cry

Don't count the flowers..

in the darkest of hours, we count the flowers..

we blink our eyes, & in countless seconds, they wither & die..

even the fragrance slips away.. the petals dry out, & make that sad crunchy sound.. 

did someone forget to change the water in the vase..?

maybe they never should of been put into a bouqet.. 

 

scatter the remains across a green field, you get down & kneel..

looking off into the horizon, you pray.. 

God why, why couldn't they of been saved...? 

collapse into the grass, take a deep breath, at last..

your hands graze over the dead flowers, & clovers.. 

looking into the bleak sky, those eyes had nothing left to give..

so just cry.. this is the life you've lived.

no rain.. only clouds..

no light.. just that painful sound..

the wind caressing limp petals off the ground, to somewhere they can have inner peace.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2.20.13

Fool that is ourself~

high expectations are not my cup of tea, people need to stop tryin' to suck the life out of me..

do we return to the memories..? or do they come back to us?

the only person I really want to talk to right now is my father.. but why bother thinking about it.. 

I just want to question him on everything that seems to of passed us by... like the time.. 

or what we will become after wasting away.. after we've deteriorated & our skin is past grey..

 

slowly paralyzed, fingers first.. trying to figure this out, tying up loose threads.. 

I need to feel alive.. have I been living a lie within my head..?

or am I trapped inside, knowing outside is the reality in which you've been dead.

 

I could spend the rest of my life in bed, until i've cried enough tears to flood the entire house, both stories.

but wouldn't that just be a waste of potential..? to let the pain push me down, further each day.. 

the weight of nostalgia get's heavier, despite it's dismay..

memories are like an impenetrable fog, & everyone else gets the sunshine on their face.. 

do we all pity the fool, that is ourself..?

Cutting (Epilogue)

Pain scorches my mind

As I peruse the novels

Of my recollections

Every night is identical

Read, reminisce, agony

So I incinerated the library

Of my long kept memories

And their embers seared a hollowness

Into my soul

The ashes of my past

Floating away into the blood-red of the firmament

Or is it of my veins

I can’t say

I can’t remember

I don’t care

The stars sing tenderly to me

Their mournful cry from afar

Helpless to relieve me

Powerless to help

Incapable of aiding

A dying man

A vanished cause

A solitary shadow

I’ve given up the contest

There is no longer a challenge

No longer the next battle

Just eternity at my fingertips

And the doorway in my hand

A slit across the open earth

And I fade into nothingness

Perhaps they will miss me when I’m gone

Funny how they listen

When you can no longer speak

Yet, perhaps they will forget me

I do not know

Another life aborted

Gone into I know not where

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Note: I do not cut now, this is just a story.  Written after the end, therefore subtitled Epilogue. I won't say to enjoy this one...

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When Death Feeds

Folder: 
Light and Dark

After the thunder

Comes the rain

After a blow

Comes the pain

After it’s done

Comes the shame

You shouldn’t have done it

Brother Cain

 

Did you not know

That death is hungry

Did you not know

It always needs

Did you not know

It’s never full

Didn’t you know

It eats him who feeds

 

Cursed are you

For killing your brother

Start life anew

Far from another

Marked is your forehead

So you’ll never forget

Your feet feel like lead

Death feeds on you yet

 

Why does the sky cry

When I’m crying

Why does the wind howl

As I’m dying

Why do the animals whimper

As I bleed

Why is it so cold

When death feeds?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The story of Cain, the first murderer, who killed his brother Abel out of jealosy. This is written as Cain's point of view from his death-bed many hundreds of years later.  Enjoy

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Mirror Mirror on the Wall

She stares at me with intense distaste.
I soak in her scrutinizing judgment
As our eyes lock.
A dolorous sobbing begins in her throat
And slowly creeps upon her face as her brow furrows.
Her eyes look on with a new potency;
All hatred has left the cloudy blue spheres,
And in its place a sickening anguish.
Her bleak eyes plead with me for help.
Just as my mouth opens for reassurance
a laugh escapes her lips and her eyes drop to the floor.
Cheerfulness envelopes her body as she cries out with laughter.
I begin to smile back at this playful new friend,
But again I see her eyes.
I helplessly stare into the threshold of her scars and sorrows,
Wishing to once more only see her pseudo-happiness.
Her smile widens,
Knowing I’ve seen past her façade.

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The Mirth of Misery

her contagious smile she hides behind
Touches everyone and everything,
Except for her eyes.

For in those pale blue eyes,
Lies the threshold to the labyrinth
Of scars and sorrows buried deep inside.

