Seasons In Hell


blackdragon_acrosticHelloween contains 9 letters, The Devil's Number - Witches & Warlocks unleash omnipotent spells with words of Power - the sacrifices have been presented of their own accord, as we delight in ridding Satan's Earth of deserving vermin such as they. 

Nymphs and Satyrs have arisen to fan the hellflames of Lust & debauchery, dancing madly in the kundalini rush of Life & Death, the Incubus & Succubus have flown therefrom to possess the minds and bodies of those seeking release to emerge empowered & enraptured of passion's thrall.

Upon cobblestone skulls we see the Trapezoidal Throne there lit by sulfurous plumes flanking, and glowing the heads of those impaled. A procession there adjoining to receive Infernal Blessings in a morbid pageant of joy unending.

The Night gaunts call! Nightmares emerge to become as one! The Shadows possess one and all! 

Shemhamforash! Hail SATAN!

In Nomine Satanas,

Warlock Draconis Blackthorne
The Haunted Noctuary, Infernal Empire, Black Earth
31 October LIII Anno Satanas

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another year of Infernality & sinful rapture assured, Unholy Communion partaken in pleasures & delights of the flesh, sacrifices placed in their graves, the Grande Samhain Sabbat a legendary one, Sorcery smoldering, Dread Rites to open The Gates unleashing the Hellemental Daemons from nature within & around, one complementing the other, the masks of Satan overshadowing the moon and mind, evoking nightmares come alive! Presided over by Baphomet, illuminating Satan's Throne in POWER UNENDING. 


Infernal Realm of Forever

The Dragon

Out of hell these bats

fly to claim the souls

of all these lives


Deeper and deeper into the ground

they will be dragged down

until at the gates they arrive


And when they cross the river styx

they will be trapped forever in this

prison of woe


Coming to know their plight they will 

drink from the poisonous spring

and breath in the noxious fumes


Every day will seem like forever

as time will lose its meaning 

they will cry out to their god for help


But no, having rejected his blessing

the flames will engulf them

and they will beg him to die!!!






















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Obsidian (Full Poem)

Taking hold of the chains,

dragging the weights

through the perlious

perdition, seeing no end

to the plight, obsidian shards

piercing the hooves, blood

leaving its mark on the wasted 

land, as the light of an uncertain day

fades dusk takes its place,

the heat of a long night beginning to set in,

with no moon or stars to lead the way

out of this labyrinth of thorns;


Complete mutilation, flesh stripped off the naked

form; trudging, step after step, nothing but the fear

of never seeing her again, the will shocks the system,

adrenaline secreted: sweat raining down on whats left,

open wounds filled up with a concoction of bodily fluids


Arriving at a junction, the clime molts its condition,

steam concealing the ravaged expanse; lungs 

filled with hot air, eyes showing their tears at last,

gaping pits of perfused lye; tempting just to plunge

in and bathe one last time, boiling like an egg, outer

shell dissolving, the soft vitals boyant in the solution,

pulling off the trigger and continuing  the balacing act,

restrained steps, slowly, tedious fear works it way down

the spine, cannot avoid letting go of the pain, too much to bear,

losing control, slipping , too hard, letting go, toss myself like

a stone, ripples, then sinking to the bottom of the hole, burning

 and exponentially blistering, one last gasp, a scream, then forever



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Man's Purpose

Stepping on split skulls and bones

Of bygone daughters and sons

We head into the abyss

Embraced by hell’s dear shadows

Reality’s mundane kiss

Welcomes us in the burrows

of Death, her friend oblivion

awaiting on the doorstep,

Laughs at Man’s every next step

Nearing the grave, the none.




Grand Duke in Hell,

Appearing as a handsome man.

Knowing all the secrets of war,

Seeing the future, seeing it all!


Commanding 60 Legions of Demons.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Demonology poem.

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Abaddon, I can't help it,

I have to look at... At...

The Angel of Death,

Destruction and the end.


Greek Appolyon;

Beautiful Art thee,

Satan and Samael;

Equated with...


Conjuring spells,

For malicious deeds.

Abaddon, Prince

Ruling the Demons that is.


I love thee pretty sight,

I love thee enormous might.

Governing powers of evil,

Discord, war, devastation.


