future

She Said

when I look to the window outside, she said. it hurts as the world passes me by, she said.

this sharp ivy grows around my heart, she said.. leaving holes inside.

 

I want to hear the sound of the grass beneath my footsteps.. the wind pushing forward.. 

I want to see the sunlight beam into your eyes, & right through back to me.. so lovely..

to hold you & know it's okay, even for more then awhile, to get lost just lying there, admiring that smile..

you'll always be precious to me.

 

I never gave you up willingly.. it's the way things came to be.. great memories, but greater pain.. 

so full & complete, then so drained.. fragments floating around, everything that used to be..

debris.. in this cloud, drifting down.. 

 

to me your pain is so loud.. I can hear your screams from afar, like they're all kept in a jar.. thrown around..

smashed is the glass, it shatters deep inside of me.. shards left where you once were.. 

the screams are traveling through, these veins course, wishing to intertwine & convene with blood we both keep warm..

become one.. 

 

i'm sorry this pathetic heart is so latched onto you, & that my mind cries out for freedom, to penetrate the atmosphere..

this grey sky feels so confining, like the clouds are keeping us where we are.

no escape.. miserable daze..

some day i'll fly through these clouds, & into my own world of happy haze.. 

where the memories are far weaker then the future, or power of my dreams.. 

Cthugha

Folder: 
Poetry

Little is known about this entity,

I don't know if it roams free.

It could be locked somewhere,

In the past, future or present.

 

It is made out of living fire,

Something you could not hire.

Associated with the star Fomalhaut,

Which is its home, its delight.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about Cthugha.

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Humanities shell

all of you have always seemed hollow to me...

I can't feel your forced company.. just a shell with no meaning..

why do you people keep breeding..?

absent of harmony, it's all been chased away by fear..

rejecting the light, crawling into loneliness, you can only pretend for so long..

bouncing off the walls our past memories, never are they comforting..

 

society will try to saw off your wings..

they'll rob you of your money so you can't afford the pretty things..

false attachments out of feeling, co-dependance keeps on feeding on our heart's gentle beating..

 

mis-communication all the time, where on earth is everyone's mind..?

creativity locked up and self expression is confined..

why do they continue to try & waste my time... because they've been wasting their own..?

don't let them leave you hollow, or you'll find yourself without a core, before the end of tomorrow..

you'll be living off their systematic LIES.

you will no longer see yourself when you gaze into the reflection of your own eyes... 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sep. 2012~

Foggy Night

Walking down the street on a foggy night
Living in a world so dim with so little light
It's as shrouded as my future seems
And even quieter than my dreams

So foggy here, nothing can be seen
Like a world created from a movie screen
It's quiet here, calm and dark
No people talk, no dogs bark

The street lights are now glowing balls
The fog enclosed streets are like dark halls
Extending a little into the night
Until they are faded out of sight

On this night it's so cold outside
As I wonder what the darkness may hide
Dark creatures with glowing eyes?
People with hearts as black as the skies?

On this night I can't see far
Can't see the light of moon or star
Foggy night, what mysteries do you hold
In the dark and shrouded cold?

This night so still, there is no breeze
To swirl the fog, or sway the trees
And as I walk I hear no sound
Save my footsteps upon the ground

Yet in the dark, there's clarity
Which gives the light by which to see
I now know no matter how foggy the future seems
Like this night, it's full of dreams

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this after taking a walk on a very foggy night, and I wanted to convey all my thoughts and feelings on the walk.

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That's Why I Pray

This world’s going to Hell
Cause parents won’t teach their children
The difference between right and wrong

When those towers fell
I didn’t see one person
Whose heart wasn’t movin’

How quickly we forget
The past and how it
Kicks us in the back today

This generation’s in a fit
Like a child who don’t get his way
Spoiled brats who’s gotten everything handed to them

Always looking, never full
People ain’t got no aspirations
Why be more if you’re just an animal

Work just ain’t for us
And we don’t want to know
How much some people want it
To give their families a home

This world’s gone crazy
They think You’re gone
Little do they know
That they’re dead wrong, God
They’re dead wrong
They do what they will
And hurt those who go or stay
So until this mess is cleaned in Your good time
That’s why I pray

Gunfights, city lights, murder on the streets
Bombs exploding, blood is flowing under another human’s feet
School’s teaching lies, ‘cause the people tell them to
Our babies losing lives to play the whims of the few

America the giant, now only giant sideways
The glory past, now coming fast, is the time to pay
Declarations of freedom to tax the people under us
Send our soldiers to a war, then bring them back, just because

This world’s gone crazy
They think You’re gone
Little do they know
That they’re dead wrong, God
They’re dead wrong
They do what they will
And hurt those who go or stay
So until this mess is cleaned in Your good time
That’s why I pray

That’s why I pray

So if you’re a God-fearing
America loving
Child rearing
Government shoving
Good ole’ boy
Or city guy
Join me and I’ll tell you why

This world’s gone crazy
They think You’re gone
Little do they know
That they’re dead wrong, God
They’re dead wrong
They do what they will
And hurt those who go or stay
So until this mess is cleaned in Your good time
That’s why I pray
That’s why I pray

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Uncertainty in Normality

I walk through leaves
To stolen storms
Where green is not an option
I want to see the powder stream down
And paste the sidewalk frozen
The towers above me I do not fear
I have come here many a year
To places so familiar
I am home
Lights of brightness and of snow
I spread my wings and land on a cement rainbow
Grey for streets that never end
Yellow lines instructing you to keep to the path you choose
A palate of colors
That are always knowing
If I walked by you
Yes you that billboard there
Would you remember when I was here 3 years ago with my father?
Seeing my first staged production?
Or do you remember the summer after
When I went running forever through the streets
Looking for the cast of a television show
That no longer gives me laughter
I change with the seasons
I become different yet the same when it snows
When I enter the steel garden
I remember what has been
And I am never quite sure if I should be happy that it has been
Or sad that it can no longer happen the way it once did?

My question

What is life?
Is it your memories of old,
Is it the actions of present,
Or is it the fear of the foretold?

What is age?
Is it the scars on your body,
Is it the winkles of skin,
Or is it the year on your ID?

What is time?
Is it the hands on the clock,
Is it the 4-digit year,
Or is it the thing that doesn't stop?

What is death?
Is it your result of living,
Is it the end,
Or is it your beginning?

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Untitled

Welcome to the future
Whatever it takes... Till
the next time, so
long
Live
Love, so
long and farewell

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Drowning

Everywhere I look is destruction
Everything I’ve built is ruined
It’s remains litter my past
With little hope for the future
You are my own worst enemy
It’s not the pressure of what I should be
It’s that I’m drowning in a sea of Me
I can’t believe that you’d lie to my face
But that’s your nature
You can’t help it
You’re a spawn of the Father of Deceit himself
A child of the devil
Just let me go
Die already
That I may live
And live fuller
Let go of me!
I am no longer am under your power
So why do I fall for it?
Why can’t I die that I may live?
Why can’t I kill my Self that I may survive?
That demon of ancient instinct
Who’s preyed upon my soul for so long
I know what’s right
And yet I choose wrong
Willingly
Passionately
Go to Hell Self,
Go back to where you belong
Free my soul from your clutches
That I may live eternally
For I know you
And I am my own worst enemy

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