friends

friends for a while (with German/Germanic, Indo-European roots, Sanskrit, Old French, an unknown origin, and Latin influence)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

friends for a while (with German/Germanic, Indo-European roots, Sanskrit, Old French, an unknown origin, and Latin influence)



the summer heat was

transforming, enveloping,

their truest nature

friends is friends, tells Cook

enemies unforgiving—








Author's Notes/Comments: 

Reedited 06.23.2023 (Notes/Comments Box inputs were reread and found misconstructed/misspelled/mistyped word "implieed")


I've simply supplanted the previous update/reedition for this reedited/reupdated version, below, with the enumerated grammatical/semantical corrections as follows:



1.  'impli*ed' (correction of a mistyped/typographical error)

2.  this... "*rough",  "edit*s"  (addition of a specific word 'rough' & omission of "s" in edits

3.  *and  (omission of "while" in " 'while', a while back,..' "  and  supersession of it)

4.  "...which I reedited '*after' finding out that" (replacement of "when" with "after")


(Note:  The unedited version was retained for comparison.)


I added the following words in the hashtags:  multiculturalism, ethnomethodology, cultural diversity, monoculture, cultural factor, cultural diversity, psychological state, heathen, group cohesion, social identity, social identity theory, ..around the same time while doing the subsequent editions; several minutes ago, while I was editing the poem itself, l've simply added a comma after the word "enveloping" when I noticed that it did not seem to be denoting my implied initial thoughts; still earlier on, I've also added the hashtags hubris, hubristic, & ego control just in order to correctly indicate its potential/implied themes and, a while back today, I also reedited the formatting & spacing of the whole content for readability due to the previous edition's unintentional italicization of the whole Author's Notes/Comments section which I reedited after finding out that it was ineffective possibly from processing errors (that specific instance was on 07.21.2020, & the discovery was today, as I actually do this rough edit, 07.25.2020).  Obviously, it is still italicized for the current moment, which I have tried to figure out why this happens; this particular poem was initially posted on 07.21.2020.



Reupdated on 07.25.2020

 



I added the following words in the hashtags:  multiculturalism, ethnomethodology, cultural diversity, monoculture, cultural factor, cultural diversity, psychological state, heathen, group cohesion, social identity, social identity theory, ..around the same time while doing the subsequent editions; several minutes ago, while I was editing the poem itself, l've simply added a comma after the word "enveloping" when I noticed that it did not seem to be denoting my implied initial thoughts; still earlier on, I've also added the hashtags hubris, hubristic, & ego control just in order to correctly indicate its potential/implied themes while, a while back today, I also reedited the formatting & spacing of the whole content for readability due to the previous edition's unintentional italicization of the whole Author's Notes/Comments section which I reedited when finding out that it was ineffective possibly from processing errors (that specific instance was on 07.21.2020, & the discovery was today, as I actually do this edits, 07.25.2020).  Obviously, it is still italicized for the current moment, which I have tried to figure out why this happens;  this particular poem was initially posted on 07.21.2020.

 

 

 

 

 

I've just recopied/added below some of the etymologies of the following (as per my gadget's built-in dictionary definitions):

 

 

 

 

friend

 

ORIGIN

 

Old English frēond, of Germanic origin; relating to Dutch vriend and German Freund, from an Indo-European root meaning 'to love,'  shared by FREE.

 

 

 

summer

 

ORIGIN

 

Middle English: from Old French somier 'packhorse', from late Latin sagmarius, from Greek sagma 'packsaddle'.

 

 

 

envelop

 

ORIGIN

 

late Middle English (formerly also as invelop(e) ): from Old French envoluper, from en- 'in' + a second element (also found in DEVELOP) of unknown origin.

 

 

 

nature

 

 

ORIGIN

 

Middle English (denoting the physical power of a person): from Old French, from Latin natura 'birth, nature, quality',  from nat- 'born', from the verb nasci.

 

 

 

enemy

 

ORIGIN

 

 

Middle English: from Old French enemi, from Latin inimicus, from in- 'not' + amicus 'friend'.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My first time drunk By jfarrell

My first time drunk

By jfarrell

 

I was 16 and it was the first, and worst, party I’d been to

“Bring a bottle”

4 turned up; 2 brought bottles of whiskey; 0 drinks whiskey.

 

Well, I’m buggered if I’m wasting ten quid.

A minute ago I was teetotal,

Now, I’m a whisky drinker.

