Courage

Curiosity

Folder: 
January 2019

Curiosity, what was it again that made her aimlessly steer off the steady beaten and path?

In the sense of going off into a strange place that she'd never been to be for, was it just sheer curiosity that made her  wander off, or was it just out of her sense of adventure that made her go to the places she'd never been to just to see if there was new things to explore and investigate, and learn? She always wanted to find the unique not the common. The unique things were they meant to be learned or found if so, were they meant for her to seek out and find? She has a heart of gold and as thick as steel...so no harm would be brought to her as she curiously and slowly at first began a to learn, seek, and find what was awaiting her in the adventures to come.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Prose

Cry In My Sleep

 

 I Lost My Ability To Cry
I'm Hurting So Much
I Feel Hurt
I Feel Pain
I Want To Cry
But Theres Not Tears
Theres No Emotions
Hold Me Please


Because I Can't Feel My Arms
I Can't Feel My Legs Anymore
I Feel Like Crying
But I'm Dying In My Sleep
Waking Up With Dried Up Eyes
I Don't Remember Crying
I Don't Remember Sleeping
Chill Runs Through On My Skin


Crying Out In Pain
I Wish I Could Cry
For My Body Can't Take It Anymore
Is This What It Feels Like
Why Must I Feel So Cold
Why Must I Feel So Emotionless
Pieces Of My Heart
Tears In Pieces


I Wish Again
I Could Cry
Just Once More
If I Could Hold You
If I Could Hug You
And Tell You One More Thing
I Just Want To Cry
I Want To Cry On Your Shoulder

 

 

Volcano

Folder: 
Human

 

 

 

Have you ever thought the reason why volcanoes exist on the earth?

 

They say that he would warm us from the bottom of our heart

 

And push out our faltering courage to outside the world.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

It is inappropriate to express volcane for this way because people are suffering from it in 

the world such as Hawaii and others.

I hope people read this to understand I use volcano for image....

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Cut Short

I gave you hell in the morning time,

You gave me hell in the evening,

And everytime we were around each other, you never seen me,

You jumped ship, and you made it look easy,

Unloyal, your so spoiled, and so full of yourself,

When I talked to you about your potential,

Accusations of me never having a picture frame,

With your name and my name under a photo of our first dance, became influential as you convinced yourself I was never really down with you,

Like I wasn't spending all this time with you,

Sharing everything that was on my mind with you,

When you looked into the future, you saw me kissing on another woman,

You blame me for a future that I didn't know of and never wanted,

When nothing is set in stone, and constantly the future is always changing, 

You snatched that picture away, the names and the frame,

Now I'm having dreams of *** moaning my name,

Your future has become my reality,

Yes now im everything you thought I'd be,

Having nasty thoughts about her before I sleep,

I'm messaging you while thinking of where I could be,

Being held by a retired marine,

Feeling, and stealing little moments, little things,

I'm a bad girl, I won't blame you for that,

I'm a sucker for woman well traveled, a nice uniform and a certain type of sensualness,

Remember when you jumped ship?

Your own foresight back with a vengeance,

So don't hit me up saying your vision is now clear and you realize what you've been missing,

Your vision was clear when you accused me of wanting a future without you in it,

Funny how life works,

Even when things are sunny…

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For you.

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Courage : A Diary Entry

[If titles this long didn’t look stupid, I would title this… 

"I want to blame you for not loving me,

And that statement goes to every woman in my life who never believed in me."

Or

"I believed in you, when they told me don’t."]

 

Its been four whole days,

And you're still all that I think about,

Its overwhelming, the thought of you saying those things you typed out your mouth,

Im crying now,

I need a get away, calling haso, like baby get me out of town,

But I blew through thousands in my credit card account,

Fell back deep in an addiction many don’t know about,

And if they do, they squint their eyes in doubt,

They say, not you,

Not you,

Its not you…

 

Im salivating, how long are you gonna keep me waiting,

I told you I needed you, and you said not now, maybe later,

When we both know in your mind you're being creative,

Trying to force your feelings for me away,

But whenever you close your eyes you see my face,

Moaning for him, picturing me, but you are still confused of where you need to be...

