sorrow

Letters

If I could write a letter to my past,
There are so many things I would say

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
There are so many things I would ask

 

I would say “it'll get better, stay strong!”

And that would be a lie

 

I would ask, “does it ever get better?”
And I would hope that it does

 

I would say “you're strong, you can hold the world on your shoulders!”
And that would be a lie

 

I would ask, “did you make it through this?”
And I would hope the answer's yes

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I would only be able to lie

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
I don't think I'd want a reply

 

We endured so much in the past,
Scraping by, clawing through the dust and into what we thought was sunlight

 

We'll have endured so much in the future,
And hopefully we'll have emerged in the moonlight

 

We suffered so much pain in the past,
But it feels like nothing but a sliver under our skin compared to now

 

We'll have suffered so much in the future,
That if we're still around I will truly be shocked

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't warn them

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
I wouldn't ask for help

 

Because this pain is what makes us who we are,
This pain defines us,
It binds us and shackles us to our broken version of reality.

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't give help
I wouldn't warn them of the dangers to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very reality
Is all I have left.

 

And if I could write a letter to my future, I wouldn't ask for help,
I wouldn't ask for a heads-up or a warning of everything to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very life,
Will continue to antagonize my every breath,

Leading me to become someone beyond our imaginations.

 

If I could write a letter across time,
There wouldn't be much in it,
Because if there was,

Those letters wouldn't be addressed to me,
They'd be addressed to someone completely different,
Someone who hasn't suffered the pain that defines me.

 

I need that pain.
Without that pain, me wouldn't be me.

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Fucking Lost Again

You Want To Bring Them
Some Sort Of Happiness
But Nothing You Bring
Makes Them Smile At All
Not Even The Slightest Bit


You Wonder What Went Wrong In Your Life
Sometimes You Want Your Life To End
And Sometimes You Don't Know What To Do
But You End Up Moving Foward
Because You Don't Know
What The Else The Fuck To Do


You Don't Have Any Talents
You Don't Have Any Skills
The Dream I've Had
Since I Became A Christian
Hasn't Moved Forward
I Don't Know What To Do
I Don't Know What To Say


I'm Just Lost And I Need To Be Saved Again
And I Need To Feel Lovable, Capable And Worthwhile
I Need To Know I Am Not Alone
I Need To Know I Am Loved Without Strings

 

 

Afraid To Be Alone

Folder: 
Miracles

I've Tried Hide All The Scars
I Left Behind
You Wanted
To Make Me Fresh And New
But I'm Ashamed
I Have Nothing Of No Talent
I Feel I Have Of Nothing Of Use


I Tried Letting It Go
But You Wont Let Me Be
Why Do You Look For Me
When I've Got Nothing
You Cloak Your Cape
And Shower Your Love On Me

These Tears Cannot Express


But I Still Wonder
Why Do You Choose Me
Its Not Your Place
To Follow Me
You Expect Me To Give You Something
But I've Got No Talent
Still I Follow You
Because Of Your Caring Warmth


For Someone Who Has So Much
To Care For Someone Of So Little
Unclenching My Fist
And Opening Up My Soul
Makes Me Exhale My Heart
And Come Forth
With Arms Wide Open


Because Someone Who Cares
Someone Whos There For Me
And Someone Who Knows
Somebody
Who Knows Whats Its Like
Being Afraid To Be Alone

Salt Laden Drops

Folder: 
Je Na Sais Quoi

Why do I miss you so much?

What's this strange feeling that surge?

Salt laden drops

I collapse on the floor

With my hands crossed

Over my tissue cocooned ribs

In a bid to

Protect my heart!

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Peace Of Strength

Folder: 
People

Through The Dark Night I See Smoke
And In The Day I See Glistering Mist
But In The Time I Reached Out
I Could Not Feel Your Breath
If You Rise And Fight On
I Will Be There For You


And If You Break Down
I Sweat I Will Catch You
I Swear I Will Be There For You
And Until The Day I Cry
I Will Not Give Into The Dark
Never Will I Give Up On Your Smile
Never Will I Say
I Can't Do This Anymore


For What Strenghth I Can't Bring Forth
You Give Me That Inner Peace
I Can't Forget That Ever
You Have Earned A Place In My Heart
Not Because Of What You've Done
Not Because Of What You've Said
But Because Of Who You Are
And What You Mean To Me


And In The End
You Are What Gives Me Strength
You Are The One
Who Keeps Me Moving Forward
You Give Me The Words
When I Have Nothing Else To Say
And When I Was On The Edge Of Giving Up
You Were Always There For Me


Running In Alone

Folder: 
People

Don't Worry About It
I'll Make It By Myself
But I Honestly
I Can't Do This By Myself


Never Surrender
But Don't Give In
I'll Make It Out Alive
I'll Make It Out In One Piece


If I Forget
Then I'm Sorry
Because I Was Lost
I Was Walking In The Dark
And In The Darkness


I Found My Light
I Found You
And When I Found You
Love Engulfed The Darkness
And There Was Only Love Left


I Couldn't Have Done This
Without Your Help
I Would Rather Be With You
Because Honestly
There's No Place I'd Rather Be
I Would Snuggle You
With All Of My Heart


And If There Was Anything
I'd Give Else For This
There Wouldn't Be A Thing
Not a Single Thing
No Amount Of Money
No Amount Of Fame
Can Buy Me
This Peace Of Mind

Flow Of The Wind

  Sometimes The Wind Blows
And Sometimes It Stills The Air
I Wonder About It
If The Wind Is Silent
Are We Waiting For Something To Happen


Is There Something
To Look Forward For
Are We Looking For Him Or Her
Or Are We Simply Helpless


Sometimes You Wonder
If Its Still Worth Waiting For
And If The Wait Takes So Long
Do You Think
It Would Have
Been Worth The Wait


Because Sometimes
I'm Heavyhearted
Not Because I Don't Know
But Because Its Hard
Sometimes I Want To Give Up
But I Know I Can't Stop
And If I Fall Down
I Will Get Back Up Again

Treesongs

Do you -- do you know the reason they moan? 

Like abled creatures and beings, 
or the pullings tides, 
our watchful trees with too to move. 

They wish to enjoy the harvest, to dance in their fallen leaves. 
They long to sway and sing with the times of change, 
and to see the miracles of seed. 

But their roots are buried deep, 
and to be removed is defeat. 

So they sing their lonely songs 
with weathered bark and 
branches that reach for more. 

These are the reasons they moan.  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

There was actually more to the poem, but I opted only to share the second half. Just a little something. At the time I was a rather interested in trees. Smile

Morning Touch

Your touch in the mornings is what I miss the most

The warmth of your body lying in my arms

The smell of your hair before I open my eyes

Waking to my side becoming one sixteenth of the bed

Because you had seized control of the rest throughout the night

Your snooze and snooze, and snooze and snooze and snooze

I’d give anything to be awakened by one more time

Your voice was softest in the morning

Before you were fully awake

Still half dreaming

You were everything I could possibly dream for

The one thing I need

I still reach for you in the moment I wake

Expecting there to be something besides the emptiness you left

When you would wake first and whisper sweet nothings into my ear

Thinking I was still asleep, I heard every word

I still, hear every word

Your touch in the morning is what I miss the most

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