ThoughtShock: A Manifesto

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 18

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ThoughtShock

Chapter Eighteen

'As The Echo Fades'

Part; 3

 

 

They call me insane,
squeeze the trigger and blow out my brain.
Does that make me crazy
I never see it through cause I am to damn lazy.
Lets all dance to the thriller,
label and brand the serial killer.
They call me a psycho
When its just the truth that I know.
I use the obscene for this show
aiming for that shock value,
It sure beats taking out my anger on you.”

 

              When I opened my eyes the room was dark. Hours had gone by as night crept in and a storm was brewing outside. Looking around I noticed my hospital room was empty. I was alone. Where was Lust and Desire? I slowly sat up in the bed. My bruises and broken bones were healed as were the bullet wounds. I sat there in a slight daze as I looked over my own body. My eyes trailed from my arms to the machines that would have been turned on if they had been connected to me. There were even no scars to be found.
The door to my room opened, creaking as it moved ever so slow. I turned my head and watched as a shadowy figure stepped into my room. He stopped just short of the light that came in the window from the moon. “Matthew.” I slowly tilted my head to the side. I knew what to expect by now but what name does this angel of death ride upon? Another doppelganger, just another demon that I will face that should be in my heart and mind not some manifested mutation. 

            Kicking my feet over the side of the bed. I turned facing the creature hiding within the shadows. It did not move, only spoke and in a soft voice. “You are not like the others.” I wanted to laugh at this delusional figure before me but there was something in his voice that caught me off guard. I slowly climbed down from the bed  my feet touched the cool smooth surface of the tiles on the floor. “and I have a feeling, you are not like the others as well.” I said as I tilted my head once again this time trying to focus on the shadows, trying to focus on him.
There was something different about this abomination, I watched as he glided into the moonlight. He did not even need to touch me to feel his presence. As he entered into the light I could see the monster in his true form. “Ego” My voice was weak.

       “So you do know me.” Again his voice was soft as he walked around the foot of the bed. I turned following his movement on just instinct. “What did you do with Lust and Desire” I asked nervously. He stopped in his tracks just short of the window leading outside. Watching the rain splash against the window, he turned his head slowly. I saw the wicked grin from the devil but his smile sent chills down my spine. I swear I even saw his eyes flash before my own. “Oh you don't need to concern yourself with them.” Was all he said as he turned his head back towards the window.
           I griped the railing of my hospital bed tight as I walked towards the foot of the bed, I let go when I ran out of support my entire being was being filled with anger, with fear. “It's hopeless. You know I will kill you before you make a move” He said as he turned around facing me. It was like he was reading my mind, as I just wanted to kill this thing before me.       
Ego raised his left hand up, his long hair went down past his shoulders. He was wearing an expensive suit, with a red tie. He snapped his fingers and at the same time there was a flash of lightening and the crash of thunder when I instantly realized there were two men standing beside me. They quickly grabbed me before I could do anything. I started kicking and struggling as they wrestled me back down onto the bed. Without hesitation they went to town strapping me down to the bed. First they strapped down my hands then my feet and to add insult they pressed down on my shoulders to keep me from struggling.

          Ego walked casually to the side of the bed. He sat down on the edge just next to one of the large guys holding me down. “Are you so delusional that you do not see what is going on here?” He said with a wicked smirk on his face. It took his verbal slap for me to begin putting together a few small details. For instance the large men were wearing white uniforms. These “orderlies” were restraining me as Ego reached into his pocket producing a small pouch. He grinned at me once more as he pulled his neatly folded napkin from his front pocket, unfolding it laying it out over my chest as he leaned in whispering.
I know you are a little slow. So let me help bring you up to speed. You see all of this?” He leaned back up pointing around the room before continuing. “It's of my creation. Everything you have been experiencing” Ego started laughing as he opened the pouch turning it over above the napkin dumping out several small neon green capsules.

        “You see, you are nothing without your ego, or your sin for that matter.” He reached down grabbing a handful of the pills. Holding them in his closed fist as he stared off into space for a moment as if deep in thought. He snapped back as he looked down at me into my eyes I could see the fire burning deep behind them. “But you, you are bound and determined to kill everyone of us, what did you call us?” He paused for a moment. “Abominations.” He burst out laughing again before going quiet and that is when I heard it, he flexed his muscles in his hand causing the capsules to rupture within his closed fist. His laughingly tone suddenly grew very serious when he looked me back in the eyes. “The only abomination is when a Soul refuses to accept it's own nature, that even in the conflict of duality, you need desire.” Using his free hand he grabbed my jaw forcing my mouth open as he held his closed fist above my mouth. Joy emanated from him as a smile formed across his face as he watched the green liquid drip from his fist down into my mouth. I closed my throat but once all the liquid had drained from his hand one of the orderlies quickly let go of my shoulder placing one hand over my mouth the other over my nose.
Suffocate or swallow, this was the choice I was reduced to. Ego was teaching me a lesson that deep down I already knew, only I refused to face. I gave in and swallowed, as before the effects were almost instantaneous. I quickly became lost within myself.