Abaddon was once a place,

And is now erased.

A place of destruction,

Region of Gehenna


Associated with the grave,

The underworld and Sheol.

Abaddon and Death together,

Merging as One...


King of the Abyss,

The bottomless pit of Hell.

Appolyon, Abaddon;

Pestilence and destruction hence!

Author's Notes/Comments: 


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Hell In My Mind

Open my eyes 


Dry with stale tears


It itches


It burns


Lift my hand 


Full with desert sand


In the desert of my mind


Long dead wilderness


Without a hope 


Or a love


It's so hot here


Still my feet freeze


They'er numb 


With a bite to kill


And tounges of hate


The absence


Of night


Here it is always sky full


And the skys won't fall


Always unsettling 


Always blue


Cold sickness


Eyes of pain


I roll over in my mind


Roling to escape


Still without escape


And it steals my humanity


Lying here without bird's call


Nor birds to fly


Tell me then


What is a sun that does not move?


What is a sky without cloud or night?


What is a fire that does not burn?


What is a bird without wings?


Or a human without


Love, hope, and freedom?


What is the tea with no company?




In my mind?



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Living in her Head


Demons jump amongst the tortured souls,

They skip across streets leading nowhere,

And hop over valleys of gloom.


They’ve built walls,

Destroyed dreams,

Obliterated all hope.


They whisper secrets and mistruths,

Spread gossip like 3rd world diseases,

Hold no accountability before moving on.


Demons blind the eyes,

Mute the mouth,

And deafen the ears.


Living in a world of fiery hell

That no one else can feel.


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Hell Followed Him! [Story]




I am an American living in California with my parents and younger sister, Dorothy. It has been three years since I graduated. Well, it goes without saying that the hard and the bitter fraction of my life is about to kick off.

My father is a businessman and he is trying his best to do something for us. He believes that I will be very successful in life. He hates ‘magic’ and advises me by saying that magical tricks are not going to help me in changing the financial condition of the family.

Clearly, it is my holy responsibility to establish myself and find a way out of the miseries. But, there is a question. How?

Tick tock tick tock! The moment time makes its presence felt, the very moment it seems to be dying out around. But, life, though a short one, is going to shower myriad of mysteries ahead, for sure.

The other day, I talked to a few friends regarding the possibility of starting a new business. Ironically, they let me down by replying in the negative. Nevertheless, even though my experiences have made me a Joseph Conrad, i.e. a pessimist, yet I am not going to let pessimism win the battle in the end.

Each day and each night is burying me alive. I have to find myself. Being very depressed, I have decided to go for a hike.

Surprisingly, it is a moonlit night. All on a sudden, it appears to me that perhaps the nature itself is also trying to lessen my anxiety by gifting me such a wonderful night.

Now, I am sad that is why the Mother Nature is trying to symphathise with me by showering the bliss of beauty or my subconscious mind is overactive to think in this way? Who knows!

Perhaps, the thing is- my heart is searching for sympathy that it has been waiting for. There are friends, relatives, passers by all around the neighbourhood.

But, I am not quite capable of making a connection with them of any type since my world is very different from the physical world. Yes, I have to say- it really is.

I feel a bit cold while I continue walking. Normally, it is not that cold at this time of the year. As almost everything has two sides-positive and negative. I am also surrounded by two abstract phenomena i.e. natural beauty and coldness. The former is making me feel happy but the latter is not going to let me enjoy the moments.

May be nature is testing me. Of course, beauty is not cheap and it should not be gettable at a cheap price. Otherwise, the true value of beauty becomes weak. I have been pulling myself ahead for a mile or so.

My ears are receiving waves of the sound produced by the jackals nearby. There is a small part in this locality, which we cannot exactly call a forest, but it definitely gives us some sort of contentment.

A tree marks a place rather than a historical progression; it fulfills itself in by growing, and does so out of its own nature, rather than by force of will.


Everything perishes according to the law of nature. The jackals have stopped their protest against some unseen force. My wristwatch is giving me the hint that I need to return as soon as possible.

While making my way back home, a person, walking along the opposite side of the road, grabs my attention. He has become so delighted to discover me here that he has run towards me and jumped on my lap.

