I wonder

I often wonder…

Where I’ll end up

If I’ll have enough

If I’ll find my soul mate

If I’ll make it to the pearly gates

If I’ll die alone with tons of cats

If I’ll burn in hell, with a bunch of rats

If I’ll just die and stay dead

If I’ll die and live, like the book said

If I have any real friends

If they’re all the same, with dead ends

If life had to be such a pain in the neck

If I have a screw loose up in my head

If the voices in my head will ever go away

If the mother will ever think I’m okay

If she’ll ever treat me the way she treats them

 If my life will ever actually begin

Author's Notes/Comments: 

it's like i can never stop thinking of "if's"

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If You Knew


Time flies very fast

Something we can't grasp

We don't know what it brings

If or not we will sink


I am reaching my peak

You are with me all this time

Whether strong or weak

You stand by me every time


But now I am doubting

If ever you knew my darkest secret

The thing I've been hiding

Something about me I wish to forget


You got me thinking

If you ever uncovered this unspoken truth

If you ever noticed this thing I hid from you

Would you be doubting?


Would you still love me like you do?

Would you think I am condemned too?

Would you be mad at me for not telling the truth?

Would you be sad for me 'cause I hid it from you?


Believe me, I tried telling you

Trust me, it's been hard for me too

I beg you, please try to hear me

Save me, from this lie I live in


I tried a million times

To chain my heart and mind

Cried in those troubled nights

God's words don't seem to rhyme

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If It Was Me


Saw you from afar

Knew you're about to cry

You're all I desire

You got me asking why


Why am I not the reason for your tears?

What should I do to make you see?

Am I not the one who can make you cheer?

How can I make you see these things?


Here you are again 

In the middle of the night

Here I am again 

Giving you a shed of light


Why are you very blind?

Can't you read between the lines?

Why don't you look and find?

Can't you see my heart's desire?


If it was me you're with,

You will not be crying

It will not be tragic

We will end up smiling


I know your favorite song

It has been you all along

Wake up and look inside my soul

See through my heart and you will know

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If She Only Knew

If only she knew how I think often where she rests. Hoping she's always in great health and protected through this troublesome world.
If only she knew how I go from a frown to a smile with the sound of your voice. How I am always happy to hear her talk about anything that comes to mind.
If only she knew how I often have these uncontrollable feelings inside.
If only she knew how much I have developed to care for her because she accepted my request online. How I gotten to know more about her little each time we connect. How I wish I could see her one day in life.
If only she knew that I care for her because she's a life that is special. She has a spirit that makes her glow.
If only she knew how often I am sadden whenever we talk and she must go. How I speak of her beauty and courageous ways. How one woman could have this type of effect on a man a great distance away.
If only she knew that there are still good people in the world.
If only she knew that I would give up my world to live and learn from hers.
If only she knew I felt much better in life since I first gotten to know her.

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Take my hand, it won't be far -
let's walk together into dark.
Reality can't cage our hearts,
I promise you it's just a start.

Are you afraid of word 'forever'?
Forget the meaning life has given.
The place I'll take you to is better -
be brave and break out of this prison.

Create a world anew from scratch,
mold its shape from void and silence.
The bluebird won't be hard to catch,
it's our home - the new asylum.


If only, one day...

I could have back all the gold I gave away
From the one who convinced me it was proof of friendship
To take everything, even what I didn't have.

If only, one day...

I'd be able to explain what no one can understand:
What is going to happen is still to come,
And the future is not like what it used to be.

If only, one day...

Show who has more than what they need always convince themselves for not having enough,
And say so much for not having anything to say.

If only, one day...

The most simplistic things was seemed as the most important
But they gave us a mirror
And we saw a gruesome world.

If only, one day...

We could understand how can one God at the same time be three
And this same God died for you.
It's only hate then, will let a God so sad.

I wanted jeopardy and bled by myself,
Please, understand it was the only way to bring you back to me.
When I finally understood it's only you,
Who understands me from the beginning to end.
It's only you who has the cure of my addiction,
Of everything I haven't seen.

If only, one day...

Believe in everything that exists.
Believe the world is perfect,
And all people are happy.

If only, one day...

Tell the world your name is everywhere,
And even though no one will thank you.

If only, one day...

Like the most beautiful tribes,
Of the most beautiful Indians,
Not be assassinated for being innocent.

I wanted jeopardy and bled by myself,
Please, understand it was the only way to bring you back to me.
When I finally understood it's only you,
Who understands me from the beginning to end.
It's only you who has the cure of my addiction,
Of everything I haven't seen.

They gave us a mirror,
And we saw a sick world.

I tried to cry,
But I couldn't

"Renato Russo." Translated by Lucas Silva

Author's Notes/Comments: 


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