         My pupils contracted to the size of a pinhole. I could feel the chemical rushing my veins. My heart starts beating faster and faster. I shot up from the bed no longer strapped down, my arms were bound around me. I jumped from the bed to the floor, still dizzy from the drugs I lost my balance causing me to fall. I laid there struggling for a few minutes before my eyes begin focusing on my surroundings. I was laying where my doppelganger's dead body should be, but there was no corpse. I sat up leaning against the frame of the bed as I looked down at the straightjacket that bound my arms to my chest.
A few more minutes had passed, as I had managed to climb back into the bed sitting there just staring off into space trying to organize my thoughts. What was real? Did all that happen? I looked around the room once more. It was a different room, it was the same layout only smaller, and the walls were padded. There were no machines in this room, and one small outside window about a foot long and a foot wide.

        “It was all just a nightmare.” I sighed in relief when I heard a familiar voice from behind me. “What was?” I quickly shot around facing the now open door. Standing in the door way a young orderly was holding a clipboard her hair pulled back into a ponytail. “Desire?” I choked out as I tilted my head a bit, still trying my hardest to put together a puzzle that now only seems to fade the more and more I try and focus on it. “What?” She inquired as she walked into the room setting the clipboard on the bed. “How are we feeling this morning sweety?” She asked smiling at me as she began fiddling for her stethoscope. I could not find anything to reply, just stared at her blankly as she went about to checking my heart beat.
“What is your name?” I asked staring up at her, becoming intoxicated by her perfume. She looked at me as if I were playing a game and laughed. “You know my name hon, it's Anna.” Looking down once again at the straightjacket I nodded my head and softly responded “right.” her sensitive demeanor must have picked up on my vibrations as she responded. “You had a pretty nasty breakdown last night, but you will be okay dear I promise”    
I looked up into her eyes and saw a glimmer of hope behind them, as I let out another sigh. “So I am just crazy, guess it makes sense.”

 

I am starting to believe that karma
just might be the desperate mans cling to hope.
Where evidence is abundant to support this thought.
Simply open your eyes and tell me
if the assholes and whores don't get the upper hand.”

          I had sat on my bed for hours now just staring off into space, deep in thought. Remembering now only bits and pieces of what I had only thought transpired. Orderlies had came into my room a few hours ago to remove the straightjacket, saying I was “calmed” down enough that I did not need it, but it I were to have another “outbreak.” They would come back and sedate me putting it back on me. I did not care, my reality had been shattered.
         
It was starting to get late, as I had not moved from my spot on the bed. Plastic spoon in my hand as I played with the food on my tray that someone had brought to me since I refused their offers of going out into the common room. I simply had just wanted it all to end. The lights to my room went out as I looked up towards the door seeing another orderly standing there. “Lights out, bed time.” I heard another orderly shout from the hallway. Looking back down the tray was gone, had been for hours now as I laid down under the covers, on my back. Looking up at the ceiling I closed my eyes.

 

Sanity is overrated, becoming diluted by reality.
Ten second stars who would kill for the vanity.
With all of your twisted dogmas, corrupted morals
we enter into the age where your god is dead,
where every lie is the truth simply cause it's what they said”
 

Words of love, The words of passion
are forgotten on the page of romance.
Sold our souls we took the devil to the dance.
 

So much pain, So much suffering, a life of torment
becomes your prison cell, a living hell, filled with regret.
The misery never fades,
but there will always be the masquerade.”

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto chapter 18,
 Last and final part (3) of the short story "As the Echo Fades" and of course this is the rough draft, as it still needs to be cleaned up and polished. However this is the script so far. I am curious to what you think of the ending? or even possibly the whole short story? Hoenstly when I first started working on it, I was not sure of the direction that I wanted to go. However through the chaos of it I feel I delievered on the message buried under the insanity!! Once again I hope you enjoy.

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 16

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ThoughtShock

Chapter Sixteen
'As The Echo Fades'
Part; 1

“It's the bittersweet taste of defeat”

She gracefully walked towards me after entering into the room. She came bearing gifts. It was a peace offering from the fallout from the night before. She offered up a cocktail of tasty treats for me to take my pick from. Setting it before me, the china tray used to carry the rainbow platter. I swear it must have came straight from 'George Jung's' own private stash. She smiled coyly at me as she straightened her posture. Lust's eyes trailed up and down my body as I sat back in the chair. “If I had not known any better.” I thought as I glanced around the room catching a glimpse of Lust's little sister, Desire giving me a rather creepy wink.

As if this whole entire experience could not get any more strange. In walks Sin. Slowly he makes his way to the table taking a seat straight across from me. I am at a loss for words, my mind spinning with disbelief, unable to formulate a single coherent thought. Now sitting before me, like staring into a mirror was the very reflection of myself. He began to pick at the China tray sitting on the table. Sorting, separating, the goodies. It was a bad acid trip, yet I am the only one here who has not been taking from the candy jar. “How” would be the last rational thought to cross my mind this night.

My doppelganger looked up from the tray and in short simple words. 'Are you ready?' Identical to my own voice. All I could do to respond was slowly nod my head up and down. That is when he reached out towards me and in his fingers rested a small neon green capsule.
“Was I dead already?” As I took the pill from my clone before me. Once it was in my possession, Sin stood to his feet. Clapping his hands together, without warning causing me to jump in my seat.

