I remember in the beginnig
we were just "going with the flow"
you planned a roadtrip
and kept the destination a secret
I remeber feeling elated, excited, alive
you pulled over next to a sunflower field
and I found myself, heart racing,
pushing through tall grass,
jumping a barbed wire fence
and returning with my prize
I remember that beautiful little town
how the next day,
you took me to the bird sanctuary
how I sat there admiring these creatures
how I envied their wings
I remember when all those ladybugs
dotted your car
How I felt like a child
waiting for each one to fly away
And later, finding a little lost lady
inside with us
how I wanted her to stay
how we cracked the window
and set her free instead
I remember wishing upon her beauty
and the next day at breakfast,
how I shrieked when a giant locust
crashed into my face
except it wasn't a locust
you reached over to reveal another
little dot lady and I squealed with delight
her little legs tickled my hand
at the tip of my pinkie she spread her
little wings and fluttered away
I remember we looked up her meaning
lady of luck, messenger of blessings to come
how I felt it could not have been
more perfect with you
And then the drive home,
Spotting yet another little lady
trapped inside your car
how we were already driving too fast
how she held on to the window's edge
how I urged her to fly
You suddenly pulled over
and I remember thinking it was
the sweetest thing of you to do
I remember telling the little lady she could fly
how I whispered goodbye when she did
how my heart surged with gratitude
while my eyes got warm and salty
how you pulled me to you
and how that kiss tasted like flying
I felt like the luckiest lady in the world
you called me your Lady Bug
I'll never forget it
January.19.1997
Trisha M Barrek Hopkins
Keep dreaming and Your wish just might come true
As long as you keep me in your heart
And keep wishing on the same star
Our souls will never part
And our love wont seem so far
Cause where ever you go
Ill always be with you
Cause our star will know
That our feelings are so true
That our love is strong
And that we are meant to be
And by wishing on the same star
nothing can go wrong
So we set our worries free
Cause well be together
As long as we wish on the same star
Well be for forever
And that means our souls wont be parted far
Copyright*
Seems I worry for no reason.. I fall asleep wishing for a change of season..
so much for surrounding yourself with "people that care" .. we all need some fucking fresh air.
in matrimony you bled, everything twisted backwards..
you fled, flew away from your mistake..
she hurt you, it's something that can't be erased..
newly wed, lay in bed... with sorrow written all over your face.
was I but your placid escape..? like a rope thrown out to sea, for you who was drowning..
age doesn't matter, because who was counting..?
my thigh hurts now.. at least it's only my fault, & no one else.
funny how when people hurt you, they blame you for it..
& when you hurt them unintentionally, they still place blame.
either way, it's all the same.
so that's why I alone, will be the one to hurt myself.
you just stay the fuck away.
the damage is already done, no need for you to put me down.. i'm not a silly clown..
your laughter brings disgrace... I want to rip out your teeth...
everything you've said to me won't be tossed to the side so willingly..
but i'll try to forget.. & let God take care of my revenge.
whatever you've inflicted upon me, will come back to you..
you think you're so righteous, so holy.. the one & only...
you think you've crushed me...
silence will be my greatest defense.. a smile will be my shield..
i'll carry a knife, dug within this heart..
& next time you start, i'll dig it right into you.
this battle is far beyond our comprehension.. it's between the angels & demons, God & the devil..
so it might not look like i'm doing anything.. but I have both on my side, both defending me.
because he who knows the war runs deeper then words..
deeper then feeling.. deeper then anything you could possibly see..
will be the one winning.
the angels know what you've done.. they touch my hand, to re-assure me of their loyalty..
the demons have a chamber for you, down in hell.. you'll be put to work, under a spell..
my fragile existence will not crumble..
this crippled mind will not give in...
you'll be entranced by the spell of eternal misery...
working to pay back the debts you owe, to those whom you've put down..
criticised, judged... beneath that facade, you're the clown..
I want to drown myself in coffee.. I want to melt into every part of you.
beauty lies within the eyes, so what you expell is what you put out, & in turn recieve..
& in those times you bleed, & feel ugly, know it's all a part of being set free.
crippled, I stand.
shaking, my hand.
waving, goodbye... I let out a sigh.
why bother to ask? alone at last.. comfort in this clasp..
the suffocation of myself.
breathe, be, clear my eyes with water, in attempt to better see.