 

For four hours, the four of us

Sang along and headbanged to “Yellow Submarine”

Whilst I drank the whiskey.

 

As I drained the last I exclaimed

“Damn! 2 bottles of whiskey. Can I take my drink or what?”

Then collapsed on the floor.

 

Awake, but unable to move or speak

Just hope nothing bad happens

Now, that’s getting paralytically drunk, for real.

 

Scared I might vomit,

My ‘friends’ put me in the garden, for fresh air

And forgot about me.

 

Some hours later

Someone sees a body dumped in the garden

And all sigh in relief, it’s just me.

 

You’d think there’d be something to learn from that;

Some lesson about the folly of drinking.

But, I was a drunk, long before I discovered alcohol.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

and i still like the yellow submarine, by the beatles ;-)

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Lights and Sounds

Folder: 
Band Lyrics

 

Verse 1:

All the lights and sounds

That I’ve been chasing

A blue sky appears in the distance.

Remembering our times then:

We crashed, joked, and smiled

 

Chorus:

As long as we’re faithful,

We can turn today

Into another memory.

We can find our way back to paradise.

 

Verse 2:

Have you forgotten how to cry?

You’re my piano star?

That guiding light:

Will you enter?

 

Bridge:

Yet, the memory’s not enough.

I still cannot get you out.

Get you out of my mind.

Yeah, those were good times.

 

Last-Chorus:

Live without doubts

Our hearts are

Eternally set in the afterglow.

Let it shine

Shine a light towards us.

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

For an out of touch friend

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You decide… please leave a comment

You decide… please leave a comment

By jfarrell

 

I will be 50 in 2 weeks (23 december);

Should I have a party? Celebrate?

Cast your votes now please.

 

And not a joke….

My friend’, I asked, I gonna have party will you come?…

Desparately…

“yeah, I’ll happilly come to your party, I’m your best friend….

But don’t be negative, at your party.”….

He’s the one calling people names,…

But I’m the negative one?

Party cancelled.

 

But life,

Prospects, dreams have changed since then;

So very few weeks ago.

 

It used to be said ‘life begins at 40’;

Is 50 the new 40?

I’ve spent 20 years overdosing, hanging cutting my coward wrists

To not be here for 50!

 

It’s clear I’m incapable of decision…

So like Big Brother….

You decide, cast your votes…

50th birthday party?

Yes or no?

Please leave a comment

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

is the glass half empty or half full?.... 50th birthday.... something to celebrate with pride or drown in a vodka bucket full of hate and spite? i've already told you i'm incapable of a grown up decisiion ;-)

My Thoughts (4th Edition)

Folder: 
Short Essays

 

 

As the days and nights go by, I see through the window where

my days go by. I see a new future for me, but somehow I am blocked from the
window being open and my spirit going Free. Somehow my arms are not “strong” enough
to open the window.
I know that I will eventually get there; but at the moment I am unsure.
The last time I wrote a “My Thoughts” Essay; I was then questioning my friends,
life, and religion which was about 17 years ago. Today I question “myself” on
“who am I?”
I have been for several years now and yet my answers have been unknown.
I still wonder on who I am to be honest. On what is my purpose in life &
society; etc. But I have yet to figure that one out.
I question those around me, through me, beyond me, and those next to me.
I question that both in front and behind me as well as beneath and above.
Where ever I look; I see the unknown which consists of many empty hallways with
no doors beyond that of which is behind me.
I walk down the never ending walls; but I see no light at the end, but also no
light behind me.
If I do see a door; I open it and all I see is emptiness. I close the door and
the hallway I once stood becomes a different hallway I don’t recognize.
Each hallway I re-enter is different. And again I start questioning about Life,
Friends, Happiness, and Religion.
I know who my friends are and I know they care a lot about me as I do with
them; but there are times I feel emptiness and I don’t do enough credit to go
out and be with them. Mostly because I work almost seven days a week and I miss
out on many many things with them and beyond both jobs.
I worry that I have been sinking into the rabbit hole a little too fast but at
the same time I take two steps forward with three steps back.
And when I see I am taking three steps forward, it feels like I double in steps
at times.

I miss my old self. But due to both jobs, it is hard to see myself enjoy life.
All I do is move forward too fast and not wait and take a breather. But when I
do, it is only for a few minutes and then I go back to the same routine. *sigh*

As I continue to write about my thoughts....