I held the pill gently between my thumb and forefinger. Unsure of which bothered me the most, this strange cocktail in my hand or the fact I was seeing myself in a third person. “Had I lost my mind already?” I watched as Sin walked towards the women, leaning down to whisper into both Lust and Desire as they each started grinning.
“What the hell”. Was the thought to cross my mind as I chugged the neon green capsule down my gullet. 'We play the role of the fool' The affects were almost instant. My eye lids grew heavy, struggling to keep them open, to remain focused. It was then that I saw it {that void beyond my own eyes}.

I stirred about under the warm covers as sweat beaded down my face. The sheets were soaked as I shot up awake in a violent burst. As my eyes began to focus it was then that I had noticed Desire sitting on the edge of the bed. She was quiet, and she was ever so beautiful. It was that 'elusive' beauty she masterfully obtained. That dream you can feel only just cannot reach for, with a hint of innocents behind those cruel eyes.
“What had I taken”? I managed to choke out from the desert that was my mouth. Before she could reply the door of the bedroom bursts open as Lust storms in. Fury behind her eyes as she snatched up Desire from the bed. Jumping to my feet, I was quickly stopped by my doppelganger who happened to enter into the room behind Lust. Only since being this close I managed to make out a few differences. His face was aged far more than my own. The life or hope in my reflection's eyes was almost gone, a fading gleam. Was this me? Was this to be me? No rational thought could cross my mind.

Just as I was about to confront this 'Sin', the lights in the room flickered for a moment, seconds later they went out completely. It was then that I heard a strange voice whispering in my ear yet nobody was close enough to me, I felt no breath on my neck, no body close to my own. Just the whispers as I could not even make out what it was even saying. As the door opened once more revealing a little light, I followed as Sin, Lust, and Desire made their way out of the room, holding my head.


“I am not insane.”
“I am not insane.”
“I am not insane.”

“I am losing my fucking mind”.
Once out in the hallway, I quickly dashed for the emergency stairs and it happened just as I heard the girls call out my name. My footing gave way, the step itself shifted. Congealed by my own contact. Tumbling down the massive steps as each one reconfigured itself as I landed onto it. Finally hitting a small landing way, sliding to the wall causing me to stop.
Lust and Desire quickly ran towards me, checking to make sure I was not seriously injured. I struggled to remain conscious as the pain in my head grew worse and worse. Looking around trying to focus. My eyes locked in the eyes of Desire and for a split second, I had felt a sense of sadness. I laid my head back down on the cold floor waiting for the darkness to come, to wash over me. Deep down I felt like I deserved to meet my reaper.


~*~

I have dreamed, I have manifested.

“One. Click, Click.
Two. Click, Click.
Three. Click, Click, Snap!”

I wont beg for your forgiveness.
On my knees, I must have asked for this.
My suicidal mission, becoming my final inscription.

“Four. Five. Six.
Just. One. More. Click.
Then my reaper will no longer wait,
my soul he will get to take.
Death fills the air this night,
Playing in the shadows
of what is wrong, what is right.”
~*~

I woke in a small room. Different then the last. The moldy wallpaper was torn in several places. Patched over holes as few candles illuminated the dark corners of the room. Lust looked up from her book as she lounged in a cheap foldout chair. She was wearing a see through purple gown, a tease for it revealed more for the imagination then anything.
She stretched in the chair as she closed her book laying it over her stomach. Watching as the hem of her gown rose slowly up her smooth legs. She spun in her chair facing me, putting her hand between her legs as the palm of her hand placed firmly on the seat of the chair. I quickly blinked and focused back towards her eyes as she was now grinning at me. “Whats the matter my dear?” her voice was seductive, she was preying on my weakness.

“Did you hear the whispers?” My voice was a bit shaky as I watched her slowly sway her legs from side to side. She stopped only long enough to give me a weird look. “Here, these will help you relax.” She had handed me two more of those neon green capsules. Reaching around to the other side of the chair she grabbed a water bottle. Also handing it to me.
“What are these?” I asked as I rolled one of the capsules between my finger and thumb. Lust quietly laughed to herself as she slowly stood to her feet. Leaning in she softly whispered into my ear, feeling her warm breath on my neck as she spoke. “It my love, is whatever you wish it to be.” With that she stood back up, turning towards the door she gracefully made her way to it swaying her hips in the process. She stopped when she had made it to the door “I will send Desire up in a little bit to check on you.” Her voice was calm, and soothing yet it felt like she was hiding something. Turning around she disappeared out the door closing it behind her. Then I heard it, the deadbolt latched form the other side.

I laid down in the old bed, with sheets that seemed to have not been used in years. As I took note of the room once more, I noticed old pictures hanging from the walls. Taking a deep breath and placed both capsules on my tongue, closing my mouth I quickly swallowed. It did not take long before my eyes started to feel heavy. My body becoming more and more relaxed, I started drifting in and out of sleep. I could remember hearing the latch on the door being unlocked.

