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I have so many memories that I could carry through my life.

Some great ones that would keep me entertained for a while.

But the ones that I carry close to my heart are the ones that I spent

with you.

From the moment we met on WWF, our first text message, our first

time talking on the phone, our first time Facetiming, the nights we would

talk on the phone while I was at work, and the moment I got in your car

at the airport.

Do you remember those times?

Those are my happiest memories of my life. 

I can still hear your voice telling me you loved me that night.

I remember what you were doing when you told me that. 

I say those are happy memories but fuck, I am sitting here

crying with sadness.

Not just because I miss you its also because you are the love of my life

and you don't love me anymore.

And I fear you will never love again or that you never love me the way you did back then.

I would give  my life to go back to that time I spent with you and tell you I will come back to you I promise.

That I have seen my future without you and it's dark and gloomy.

And it fucking sucks and its no future. 

Because you are the one I want.

I knew it then and I know it now.

I will always know it.

You are the one I love more than I could ever fucking imagine.

So please know I will be back.

And I would fucking move heaven and hell and come back to you.

I would do everything to be with you.

I wish to God you would see that everyday I live with this regret.

This self hate.

Yes these memories make me happy because I see you beautiful smiling face and those

soft brown eyes that dance when you smile and talk.

Your smile lights up a room and it fills my heart with such love for you.

But it's also bittersweet because you and I were together when I think of those times.

Then reality hits.

And it fucking hits hard.

You are there and I am here.

And you don't love me anymore.

And yet I am still loving you as much as I did then if not more.

Once more your memory comes back and lets me know what a fool I am. 

 

Another day is here and my heart is still beating but yet I don't know how.

How does a broken heart keep beating day after day?

How does survive this hell? 

This torment?

This pain that never seems to end?

They say that time heals all wounds. 

I say that is utter bullshit because it's been almost three years since I have seen your beautiful face.

Since I have held you in my arms and tasted your sweet lips on mine.

Yes I know I could have seen you sooner and I hate me every day for it.

And as my punishment I live in this nightmare that never ends.

Everyday I feel my heart break over and over again.

One day I hope it breaks completely till there is nothing left of it.

That way I won't feel anything anymore.

Because you see feeling this way sucks.

I've tried moving on.

I've tried getting over you but yet everything has led me back to you. 

It is you. 

It will always be you.

I have told you so many times it's you. 

No one can take your place.

Not in this lifetime or the next.

My love and heart will always belong to you.

And before you say the words that you always say

there will not be another one.

I love you forever and always.

 

Be seven minutes, five or three;

in frozen zone time stops it's spin.

It's you and me...just you and me...

melting epochs in carnal kiln.

 

I'm here to scorch your sodden woods,

but soon to douse your every leaf

and bloom with gushing rapturous fluids,

till tremble you on crazy cliff.

 

Don't think all this a looney spiel

of one amnestic bard with crushed

psyche under the clocking wheel

or whooshing sounds of carnal rush!

 

You know, behind these stirring woos,

there's calmly love, as comely ruse!

Suicide isn't a Thank You

 

SachikoMochiko & SinisterPotatoe (Jack)

 

“Jack!” my heart falls into a deep, dark, cold abyss as saltwater crystals rush like a waterfall down my cheeks. He ended it. Officers held me back, refraining me from attending his bloody body…his soul has left.

 

Three months’ post-Jack’s departure, I scuffle his belongings. The old apartment was dewy and rusty at the same time. My calloused fingertips hover past a dusty paper. Hidden. Hidden behind his mirror. I carefully unfold the dust-magnet flat. A poem:

 

From the hollow pit of my emotions, I’ve reached the end

 

The end, that determines my fate…

 

I’ve reached the end, my only friend

 

The end, that leaves me bent

=

 

Around the bend, regards have been sent

 

The very bend left the very dent

 

As I fend off the reality…I’m bent

 

=

 

O’ since the blood drips to my fingertips

 

We struggle…I struggle

 

I know it’s hard, we’ve come so far, but everything will eventually be over

 

Like a story…all stories end, eh?

 

So, I’ll be the one to end it

 

=

 

What goes up must come down…it’s the law

 

But the law isn’t any determinant…

 

We protect the law, right?

