madness

Ramblings of an Idiot

 

 I like to say the word parallelograms

Walking Pair of jello gams

Talking Pair a telegrams

Eating Caramelo hams

Hating Cerebellum jams

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sometimes the synapses fire off a little too vigorously when im brain scraping .

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T.R.O.Y. (The Ruins Of You)

Folder: 
Confessions

I stand in the ruins of you
carrying the casket
of the memories of us
Once, 
a cradle of holy affection and love.
Here lie the shattered 8 months
of unison prayers, 
jeepney banters,
subtle, orgasmic whispers,
the euphoria of meeting your mother,
and the dreams we built 
on midnight kisses and sacred moans.

The pen you gave me
still holds
its allegiance to you
refusing to spill its ink
thriving on its own will
I grapple it by its neck
and watch it slowly faint.

Lonely hearts from the start,
we relished the thought of a lasting love.
Two candles burn
when two lovers pray.
On our very first date,
I cursed on how you made me wait.
On our very last day,
I prayed that He would make you stay.
People say first impressions last
But you had me only at second glance.

Sober fools in a clandestine night
we laughed and walked for hours and miles
You, holding my bag
Me, holding your hand.
This was before his ghost haunted you
again
alive and well.
This was before in between hours,
you’d forget my whispers
and long for his.
This was before your friend 
called me to say,
“Just let him go. Love is not supposed
to work this way.”

The dark clouds came
and never left.

I stand in the ruins of you,
claws clutching to the ground,
eyes beaten and tired,
feet still shackled 
with the ropes you gave me last June
and every inch of them is an untold story
and each story is a blow to my head.
Love is but a slowly unfolding agony.
Knot
after
knot,
I untangle these shackles I tied myself to.
Knot
after
knot,
I begin to remember 
the life I built around you and me,
the dreamy kisses,
the day I met your friends and family,
the night I got so drunk
you had to forget our fight
to come and get me,
the night you got so drunk
you had to forget our fight
to say you still love me.
But the high wasn’t worth the agony
of knowing that at my lowest point,
confined in a hospital,
covered with punctures,
you successfully abandoned me;
of carrying a bleeding heart every day
and hoping it won't leak;
of feeling the sands of time slip
away from your grasp,
along with all your hope and chance;
of finally choosing to live through hell
hoping that your lover would remember
the warmth of an earthly heaven
you built for yourselves and once lived in.
of knowing that the memory of us
would later turn to dust
and I am to collect them
with bare hands.
Knot
after
knot,
The walls of this temple begin to shatter
I am no longer your prisoner.
I stand in the ruins of you,
claws clutching
on crumpled bed sheets,
rubbles of your promises,
residues of your gifts,
pictures torn to pieces, 
my handwritten notes
a hundred poems, 
a thousand letters
and the ashes of our bodies.
I spread my wings 
and begin to rise
and look up for the clouds
The dark clouds that came
never left.
But I am.
•••

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about moving on.

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Small God

Small God

   By jfarrell

 

- Terry Pratchett was a genius, and his Discworld will be sorely missed -

 

What makes a god?

Belief.

My cat believes in me to feed him; and her, and the others;

Wow, not where I was expecting this to go;

Four cats believe In me;

I am god.

Their god, anyway.

 

And, you wouldn’t believe how much cleaning God has to do.

I wish I could afford a cleaner.

 

I write things you like;

“yeah! Totally agree! Spread this message!”

I write things you don’t;

“stop writing you judgemental little pri*k”;

 

 

As a god, I just grew a little bigger, a little larger,

A little more god-size

Well, my ego did anyway;

 

Please, before you claim me the messiah,

And tie me up on that cross;

Know this…

 

I will press the button;

Just to see the world burn.

As long as you understand that..

 

YES, I WILL BE YOUR GOD,

IF YOU ASK

IF ENOUGH BELIEVE

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i'm not the messiah, i just have a very big spoon and know how to stir :)

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Here.