I heard the creaking of the door as it opened and closed. Then once more it was locked. I could not muster up the desire to get up and see who it was. I remember hearing the soft footsteps as they got closer and closer to my bed. I could also remember the scent of distant roses, only I could not find motivation to turn my head. I just laid there as she slowly climbed into bed with me. When her skin made contact with mine, it sent an electrical shock through my entire system. She carefully straddled me as I felt her warm breath on my lips.
As I opened my eyes, Desire had placed her lips to mine as she kissed me deeply. Feeling her tongue dance about with my own. Her hands found their way to my head as she entangled her fingers within my hair. Slowly she lifted herself up only come back down grinding herself into me and every second that passed the more I could not fight her charms, her seduction. I gave in as I reached up for her. I was going to set claim to Desire.
In my distraction I was not aware that Lust was standing off in the shadows, watching and plotting. What plan was she conjuring up? I would never know, for my thoughts and intentions were lost to that of Sin's.

When I woke from my groggy state I was not even sure exactly what had happened. My clothes were thrown about the small room and on the pillow next to my head laid a black rose. Desire had left me that night. No words were ever exchanged, just that rose as the black petals spoke the story itself.
I made my way to the main living room. There was no one, just another trashed room. In the middle of the room sat the table and two chairs, on the table rested the china tray and on the tray was a gun along with an assortment of different types of pills.

Sitting down in one of the chairs, I slowly reached out and picked up the gun staring at the narcotics on the tray. “Go on.” I jumped, startled from the sudden voice. Sitting straight across from me was none other than Sin. He was smiling, more like a wicked grin as he spoke again “Pull the trigger” He reached over towards the tray picking up a pill, popping it into his mouth. Chewing it with a smug grin as he continued “Go on, we both know it's what you want.”
Without thinking I lifted the gun, pointed it directly at Sin and pulled the trigger. “As the echo fades, I am left just to decay.”

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ThoughtShock Chapter 16 "As the Echo Fades"

This is a Two part series, a creative short story based on a very sensitive topic for me. I have been battling a few addictions off and on for well over ten years and everytime I try and write about it or any "addiction" really for that matter weather it is just a poem or even a creative piece they all seem to fall short, I can never truly capture that muse and I fear I may never will for I find it extremly hard to glorify something so destructive. Anyway This is chapter 16, part two will be chapter 17 and I do hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think.

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 12

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ThoughtShock

Chapter Twelve
'What's in your head?'

What's in your head?
Best open your eyes to the carnival before you, a mad circus complete with 'puppets on a string'. Just how much more are you willing to give up? How many more sacrifices will you make before you start feeling any safer in this insane world we are living in? And do you remember nothing of our history? Our past transgressions meant to be a lesson but now obviously forgotten, traded away for ten second stars who sets the trend for the coming weeks.
It comes as no surprise to me that our entire system is starting to collapse in on us, it was buckling for years yet an entire generation decided to bury their head in the sand leaving the mess for someone else to clean up. The same ones who set the dominoes up are the same ones who teach our children that when you get in trouble all you need to know is how to buy your way out of it now. All the kings men, could not kiss enough ass to make this dieing system work.
What's in your head?
While you are distracted, bickering over the small petty issues the world is dieing. I fear a much worse storm is brewing over the horizon however. Like moths to the flame, with our mentality we become brain dead by the flashy lights of popular culture. Hypnotized by the slick fast talking teleprompter reading suit, that sits behind his desk in the news room. Believing without a doubt what this little opinion head is saying. Only moments before going live on the air a buzz ringing in his ear as a mysterious voice instructs him to sway his followers to that view. Puppet masters behind the curtains shape the direction of what is public opinion. Millions upon millions of dumbasses.

It becomes a hard pill to swallow, the vary idea or thought of what I write could cost me my freedom. I have grown accustomed to the fact that being a writer I will offend some people with what I have to say, and some that can be violent when offended. However to be locked up and imprisoned for speaking or possibly even thinking something that goes against popular opinion is sickening and down right disturbing in itself. You call yourself civilized, however a civilized man would not ignore the constitution even if the topic offended them.

Before you think I am slipping into insanity, that I am crazy to think our freedom of speech is safe, you my friend desperately needs to wake up from your dream. Free speech is long dead, Why would we need “free speech zones”? Why are there even laws on the books to detain and fine non violent protesters? Why is it that we cannot even question what the “official” word is without fear of being dragged out of the building, pepper sprayed, or flogged for “stepping out of line”. Like our constitution the vary fabric of what being free means has become nothing more than a relic. Like the great pyramids, it's just a symbol, does not mean anything.

Believe me or not, but your shackles and chains are not made of iron or steel, but rather your labor in the money you so preciously revere. The almighty dollar has become your drug, the substance you crave with a high so powerful you revolve your entire life around it. An object that has no more power than what we decide to give to it. So explain to me again why the dollar sitting in my wallet continues to shrink, not in size but in value?

What's in your head?

“Dead babies in your hands,
your crusade to change other lands.
Remember the sacrifice, we may have to do it twice.”