Obviously, I am surprised a lot because I am not able to figure out who this person is. Actually, he has a hood on, which is not letting me recognise the person. As soon as he has moved the hood, I have recognised him. He is my school friend, Lee Sham. I ask him,

- Whoa! Am I in some sort of dream? What’re you doing here, buddy?

- Well, I’m here with a purpose my friend.

- Actually, I had no intention to come to California, but my younger brother Happy made me his guide.

Just before I try to ask another question, he steals my words and replies further,

- Butterflies are everywhere inside my stomach; I can’t wait to go to one of the most enchanting destinations in the world, Disneyland Park.

- Yeah, it contains hundreds of rides, attractions, shops, and restaurants filled with magic and entertainment.

He smiles slightly and makes a sound that is synonymous to satisfaction. For a few seconds, I have entered a new world- a world of ‘interior monologue’.

How happy my friend looks! Should I ask him to lend me some happiness from his bounty? He is tapping on my shoulder and we have started to move forward. “Where are you staying?” I ask. “Hotel nearby” is his answer. I tell him, “I need to return home now.”

He giggles a bit over these words and retorts, “Are you still a child, drinking milk from your mother’s breasts? “Don’t get me wrong; I am very upset,” I reply in a soft way. He asks, “What’s the problem?”

I tend not to disclose the bad condition of my family. I do not think I can survive further by not letting him know about it.

The second I am about to quench his thirst by through my answer, he proposes, “Let’s go to a bar and drink.” I am unable to say no to one of my best friends. I reply in the affirmative. Perhaps, I am destined to go with him at this moment. Who knows!

As usual, the inner atmosphere of the bar is electrifying. It abounds with mostly young boys and girls. Only a few adults make their presence felt at the left most corner. Seems extremely busy in drinking.

It appears that they are competing with one another over how much liquid their stomachs can tolerate. For me, it is an environment of showy nature. Sham asks, “Beer?” I say, “No, enjoy yourself”. He goes to the middle of the room to dance. The music is so loud that it is making me feel sick.

Suddenly, I see a girl. A very horny one. She appears to be a Chinese. I notice that her eyes are also on me. I dare to go and talk to her. I move forward by passing so many people behind. I ask her,

- How may I call you?

- What? You can call me over the phone idiot!

I smile a little. I think she cannot speak English well. I decide to ask the question in a simple way, “May I know your name, please?” She replies politely, “My name is Amaterasu Chou”. In order to clarify whether I have heard it right, I ask, “Is it Anrtashuu Chhow?” She starts laughing at my mistake and a big “No!” comes out of her mouth. I have not seen such a beautiful smile in my life. I ask myself, “How can anybody’s smile be so beautiful, so perfect?” I used to believe that perfection is a mirage. It is an abstract idea; absent on this very surface of the earth. Chow’s smile, even if temporarily, has proved me wrong. Indeed!


I discover myself in a hotel room; on the bed. Amaterasu is perhaps using the washroom. My mind has become numb; I just cannot think about anything. May be I do not even want to. I feel like surrendering myself totally to this particular moment in time. I saw her coming out in a white towel.

Her eyes look wonderful; for a few seconds, I start comparing her fairness to the colour of the towel. I think that both are the winners. I have been yawning again and again; my eyes are watching her movements. I ask her, “Are you going to leave?” She replies, “Yes, I have a plane to catch and I do not want to be late.”

She has just dropped her towel below and I can see her entire figure. She has curves that should be compared only to a snake’s ones. Her lips are of pink colour. The way she is combing her thick black hair is causing her well-shaped breasts to move from left to right and vice-versa. They make me think of big ripe mangoes. I do not truly want this to end…

It is at this moment that Amaterasu insists me on getting ready. I drag myself towards the washroom. After a few minutes, I return and see that she is ready. She frowns at me and orders sweetly, “Come on, get ready fast”.

I put on my clothes at the speed of a thunderbolt and we rush outside very quickly. I hire a taxi for her; before she leaves, I kiss her for the last time; it is a long one of course. I wave my hand saying, “Ja-ne”. Amaterasu taught me a few Japanese words last night- “Ja-ne” was one of them, which is the casual way of saying ‘goodbye’ to a close friend.

