sadness

I Should Know Better

Experienced well in pain,

of every known form,

For me this is nothing,

but my seemingly, 'norm'.

 

My heart is a punching bag,

battered and bruised.

Neglected, discarded,

tossed aside...and used.

 

Why am I an easy target,

of other people's abuse?

Am I marked for my life,

Is my hoping, of no use?

 

I open myself up and take,

these constant, hurtful attacks.

But then they are always shocked,

when finally, I fight back.

 

Why am I so vulnerable,

and not worthy of affection?

Why am I the hapless victim, 

of this hurt and rejection?

 

I should know so much better,

been through it, many times before.

I'm my own worst, foolish enemy,

sticking around life, for yet more.

 

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Cold Embrace

Folder: 
Love
Filled with despair
“I'll meet you there”
Said to the phone
My heartbeat drones
To meet your love
And all thereof
To act, to show
So that they'll know
That we've moved on
(Our shared con)
All eyes assume
Within the room
But I just can't face
Your cold embrace
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Mists of Time

Folder: 
Light and Dark

“I had a child just like you”

She said to me that day

Waiting in the hospital

On my knees to pray

She didn't know who I was

Her mind just couldn't see

That I knew who she talked about

The child was truly me.

 

We'd had this converse once before

And many before that

The degradation of her mind

Was obvious, as she sat

And prattled on about her son

How happy he will be

With her family when she comes home

And I had to agree

 

She never found her memories

Or recognized my face

After everything she went through

She's in a better place

Where memories last forever

And can't be lost to time

Where human bodies don't break down

Always in their prime

 

Many years have come and gone

I can't recall them all

It's not like I haven't tried

But the thoughts just have a pall

I try to stare back to the past

Peer directly through the grime

Just like a fog covered my eyes

It's hard to see through mists of time

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I'm afraid

I'm afraid
Of losing
Of being a disappointment
So I never try
I'm afraid
Of being a nuisance
Of being betrayed
So I never get close
I'm afraid
Of being alone
Of my emotions
So I close myself off
I'm afraid
Of myself
I'm so very afraid

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It's not good but I just need to write something before I explode, might delete it later

It's not beautiful.

 

 

 

Sadness isn’t pretty
Tears aren’t like rain.
They’re horrible and ugly,
harsh and full of pain.
Don’t glorify feeling empty
don’t romanticize feeling alone
because I’m not feeling beautiful
I’m sorry when I have to moan.
Don’t you realize my chest is tight?
Don’t you realize I’m crying inside?
Don’t you realize that while I laugh and joke
really I’m terrified?

Don’t you realize it’s not all an act?
No
 because you don’t take note of the fact
that sadness isn’t pretty like we portray it to be.
It hurts, and I think it’s killing me.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

:( Can people stop this please? It's not helpful, and means people get the wrong idea about mental health problems. They think it's beautiful. Well, it's not beautiful. 

View persephonelikescats's Full Portfolio

Lying Shadow

Fall into my arms 

My deepest love 

I will tell you soft lies 

You will me in disguise 

 

I am in your head

You will believe me instead 

I will tell you your lies 

You will see me only in diguise

 

I am in your soul 

No part of you 

is in control

I will tell you lies 

You will see me only ever in disguise 

 

You are lost in confusion

You can't handle emotion

I will tell you lies 

You will never believe otherwise 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Comments and helpful critques are welcome. Laughing

View witherrosepoems's Full Portfolio

Solitary night

 
 
Solitary night
 
tears of dissatisfaction
 
choking on memories
 
a torrent as the dark presses in
 
Searching, seeking
 
the long-awaited slumber
 
of each miserable, useless regret of yesterday
 
Yet, afraid to face the uncertainty of tomorrow
 
 
 

Simply Forgotten

Can I please stop thinking of you?

Leave my thoughts,

And take my insecurities 

 

What you left in your wake,

As you simply disappeared

 

No words

Nothing

I'm just left to wonder why

 

Fuck this inner ache

Fuck this forever pain

 

I wish you'd come back

Swoop me up

And tell me this is all a joke 

 

I wish I could hold you

Lay on you, or

You could lay on me

 

What did we even have?

Did any of it have meaning?

 

Here I am again

Rambling 

 

Fuck you for hurting me

Fuck you for the gut punch to my heart

 

Thank you for ruining a piece of me

As you remain silent

And I am simply forgotten

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3/23/2018

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Baseball Everywhere

Elvin and Leroy were baseball players
From the time they were six years old
And best friends since the early days
A million baseball stories to be told

Their entire lives had been consumed
By the game of baseball which they
Played together all through school
Then pro-Negro league as Blue Jays

Even in retirement baseball was key
Games at the ball park and on the t.v.
Indeed – it was a sad day when Elvin
Passed away from a cardio infraction

Poor Leroy was hurt and felt so alone
He had always had Elvin by his side
And now without – was totally thrown
Unable to handle that Elvin had died

Leroy missed Elvin so much that he
Kept talking to him – always his plea
“Please let me know how you’re doing
So I can quit all my silly brooding”

But nothing – no answer from Elvin
Until late one night – in the kitchen
Leroy was talking - asking his friend
For a message – some sign to be sent

Leroy was sitting at the table and
Heard Elvin so asked – “that you man”
Without hesitation the voice of Elvin
Clear as day – “It’s me – good friend”

Leroy was both shocked and ecstatic
He started talking and then did ask
About baseball in heaven – and Elvin
Said – “Leroy – it really is heaven”

“They got baseball everywhere and
You should see the fields and parks
Just like we used to dream and plan
And got beautiful lights after dark”

“That is wonderful news” – said Leroy
“Wonderful – is there any bad news”
Elvin began tentatively – “well old boy
There is some bad news I brought you”

“What bad news - Elvin ” – Leroy asked
“Tell me – whatever - be what it might “
So Leroy started slow then said it fast
“Elvin - you’re pitchin’ tomorrow night”