Dropping bombs in the name of peace. A crusade we are going to lose and corruption like cancer has spread throughout the entire damn system. From the ground up, its infected our sense of logic. What is right? What is wrong? Who the hell knows anymore and I can actually see the smiles on the faces of these strange people. Either completely oblivious or genuinely happy about being under the boot of the hungry beast. What just as long as you are not whipped too hard?
Zombies unaware of what real freedom is, and means. Instead you force a law onto another for something you disapprove of or find offensive. You are free to live, just as long as you live how they want you to live. Free to choose, just as long as it's a choice they give. Then you get scared, forget for a moment that life is a lot like running blind with scissors, and that we all will eventually die. So you begged and begged for protection and security. Tell me how did that work out for you?
Everything is fine, just as long as you spend that sacred dollar, work and cash that paycheck. I must ask, have you ever stopped long enough to realize that in this moment through all the distractions. There is a method to the madness, it shadows all the stupidity. That in this illusion we perceive to be real is not, and the reality of the moment is by far stranger and much more complex. So chaotic that our brains can only comprehend a fraction of the picture.
We strive so hard for perfection, when it is all around us. Our minds rot from a cocktail of mundane routines that have us trapped in a broken loop. If only to see this world in new eyes again. To witness it as if it were the first time. In the vacuum of space hangs a tiny blue planet. Lush with all kinds of life, and if that is not a miracle I truly do not know what one would be.

So once again I must ask, What's in your head?

“Left for Dead”

Everyone travels this open road,
driven by things we are told.
Can you hear my voice miles away?
In your head, you listen anyway.

“Had you found your courage, in the face of danger?
Never gave in, stood toe to toe against your fear?
Can you find your heart, when you face the world alone?
While staring into the abyss,
trying to make sense of all this.”

illusion that offers no promise,
standing at the edge seeking forgiveness.
Living in such a cruel and brutal existence,
and everyday you bare witness.

I thought I had seen it all, until I saw that angel fall.

Left for dead, left to rot
No use struggling when the system has been bought
remember this moment, the coward who ran
sold your soul in one great scam

Lets blame everything on another,
closing your eyes to beat your brother.
Stabbing god in the back, you would sell your own mother.
Misery shadows your every step
as you make yet another regret.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'd like to introduce Chapter 12 of my book "ThoughtShock: A Manifesto" As my mission continues to try and wake up as many dumbasses as possible! :D

Your thoughts?

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 9

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Chapter Nine
'America Lost'

“Can you remember a time when there was peace,
Walking through the grassy meadow.
Everything calm, feeling the gentle breeze
Time seems to evaporate, These memories will grow.”

..........Wake up;

You are living within a dream. The flashy and fancy lights dangle and sparkle before your eyes. Distracting you, while they brand you and your children like you were nothing more than cattle. Sleep for now your child is saddled with tens of thousands of dollars in debt, and this, this is all our fault.

You may not have pulled the trigger to the bailouts, or lost billions of dollars or even toppled the dominoes on the many bubbles in the economy. However it was our responsibility to keep the powers that be, at bay. Our job was to elect officials into office who know and understand the limits of what “government” should and should not do. We have allowed wolves to sneak in with the blind and ignorant. Feeding them lies like sugar. Brainwashing their common sense into utter insanity.
We have lied to ourselves for years, living in a constant state of ignorance, that everything was fine or would be taken care of. Only our bliss is eroding and fast. Leaving us to witness the cruelty of our own device, the monster we created. The harsh reality that we are prisoners in our own castle. With the freedom to chose what they allow us to chose.

In this life, the end result will be one of two things, a free society. One that was founded on the principle of individual rights. The other I hate to even think about, a complete totalitarian society complete with our own black bag men. For this universe, this reality is based off of polar opposites. There is no middle ground when it comes to liberty. When this entire song and dance is finally played out, we will see either freedom or bondage in this once great nation.

Anyone with half a mind can see the writing on the wall, the pattern before their eyes. The pieces so clearly visible. Our constitution is shreds of it's former glory, only whispers of promises to protect your rights now as they still cast the illusion that your rights are protected, when they are now only safe guarded by their word. After all they would not lie, would they? Do not be mistaken, The executive branch now holds the powers of a dictator, a revolving door of rotating power heads.

Lost is the reason to the madness, that terror lurks around every corner. Trust is bartered for greed, as neighbors are urged to spy and obtain if any reward money. Kid's lemonade stands being shut down by force with threats of punishment. Fine or arrested for milking your own cow, and selling it to friends or family. Raids on organic farms where sanity is flipped on its back. It does not stop there, if you dare speak out against such “activities” or dare “question” you are put on a watch list, for simply speaking your mind, and don't you dare make someone feel threatened, The hate speech will suck a few dollars from your pocket.
Guilty until proven innocent, in a civilized society as you walk through the magnetic scanner. Even your children could be the devil in disguise, so they too need to be screened and patted down.
Watch carefully those words that escape your lips, or those painted to that sign. Tread softly for now those words can be a crime. Dare not say the wrong thing in front of a secret service member.
Only a true dictator, king or tyrant would believe they have the right, or the moral justification to assassinate another living being. You call yourself civilized. No man, no mob or posse has the right to be a person's judge, jury, and executioner. As the mob and posse have already been swayed and only want blood. Assassinations, a cowards weapon of choice to resolve an issue.

“Give me a twenty one gun salute
down the hatch with Turkey, crown, and absolute
Russian roulette the rider behind the wheel
a suicide dash, for every colored pill”

For just a moment, step outside your reality
expand your mind as it becomes your key
For just a moment, step outside of your box
close your eyes, for your soul is the paradox
take a breath, and claim the moment.

