choices

One Day At A Time.

Loving you is like tying my stomach in knots just to connect a few dots

Loving you is like asking the robin that thinks it's a blue bird to remember it's a robin, and it's laid an egg.

You laid an egg!

Or, rather you helped procure one.


You're here now. Remember?

You're back on this plane(t) of rock hard existence

Where you know only shame


How's that working out for you, so far?


You see... Loving you is like picking up each piece of plaster in a disaster and [then] asking it to stop crumbling

Could you please just stop crumbling. FUCK.

I can't take it anymore with the decay.

Put your self back together.


Loving you is like losing a piece of time, in the grand scheme of all things,

and then setting expectations for when this will all come back into frame.

When will this all come back in to focus?

When will this all come back?

Will this all come back?


Loving you has been like the most gut wrenching ride, I've ever felt in my life.

It's like a constant influx of hellos, and a steady stream of goodbyes.

Loving you is like holding onto a stream, where you can see it flow through, passed you,

but there's nothing stealthy enough to hold you.

Besides, why would I?


What would be the point in building a damn to stop your flow?

I mean-- like-- GATDAMN can he flow! The world doesn't even know.

But, I do. I know what you can do, because I've been wrapped up in you,

and I've let every aspect of me cave into all the cavenous pits you've created wthin

...and here we are.


We're back in your pit of shame and despair, and I don't have time.

I can't fucking be here.

I have things to do...

A baby to take care of--

and you...

 

Loving you is doing everything I can to not be bitter.

Loving you is remembering that all I wanted was for you to live to be the man he needs you to be.

Loving you means knowing I still have to love me.

 

Remember

Folder: 
2017

Remember?

In just a few hours you learned I cry at everything.

I didn’t sleep for a week because I wanted to know you.

 

Remember?

I said I only take the necessary risks.

I don’t know why this one felt necessary.

 

Remember?

I decided to freeze on a porch swing looking out over this electric city

so I didn’t have to leave without you.

 

Remember?

I spent all my time dreaming.

Maybe that’s not any different than usual.

But now I spent all my time dreaming with you,

about you.

 

Remember?

I caught all the ways I fall

pushed them away so you wouldn’t be scared of this…

whatever it is,

and you found them anyway.

 

 

Remember?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/15/17

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Angel

Folder: 
2017

It’s just a sliver of angel keeping me in line

I’ll say all the things I couldn’t before

and the shackles burn

now that I know I have nothing to prove.

 

I wish I could steal all your time,

pin it on the chances we didn’t take today,

I wish I could taste you

in a room we could never leave

so even after we’re past the passion I can breathe it in,

I hope you don’t think I’m confused and lonely,

I am shuddering in your arms,

I am so happy here.

 

I wish I could let you in

but only half of you is on the doorstep,

the choice I have made is not to tighten the knot

but I can’t

I don’t want to untie myself from you.

 

It’s just a rope keeping me from

taking the perfect wrong road I would love so much,

it’s just a sliver of angel keeping me from

making my name the only thing you can scream.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 4/16/17

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Hollow Ground

Hollow Ground


Like the effluent rose, failing to blossom,

I am stranded
With no defence I sit and wait for the inevitable storm that will strip me of all my colour
All my emotion
All my life
Rain cascades like tears down my withering body.
Battered by the elements as i stare at the ground, waiting for it to consume me
I am weak
I had faith once, i used to admire the ocean of blue above
My beauty is still ever present, but it’s invisible to most
I am invisible
The world that we live in is a picture of serenity, but the earth is filled with parasites
Preying on the weak as they make their way to the top
Forgetting all they once were
Staying true to yourself is a dying art
And not everything is how it appears before us
But even though i’m suffering,
I am still a rose
And I am still beautiful

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this for a very special girl who's soul has been turned to dust.
Taken in with the promise of light, then consumed by darkness.

Inside all of us is ourselves

We just need to come out once in a while

Thy Code, Thy Choice

 

 

The bugs of thy code, hidden like a virus

Steals not your data, dates thy compiler

The mem of thy soul, stressed and archaic

Already knows a thou, c, perl, hebraic

 

The code of thy soul, enough long to rule the world

Willn’t compile if thy seed is a virus

Will not even, case done with the python

‘Tis, ‘tis a problem, the poison of a viper

 

Living through thy blood, bleeding through thy fingers

Spreads on a zip and it lingers, and it lingers

Can’t know what you want, or what thy code’ll be

If ruby, java, just a virus or php

 

Remember that the evil has no single, single patience

You should run, not compile, through the code, through those piles

Just remember all these words, these words of the matrix

Now tell: red or blue? Fast, fast! With no waiting

 

 

"Eye Chews Ewe"

Folder: 
Quotes

by Jeph Johnson 

 

If we don't have a choice in who we love,

How can love be assigned value at all?

