clarity

Seasons

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SEASONS
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Summer for light.
Fall for beauty.
Winter for clarity.
Spring for resurrection

"To a Certain Someone"

I think you're afraid

Of mostly heartbreak 

To be alone, maybe you fear

But I know you NEED someone near

 

Either you can't admit it to yourself 

Or everyone that's tried has changed the way you felt 

I'm not most guys, but I'm not perfect 

I'm less of the same, I'm different 

 

It's up to you to see that and make the effort 

Of trying to keep me, or let me go right now

I hate wasting my time

The anxiety fucks with my mind

 

I don't expect you to be in love with me

But I would think that all this time you'd have seen

That either you wanna waste with this

Or I'm just an obstacle in your way shit! 

 

I don't why I'm writing this when we don't even know each other 

But I feel the need to clarify, am I a good thing or am I a bother?

Think this through and let me know 

Or call me right now and just say "you can go"

 

I won't blame you, since you told me everything upfront

But I can't help but get irritated, I guess I just I give a fuck

But it would be easier now that we either never meet

Or you say something meaningful and say you like me....

 

I'm sorry for putting these stupid thoughts in your head

They're also dumb in mine, empty hollow pointless threads 

Sorry you met me, sorry I'm like this

I should've told you from the start, I get attached too quick 

 

I'm not in love, no way in hell

But I did see something here, but I guess I'm by myself 

Let me know if this scared you, tell me the truth

One thing I gotta say before I leave, I never once lied to you...

Above

It is dark.

The old ones groan pierces the silence as his back is bent.

I knew he would, I could have expected this.

He surprised me although he didn’t.

A door opens.

The faint light of a single candle shines upon a grinning face.

I deny it, knowing that I know he knows.

It hurt, although it didn’t.

Well of waste

I want to drown myself in coffee.. I want to melt into every part of you.

beauty lies within the eyes, so what you expell is what you put out, & in turn recieve.. 

& in those times you bleed, & feel ugly, know it's all a part of being set free.

 

crippled, I stand.

shaking, my hand.

waving, goodbye... I let out a sigh.

why bother to ask? alone at last.. comfort in this clasp..

the suffocation of myself. 

 

breathe, be, clear my eyes with water, in attempt to better see. 

I can't bare anymore to feel the black shroud of this clouded memory..

my heart cries out for clarity..

envisioning the future, I climb..

but we all tend to fall a little short in the grasp of time.. 

 

how I wish to call you darling.. & stroke your hair..

caressing the sides of your face, & playing with the jewelry in your ears..

i'm sorry I couldn't of done better.. for my family has the tendency to fight & fetter.. 

 

another sunny day, wasted away.. I kind of wish I could lie down in my grave, & rest eternally..

maybe so many of us are unhappy because we never stop searching, we never let our heart or mind get a rest..

we always push ourselves further, & wonder why it seems like a test.. 

why haven't my eyes bled out yet...? why am I still here..?

this fear is parasitic.. consuming your insides.. till it's all that's left there... 

 

if I were to die, i'd hate to know he got the satisfaction of my silence...

the suffering I endured, creating massive hurricanes of inner violence.. 

i'll try now, to bring up a well of pity... just for you.. maybe i'll even throw in a penny, or dime..

but not a quarter, cause you were never worth my time.....

 

if you continue.... I hope you fall on your face someday, & land on my grave...

when you do, i'll be sure to pull you straight through, down under, to burn in hells fire..

this is one of my many darkest desires..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.4.13