Perception is the reality we all see,
as deception slowly strips away our morality
There is no math, no science
that could explain our conscious.

With one foot already in our grave,
we proudly march on towards that dark day
It will be the crash heard around the world.
A crash to test our true worth.
We have broke the code to life,
cured disease by surgical knife
and yet we still fail to understand ourselves.

“When will the insanity end?
Everyday its growing harder to pretend”

I see a world turned upside down,
I see a society worshiping a golden crown.
Yet it puzzles me still,
how blindly they are willing to just kill.

“Pain becomes a tidal wave, smashing against the rocks”

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Chapter Nine of ThoughtShock: A Manifesto,
It's hard to describe where my muse came from on this one, I know a lot of emotion behind this is anger which was easy to find tonight due to some hard headed bosses. I would like to add I did enjoy writting this one, and touched on MANY topics I've written about before but also on some I havent.

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 8

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Chapter Eight
'An Overdose to the heart'

Journal Note; March 10th 2012 2:30am
“How pathetic was my death going to be. I had survived by sheer luck. My life was forfeit many times before in the past. Drugs, car crashes, and even a train. Close calls that I could all recite. Here I was seconds away from asphyxiation and all that could go through my mind was. Will this truly be the way I go out? Choking on food and Irony can be had in the moments of blurred vision as there was no pain.”
------------------------

I see death, riding that pale horse. In the form of a pill. A soul that had been damaged. A sweet sacrifice, a slow release. With addiction becoming a burden, it would be a lie to say I have not gazed within the abyss and saw my own horror show.
A grotesque carnival where I had became the sideshow. Bare witness to my morbid display, of every damn dream I murdered. Watch as I sell my soul once more.

I digress, allow me to slow my thoughts and let you catch on. Imagine the world flooded and people drowning in liquid gold. Hypocrisy, their greed and their ego. Their addiction. Not all dependencies are that of drugs or gambling, their vice could be money, drinking, sex, work, and in my case a few but mainly writing. I know that through the twisted and demented words, like a labyrinth my art reaches a person's soul. I help shape minds and open doors in the back of their head.

The euphoria of knowing that for all the hours spent working on a piece, that in the end, in that moment I created a masterpiece that will forever remain for as long as the written word. The closest to perfection from the chaos that is my mind.
Becoming my little guilty pleasure, My sin to indulge. Through all my demons the nastiest of them all resides on the tip of my tongue. Relishing in the climax of the tragedy that befalls my lips. The hardest barrier of them all is to admit my own talent. That I, in some slightest way have a hint of skill behind my destructive behavior. For do not be fooled that is my life I so proudly write about. Every demon, every thought felt and heard a trillion times over. With no escape from the mad clowns, with their wicked smiles.

I will always write, I have found it has become the only way to quiet the storm pounding in my brain. Thoughts like lightening buzzing around in a brilliant but chaotic light show. So I give in, let the tidal wave wash over me and allow the addiction to grow, yet like any addiction there comes a time when it becomes too much. I've been down a similar path with my addiction to pharmaceuticals. A swift road that will either lead to death or drug intervention and ignorance truly is no excuse in the Russian roulette for your life.

If I am not careful the message will become lost somewhere within the paragraphs of my words. My salvation will be fraught with loss if I fail to capture the emotion behind the meaning. I had often thought that once I accomplished my goal, my dream to get published. That it would get easier, not sure what would have gotten easier now when I think back on it. Still as painful to pull up a sentence as it was ten years ago. Still feeling helpless and powerless as I pour my soul out onto the paper. Readers do not see the tears being suppressed back as you fight to get word onto the paper. They do not hear the war drums beating in your mind, your hands shaking as you try and capture that emotion into a word, and a word that preferably rhymes. With a desire to make it your own, you twist the words to fit the tempo as you create a powerful symphony a living testimony to your thoughts and desires, the joyful and the sorrow. You paint a picture to that moment in your life, forever capture by your own point of view. To share that would be up to you.

Let's get back to my roots,
scraping the scum from my boots
one line rhymes, played out a millions times
with a home run hitter, that leaves your taste bitter.

“I can taste the ecstasy of the addiction,
on my shoulder drooling in anticipation.
Yet in the madness I am the one sane
In the carnival of death, survival becomes the game”

Paint a picture, of the moment you wish to capture
hold tight and never let go
for tomorrow is not written, you never know
it might be your last night.
In death, the idea is to celebrate life.
The small miracles we all take for granted
where everyone believes I am just demented.
Fearing what they do not understand,
destroying what they cannot command.
Cannibalistic in nature.
Parasitic without a cure.
No conflict without opposition,
No contract without conversation,
and no destruction without creation.
As the circle of life spins, nobody wins.
Nobody gets behind, nobody jumps ahead
it is the game of life, we play until we are dead

“Everyone has tasted addiction in their life,
danced with sorrow and understands strife.
Everyone has struggled to understand their place
bartered sin to flesh to feel safe
in the arms of another.”

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This of course is a rough draft of chapter 8 I'm not entirely sure of it myself.
What do you think?