 

Don’t you dare wish me well,

When your best wishes come from the same ditch where your daughter lays,

Don’t wish me well, my key is still under the mat for when you decide to stay,

Tug me softly, tell me this is the only way,

The only way, so don’t lose faith in me,

I cant let go, cant let go…

 

Paint my face white until the pink in my lips turn bright red and my smile upside down…

Tell them niggas, im alone, no one is around,

Tell them niggas, my spirit is in my knees, close to the ground,

Tell them niggas, before I get ate alive,

Tell them niggas, I want a chance at life…

 

Things are starting to overlap,

And im having dreams about deaths and bringing these folkz back to life,

The devil inside, haunting in life,

Grabbing my old bowl, packing tight,

My heart pumping blood, ready for flight,

My soul is inside out,

And ive lost control,

The woman I once loved sold her soul,

What about me turns all the women around me cold,

Is it a reflection of the ice in my bones,

The snow between my toes,

The shivers I get at home, when it aint even cold…

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Wats wrong

I feel something new up in my bones,

Some new heat between my toes,

My pubic hair has grown in,

My baby hair has grown thin,

My Steven Tyler chick says she don’t love me,

Say my balls don’t swing past her knees,

She say my hands hold too much heat,

And my locs have too much soul in between,

My, my, my, ego be, patron(-n)izing,

Gangstaraptalk gives me the freedom that I need,

When she grab herself, look me in the eyes and say she not horny for me,

Im stuck in a rut,

My wool feels like satin when she lay with me,

He lays his head on my soul while he bathes in heat,

My hands cover their bodies, give them instant ecstasy,

Giving them vibes they never felt before,

While my energy is getting drained,

People emptying their souls to me,

I wonder if they do it knowingly,

Do they feel me grounding their energy under their feet,

Do they feel a sense of healing after talking to me,

I am creating new bible verses,

Telling everyone the truth is in their veins,

Creating super-duper villians,

Now I can go insane,

I miss my daughter,

Now I can go insane,

I see her face when I close my eyes,

Now I can go insane,

When I was lost in the desert,

I saw a knife in my back,

Now im having flashbacks,

And now I don’t recognize myself,

Who is this person crying out for help,

Im on my knees now,

God please don’t turn me to salt for looking back,

''Wats wrong, wats wrong'',

When I sit and think, 

I cant feel my feet,

Im floating on a nimbus,

And wishing you were me,

And that I was you,

Wat is wrong? Wat is wrong?

I know the truth.

 
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Somebody's Pain

Folder: 
People

I Know How You Feel With Tears
But I Can't Understand Your Past
For Shoes Can Walk So Far
I Dont Think I Can Walk This Far
These Bones Ache
This Flesh Is Killing Me
Please Save Me Again
Im Losing It
How Long
Must I Wait
How Long
Must I Feel This Pain


I've Been Waiting A Long Time
I Can't Get Over The Fact
That I'm Still Weak
I'm Broken
And That I Can't Pick Up The Pieces
Especially Not By Myself
I Know I Need Someone To Lean On
I Can't Really Reach Out
And I Don't Feel Like
I Have A Voice In This World
But Honestly
I Don't Really Speak Out
Because I Have
No One To Speak To


I Really Need Someone
Somebody To Talk To
Someone To Lean On
Someon I Can Cry To
Someone I Can Laugh With
Someone I Can Be In Love With
Someone I Can Be Myself With
But In All Of These Times
I Just Feel Too Alone
I'm Just Too Sad

Fucking Lost Again

You Want To Bring Them
Some Sort Of Happiness
But Nothing You Bring
Makes Them Smile At All
Not Even The Slightest Bit


You Wonder What Went Wrong In Your Life
Sometimes You Want Your Life To End
And Sometimes You Don't Know What To Do
But You End Up Moving Foward
Because You Don't Know
What The Else The Fuck To Do


You Don't Have Any Talents
You Don't Have Any Skills
The Dream I've Had
Since I Became A Christian
Hasn't Moved Forward
I Don't Know What To Do
I Don't Know What To Say


I'm Just Lost And I Need To Be Saved Again
And I Need To Feel Lovable, Capable And Worthwhile
I Need To Know I Am Not Alone
I Need To Know I Am Loved Without Strings

 

 

Afraid To Be Alone

Folder: 
Miracles

I've Tried Hide All The Scars
I Left Behind
You Wanted
To Make Me Fresh And New
But I'm Ashamed
I Have Nothing Of No Talent
I Feel I Have Of Nothing Of Use


I Tried Letting It Go
But You Wont Let Me Be
Why Do You Look For Me
When I've Got Nothing
You Cloak Your Cape
And Shower Your Love On Me

These Tears Cannot Express


But I Still Wonder
Why Do You Choose Me
Its Not Your Place
To Follow Me
You Expect Me To Give You Something
But I've Got No Talent
Still I Follow You
Because Of Your Caring Warmth


For Someone Who Has So Much
To Care For Someone Of So Little
Unclenching My Fist
And Opening Up My Soul
Makes Me Exhale My Heart
And Come Forth
With Arms Wide Open


Because Someone Who Cares
Someone Whos There For Me
And Someone Who Knows
Somebody
Who Knows Whats Its Like
Being Afraid To Be Alone