I can't bare anymore to feel the black shroud of this clouded memory..
my heart cries out for clarity..
envisioning the future, I climb..
but we all tend to fall a little short in the grasp of time..
how I wish to call you darling.. & stroke your hair..
caressing the sides of your face, & playing with the jewelry in your ears..
i'm sorry I couldn't of done better.. for my family has the tendency to fight & fetter..
another sunny day, wasted away.. I kind of wish I could lie down in my grave, & rest eternally..
maybe so many of us are unhappy because we never stop searching, we never let our heart or mind get a rest..
we always push ourselves further, & wonder why it seems like a test..
why haven't my eyes bled out yet...? why am I still here..?
this fear is parasitic.. consuming your insides.. till it's all that's left there...
if I were to die, i'd hate to know he got the satisfaction of my silence...
the suffering I endured, creating massive hurricanes of inner violence..
i'll try now, to bring up a well of pity... just for you.. maybe i'll even throw in a penny, or dime..
but not a quarter, cause you were never worth my time.....
if you continue.... I hope you fall on your face someday, & land on my grave...
when you do, i'll be sure to pull you straight through, down under, to burn in hells fire..
this is one of my many darkest desires..
Overthinking, sinking, falling, crawling.. damned..
why am I stuck in this abysmal black quicksand..? are we nothing but a pitiful man..?
I know you don't appreciate this form of expression...
but my life isn't over until i've learned each of the lessons.
drained, crippling, cracking & hyperventilating..
pathetic vacant melting disgrace..
I can see the smile wearing off your face..
hot wax spilled into my eyes today..
part of me knows better, then to believe in such a mundane reality..
there's much greater sights to see, in my 8 dimensional fantasy.
Slit, slice.. need to free myself from this vice.
we all need to constantly think twice.. I wish you were still around..
wish you could be a healthy piece to my life, but I had to try & make the right choice...
you bare that empty stare.. like a glare..
were you ever really there..?
I walk through leaves
To stolen storms
Where green is not an option
I want to see the powder stream down
And paste the sidewalk frozen
The towers above me I do not fear
I have come here many a year
To places so familiar
I am home
Lights of brightness and of snow
I spread my wings and land on a cement rainbow
Grey for streets that never end
Yellow lines instructing you to keep to the path you choose
A palate of colors
That are always knowing
If I walked by you
Yes you that billboard there
Would you remember when I was here 3 years ago with my father?
Seeing my first staged production?
Or do you remember the summer after
When I went running forever through the streets
Looking for the cast of a television show
That no longer gives me laughter
I change with the seasons
I become different yet the same when it snows
When I enter the steel garden
I remember what has been
And I am never quite sure if I should be happy that it has been
Or sad that it can no longer happen the way it once did?
They say the longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss
But you know that I hate to leave you like this
I know that you need me, and you I will miss
But the longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss
I have to go to become worthy of you
And I don’t know what else to do
But if you’ll wait for me, I think you will find
That fairytales happen, so never you mind
You look so beautiful, please don’t you cry
I will come back; now leaving is nigh
You have to let go of me now my dear
But I’ll come back before another year
Know that I kiss you every night
Sweet, loving dreams make life alright
Yes although you have to let me go
I’ll come straight back to your arms, I know
I’ll be waiting, and wishing till I see you, and then
I’ll hold you and never let go again
But I have to go, and soon you will see
A man where a boy used to be
Who’ll be able to take care of you for all of our days
And who’ll never leave you, together always.
I wish for once..
that I didnt have to fake a smile
that someone would hug me just because every once in a while
that I didnt have tempations that never go away
that I could speak my mind and not be afraid
that I could tell you my story without being ashamed
that I didnt have to depend on someone else
that I could just be myself
that tears would stop falling from my face
that somethings would just go away
that someday, someone will understand my pain
“Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight...”
His eyes are hypnotizing;
They pull me into a trance
I can’t see, I can’t think
About anything else.
His arms are alluring;
I don’t wanna be anywhere else
But curled up into them.
His body is riveting;
I wanna be pressed against it.
His lips are enticing;
I wanna nibble at them
And feel them on me.
He is just so damned charming.
His personality is enthralling.
To have him touch me
To have him hold me
To have him kiss me
To have him feel me
To be with him would be complete ecstasy
“I wish I may; I wish I might; get this wish I make tonight”