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 6

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Chapter Six
'Doubt Rests On my Shoulder'

When you stare into the mirror long enough, you start to believe in all the lies that shadow you like a bad rash. You tell yourself that you demand respect. Shouting it to an unseen enemy. I am alive, I am breathing, therefore I am and in the back of my mind I still have my doubts, still feel as though I don't belong. A twisted sense of humor displaced as if I was only renting this space. Every second is spent in a fight, staking claim to the territory of that moment, with an unspoken fear that death shall claim me in silence. I survived my birth. I survived my childhood, as I have survived every obstacle hurled at me. Standing after beat down after beat down. I do deserve this life do I not? Then why do I feel like that is not the case? Many close calls yet still walking, still standing tall. Walking as if I am one step off course, out of tune with everything else. Trying desperately to no avail, finding my own path not covered in weeds.

There was a time when I had felt connected, and centered. By now it could be a myth. Distant feelings still lingering on the tips of my nerves. Every great while buzzing with anticipation by the slightest thought of a memory. Now just going through the motions, a rerun seen a thousand times. Every once in awhile catching a glimpse of something different and this, this is what my life feels it has been reduced to. Trapped somewhere between a personal heaven and hell, metaphorically speaking for your mind can become your own prison.

“My dreams laughingly mock at me
from behind the mirror.
Teasing me and tormenting me
as if I were a child in fear.”

Take my hand, and walk with me. Inside my mind.
Don't dare speak of the horrors in which you will find
Journey deep past the surface,
travel the unknown, step before the precipice.
As you dissect my thoughts one by one
Yet fail to understand me like everyone.
That even the idea to eat the gun
Is really just an excuse to run.

Everyone of you, says that you can understand.
The suffering is part of what has been planned
You say you can relate,
Then tell me it's part of God's plan, it's fate.

The devil in your bed wiles your imagination
sparks entice your forbidden temptation.
It becomes the orthodox of insanity,
the mysterious paradox of virtuosity

“I must decree, To lay me to sleep.
As I slip into this coma,
only to dream of this drama.
As I fly through the stars,
close your eyes the world is ours.
I will know the secrets of the past,
the molecules of possibilities I will grasp.”

Save yourself;
“I slip into complacency in the way I allow others to treat me. Constantly in a struggle for self credibility. A vicious cycle that only perpetuates the loathing and torment. To slip inside the blue waterfall, and gaze on perfection. Dreaming of distant worlds, all the while failing your own conscious thought.”
~ The Dead Poet 'To Woe'

'A Whisper of Faith'

I closed my eyes, knelled to pray
desperately searching for the words to say.

“Faith, to simply close your eyes and take a step
hope and pray that you do not fall and regret.
Where your drowning in doubt,
struggling for a sane way out”

I want to know how you could forget your children,
every soul lost within this wicked playpen.
Running the gambit with temptation until they just give in.
Told to play my part, with no clue where to start.

They bath in decadence, while mocking violence
spewing filth all the while drowning in their spite
cowards all afraid to do what is right.
With a pity me degree, in a school of all about me.
Their eyes wide open, but still blind to see.
Idiots you and I, playing the game of suicide.
Pretending we are still alive on the inside.
A whisper of hope, whats the word? Ah, Faith.
Seeking salvation, redemption, finding our grace.
My garden of Eden, my paradise lost.
Everything sacrificed at such a high cost.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Chapter Seven is "Puppets on a String" which has been posted for sometime now. decided to throw it in the book. Oh and if anyone is curious, the Dead Poet will post the rest of "To Woe' wouldnt tease my readers like that now would I? ;) Hope you enjoy, as always I really have enjoyed myself with this title.

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 5

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ThoughtShock

Chapter Five
'The Ride With the devil on my mind'

“Quivering in that corner,
those twisted thoughts.
A cannibalistic carnivore,
A delicacy when the flesh rots.”

I sometimes want to go to sleep and not wake up. As if already the burden of tomorrow seems too much. I know that must look selfish, when all I wish for is rest, peace of mind. I was not born into the upper class of society, was not gifted with athletic prowess, and I could not even finish public schooling.
I find that in the hours I've come to know as my Insomnia, laying down for the night and actually falling asleep. They have become the hours I find myself most at peace, The buzzing of ideas. Observations made throughout the day and dreams or goals, wishes and wants. Yet I know when I close my eyes and find sleep, the chaos of tomorrow creeps around the corner.

There are times in this life, moments that can bring you to the edge. Staring into the gaping void of your own soul. Confronted with your own demons, preaching their gospel. The devil in the mirror. The worst part of themselves drawn out for them to witness. Many would chose to ignore their problems, living their lives in a stagnate ignorant bliss.

Those who do seek to change, often find themselves fighting a losing battle, for when support becomes the only weapon against the addiction is there any shame in self denial? Excuses given reason to stand on merit alone does not forgive ones denial for the potential of enlightenment, perfection not found with God, but within God.
Good and bad become irrelevant for the struggle of one's soul, The true war is found within, as evil exists in us all as does the opposite. Divinity becomes our road just as our life and actions here become our legacy when we are gone.

'It becomes a shock straight to your heart
Am I alive or am I walking with the dead?
Zombies dancing to the thriller,
waiting in line for their killer
as time dissipates like liquid sand
memories like cheap thrills, on demand.'

