sadness

Penance

Folder: 
Confessions

I tried to change

I tried to gain your approval

Tried to bring back the smile you had when we first met

and the fire that kept us alive for hours in dark heavens

I tried to turn back time and find my purity

Bowed down and prayed to the Divine

Burned my Nietzsche books

and turned to your Ignatian rules

Climbed the thousand steps of El Salvador

on my knees

Lit two candles in San Pedro Church

and prayed

Abstained myself from Rand and Marx

Silenced the waves of the seas

inside my soul,

the loud beating of my dying heart,

the whispers of the cold wind

Dressed black on Friday nights

Slapped my cheeks with verses

of my sins

Recited the rites of holiness 

to conjure your love

Dried up my eyes from hellish cries...

I swallowed you

Your blood, flesh, and tears

Like a sacrament, I welcomed it all —

even the dark clouds that moved 

around you

Didn't I hear the heavens and saw

the angels in you?

Still, my demons are here to stay and say,

Why am I still not enough for you?

How can be enough for you?

Deprivation

Folder: 
Haiku

I can't figure out,

My emotions are a mess.

Laugh, cry, scream or die?

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Genesis

Folder: 
Confessions

I was but a faithless faithful married to my odes

A paradox of love and hate

A chainless slave of death

The master of a destiny roaming down lonesome roads

 

You came one day and I knew what to expect

Dark-red roses and a month for my heart to wreck

Like many of my poems, this love too will come to dust

In the comfort of the night, this bond will start to rust

 

But your light is stronger than my pessimism

Like a blanket in a stormy night, you envelope me

The touch and warmth of your skin tells me to believe again

In the vision of a tomorrow where I’ll never be alone again

 

With your lips, I remember my youth and hopes and dreams

With your hands, you take me back before I began to fear

With your tongue, you breathe life to my long-lost faith in heaven

With your eyes, I begin to hope and love again

 

And so then I took down my Berlin Wall,

Forgetting my sorrow and fear to fall

The Cold War is now over and the Sun has come

Here comes the Summer I've waited years to come

 

A puzzle I want to unravel,

You upped my curiosity

You bring more questions than answers

Testing my long-held tenacity

 

Years of reasons have finally abandoned my sanity

What is left is your voice and the visions of our promises

Gone are the days I preferred Rand and Hegel than your predictable daily updates

I now only crave for your fucked-up emojis and monotonous 'Hi's' and 'Hey's'

 

Wreathe me with your holy Marian poetry

As I undress my Peregrine peculiarity

Cast away the bedlam of the world

And cover me with your celestial words

 

If this love is a game of dark and light

Take me to Bethlehem where the stars breathe life

I'll lead you to my deepest sorrow

Off to Gethsemane our hearts shall go

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My first poem in 3 years!!!

Please do read. This is about the beginning of the romance I am with right now. 

Please do comment and provide reviews. THANK YOU.

Fact in Fiction

Verse 1:
If we all believe in an utopia

That lasts forever,

We wouldn't try so hard to die,

Satisfation: so lose, yet so far

 

Chorus:
Erase and rewrite these stories of mine:
I"ll change the ending 'cause you're my soulmate

I cannot bear to watch you walk away.
Walk away with my love, hope, and dreams.

 

Verse 2:
Fact in fiction: There is no ending to our story

Until the day I die, I'll die with honor.

Whenever we're together, babe
You make the seasons start to change.

 

Bridge:
Whenever w're lost in paradise together,

I would ask you for a chance to make our love better

If only you could see how much I love you.

Things wouldn't have ended the way it did.

 

Last-Chorus:
All the songs I've written seemed like my story.

So, I sang them to death.]

Someday, you'll calll and congratulate me.

I'll prepare a good thank you and Good Bye message

For you: In time, I'll promise you that much. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based on the song: "Singing Got Better" by Ailee. English Subtitles up on YouTube.

Blade

Folder: 
Poetry

I sit there all night

blind of the pain and fright 

tis all for naught since they call me a child

 

I laugh since i watch them die,  all the while

I sit and make line after line 

Hearing the voices sending shivers down my spine

 

I take the knife and cringe at the voices

Deeper , longer, deeper, longer

more, more, more is all the voices whisper

 

 

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CAN YOU HEAR MY HEART BREAKING?

you said you loved me, was that a lie
if it was'nt then tell me why
why you did what you did to me
I still love you cant you see
am I a fool, , for loving you
 what now my love, will I do
turn my heart cold as stone
face this life on my own
should I curse the day we met
should I give up and just forget
forget the fun we shared together
face the fact it wasn't forever
face the truth , that all this time
you didnt love me, you were never mine!
 If this is the fate thats meant for me
what will I do, what will I be?
I wish you all the joy I can
I hope you find happines, with the other man.
please forgive me, for any wrongs I've done
Please forgive me, for not being the one
the one you could love, forever and a day
for thats how I will love you, in every way...
So my love I guess this is fairwell
I'll remember you fondly, in the stories I tell.