Yes, I have to admit that she is close to me. It is truly strange. A person can spend so many years together with another one but there is no certainty that they are internally close to each other.

Only a few honest moments can make us close or intimate especially when the souls match. Why not? If people’s blood groups can be same sometimes, so can be their souls.              


Those few moments spent with Amaterasu are, what I call, happiness. I do not know if we will meet again or not. Well, let’s leave it to the hands of fate. I wish I could stop time for a few years or so!

Now, I have started to earn some money by entertaining the people in the streets. But, it is not enough; I am desperately hungry to earn more.

After several months, I get a phone call. It is Amaterasu herself. She tells me, “I am pregnant”. I congratulate her and ask, “Who is the father?” I can feel her breath. She holds for a second or two and replies, “It’s you”.

Now, I do not know how to express my feelings- should I laugh loudly or should I feel sad? I ask her, “Do you want to give birth to the baby?” She says, “Yes, I do.” I am not like those who try to ignore the girls at such critical situation. I say, “Alright, I also want to give the baby a father. That means I want to marry you.” She is overjoyed after listening to my words. She starts crying and utters only one word, “Thanks”.      

Now, my fate is leading me to Japan, "Land of the Rising Sun". I do not know much about this country. Once, my sister told me that it is an island nation in East Asia. Amaterasu’s family lives at Akiruno, a city located in the western end of Tokyo Metropolis.

This is for the first time in my life that I am going to visit Japan. I have packed my bags and told my mom that I am going for grabbing a potential business opportunity. I have not dared to talk to dad and cannot say goodbye to Dorothy as she has gone to the college library with her friends.

I reach Tokyo International Airport, commonly known as Haneda Airport, at 4:30 in the afternoon. She comes to welcome me. As obvious, she looks a bit fatty.

However, her beauty is there with her. We take Tokyo Monorail and reach Tokyo at about 5:22. I can see Amaterasu’s mother standing at the door. She smiles and bows down a little and says, “Dou Itashimashite”. I do not understand what she is trying to say by this. But, I guess and say in return, “You are welcome”.

I think I should ask Amaterasu about the meaning of this later on. Now, Amaterasu says, “Follow me.” I follow her like a child. She takes me into a well-ventilated and neat and clean room. I jump on the bed and ask her, “Where is your father?” “How does he feel about our relationship?” She looks at me for a few seconds and answers, “He will come home tomorrow and he is very, very angry.”


In the next break of day, I find Amaterasu’s father reading a local newspaper in the drawing room. I sit on a chair facing him and say, “Hello.” He just looks at me angrily and does not say anything. His long moustache has made him look ruder. He glances at me for a second time and keeps his eyes on the paper again.

I decide to go away from his sight as quickly as possible and do so. I enter the room allocated for us and find Amaterasu lying on the bed; her facial expression gives a clue about what is going on in her mind. Yes, she must be thinking about our future now. It is quite natural for a girl to do so.

When girls think about life and its prospect, they do it in a serious manner and the boys, in most cases, do not give a damn. There is something strange in her face and this very strangeness makes me feel a kind of sympathy for her.

However, I go closer to her and ask, “What’s up?” She just looks at me for a few seconds as if she had not heard my question. I ask again, “Are you ok?” She sighs deeply and answers, “Yes”. I can guess that she is telling a lie; she is actually trying to hide her anxiety beneath her smile.

Well, I must say that her endeavour has gone in vain. Now, she tells me that she is having headache and I can notice that she has had some hair loss, which are quite common during pregnancy.

Her breasts have swollen more and they are looking like small watermelons. I do not know why I feel like making love with her.

Human mind is so strange and mysterious; I am the owner of my mind and I am supposed to control it totally; but the moment I feel pity for her condition, it is the very next moment that a wild passion drags me towards her.

Suddenly, I hear some knocks on the door; I rush towards the door and open it up.  Amaterasu’s mother is there. I am still confused about the perfect way of addressing her- should I call her auntie, or mom, or mother-in-law? I have no idea about the Japanese expression for ‘mother-in-law’. Anyway, I will ask Amaterasu about it later on. She smiles and goes to talk to Amaterasu.

Amaterasu tries to stand up but her mother tells her not to bother and rest. I place myself on a chair at the corner of the room and try to listen and guess what they are talking about. I think that climbing on Mount Everest is easier than figuring out Japanese language!