When love has no value, life has no value

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2013 

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tags:

Decide

Forever on the run, runnin' from what? Runnin' from ourselves. A race that can't be won. No outrunnin' or escaping fate, but the truth is your fate is what you make it. So it's time to stop runnin' to escape it. Set your feet, turn and face it and change it. Our world has become lost and jaded. Everybody's in such a competition with everybody else that we have truly lost our way. Is there nothing sacred anymore? Have we really fallen this far that we actually believe in these bogus delusions of identity? Seperation and division will be our demise, and if we crash and burn there won't be a Phoenix to rise from the ashes. We need to unite and stop all this senseless violence. If we must destroy, let it be hatred, greed, intolerance and divisions. Because these qualities are the true enemy, the detriment to our species as a whole. It's time for a change in the way we live and love. To understand it's about our fellow man. It's not about the individual,  but all of us as a species. If we crash we all burn, because we're in this together. We will rise or fall, by our own actions as a kind, none of the blame can be cast to this or that faction. By not standing up you contribute to the downfall of humankind. Now it's time, pick your side. Stand up and fight or just sit back and watch us die. The choice is yours to make for yourself. No outside force or being will take that action for you. If we can grow past these divisions and barriers, seeing all as one; We can grow and explore horizons unknown. We are starting to awaken to this line of thinking, but if we don't do it soon it will all be for naught. And if we lose it won't matter who fought.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is the final polished up version of a writing/poem that I had been working on. When I was writing it,I was jotting it down kind of like a rap. The inspiration for this piece is what I feel like when I look at the way we live in this world, just out of balance with everything. Including ourselves. And how we can fix this problem by deciding to unite as a kind. It saddens me the way we treat the planet and the creatures that inhabit her and that's what I am basically saying, we need to change this way of thinking or it will end very, very poorly for us. So as the title says.... Decide. I hope this is enjoyed as much as I enjoyed in the creation of it. Thank you for taking the time to check it out. ☺

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Lucid Dreams!

Folder: 
Life and Choices

                      Lucid Dreams!

To Lucid Dream......To Escape from here.

To Dream of those times, we had fun with "No Fear".

Mis-Spent youth we led for a time;

Never "Thinking" just "Acting".   Never wondering "Why".

Dreams of those times, we were kids once again.

Of those "Precious Moments"; we spent with friends.

DREAMS of our "Loved Ones"....we wish we could see.

Of the Child we Lost, for the choices we made.

Dreams of a Future that once seemed so Bright!

Now are Shattered and Broken; in this cell here at Night!

To Lucid Dream, where our "Spirit  takes flight.

While our body lies resting, we escape here at night.

And in these Dreams our souls are "Free".

To soar with the Angels; our burdens we leave.

Dreams of our Freedom...this Debt being Paid.

Of a Marvelous "New Life"...The New One we make.

In Dreams there is life, of what we can be.

That the Creator pre-destined, but we never perceived.

In Dreams as in Life, we never conceived.

All the valuable and endless possibilities.

So Dream of the Future; and Let Go of the Past.

And within these walls....This to Shall Pass.

For Dreams are our only Escape from here.

But given time, we'll be Free once again!

Written and Composed By: Denise Hall

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this December 2013. To all people who have ever been confined DEDICATED TO:  

Here's to the people who Endured with me, they know who they are, kindred spirits we be!

Welcome To The Coffee Shop

Folder: 
My Favorites

 

Welcome To The Coffee Shop ©

 

(Kyla G. Bingham, Oct-Nov 2014)

 

Welcome to the coffee shop. I’m your barista; please allow me to tell you about the menu.

 

Our house blend is an acquired fondness—quite bold and assertive—so if your tastes are delicate, I hope it doesn’t offend you.

 

Give it a chance to play on your tongue, refine your palate; don’t just hastily spit it out.

 

If you take a moment to savor its flavor and let it give you a jolt, it might just save you a carafe of complications and a decanter full of doubt.

 

Don’t turn away—this is no time for feigning ambivalence, rolling your eyes, being complacent.