I have often sat for hours, and wondered. Questioned what a persons worth truly was. Whatever reasons to why we are here, and who we are. Alive or dead, a thought or memory. The meaning of life, to live. Breathing day after day and realizing that each day in itself is a testimony to your legacy of being alive. A child that faces death does not worry about who will win what tournament. Each day becomes a treasure to hold even if it happens to be your worst. As a memory can become your greatest weapon against any strife. For when life becomes cold and ugly and beats you down, a simple memory can inspire you to stand, can help you overcome. Our minds are powerful and driven by our consciousness, that spark of life within us.

What if life were just a dream, and that when you die you simply awoke from a coma, all the dogmas were wrong. Everything you knew to be true was a lie. Heaven and Hell were just vices for control and blasphemy. Good and bad simply a creation of man's mind. No emotions for that was only a gift of a chemical chain. What if a thought became more than a memory. Transforming beyond desire or want. What if reality was just an illusion that we all create?

Rats in a Maze

We are rats running around in a fancy cage,
what if it were all just a simple illusion
The iron bars, the stone walls
if you saw the world through another's eyes
a reality experience so estrange to your own
and a life you once knew was only a dream.

Space becomes a vacuum for your soul
and your once proud legacy becomes void
In the darkness that is our abyss
Love can become hate,
and the experience is just as cheaper
as we all walk along side the reaper.

Looking past the mirror, the looking glass
a reflection so grotesque, a monster in a suit
eyes of gold, and smile with a rose.
Its the devil with no soul.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Well the formatting is different than in my hardcopy, but yeah I'm actually pleased with this one hope you enjoy it.

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ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 4

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Chapter Four

'The Beautiful Lies'

 

 

This is the poison we take to remain oblivious. Drowning in the lies of the devious. Breaking the backs of the infected while pinning blame to all of societies rejected. Hypocrisy became the law of the land, where it is do what I say, sit or stand. Bark or beg just for the scraps of the day. Drowning in the sea of shame, where guilt is the anchor to our brain. The illusion lies within the palm of your hand, dreams manifested into something grand. Majestic creatures bred into sin, raised to believe the righteous shall win.

 

The beautiful lie, that everyone will eventually die. Truth found in the mystery that only those who have gone before us shall know. The beautiful lie that the myth is more important than the ride. That life in all it's flaws gives to us a unique canvas in which to paint a masterpiece.

 

We are hypocrites, and all the sins that we commit.

We are devils who wear halos built with good intent

and while we live, and we die.

We weave the story of our life.

As we march towards the chaos,

and as slaves death shall be our conquest.”

 

Can you wake up, before it becomes to late? Can you open your mind to a simple discussion, issues of the true debate?

Our future has no current fate, but that which we create.

Will you bow before you are even defeated? Will you give up when you feel you are no longer even needed? When they demand your pound of flesh, will you go quietly into the night, or stand and protest? If your world crashes down and suicide becomes your ultimate test, will you reside to admit that your soul has already died, or will you realize you are alive, and the true test is just to survive.

 


“I will live, and I will be free

as no one shall hold power over me”

 

We are destroying ourselves, hellbent on murder in the name of defense. Fear causing our hands to become stained with blood. Shadows that dance in the corners of our eyes, spook the easily scared. Where giants feast behind their fancy tables, silver plates with their silver tongues. Where we the puppets dangle from our strings attached to their billion dollar fingers. Surfs all dancing to the mockery of the play, as the world and the economy become the stage. Actors feeding the zombies the entertainment to distract them from any real substance. The sideshow of the mad circus, the illusion of plastics.

 

Public opinion from a fickle mob, swayed to create one day, bribed to destroy the next. All wrapped up neat with fancy words and all is well just as long as the minority remain compliant. In the age of decay, death becomes all the rage, where morality is traded for vanity.

 

We kill and murder for reasons as depraved as self satisfaction, we realize that in our capacity of evil we have the ability to destroy ourselves, that we can stare into the mirror and see the devil as our reflection. Standing before the abyss, observing an endless struggle since before the beginning of time itself, the polar oppositions of right and wrong, good and bad. Fronted with the most puzzling of all mysteries, the paradox of dualities. The opposites and the attractions. This strange, strange existence.

 

 

 

We all struggle against the vibrations of conflict

but to realize the limitless potential that we posses

That if we are to survive our infancy.

There would be no limit to our possibilities

for our gift to learn and adapt,

gives us the survivor within ourselves.”

 

 
 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I will be honest, For some reason I have really enjoyed working on this little book, There is real no aim at any perticular theme to it other then a lot of my views on some subjects as in a more "descrptive" style of writting. I have decided that either after the next chapter, or the next chapter itself will not be published in this manner. I am thinking of finding a host, and converting all new chapters into one simple downloadable PDF file, once finished however I have yet to decide If I want to publish it into a hardcopy. I guess that will depend on if its in any demand... As always I hope you enjoy the read.

NOTE: I also just wanted to add all these chapters are still in a rough draft format, so spelling and grammar errors are applenty I am sure. as well as inchorant sentences, I'll fix them as I see them. (its 3am here)

 

(Update; From ThoughtShock ~Still Rough Draft~)

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