Judgement

Courage : A Diary Entry

[If titles this long didn’t look stupid, I would title this… 

"I want to blame you for not loving me,

And that statement goes to every woman in my life who never believed in me."

Or

"I believed in you, when they told me don’t."]

 

Its been four whole days,

And you're still all that I think about,

Its overwhelming, the thought of you saying those things you typed out your mouth,

Im crying now,

I need a get away, calling haso, like baby get me out of town,

But I blew through thousands in my credit card account,

Fell back deep in an addiction many don’t know about,

And if they do, they squint their eyes in doubt,

They say, not you,

Not you,

Its not you…

 

Im salivating, how long are you gonna keep me waiting,

I told you I needed you, and you said not now, maybe later,

When we both know in your mind you're being creative,

Trying to force your feelings for me away,

But whenever you close your eyes you see my face,

Moaning for him, picturing me, but you are still confused of where you need to be...

 

Don’t you dare wish me well,

When your best wishes come from the same ditch where your daughter lays,

Don’t wish me well, my key is still under the mat for when you decide to stay,

Tug me softly, tell me this is the only way,

The only way, so don’t lose faith in me,

I cant let go, cant let go…

 

Paint my face white until the pink in my lips turn bright red and my smile upside down…

Tell them niggas, im alone, no one is around,

Tell them niggas, my spirit is in my knees, close to the ground,

Tell them niggas, before I get ate alive,

Tell them niggas, I want a chance at life…

 

Things are starting to overlap,

And im having dreams about deaths and bringing these folkz back to life,

The devil inside, haunting in life,

Grabbing my old bowl, packing tight,

My heart pumping blood, ready for flight,

My soul is inside out,

And ive lost control,

The woman I once loved sold her soul,

What about me turns all the women around me cold,

Is it a reflection of the ice in my bones,

The snow between my toes,

The shivers I get at home, when it aint even cold…

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Missiles (revised)

Folder: 
FAVORITES


Bruised
I am afraid to tell the truth
Of what I feel
It always comes back 

As missiles
Hurled at me in anger
Targeted as examples
Illustrations of misbehavior
Indications of future actions.

 

Hurt
I swore I'd never reveal to a man
That which went on before
But you coaxed it from me.
So I tell you my fantasies
And you see them as realities
I tell you my dreams
And you scold me for not making them goals
You accuse me of settling
When I mention minor obstacles

I tell you my misadventures

And you demand that I own 'em

 

Shame

You wanted to hear

Of those that lingered

On the path before

Erotic stories I

Played out for you

That you used

As Judgement

When it suited you to hurt.

 

Accussation

of misbehavior

Examples 

of unworthiness

You hurl at me

Missiles

of personal discontent

 

Truth

Its mine to keep


 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

You wanted to hear, you thought it erotic, those that took the path before.  But you used it to hurt me when it suited you to judge.

Also in th 2002-2003 Muse file


For Dwight and all those lovers who think they can handle the truth

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Satire on Justice

Folder: 
Perverse & Bazaar

Satyre on Justice 

All rise , to the honourable Name that we Mention
In Justice we stand , or fall at her discretion
Yes, its Her honour,  Yor honour,  and Mine
And it'd be Her honour to Kiss my Behind.
 
Why, whats This you say, Mocking my Court?
She will say, and expect no retort.
Why your honour, your supremeness of grace
May i modestly comment? I speak in good taste?
 
Bespake me  I did to that shrew with conviction 
Decidedly earthbound the jaws of who listen
May i candidly mention your honor,
Your judgement, not right, my life it did squander
 
Ponder a moment, or maybe for two
How easy it is to be courtship, like you.
The grife and hardship left in your wake
Too proud to think as you make no mistake
 
Take this and note it, your court is a farce;
 Its The taxpayer dollar that greases your arse
Truth makes you Shudder at ev'ry  mention
So long to your poet,  dragged off to detention.
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Not the only one going crazy~

Dark night, bright moon,

you lit my heart on fire.

scorching sun, you have given me purpose,

it lifts me higher.

 

drift into sleep, I'm wishing to see you in my dreams...

at least I can feel you there..

I miss the way you'd push back your hair..

off to the side when you just don't care..

 

the taste of June.. 

the scent of July.. 

the warmth of August.. 

September i'll always remember.

October is way worth to forget.

feeble, faint... 

 

painting a portrait with this soul that reminds me of you,

smudged & running.. 

is this all now but a delusion...?

I can't help but question... 

 

please precious smile, stay with me for a long while.

eyes so piercing..

i'm sorry I can't stop myself from recapping..

it's breaking me apart inside

but i'll hold myself together & stick around for the ride..

 

shallow waters.. low tide.

stop trying to pry open my head.. 

i'll keep shaking you off to the side, instead..

if you can't understand these petty complexes..

i'm not the only one going crazy.

i'm not asking you to save me.. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.13.13

Being Judged? Read On...

Folder: 
Letters To All

Hey you, are you being judged? maybe someone is judging you by your looks, or your smarts, or even your love life. Whatever those people are judging you for, dont listen to them. its nonsense. they are the idiots, the nincompoops, the smartalecs. dont let them get to you. you might be different, but thats who you are. everyone has their owns flaws, their owns problems. Being smart is actually very awesome because you can become successful and get an amazing job! being different isnt bad. its actually the best thing ever. if we were all the same, we would never have any fun, life would be so, so wierd and awkward. so just go out and be different (as in yourself, not a strange weirdo. lol). you just might find that someone who is JUST LIKE YOU! ive found a few, my best friends are the weirdest people i know but i love them to death. my boyfriend is the weirdest guy i know Tongue Out haha so if you need a weird friend, HIT ME UP!!!! haha (: POWER TO THE WEIRDOS! Cool

Plain Jane

Don't judge the package,
I'm a troubled kid.
Yes, I'm white and I'm rich,
But life's still a bitch.
I've got a pretty face
But I'm no ace,
Although I look it through cyberspace.
I've got brains,
But they don't help much if you're not sane.
It's hard to explain the inhumane domaine that is my brain;
I constantly sound like I'm on cocaine.
I'm so insane,
That it makes you refrain
From running your fingers though my maine.
Baby, I'm anything but plain.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is actually part of a rap I wrote for a friend awhile back haha

The words of things to come

"The murderers, the adulterers, the power hungry; the hedonists, and the rulers of earth will cry out to me...and I will turn away."

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Chapter not included

People always seem to judge a book by its cover read the first chapter, then forget about it the title of the book is "The human soul" something people rarely try to read or get to know acting like they've already predicted the entire novel not knowing it has a history behind it emotions, poured on to the pages by the author...taken away by you, the editor events that take place; often interpreted as "negative" so people give it a low rating . But not everything can turn out how you want, though it all depends on you're perspective now, you are the perfect example of this ...this poem you're reading, theres something you're not seeing although it can be viewed with many different perspectives the way I see it...the book is a human being.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

If you disagree, you are wrong. Disagreeing does not exist, it is merely youre way of viewing things. Remember you can turn a negitive into a positive depending on how you view it...and vice versa. *its all in youre perspective*

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Her mask

She hides behind the shadows of laughter.
Fear that they would see the truth.
How deep those eyes go, to the core of her soul.
At a young age she sealed those eyes closed.
Fear of judgment and stories that unfold.
Feeling the corruption of her soul she fears to let go.
Seeking a place to run, seeking a place to hide she dug deep inside.
Freedom to gain, it is now time to end the pain.
Realizing it’s all a part of life’s game having the need to end the pain.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

wrote base on a true story a friend told me.

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