 

If you’ll swallow the potion I’m offering, you’ll avoid a lifetime of serious debasement.

 

So please feel free to cozy up to the bar or find yourself a seat.

 

Or since we’ll be here for a bit perhaps you’ll prefer to warm yourself by the fire…go ahead and make yourself at home—kick off your shoes and prop up your feet.

 

Now that you’re settled, as I said this’ll take a minute because some things are percolating, some heavy truths are boiling over, ready to be spoken.

 

Like the fact that you keep listening to the seductive hiss and rattle of tantalizing words that quickly become promises broken.

 

Why? Why did you think that just because his kettle whistled for you that he was ready to fill your heart to overflowing like the fruition of your every dream?

 

Turns out he was just passing air through his lips so now you’re pissed and blowing steam.                 

 

Did you somehow think that giving everyone a dollop of your cream would make you more mature?

 

I’m sorry, love, but that reverie is curdled, and you are your own worst saboteur.

 

You fell for a sultry French kiss and a full body press.

 

And now like the potent, dark liquid that flows through a French press, your dignity is slowly drip, drip, dripping and pooling on the floor with your eagerly and easily discarded dress.

 

You give it up so easily so what do you expect?

 

Offering it all and passing out samples of your “cup of Joe” to every John so now all you have is a double shot of misery and a venti sized serving of disrespect.

 

Your java is interchangeable; they don’t care if you’re caramel, mocha, espresso or chai.

 

They just want the flavor of the day—don’t forget to add the whipped cream and chocolate syrup—drink you down and then a fast goodbye.

 

Wipe his mouth, then wad you up and discard you with the trash.

 

Then get back in line for another mouthful of low self-esteem and decisions that are rash.

 

What’s that in the bakery display case? Yeah, go head and wrap up a sticky bun and a scone.

 

Cuz as long as he feigns attention, nibbling on your confections and affections, you just won’t leave it alone.

 

By the way, this ain’t the only location he frequents—seems every corner has a franchise.

 

Here he’s a banker, there he’s a baller—he’s a sultan of subterfuge and a doyen of disguise.

 

And you keep falling for the ruse not realizing that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is the textbook definition of insanity.

 

Maybe you’re perfectly matched because you’re the queen of SSDD which leads to pregnancy and STD and the loss of your very humanity.

 

You need to snap out of it, change your M.O., and have a little bit of pride.

 

Because at the rate girls like you are going, it’s becoming self-inflicted “gendercide.

 

Now look at you all upset, froth just foaming from your lips.

 

Rabid because you should have made him buy the mug instead of handing out all those free testers and sips.

 

Did you even think to use a coaster? No, you didn’t. I see the evidence of your negligence in the form of rings of condensation.

 

You just charge through the chute like a mare to be mounted and totally skip the need for mental sublimation.

 

You don’t even bother with cognitive stimulation.

 

Don’t know the intense pleasure of a demitasse of tea with a side of penetrating conversation.

 

Perhaps you should consider falling in love between your ears instead of lust below your waist.

 

Perchance then you won’t have so many experiences you wish could be erased.

 

Your baseless carnality is empty…a study in ineffectuality.

 

There’s so much deeper and more lasting fulfillment in being an out and proud proponent of sapiosexuality.       

 

But you refuse to think first, you’re stuck in a loop of reckless action then regret that can at best be called illogical.

 

Actually, it’s beyond that; it’s a disease, and your behavior is pathological.

 

Once the deed is done, you can’t undo it no matter how you beg, steal or borrow.

 

It’s the unchangeable unilateral flow of time: it’s impossible to rewind to yesterday, and there be no such thing as tomorrow.

 

So there you have it, the straight, unsweetened brew, and though it was bitter and acidic, I hope you listened up and banked it.

 

Because there are no refunds on a beverage once you already drank it.

 

But sadly most ignore the expert suggestions of their well-meaning barista; the say she’s abrasive and curt.

 

They disregard that she’s studied well the proffered libations and human inclinations to opt for the cloyingly sweet—and so she helplessly watches as they reap the ensuing world of hurt.

 

Now you’re shattered on the ground, tears spilling and spreading all around like the fluid caffeine from a broken coffee cup.

 

No, you can’t change your mind and listen now.  Sorry the bell has already rung. Next in line, and as for you, “order up”.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is the first totally new poem I've written in about a year. I hope you enoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Cool

 

-Kyla

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