sadness

Last Climb One Last Time

Folder: 
Struggles

Each moment, struggling to swim,

The sun is over; the light dims,

My hands grasp the jagged rocks,

Familiar feeling of faint fury--

 

stuck in a loop

 

stuck in a loop.

 

Rest as the waves lap,

look up and see 

the climb ahead 

again

Memory serves anguish

knowing each climb has been

slow and when it seems over

 

the tide comes roaring in

 

to claim its victim back

to its dark blue depths

 

the cold is setting in 

and I'll climb again

 

The climb, easy now,

The top, close,

Fingertips reaching and 

desperation, sets in 

 

Navy blue screaming to

Bring back its body

 

a smile sweeps across

as salty water erupts

 

At least I know this is 

 

the last climb. 

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LOST

My mind is gone

My brain is lapsing,

My body is weak

My spirit collapsing.

 

I am here in flesh

but absent in mind,

My inner self is crying

but what you see, is fine.

 

Lost in this puzzling world

and I lost all the pieces,

I'm scattered brain

walking in shame,

as my overloading thoughts increases.

 

What do I do

Where do I go

How do I see

How do I know

What should I say

Who should I ask...

 

One day, in time

I won't have to wear this Mask.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

January 30, 2018.

I look forward to the day, my mind sets me free of this darkness

Time Hurts

Folder: 
Heart Break

Wanting time to go slowly, But it always flies by.
Now it trudgingly drags on without you by my side.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Learn to cherish

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World's Silence

Watch the world fall silent
A lonely sound
To echo across
The open ground
Let the poor hear it
And the rich feel it
Let the living miss it
And the dead have it

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A thought to those that are on the cusp

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Loneliness

Loneliness is being in the room with your love,

And realizing that there is no love in the room.

 

Loneliness is having a nightmare in bed,

And rolling over to realize that the dream was warmer than real life.

 

When I needed you

You weren't there

When I had to trust you

You broke my trust

When I held you up

You knocked me down

When I gave you everything

You took it all away

 

Loneliness is wanting to be understood,

But realizing that no-one else

Has the time or patience to discover

Who you really are

Win

Folder: 
2017

Sometimes the places my steps take me

are exactly where I wanted to go

and I show up with my soul on my sleeve

carrying quiet and no tragedy,

no poetry.

 

Sometimes the places these roads lead

take me away from you,

the light bleeds into too many corners

I am terrified of being caught in.

 

We get so much more used to the dark,

don’t look down,

don’t look up,

don’t look

because you can’t tell the difference,

everything is

so

the same.

 

I pick apart the silence and the black

and somehow I keep getting little squares of sunshine-

I am not good at being alone.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose

I win every day

when I get to wake up next to you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 11/9/17

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Seirenes

Folder: 
Tales and Fables
They say that love is an action
Not a feeling
Then why did I feel that way
Like spiraling down Charybdis 
To the sound of your siren song
 
Your haunting melody embraced my mind
Teasing me, clutching my heart
Until I could do no more than listen
The pain in your voice evident
The struggle against your very nature
 
How I wish that I could have saved you
That I had borne you far away
But you knew my thoughts
You sensed my intentions
And saved me instead 
From the surf of your tsunami
 
So now I sit alone on the sand
And perhaps my greatest torture 
Is standing on the shore of your pain 
And crying out to the oceans that separate us 
To receive nothing but silence in return.

The Bouttonniere and Corsage

Folder: 
Poems

I'm walking by a place,

A place that has lost its reason to walk by.

Now I look at it with a somber face and a heavy heart.

I do recall the times i was here,

the joy and cause I had to visit here.

But its not those reasons that make me low.

Not the nostolgiac talks or even the cause of the past that weighs on my soul.

It is the joy of then, and lack of it now that brings me low.

The smiles that were, the smiles that aren't and smiles that could have been

The smiles that could have been.

 

Now instead I walk falsely,

to make light of what weighs heavy.

To make light of what weighs heavy.

I hold my head a little higher, stand a little straighter,

work a little harder; work a little too hard.

Joke a little more, laugh a little louder and smile,

Smile a little too much.

To make light of what weighs heavy at the place I'm walking by.

Into the Depths of Chaos


I slip into an onyx dream
darker than any decaying thing
From the void trying to fill the void
Like Erebus I too am born of Chaos
-unraveling in a mist of dissonance
The silken noose tightens
I am cast into my own Spellhold-
cursed and forgotten
Pain is a welcomed refuge
Lest the 'stars hide their fires'
I will burn into a blacken ember

The hour of silence beckons
Echidna coils her fiery despair
Round and round, over and over
A mother's love- her beautiful poison
And sinks her fangs while
begging for absolution

I sink below the slithering surface
where nighmares wash away the sadness
There is no peaceful passing
She carves her scars into her child's heart
And only with her blessing does she allow any healing

I slip further into the tangled madness
caught on layers of dissension
The steady beating of despair
is slowly creating a new heir
She shows you the horizon
She tells you it is near
Then she swims in self delusion
all while drowning others with her fear

I close my eyes, I open them wide
Inside a sleepless mind, the quiet
is a beautiful lie
Like it or not I have to choose-
To descend further into a watery grave
or tighten the noose 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

**My relationship with my mother can be quite...tumultuous**

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