I believe! I Believe! Lord, help my unbelief
I believe, I believe, my constant motif
I believe but don't grow
And my faith doesn't show
Because I can't be bothered to “do”
I know faith is given, not earned
Yet here I sit unconcerned
I'm given to resting
When I should be testing
To see that my faith is real
“You shall know them by their fruits”
But seeds planted on stones don't have roots
My apathy grows
So nobody knows
That I don't follow what I believe
The path down below is a slope
So gradual and smooth that you hope
It stays just the same
Like a current so tame
But leads to a waterfall
I'm not living, or learning
I'm sitting and burning
Lord I want to live
But not if I give
My time or my life
My comfort for strife
Is there an easier way?
You said believe and I shall be clean
Believe, and come home again
But how can I start
If only my heart
Wasn't an armchair theologian
Her mom died when she was young…and though she survived the ordeal
she still misses her when she remembers her…
some wounds will never heal.
She remembers how her mom loved pelicans…how they soared on the breeze like a kite…
How she loved all kinds of pelicans…
but her favorite ones were white.
And when she walks along the surf…when the sea is tranquil and calm…
if a white pelican soars overhead…
it reminds her of her mom.
When she hears the swoosh of the pelican's wings…and sees the smile on its beak…
she instinctively returns a smile
as a tear rolls down her cheek.
Then came the day for her to marry…her mom now years out of reach…
she decided to have the ceremony…
in the sand…
upon the beach.
Halfway through the service…about the time she took his hand
A flock of pelicans flew overhead…
then landed on the sand.
And she again remembered how her mom loved pelicans…
how they soar on the breeze like a kite…
And she had to stop and catch her breath…
because all these pelicans…
were white.
It was a beautiful moment…the end of a beautiful day
and when the ceremony was over…
all the pelicans flew away.
All the pelicans that is but one…who lingered there a while…
whose beak she swears to this day…
was formed into a smile…
She never thought of pelicans as angels…until her wedding night
but now her favorite angel…
is a pelican…
painted white.
Though I was born into sin
My Savior, He died
To bring me back home once again
And Heaven did shake
And the saints they did cry
For salvation of sinners and I
Now this I know
From the scars in His hands
That He died, with me on His mind
He died then He lived, and He rose up on high
The gifted eternal is mine
Now someday soon
The Bride and the Groom
Will join in the sweet by-and-by
The angels will sing
And the trumpets will sound
As we join our dear Savior in the sky
I've never seen an angel bleed
Till I stood with knife in hand
I've never seen a devil cry
Till I looked once through it's eyes
You were my drug
Long before I acclimated
Long before withdrawal
I needed you to survive
I can feel your eyes on my back
Can't you hear me?
I'm silent on the outside
But screaming on the inside
I'm soul-lost
I can't find who I am anymore
Maybe I'll be fine
Perhaps I will survive
But I just don't know if
I can outlast your memory
If I lose myself in drugs and dreams
Or fly away to places and things
To fill the gap you left behind
Consuming body, soul, and mind
But there is no need
To conjure dreams
When life comes
In such radiant colors
They say Pandora is to blame
Her curiosity brought us pain
And fear of darkness in the night
But there was hope in candle-light
From the dark, a light will shine
Before the day, the night has gone
And now we know it burns so fine
That is why it's called, breaking dawn.
And maybe, just maybe
That which dies gives birth to something new
Been feeling pretty uninspired,
The irony my life has been spiraling,
Taking notes about my meditations and dreams,
Going back and forth with myself 'it isnt what it seems'
Even now, writing but not feeling the words,
'How do I feel, how do I feel' no adjectives, no verbs,
To describe my daily illusion,
All the sick as fuck things ive been doing,
These thoughts and white bitches ive been consuming,
Jesus make me believe in you again,
I wanna believe my future could change if I could just see the light through you again,
These crystals around my neck are heavy but im not grounded,
Obsessing about all of the things around me,
Be mine, someone,
Ive lost my contentment,
If I dont feel another body against mine soon I might betray my commitments,
Light eyes give me hope,
I hope she never reads this,
Im an alien, on a terrace, just standing for what I believe in,
These silly words,
These silly words just giving you feeling,
I have none,
Empty but filled with so much expression,
The church would say your blessed and,
You are satan, for including your love for a woman within the same statement,
Im rambling now,
Lucifer the gardian angel of mine who wears a crown,
Send me down a blessing from the sky,
Perferrably a bitch with nice tits, pink lips, and a smile as sharp as a tooth pick,
Make her love me unconditionally even when im acting stupid,
Unconditionally even when im disillusioned...
Oh, and send me a bag of money.
Peace
The feeling of rest
After a hard day's work
The weightlessness of relaxation
Finally
Serenity
No reason to fear
No longer any worries
My mind is happily blank
White like new-fallen snow
While I sit by the fireplace
On a Christmas morning
Calm
For my spirit is calm
My soul no longer pains me
I'll soon fall asleep
To waking dreams
And an eternity
Of sunrises
For at the bottom of my heart;
The dregs of my emotions lie
I'd given all to you
And you drank without satisfaction
I filled your glass over and over again
Yet you could not be content
I had nothing left to give
And then, like so many before
I was thrown aside
Cast out like a leper
But the thing about barrels
Is that they can be refilled
And someone wanted me to be filled
They poured their heart and soul into me
They completed me until I overflowed
They granted me a purpose, and a meaning
So now as I look upon you
Inebriated in your unfulfilled grief
Wasted in your past iniquity
I pity you
For we cannot be connoisseurs only
But we must be barrels as well
For we cannot drink alone
But must be drunken from again
Men of Iron, Men of Smoke
Red hands hidden in their cloak
Helter Skelter in their hearts
Silence people, so they start
End beginnings, death of life
Pleasured pain, calming strife
All their “truth,” is but lies
Hide the demons in their eyes
Propaganda lead the people
Separate the laws and steeple
All who speak against them die
Total darkness soon is nigh
All of those who live are dead
In a white world made of red
Let me take you
In your mind's true eye
To blue-green pastures
Ocean-like waves of grass
Flowing gently over hill and dale
The sun gently shining
Partially cloaked behind the clouds
The crickets singing to each other
Fall is soon at hand
But for now we enjoy
Those few last days of summer
And as we lay on the warm earth
We'll daydream at how fast
The year has gone already