Budding child
Cried for joy
laboured books
Arrested for hours
Exploring the nature
Strong desire of hour
Realising all stress
Father took out for ride
Joyfull looks
tried capturing all around
All at once a gentle blow
Hammered by mom
How did u do!
I did well mom
Double hammed mom
Was it just well or best
I did very best mom
Oh! god you are so kind
My son! did best in test
Shuttered all joy
Hammer upon hammer
Or father drove home quick
All at once
Remembered how i were
In screwed childhood.
He was both not there
And my savior
All in one
Because when he WAS around
He protected me
I was his daddy's girl
I was the most abused
He did what he could to help
Usually by doing dishes
Mother would get pissed
How dare a parent help
Their child
Their blood
Let them flounder
Let them fail
So I can win at one more thing
And hold it over their head
He helped
But only so much so
Too timid to really fight
Too quiet to speak up
She ruled over us all
She was the queen
If she wanted something
You fetched it
And I did everything
To take care of our homes
The many apartments
We called "homes"
As soon as I was old enough
To hold a sponge
I was doing dishes
Once I was old enough to cook
I made dinner every night
If not
You faced her wrath
The anger that would spew
From her nostrils
Her eyes glowing red
And a quick flick
Of her tongue
And the beatings
She would give
Once he passed
It was free for all
Into early adulthood
The abuse continued
I was conditioned
When I left
It trickled to my brother
She continued to abuse her child,
But now it wasn't me
And my father wasn't there
To save him
My father prefers to speak through songs rather than with words. Through time, he has created a collection of all sorts of musical devices: he owns a wide spectrum of headphones, LP and CD players, and those in our home’s history remember a couple of iPods and iPhones... This could go on and on but his favorite ones are the speakers you can find in the room at our home where he sometimes works. I remember being younger and the various times where my dad showed me how different music could sound, all depending where it was coming from. For a man of few words, he has a habit of religiously telling me that I need to feel it: The sound and tempo of strings, piano keys, and the beat of drums can all become tangible if I want to. Every weekend he gives himself time to test the different kinds of settings his speakers have and change them to his desires and preferences. They've been with him through it all: since the first day we moved to this house, to all the jazzy dinner meals he has prepared for us. Almost every Sunday he cooks us chicken and vegetables while he listens to his favorite songs from sessions of MTV Unplugged. Once he turns his speakers on, it feels like as if he's not in Monterrey anymore but in a land somewhere far away in his mind. There are times where I can’t differentiate the sounds between his devices but he can get so excited about them that I just can’t say anything else than “Yes, I do”. Sometimes though, times are gloomy and he puts his music very quiet and stays inside his office all day long. I remember when he discovered a radio station from Montecarlo and how he used to put it on nonstop; he said it reminded him of one of the dreamiest trips he has experienced with my mother. Sometimes, she doesn't like it when (for her standards) the music is too loud. So when she’s away because of work, my dad sets up a daylong concert including genres such as bossa nova, jazz, 80’s Argentinian music, and much more. It’s quite funny how he secretly adds up speakers to his collection without telling anyone, they just appear in our house randomly. I don't remember a time in my life where music has not been relevant to his life.
My brother died,
And in his place;
I was born,
But I was repelled.
My mother threw me from the table,
Abused me, both mind and body.
My father never present,
And if so, he ignored me.
They left each other fast,
'cause mother was a lesbian.
But my father needed a woman,
For his children and as a housewife.
The second was quite alright,
Even if she made me eat axis.
Only my sister I couldn't see,
That became off limits.
After years they had their divorce,
And then came the third, the most terrible.
My wicked stepmother,
The greatest dictator.
She tried to strangle my brother,
Then father did interfere.
She put me in the sanitarium,
With false motives, my fear.
Firstly in a crisis-centra,
'cause I run away from home.
Then in the sanitarium,
Where I for six months did roam.
In the sanitarium,
Provided with medication.
By which I lost my memory,
Crawling in the emptiness of chaos...
Regularly I suffered blackouts,
By which I saw nothing.
Not knowing what I did,
Much like sleep-walking;
And strange vistas occurred.
I wasn't suffering delirium,
Is what the doctors told.
So all this time,
I was in the asylum for no reason.
Then I had to go to boarding-school,
Where I developed something bad: anger.
I wanted to kill another, a female;
And Nyarlathotep, I am sorry;
Maybe I didn't wanted to commit this act,
But I had to from Satan...
What happened was unforeseen,
'cause my room was now aflame.
The building completely in axis,
The police came to arrest me.
A year and a half in prison,
Locked away in a cell, in Hell.
A year and a half terror,
The bondage of society.