Since I do not have any interpreter nearby, I have to depend on the facial expressions of both mother and daughter.

I know that I can learn from Amaterasu about what exactly is cooking. But, it is a kind of instinct belonging to the humans to try to discover things on their own because there is a touch of victory and glory in doing so.

During their conversation, the moments when both of them smile give me the impression that everything is alright; but when they look tense, I become sad.

No matter what is stored for me- one thing is certain- I am not a coward. At long last, the chitchat has come to an end; my mother-in-law smiles on my face as usual.

The Japanese look peculiar when they smile. But, her smile seems to be more peculiar to me because of the fact that both of her eyes shut up. Now, I am very eager to know about what exactly is going on especially in the mind of Amaterasu’s father.


Amaterasu tells me that we have to marry according to the Japanese marriage rituals. I tell her that I do not have any problem with that. It has been two days since I had stepped on the soil of Akiruno. The baby is about to come out within a few days. It is vital for an expectant mother to eat a healthy diet.

Unless she has a particular health hitch, commonsensical dietary instruction should be followed such as balancing carbohydrates, fat, and proteins; and eating a range of foods, plus dairy products and some fruits and vegetables, every day.

Besides, a pregnant woman should discuss with her obstetrician for particular suggestion. When my brain forms all these images- the particular picture surpasses them all i.e. ‘money’.

I am having a mixed feeling right now. I am happy that I am going to be a father but, at the same time, I wish it would be better for me if the baby saw the light of the world after a few more months.

Perhaps, this is why Edward Said believes in “pessoptimism” (i.e., pessimism + optimism), which indicates that a person is not quite sure whether he should express happiness or sadness.

I do not even want to think whether it is going to be a boy or girl. All my thoughts end up in one question- How can I earn a living? I must do something and earn huge money in short span of time. I wonder how happy the baby inside the womb is! It is tension-free.

At times, when I rest my palms on Amaterasu’s drum-like belly, I can feel the kicking of the baby; every child is a Nazrul or Shelley even before it is born; it kicks hard and gives us the message that enough is enough; it does not want to stay inside the darkness and want to bathe in the light. 

Suddenly, my magic stuffs especially cards and juggling balls grab my attention. Instantly I make a decision that I can earn some money by impressing the Japanese on the streets. After all, something is better than nothing.

I do not claim myself to be a David Copperfield, yet I know some tricks for sure. I do not waste time in taking myself outside; I am looking for a particular place that is surrounded with a huge crowd.

At long last, I discover one such place and start to draw the attention of the passers by. Within a few seconds, I become able to attract no less than 120 curious viewers. All of them have fixed their eyes on me.

I did not expect that such huge number of spectators would be the part of my first magical show on the street of Akiruno.

Well, I must say that it has been a very good start. At the very beginning, I amuse them with my card tricks. I feel really happy to see the joyous faces all around me. The gathering is increasing gradually, so is the eagerness to see more magic.

After each magical trick, the watchers make a loud sound by saying ‘Ii desu yo’ meaning ‘good’. I continue to entertain the curious eyes with the best possible way.

When I am about to finish, the bystanders start cheering, clapping and laughing and they are uttering words i.e. ‘mou ichido ’; I have to say that I have no idea about what it exactly means. But, I can realise that they want to be a part of more magic.

So, I decide to finish up today’s session with the juggling of the colourful balls in the air. As soon as I start juggling, the people cheer by repeating ‘Ii desu yo’! Thank god, my first effort has become hugely successful and a large amount of money is in my pocket now. I feel confident, even if the feeling is momentary.

I feel a bit dog-tired firstly because of the continuous performance under the open sky and secondly due to the fact that my stomach is revolting- I should fill it up quickly. After the packing is done, I start for a restaurant nearby to have a light snack.

Strangely enough, I have the feeling that someone is following me; I stop for a few seconds and look slowly behind my back as if I were looking for a taxi. At that very moment, I see a shadowy figure coming closer.


I never was a coward and still am not; but the feeling that I am being followed by someone is really scary. It may be that I am wrong in thinking so; perhaps, he is going to pass me at one stage.