   

© Paul (ChryWizard). Posney 12/08/2016

Author's Notes/Comments: 

life is saddest when the one thing you desire, cant be reached!!!

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Prophetic Nightmare

This anger inside has rattled my cage

I hide it in a bottle labled rage

I;m sick of its tormenting lies

As it pokes and prys

And searches for a release

It begs pretty please

I keep telling it no, but it gets harder with time

I grab a bottle of tequilla and fuck the lime

I drown my sarrows and shatter my memories

With this broken bottle I sever my arteries

Laying there feeling guilty, I let my soul leave

I sigh and mutter, I just wanted one to believe

My blood's thickening, please just cauterize

'Cause in my final thoughts I finally realize

I take a breath and start to fight

Don't give up, I can see the light

My wife and kids are there crying

Please stop, I'm not dying

Then I hear them praying a prayer

As I look down at my cold dead stare

Laying in my coffin, I know it's too late

But, then I wake up sweating, It's not my fate

I roll over to kiss my wife

She's not there, is this still my life?

Courage : A Diary Entry

[If titles this long didn’t look stupid, I would title this… 

"I want to blame you for not loving me,

And that statement goes to every woman in my life who never believed in me."

Or

"I believed in you, when they told me don’t."]

 

Its been four whole days,

And you're still all that I think about,

Its overwhelming, the thought of you saying those things you typed out your mouth,

Im crying now,

I need a get away, calling haso, like baby get me out of town,

But I blew through thousands in my credit card account,

Fell back deep in an addiction many don’t know about,

And if they do, they squint their eyes in doubt,

They say, not you,

Not you,

Its not you…

 

Im salivating, how long are you gonna keep me waiting,

I told you I needed you, and you said not now, maybe later,

When we both know in your mind you're being creative,

Trying to force your feelings for me away,

But whenever you close your eyes you see my face,

Moaning for him, picturing me, but you are still confused of where you need to be...

 

Don’t you dare wish me well,

When your best wishes come from the same ditch where your daughter lays,

Don’t wish me well, my key is still under the mat for when you decide to stay,

Tug me softly, tell me this is the only way,

The only way, so don’t lose faith in me,

I cant let go, cant let go…

 

Paint my face white until the pink in my lips turn bright red and my smile upside down…

Tell them niggas, im alone, no one is around,

Tell them niggas, my spirit is in my knees, close to the ground,

Tell them niggas, before I get ate alive,

Tell them niggas, I want a chance at life…

 

Things are starting to overlap,

And im having dreams about deaths and bringing these folkz back to life,

The devil inside, haunting in life,

Grabbing my old bowl, packing tight,

My heart pumping blood, ready for flight,

My soul is inside out,

And ive lost control,

The woman I once loved sold her soul,

What about me turns all the women around me cold,

Is it a reflection of the ice in my bones,

The snow between my toes,

The shivers I get at home, when it aint even cold…

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Dark Blue Hours (day 62)

There’s a river I mold with my hands. It’s made of a second or two, it’s made of dark blue hours, a thought I think I might not have had if I think hard enough, honestly if it was ever in my head I think it could have been a dream of you gone missing.

 

I chase down things I want to say to you but they can’t make sound, they chatter and don’t crystallize, they flee like wild things, they’ll never come out right, I’ll pull back and forth on this syllable instead and take it apart and put it together and take it apart and put it together and take it apart and

 

There’s a distinct possibility that your meaning, what I think you mean, is meaningless. I mean, I don’t think you tried very hard but that’s exactly it, you didn’t try very hard to try. But God. I want you to. Wanted. Past tense. I wanted you to.

 

Silently she cries, I hold her blood in my hands, I try to use it to rinse out my own hollow bones that have been smashed so many times into the dirt but I keep failing just like I do when we talk, like I’ll fail if I ever try to hold you.

 

Just because she cries doesn’t mean I’m in some wind tunnel laughing, dress feathers blowing up behind me, knowing my wishes are just what I’m living and what I said is exactly what I meant and I meant to say everything I said. I have too many thoughts I don’t say and too many words I don’t think. Just because she cries doesn’t mean I don’t, there’s more than enough dark blue hours in this world to go around.

 

I could run until I button up a skin of steel and shapeshift to a seagull and be so so so free, I could run until I can see the sky and I can’t see anything, I could run until I’m out of footsteps and ramblings, I could run until the waves crash against my ankles but you dug too deep under my skin and I’d rather not open up those sores again with salt.

 

There’s a distinct possibility that when she cries I somehow break too.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/1/16

Silently she cries

In other news I've been trying new styles lately...because why not.

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