negativity

Burderned

Spent most of my life, trapped in the dark

Chasing some sort of light, mindset so stark

I go deep into the darkness, all consumed

But somehow I emerge, hope renewed

It happens every time, like it's a game

Every day wondering, is this my last play

Focused mindset, clouded by negativity

Hoping, praying, for a moment of serendipity

This light that I'm chasing, it seems to fade

The edges of my sanity, they seem so frayed..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I don't remember writing this. I was looking through a notepad I sometimes write in, saw this and thought I'd upload it. This is the first poem I've uploaded. The art of English is not a great subject for me. All comments welcome, negative and positive.

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 19

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ThoughtShock

Chapter Nineteen

'The mark of a coward'

 

The devil will wait for me on the road of desolation,

at the crossroads of my weakness and obsessions.

Will these words become my final chapters?

As I walk head on into the den of vipers.”

 

           I am still here, still alive and kicking. Down but not out. I still have some fight left in me and a great man would stand and take that beating once again. Only I am no great man, as I just want to lay here until they are finished with their abuse.

Life is a challenge as we confront our demons that tempt us into the free peep shows of sin at the core of our hearts and minds. Even now I can hear her whispering in my ear and even now as my tainted blood pumps through my body I feel her seductive pull that is peace. To become numb, both physically and emotionally.

We live in a world that sucks the very life from you. To survive in a broken shell of a body. Abused by years of bad choices and horrible mistakes and often finding myself repeating many of them. Should be into my prime, when I feel I need a crutch just to manage through the day. Reaching my limit of self centered narcissistic egotistical sadistic people who only see me as some bump in their way. It is disturbing that once regarded friends would only use me for money, cheap labor, or a glorified taxi service and those friends would become ghosts when I would find myself in need of a helping hand.

        The human emotion. A paradox that could drive a person to insanity. When negativity roots itself deep into your soul you are left but with few options and even fewer that look promising. It is in your darkest hour, battling your demons and hordes of beasts that want nothing more then to skin you alive, do you find your worth.

Left alone, and to your vices. Where when even the most extreme outlook can feel like it's your only lifeline. It is not always just about suicide being the worst remedy to depression. Sometimes the most tragic tale of a man's saga to survive is that he simply just gave up.

 

          The worst part is that reflection behind the mirror is truly not my own, rather a junkie hiding in a collapsing shell. That bitch of temptation did her job well. Having me strung out and left for dead on more then one occasion. She believed I was indeed broken, having gave up like my eyes told the world. I had lost everything that was beautiful and was thrown to the darkness to believe the lie that love was dead and gone. All I saw was pain and suffering, lies and assholes. Monsters and ugly beasts living in paradise. There was once a time when I would pray for madness. An escape from the brutality of the darkness. I am no great man, I am but a coward.

 

I feel as if death hovers over my shoulder

just out of eye sight. That eerie sensation

that you are slowly slipping away.

Knowing your losing grip on reality,

why continue to chase the demon?”

 

                        'The fallen shall be slain;

Forever to know pain and to the victors with a kiss. Sealed obedience and hear the whispers down the hall. They speak of how you will fall. Tripped by your own accord, a purchase you could never afford. Now bound by debt, you praise your slavery with regret. Just close your eyes, there goes just another star for you to idolize. When up is down you cannot feel around, how does the honest man survive?

          Face the mirror, face the demon within yourself. Taste the fear and destroy yourself. Sick and tired of circles, the idiots and bigots hypnotized by the sparkles. The meek can't afford to be weak, when the devil is standing at the peek and just think of the havoc he will wreak.

 

So now I stand before the gates, as the fallen have been slain.

My heart now hangs in shame. The honest man dies.

Ask yourself if the heavens cry out in sorrow,

would you feel the tears as they fell from the sky?

Walking with the blind, collectively empty, your soul left behind.'

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ThoughtShock: A Manifesto Chapter 19 'The mark of a coward'

 

There really isint much to say about this piece, Other than it does have a very specail meaning for me, I hope this piece helps a person better understand their own demons..

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Exit Humanity

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ThoughtShock


Exit Humanity.......

 

 

As the bombs start falling,

your preacher comes calling.

The whiskey bottle hits your lips,

ten minutes later your on stage counting your tips.

The assholes and whores get all the tricks.”

 

Looking through the empty glass,

while slumming it up in first class.

Your hypocrisy flows like wine,

as we all wait in the devil's line.

You wage war in filth till nothing is left standing,

it's an overdose as your heart starts pounding.

 

They want you to drown as they pull you under the tide.

The reaper's hand is cold as you now struggle to survive.

 

Let's all celebrate our coming destruction,

conduct orgies to our suicidal obsessions.

Death will be our calling card.

Exit humanity, shit just got hard.

In our apathy to commit an atrocity.

Violence under the guise of abstract lies.

Let's all celebrate, this insanity we embrace.

It's the sacrificial rituals that we create,

the myth that we cannot tempt fate.

 

And goddamn this fucked up land,

the man who cowers behind the backhand.

The self righteous, a bigot to their own vices.

March for the lie. Abused until you die,

become the victim and lose your pride.

It's a morbid device, to need your virgin sacrifice.

Slay the innocent to satisfy your god,

butcher the heretics it's not flawed,

as you steal from the poor its not fraud

 

It's a morbid device, to build up your own Antichrist.”

~~

 

 
 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

"and so I say, I believe I am about to reach my limit of stupid people and my god there are many of them, an ocean of stupidity surrounding a dingy of sanity"

 

(Updated; From ThoughtShock)

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Internal Struggles

why is it that i feel dis way -- dis emotion of black & grey -- negative thunder is in my brian -- a storm of darkness comes my way -- i cant control wat i see -- my eyes are jus laughing at me -- my ears are speaking in demonic wayz -- but why is it that im not afraid -- my mouth alwayz crys blood -- that drips down & forms a flood -- my nose likes da taste a bit -- but my hearts had enough of it -- so i sit there as it gets dim -- dats wen i start to see da grim -- as he gets closer i get dis feeling -- in my body my soul starts beating -- my nerves start screaming -- my tongue starts feeding -- & my hands start dealing -- da contract is siqned its already to late -- time went so fast i guess it was fate -- in return he takes out dis key -- in my chest he stabs me -- flashbacks goes thru my eyes -- & in my heart i see da lies -- throughout my body it starts to feed -- next thing I kno its part of me -- i now realize i feel alive -- as all da good slowly leaves -- i no longer feel like a human being -- why is it that this had to happen -- i guess its becuz i let life take action -- It came at me hard and took all my love -- but now my heart is strong enough -- filled with only one single thought -- & its funny becuz its all lifes fault -- but i thanx her for teaching me -- cuz ina way she set me free -- so now with my rebirth im on my way -- & if ur reading this u should pry -- cuz wen I see her i wont say hi -- my hearts one single thought is to murder life ~

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