Anyway, I keep walking; not to mention, I am walking a bit faster now. The working of the human mind is very mysterious and complex- one part of my brain is giving me signal that there is nothing to worry about, at the same time, another part is making me scared by indicating that the man may be a hijacker or a drug-addict who is badly in need of money.

However, all I can do is- face him bravely or I can walk faster than usual. I think it will be a smart decision to stick to the second option.   

I can see a restaurant just at the opposite side of the road. It becomes easier for me to cross it since there are hardly any vehicles running. Inside the eating place, I do not face problems in occupying a table for me; it is quite vacant here.

After the order has been made, I wait and think about Amaterasu and our would-be baby. I wonder how it will look like. Certainly, I do not want the baby to be born with a flat nose like the Japanese.

Just then, a person comes before me and says, “Excuse me! May I sit here?” I do not understand how to react now. Suddenly, it appears to that perhaps he is the guy who was watching me few minutes back. He does not seem threatening to me.

Nevertheless, I politely reply, “Please, be seated.” His height is medium; I cannot guess his age and I do not even need to; he wears a moustache, the colour of which is similar to that of coal.

His head has turned into a small stadium; he is totally expressionless. Now, I am eagerly waiting; I want to know what I can do for him.

My patience crosses its limit and I ask him, “Do we know each other?” He replies, “No”. Then, “Why are you here?” He says, “Actually, I was enjoying your performance a lot.” I say, “Ok, thanks, now what?” He utters, “I think that it is quite unexpected for a foreigner to make some money by entertaining the commoners.” I feel insulted and inquire, “Why, is it a crime over here huh?”

He moves a little forward and replies, “No brother, please do not get me wrong; I am a good guy and I am here with a proposal. I curiously ask, “What kind of proposal?” He smiles a little and answers, “Look, I do not have to be a Newton to guess that you need money and you need it quickly.” I say, “Fair enough, I do” “How can you help me in this connection?” “Do you have any job offer?”

Now, he smiles like a hyena and responds, “No my friend, you can buy cheap drugs from Nepal and sell them here in Japan and you will become rich in no time.” For a few seconds, I ask myself, “Am I in some sort of daydream?” I cannot believe my eyes. I do not know whether this man is the symbol of goodness or evil for me.

When I think about money, his face looks angelic to me, but when I think about drugs, this same face turns into something satanic.

Now, I surely know that a drug-smuggler is sitting in front of me. I decide to ask him a very important question and I do not want to waste any time in doing so; I ask, “Why have you chosen me for this purpose?” lighting up a cigarette with match stick, he replies, “I have already told you”.

But, my curiosity has not been satiated; may be he is trying to harm me in this process; perhaps, it is a trap; who knows!

He keeps his visiting card on the desk and keeps on puffing the cigarette continuously. The smoke is coming out of his mouth in the shape of rings. I feel like asking him how he does that but decide against it. Now, I just fix my eyes on the rings of smoke flying in the air.        


The visiting card displays that person’s name- Henteko. What a name! I phone him up and inform that I am ready to do the job. He gives me all the necessary information and advises me that I should never keep the drugs close to my body.

Before I ask him what he really means by saying that, he disconnects. Immediately, I try to make another call, but I become unsuccessful. However, I have sold my soul to the devil; I have a destination now, but I need a large amount of cash to go to Nepal and buy drugs.        

Of course, I cannot let Amaterasu know about it; asking her father for lending some money is beyond question. But, I can see a dot of light at the end of the tunnel- yes, my magical tricks will help me out.

Before the journey, I must collect as much money as possible. Without wasting any second, I keep myself busy in collecting money and my only helping hand is- my magical stuffs. I have amassed enough money, I decide to leave for Nepal. I tell a lie to Amaterasu and her parents regarding my upcoming visit to Nepal.

Everything is set; I am going to start my journey tomorrow. I do not know why I feel very uneasy; I decide to talk to a fortune-teller about the future events. I translate my thinking into reality- I have come to an old lady who is very expert in fortune telling.

She receives me cordially and tells me to sit. She has dressed very simply; there is a square table before her and there is no cloth covering it.

On the table, there are some strange and weird kinds of things, which I have not seen before. The most noticeable thing is that there is a bundle of very small bamboo sticks. I tell her about the coming visit and ask her whether the trip will be in my favour or not.