Her sweet songs of laughter and happiness
Flood through you until you plunge into
A tranquil state of pure euphoria and bliss.

Never open your ears
If she’s singing her songs,
Or you might hear the cries masked in the giggles.

But if you happen to see her eyes
And or hear her cries,
Be sure not to share.

Silently bathe in the clutch of her woe,
For if you reach out,
You could alleviate her pain.

And when her grins become real and her laughs truly merry,
The aches of humanity
Will need a new heart to carry.

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Everyone's alike - Amanda Todd Story -

Every single day I hate the fact that I'm alive
I just want someone to be there and hold me when I cry
I feel like an outcast I can sympathize Rosa parks
Being beaten up and left in the ditch to die in the dark
I cry myself to sleep after suicide attempts
To me life is a burden something I want exempt
What is so different between me and you
Sure I made mistakes but that what humans do
No one reached out their hand when I needed their help
All they could ever do was think about themselves
They say don't judge a book by its cover and that is true
It just happens to be that my cover is of me nude
Don't let my death be in vain I'm spreading a message
I'm trying to change society, being a friend is the lesson
In the end of the day we're all still the same
Reflect on your actions and next time use your brain

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My condolences to the families that have lost someone due to bullying. The Amanda Todd story touched me because she tried so hard to fit in and not because she was pretty or talented... The more that she tried, the more they rejected her and more cruel towards her. She made a stupid mistake and I'm sure she regretted it... Its just sad seeing how hard she tried only to take her own life... Its even worse to see that most people say that its a shame because she is pretty or a talented singer... I think to myself would people care less if Amanda Todd wasn't pretty? It gives me little faith in society that even when people die, they only judge by looks.

- Amanda's Story -
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=206105792854972&set=a.2060875028...

This girl, her name is Amanda Todd.
She posted a video on YouTube a few days ago.
She was bullied so bad it led to suicide...

She was in a webcam chat group to meet up with new and old people.
They started calling her Beautiful, Stunning, cute, Etc.
And then they asked her to flash...
So she did.....
Thinking it was nothing...
A year went by and some guy she did not know, messaged her saying ”Give me a 'show' or I will send your boobs.”
She ignored it.....
Christmas Break came and a knock came on her door at 4 AM.
It was the police...
That person sent the picture to EVERYONE.
Everyone judged her.
Bullied her.
From ONE MISTAKE.
She ended up switching schools.
That person found out her school, friends, address once again and sent them there too.
She had no one.
Everyone hated her.
She ended up switching towns.
Then at this new school....She met this boy who she thought liked her.
He didn't....he had a girlfriend.
One day she got a note saying you better leave school.
She didn't.
A group of boys and girls including that boy, the girlfriend and more came up to her while the school surrounded her.
The girl said “Look around, No one likes you.”
One kid from the group said “JUST PUNCH HER ALREADY!” So she did, and Amanda got beat really bad.
And got left.
Alone.
And her dad ended up finding her in a ditch hours later.
She went home and drank bleach, to try to kill herself.
It didn't work.
The next day all over her Facebook page was written
“Drink some more bleach",
"No one cares",
"I hope she dies, "No one would cry", "Everyone hates you", "Amanda try it again we dare you"…and so much more.
She cried every night. Why did everyone hate her.
One mistake.
One.
She started cutting so much and did drugs,and drank alcohal.
She ended up trying to kill herself again.
She failed.
She couldnt take it anymore.
At the end of the video it said ”I am Amanda Todd. I just need someone.” October 10th she hung herself.
She is dead. Rest in paradise, Amanda. You're beautiful. I will find a way to help stop bullying. I will share your story.
Heaven gained an angel. xo.

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Untitled

I knew youd'e get upset when i said them words
I guess you just always looked at the good times
Yes i do still have feelings for you,
But that's not why i put it to an end
we were only young , there's no need to pretend
For you it was your first love it was always going to be hard
First kiss , holding hands , valentines card
I had to let you go before it went on too long
If i lost my will to try , putting you through it would be wrong
But maybe we will meet again one day and feel the need for more
And fall in love again
Just like we did before

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I am

Folder: 
The First One.

I AM
scared that’ll fall for you.
am scared to kiss you, cause am scared I might just miss you
am scared to hug you, feels harder to not hold you tighter
am scared to miss you, because it means I just might NEED YOU
am scared to laugh with you, feels like it won’t be just the two
am scared to cry for you, means I might just have TO lie to you
but what scares me the most, Is that am so scared to LOVE you
because if I do I might just close my eyes and just see US two
AND FORGET, forget, forget
THE reason for being so scared
forget, that I’ll just get HURT.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

FEEDBACK. Please.