 

==

 

Shhh…

--

 

Before my empty shell is found dead

 

Before my empty shell, where my soul left, morphs back to the Earth…where I belong

 

 I promise not to frown

 

 If you’re still in town, I beg you visit my grave,

 

 but I’m sorry my sadness wasn’t a faze

 

And if your soul is more than grazed by my departure

 

Know that through all the torture and the pain,

 

Through all the blood, the tears and the wails…

 

 you were the one who kept me sane

 

==

 

Surely, this is an excuse

 

Well, my only friend…

 

I am mistaken, I am not bent

 

I am not dented

 

But I am broken…unable to function anymore,

 

in this beautifully rotten world

 

=

 

Sunshine or rain, I beg you to refrain from crying,

 

 because at least, I am healed through death

 

I’m biding my holy time, with every new rhyme it’s a struggle. I can’t smuggle happiness back into my life…

 

It’s against the law…the laws that I wrote inside my young, naïve mind

 

The very laws that kept me in this cage

 

With all this baggage and luggage, I act like I’m at peace

 

At heart, I’m being weighed down by myself

 

I pound at the barrier between me and others, my prison,

 

I’m chained and bound, pulled down, buried in the mud, I was forgotten

 

But I’ve risen above it

 

I love it, life, and every knife in the back has brought me a crack in the wall,

 

however small, someday I’ll break free

 

I’ve brought forth emotions that have sought to honor the ones who never run from my side

 

I don’t abide by reasons to cry unless they are tears of joy or a new way to get stronger

 

When I rot, when my body is nothing but issue

 

a goner north of my goals, dead in my hole at least I’ll know my soul was honorable

 

And if your sad, don’t be

 

I know you think suicide isn’t a thank you, but it’s a sign of escape

 

Escape from this prison that binds me…

 

Twists me…

 

Bends me…

 

Breaks me…

 

Have faith, my honors always been a stake, don’t worry, fake words, tongues that lie will eventually break

 

===

After all, what goes up must come down

 

 

And when that happens you will no longer frown, stick around and keep your mouth shut until you have the right to speak

 

Because suicide may kill me, and weak freaks are fodder for lies, and propaganda flies its flag until the target dies, but words won’t kill the truth

 

And even though I’ll never know it, you will, write the story, and don’t worry about me

 

I’m already free

 

-Jack

 

Once again, saltwater crystals flow down my cheeks. By not like a harsh waterfall, but like little fairy steps, tickling down my sullen flesh.

 

“May your soul be free”

 

 

 

 

This is an extended version of SinisterPotatoes (Jack) original poem Suicide isn't a Thank You. See it here: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/SinisterPotatoe/1972625/

Hope you like it! (especially you sir, SinisterPotatoe (Jack))

When I think of you,

I feel like being in paradise!

Visualising you ardently,

As the sun my heart does rise!  

 

 

Not a single day I pass,

Not thinking of you even once,

As soon as my eyes meet yours,

Like the wind my heart starts to dance!

 

You are life, tranquility, the origin of joy,

 

The beauty of the beauties, Helen of Troy!

You tried to flee,

Like the fearful Daphne,

Did I ever approach you,

Like the lustful Apollo?

 

 

You made a mistake,

Since you chose not to take,

My offer of love then,

And relied on the other men!

 

Time changed you much in everyone’s eyes,

 

As the caterpillars transform into butterflies!

I don't say this a lot of times so you can consider yourself lucky to hear me saying this,
I'm not going to repeat myself though, even if you ask me to.
So listen well,
Look to my lips moving,
See my mouth open slowly,
Hear my words.
"I'm staying".

I wanted to be strong, 

But I'm not. 

I wanted to be strong enough,

To don't cry with the words that you said to me. 

But I couldn't, 

After I read them, I felt destroyed.

As if my world was destroyed in that moment. 

I wanted to be strong enough, 

To tell you that what you said was only a lie that you created, 

But I knew that it wasn't a lie.

I wanted to be strong enough, 

To go talk with you, 

And say you that I didn't liked the way that you said what you said, and even worst, in a fucking text. 

I wanted to be strong, 

Strong,

So strong that in this moment you would be insignificant to me. 

But I'm not.

I tried, 

And tried, 

And tried. 

I tried to enter, 

I tried to see, 

I tried to know,

I tried to find, 

That world where you hide.

For a long time I have been fighting, 

Trying, 

Searching for a door.

When I realized that I couldn't come in, 

Simply because I'm stuck, 

Inside of myself.