
but there will always be the masquerade.”

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto chapter 18,
 Last and final part (3) of the short story "As the Echo Fades" and of course this is the rough draft, as it still needs to be cleaned up and polished. However this is the script so far. I am curious to what you think of the ending? or even possibly the whole short story? Hoenstly when I first started working on it, I was not sure of the direction that I wanted to go. However through the chaos of it I feel I delievered on the message buried under the insanity!! Once again I hope you enjoy.

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Liar, Liar

Folder: 
Just For Fun

Liar, Liar

On the wire

How soon till you fall

How long till you hit a wall

And every last lie

Will crash and die

Flames burn a hole

Into your soul

When you see the destruction

Of your construction

And you’re left all alone

Because of every lie you own

And when you wish that you were dead

Than hurt one hair on their head

For at last they can see through your lies

You can’t see the pain behind their eyes  

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Do

Take my hand, it won't be far -
let's walk together into dark.
Reality can't cage our hearts,
I promise you it's just a start.

Are you afraid of word 'forever'?
Forget the meaning life has given.
The place I'll take you to is better -
be brave and break out of this prison.

Create a world anew from scratch,
mold its shape from void and silence.
The bluebird won't be hard to catch,
it's our home - the new asylum.

soul

Folder: 
haiku

What is my soul worth,
I don't use it that often,
Let's ask the Devil.

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A lover

I have found stength in my pain
The answers outside of myself leave me lost
Like a fish out of water
Searching for the ocean,
That is only found within.
I want to meet a gentle soul
Whos lips are soft like a newborn kitten,
So delicate, so pure, from which flow forth words of healing
That are formed from a mind more clear than the most bluest of sky, stretching on through eternity
And concieved from a heart dilligently polished clean.
Someone clear like the finest crystal,
No secrets except for the secrets of love.
No sign of darkness, except that which soul light has shined upon.
Just light, in its widest spectrum,
Scattered across the physical, and non physical plane
When they walk into the door
When they walk into my life.
No sign of lust,
So pure.
Truth.
His eyes reveal the depth of an ocean I live to drown within.
They know my souls deepest requests,
And say through slight movements
"that of which every pure soul requests, i will help you stay true to you."
Never again will you feel the grief of doing things from any other sector, but your soul.
What rings true to you?
You barely even know, he says.
That rings much truer to me.
Pure friendship.
Like swinging on the highest swing, almost touching a cloud, perfectly in synch.
Never asking for more than what I give.
Presence is the greatest present,
It is more than enough.
A feeling, a truth, more real than anything ive experienced while in this body.
An inner knowing that goes far beyond
Past, present, future.
Moments, where like a flower, you open up,
Facing the sun,
And that wholeness,
Love in all its power, shining upon you and within you,
Becomes all you know.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

true love throug the eyes of my soul. Namaste.

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