She smiles and looks at me for a few seconds and takes some sticks in her right hand and spread them in front of me.

She examines the position of those and tells me to pick one. I select one and give it her; she closes her eyes for nearly a minute and tells that my journey will be a very safe and I will not face any danger while returning from Nepal.

At that moment, I feel very happy; I feel that tear drops will come out of my eyes. I do not know why, she looks to a part of my family- her face reminds me of my mother. However, I finish the payment and leave the place without much delay.

Next morning, after bidding them all goodbye, I start towards the airport. I know in the deepest core of my mind that everything will be alright.


The journey has not made me tired at all. I reach the Tribhuvan International Airport. I feel very excited and a bit afraid also. Above all, I feel confident and start thinking about the luxurious future that we are going to have. Now, I need to reach Kantipath and find a hotel. I hire a taxi and get myself in.

Nepal is a very beautiful country; I can see the people on the roads of Kathmandu; it seems to me that the city is not as busy and crowded as Tokyo is. Right now, the driver is speeding up as the road is almost empty.

However, one thing attracts my attention- it is the colourful costumes worn by the Nepalese males and females. I ask the driver, “What are the costumes of those males and females called?” He replies in broken English, “Both are national costumes- the males are in ‘Daura-Suruwal’ and the females’ one is called ‘Gunyou Cholo’? I ask further, “Is it compulsory for everyone to wear national costume?” He smilingly answers, “No brother, the new generation hardly owns a pair of Daura-Suruwal, and majority of them would not fancy this outfit. ‘Sari’ is winning its facade in the world of fashion; ‘Daura-Suruwal’ is not that chic among men. But, we are proud of our national costume- there should be something we should wear and say this is ‘Nepali’.”

I remain silent and think that his words are pregnant with logic and pride. The driver takes me to my destination quickly. I do not have to face problems of any kind to book a room in Hotel Mountain.       

Next sunlight hours, I get up early and cannot wait to me the person as was instructed by the stranger in the Akiruno restaurant. I do not know the name of the person that I am supposed to meet.

But, I have his phone number. I talk to him over the phone and tell him about Henteko and he meets me at the hotel within half an hour.

There is a small bag hanging from his right shoulder. I sense that there is drug inside it. He tells me about Nepalese hashish, which is very cheap and I will be able to make much money by selling them in Tokyo.

I request him to give me one kg. He brings out a flat plastic covered packet from his bag and hand it to me. I take the packet and see that the drug looks like a black book.

My joy knows no bound because I have not expected that I will get the drug at such a cheap rate. I ask him about the possibility of my being caught by the police at the airport. He assures me by saying that I will be safe if I turn the hashish into small balls and gobble them up.

Suddenly, I feel that there is no soil beneath my feet; I start to sweat. My nervousness returns and I ask him, “What do you mean? “Are you serious?” The man replies, “This is the only way my friend! Otherwise, you may get caught” “Now, the decision is all yours.” After these few words, he leaves the place with the speed of a thunderbolt.

I decide to follow his instructions accordingly. I make small balls with the hashish and put a very light plastic cover around them.

I finish the counting and I see that there are 100 balls before me. I do some exercises, then relax myself for about thirty minutes and start putting the balls one after another inside my stomach. After the task is finished, I feel like vomiting.

However, it feels ok now. I try to behave confidently at the airport; the officials check only my bags and let me go. Yes, I have done it! I land in Japan safely. I reach Amaterasu’s home and change my clothes and rush towards the toilet. I have to get the hashish-balls out of my belly quickly.

The process is not that easy- it is really painful; after finishing the work, I feel a strong headache. Henteko was totally correct in saying that I would earn a large amount of money by selling them in Tokyo.

Within a few days, I sell the drugs and I have much money with me now. This process goes on and on- I go to Nepal, come back with hashish inside my stomach and sell them in Tokyo and become happy.

Once, I think seriously about the risky work that I am doing. In fact, I decide not to continue smuggling any more. My brain searches and presents a line from the Bible- "Be on guard against every form of greed; life is not in possessions". But, I tell myself that this is going to be the last time.