Here

Have my soul

Consume me whole

Drink me down

Please, don't drown

I'll be your life raft

You can make me laugh

Don't get lost

I'll keep you around at any cost

I'll map out the endless rivers;

& oceans that lead back to me

I'll write you all the fucking poetry

Because I know you'd do the same for me

 

Here

Have my heart

My art

My poetry

My everything

I'll even sing you to sleep

Whatever you need

I truly want to see you succeed

I see what you don't see

A remarkable fucking human being

Striving, surviving

Talent, endless potential

The same caramel skin as I

Living dead, but alive

 

Here

You can have my thoughts

Untie these nooses

Throw these pills away

Mother fucker, you are here to stay

I don't want to admit it but...

I need you

You're my life line

I'll untie my nooses too

Throw my pills away with you

There's no "too little to late"

Distance, you're in another state

You're still here, guy

You. Are. Alive.

We survive

 

Here

You can have my secrets too

I'll bleed into you

You can have my sleep

My voice

I do this by choice

Please, stay

Don't go away

I need you

Here

 

Fuck.

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Azathoth - Mighty Flutist God

Folder: 
Poetry

At the center of the Universe,

Is Azathoth, in all His might.

Corpulent mass of swirling,

Chaotic forms and more.

 

Piping an odd sound,

Which is muted at its bone.

Without melody or rhythm,

A sound lonely through His madness.

 

Like a Sultan on His throne,

They dance around the dome.

The 12 Dancing Gods so blind,

Of which Nyarlathotep did depart in His might.

 

Azathoth, the insane and formless God

The mad mass of Chaos

Piping the world to an end...

 

Insanity is what He is about!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Cthulhu Mythos poem.

today

11 may 2017

 

Today

By JFarrell

 

(what happened? My life went mad)

 

Today,

I attended my first job interview this century;

And, they are giving me a chance,

It’s just astounding.

 

Tomorrow,

As long as I go to bed sober tonight,

Will be my longest time sober in 15 years

And, that’s just unbelievable.

 

I may be, finally, changing,

Becoming a better person,

Having a better life;

Equally, I may have lost the plot totally,

And headed for the biggest fall,

Just another waste of space drunk.

 

I don’t know,

I can’t see clearly,

It’s all too unbelievable;

But, I don’t care,

I’m going to enjoy it,

And dream, for the first time, of a really bright future.

 

(this is all true, every word, my life went mad)

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

it's true

Alcoholic medicen

Take it slow

make it quick

live for the 25ml kick

line of salt and slice of lime

the back of the hand a trail of slime

hit me hard in the back of neck

and help let me leave this place a wreck

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Dreams

Folder: 
Prevailing

I’m somewhere,

In a different time

In a different place

 

I’m somewhere,

A different feeling

Lost in space

 

I’m somewhere,

Caught in the midst

Of everything I know

In all that exists

My limitations grow

 

I’m somewhere,

Exposed and valiant

Bright eyes; knowing

 

I’m somewhere,

Trembling and fierce

Hearts on shoulders; showing

 

 

 

 

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Warped Existence

Folder: 
Self Loathing

 

 

Never been the one

To stand and fight

For the dreams

That sore so high

 

I’m the one that hides

With fear inside

Living on burnt memories

 

Can’t seem to find

A fresh start

A new beginning

Without hindering hands

 

That grasp my sanity                      

Preventing me

To take a stand

 

I’m hurting and bleeding

From self-inflicted moods

When will I learn to love?

And heal these open wounds

 

How can I stop dying on the inside?

Rotting and withering away

Picking up my shattered pieces

In hope, that they’d stay

 

 

Breaking free from this hold

No longer listening to what I’m told

I’m sold on this future, meant to be

 

All these thoughts

Crashing down

The storm’s coming

And I’m here waiting

 

Can’t be hell bound

Chains wrapped around me

Screams with no sound

 

Sold on stories told

Silver linings and sun shine

Coming after the rain

Please erase this pain, warring

 

Ripping off this sorrow

Like clothes off my back

There can only be a better tomorrow

 

So let the rain come

Wash me clean

Swipe the things off my plate

That keep me, from me