When I got out, there was another project,
Named room-training.
I had to work in a factory,
But that didn't end well...
I started to mutilate myself,
Which I learned in the sanitarium.
They send me to the hospital,
To the psychiatric division.
Then again to the crisis-centra,
Which I didn't liked at all.
As if I had to start over,
This was too much overall...
Through the open door I escaped,
And from my last money;
I bought a train-ticket,
Which brought me to Ramses.
you both were the lite of his life and he chrished every moment he had
your beauty matched your compassionate and oh so gentle caring dad
and i think your dad would give up all he holds dear and walk a thousand miles
just to see your shining smile light up the room god he does miss your smile
you made him see the beauty in life just by being you and giving him your love
sometimes i can see the sadness in his eyes when he talks about you in heaven above
and sometimes i see pride in there depths when he tells me storys about both of you
but mostly he tells me that he was the luckyest father who ever lived smiling all the while
and how he wishes he could talk to you once more to tell you that he misses your smile
your smile and joy went a long way in making him feel like a happy and blessed father
and the memories of you both he holds close to himself that will always matter
to see you again would mean more joy then he has ever felt and will never go out of style
but as he looks up to the heavens above he whispers i love you both and i sure do miss your smiles.
Becky Chadbourne.
On the count of three, we sprinted away
From danger. Our feet tripped over the banks
Of white with snowshoes – homemade by duct-taped
Plywood. A ravenous polar bear nipped
At our heels, and the flurries burned my cheeks.
I twisted my head to look to my side;
A young image of Dad jogging close behind,
Smiling, describing winter’s adventure.
I have still never seen the inside of the room
Where you spent your winter afternoons
On the floor or on your knees
Mama said it was a part of your disease
But i could never understand
When those doors sprang open at times
You stumbled out wet and screaming for limes
No one in the house would look up or even nod
Mama would whisper, "it's just something he forgot."
But i could never understand
The music of Billie Holiday blasting a private concert
I could hear you mumbling and fumbling for every word
When i asked uncle Mickey about the strange smell
Mama would cut in with, "Tequila, it's the juice from hell!"
But i was so young, I could never understand
One day a loud popping sound cut straight through the tunes
It was the first time I ever heard the silence of my Daddy's room
It was also the first time i ever saw through your door
Mama said you were sleeping but i saw the blood and the gun
And you on the floor
I was young but somehow i knew
It was time
To grow up...
deep \ inspace
Old man &/ withered
@in the center
lying.in a
crypt
suspended by nothing
stormy &/ coldstone / Morpheus
black.@in
deepempty \ inspace
dying.is a
person/ified
Old man sleeping
&: the movement
of molecules
is his @in a
deepemptydream \ inspace
My brother died,
And in his place;
I was born,
But I was repelled.
My mother threw me from the table,
Abused me, both mind and body.
My father never present,
And if so, he ignored me.
They left each other fast,
'cause mother was a lesbian.
But my father needed a woman,
For his children and as a housewife.
The second was quite alright,
Even if she made me eat axis.
Only my sister I couldn't see,
That became off limits.
After years they had their divorce,
And then came the third, the most terrible.
My wicked stepmother,
The greatest dictator.
She tried to strangle my brother,
Then father did interfere.
She put me in the sanitarium,
With false motives, my fear.
Firstly in a crisis-centra,
'cause I ran away from home.
Then in the sanitarium,
Where I for six months did roam.
In the sanitarium,
Provided with medication.
By which I lost my memory,
Crawling in the emptiness of chaos...
Regularly I suffered blackouts,
By which I saw nothing.
Not knowing what I did,
Much like sleep-walking;
And strange vistas appeared.
I wasn't suffering delirium,
Is what the doctors told.
So all this time,
I was in the asylum for no reason.
Then I had to go to boarding-school,
Where I developed something bad: anger.
I wanted to kill another, a female;
And Nyarlathotep, I am sorry;
Maybe I didn't wanted to commit this act,
But I had to from Satan...
What happened was unforeseen,
'cause my room was now aflame.
The building completely in axis,
The police came to arrest me.
A year and a half in prison,
Locked away in a cell, in Hell.
A year and a half terror,
The bondage of society.
When I got out, there was another project,
Named room-training.
I had to work in a factory,
But that didn't end well...
I started to mutilate myself,
Which I learned in the sanitarium.
They send me to the hospital,
To the psychiatric division.
Then again to the crisis-centra,
Which I didn't liked at all.
As if I had to start over,
This was too much to deal...
Through the open door I escaped,
And from my last money;
I bought a train-ticket,
Which brought me to Ramses.