As usual, I go to meet that foreteller. I return with a sad heart because she is not available today; perhaps, she is ill. Nevertheless, I stick to my plan and reach Nepal, buy two kg hashish.

Normally, I used to buy one kg earlier, but I think that I should buy more since this is going to be my last adventure. Inside the hotel room, I feel dizzy; but I do not waste my time in preparing everything.

Now, I have two hundred small balls made of hashish. I am not sure whether my stomach will be able to take them all. I gobble hundred balls and stop because I cannot take more.

Even if I try, vomit will definitely make me unsuccessful. Now, what to do? I have hundred more balls left to be taken.

Suddenly, the juggling balls become the centre of my attraction. I open them up and set the hashish minutely and give the balls their earlier shape.

But, I have almost half kg hashish more to take with me. I do not want to waste them. Immediately, I come to a decision that I will stick the packet against the thigh underneath my pants since my body was not checked in at the previous occasions.

Strangely enough, I feel for the first time that someone is watching my every move.     

At the airport, I have the feeling that I have ghosts everywhere around me. I am very afraid and nervous. My nervousness increases more when I see so many boys and girls in colourful jerseys.

Out of the blue, I remember that the FIFA World Cup is going on and they are going to enjoy the matches in South Korea and Japan. It is also the first World Cup held in Asia.

I feel totally numb and paralysed when I notice that the number of officials are more than before and they are checking everything very carefully.

For a moment, I feel that I am going to be caught red handed with the drugs. I follow the queue; when my turn comes, an officer starts checking my bag and another officer’s hands roam around my body parts.

The officer has felt something on the thigh-part and has directed me towards another room.

Obviously, they have caught me and I feel totally helpless now. The officers do not want to leave anything unchecked. They open my bag and find the magic-stuffs there.

An officer wants to know about the round shaped balls; I tell them that these are juggling balls. Then, they order me to display my skill on magic. I do as I am ordered to.

Eventually, I find myself inside the jail. I do not know what is more to come; interrogation and cross-interrogation go on; they want to know who I work for, I have been involved in this for how many years etc.

I try to satisfy their minds by answering but their facial expressions do not look good at all. The officer, who is injuring me with the arrows of numberless questions, has a mouth like a fish.          

I tell the police that I have hidden some more hashish inside the juggling balls. I realise later that I have made a great mistake by informing about the rest amount of hashish.

It is nothing but an irony of fate that the period of imprisonment depends on the amount of drugs that a person has with him. Had I not told about it, I would have been imprisoned for 2 or 3 years.

Eventually, I have been sentenced to 5 years. It goes without saying that time is half-dead inside the jail. Certainly, they can confine my body but my mind is not a cheap ass to be controlled; it does not care for any borders at all.

I request the concerned officers to let me make a phone call. I am allowed to do so; I call Amaterasu and tell her everything briefly. She is very disappointed and I do not have the courage to say even ‘sorry’ to her. I am, truly, a criminal.

A butterfly has sat on the solid iron bars of the gate. I ask myself, “How has it made its way in here?” Possibly, through the ventilator. It is blessed with a wide range of dazzling colours and looks stunningly beautiful.

I wish I could be a butterfly and fly away! What is ‘butterfly’ in Japanese? How can I forget that? Yes, it is chou, Amaterasu’s last name! Amaterasu is composed of the elements ama "heaven, sky" and terasu “to shine,” hence “shining over heaven.” Oh god, turn me into a butterfly so that I can fly in the sky and shine over heaven, please!


Well, if ‘poetic justice’ should mean the rewarding of the good and the punishment of the bad, then what should be the definition of ‘prosaic justice’? Well, I have no idea. I think about Thomas Jefferson and The United States Declaration of Independence.

The text of the second section of the Declaration of Independence reads, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”.

I have L.I.F.E. But, I do not think that I am totally free. I can feel the presence of chains everywhere- both shadowy and transparent. The first one is more painful than the second one. Happiness? May be it is very difficult to define happiness.

Perhaps, happiness is something that cannot be achieved; it depends on our pursuit or search. And, and, and. I have been pursuing it for a long time. Yes, long enough. But, I do not exactly know whether I am pursuing happiness or it is hell, which is pursuing me. That, as Hamlet might say, is one big question!



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