I can never understand why people talk to one another and then rumors spread to
the point where others talk behind ones back. I thought it be a secret, but I
was wrong!!
A friend that I trust told me someone talks behind your back and then it hit me
right away who. And a day it made me think while I was working on why would
that person tell another on how a certain topic is what is considered hitting
on them. No, I was just having a random conversation, but this person thinks otherwise...
This person thinks he/she knows me; but this person has no idea what I am
really going through. This person does not know my inner thoughts; but prayers,
my “what if’s”, etc. Only knows what I have told that person.
Yea, stupid of me to share much of my information; but I tend to do that to
many people and always feel back stabbed when others find out.
I doubt this people knows all of my other crushes which I don’t tell others
about because it is a “need to know” basis which is why I do not want to ruin
many many friendships in the process. But since I already know their answers;
it is best for me to keep those secrets deep within myself and to keep quiet.
It is for the best and for others not to know.
This is why we all have secrets hidden in our day to day basis. Just like “The
Secret Life of Walter Mitty”. We all have those secrets.
Some want to become super heroes; while others want to be a simple Joe. Maybe we
don’t want to be that that we want to become, but that who we wish to be even
if it takes decades to get there.
Life is not as easy as one thinks it is; but many take short cuts to get there
even if they are considered the “best”, while nice ones are left at the end of
the line or chosen last. We are hardly ever given second chances and when we
do; we are cut. Yet those that are finished “First”, are only given a slap on
the wrist and are usually asked not to do it again.
Life I know works in mysterious ways; but at the same time, life is unfair too.
Every day I question myself, but I also question my friends, myself, my
surroundings, even if we live in the Matrix. Do we really or is it just a
figment of one’s imagination?
Also to this day, I still wonder if anyone has had a crush on me because I know
many have thought that both I was weird and some even today still think I am
weird anyways. (Even if I am, but you get the picture). I have been told many
times that I will find someone “soon”, but define the word, “soon”? That could
lead to different levels in everyday life as in a week, month, years, or even
decades. I am starting to lose hope to be honest. This makes me go deeper into
being alone, solitude and staying home all day or even working even more.
I never had that opportunity of hanging out with friends many times. And if I
did, it was always “them” being the ones to pick. If I had to pick, they didn’t
like it and suggest something different. I know these times happened fourteen
years ago; but at times it still happens because is why when I
“travel/site-see”, I rather travel alone then with others. If I do “tag” along,
I usually stay quiet.
Of course, I don’t deny about the fun times that I do have with those that I
trust and am friends with; but at times I feel like a third wheel sometimes.

I also don’t understand why people are constantly calling out or late to jobs,
meet ups, etc. I at times I understand if you forgot your alarm clock or if
there is traffic; but constantly should not be “excused”. When you are out on
your own and need to pay bills, pay rent, etc; one needs to be a responsible
adult and “grow up”; but I feel some take the easy road and do not become
responsible “enough” to life, work, etc. Sorry, but getting drunk constantly is
not what being an adult is all about. I know I have become an “old man” as to
what some friends say, but I pay all my bills on time, I am always at work on
time, and I hardly call out. Yet these people only get a “slap” on the wrist
and those are indeed on time, they get fired or written up. I know, Life ain’t
fair!

Why I never understood is why those that cheat the system only get slapped on
the wrist while those that follow the rules by the book are either written up
or fired? As it is said, “the good ones always finish last”.  This is what I feel at times. I understand I
am “weird”, as many see me that way. I won’t deny it; but at the same time,
some will not listen to me if I ask them to do something. As if I am brushed
off the shoulder or transparent.
I know, life ain’t fair; but at the same time; those don’t make life easy
either for others.
I always see that if a team player calls out, the team loses at the end of the
day and the team may become weak as well. But if the team is at full strength
and they win the game.

All this may be all mumble-jumble, but I write as what comes out of my mind and
onto paper.

And as my mind continues to talk as I stress almost each day... I continue to
think many many questions about my life, my family, my friends, both my jobs,
and most of all.. My future spouse if I ever wonder if I will have one. I know
I stress and think too much about it; but I feel that at times I will be
“forever alone”. From which this has led to my loneliness thoughts, depression,
etc. I know I should be positive about it; but sadly I do not. Which is also
why I have no “outside” life or social life since I work too much.
Back when I was in New Jersey, I sort of had more control, but not as much
really... I met with only a few and even they had busy lives; so in reality, I
hardly ever went out to begin with (as I have mentioned it above before
already). My social life is zilch. Yes, I do have an online social life and I
have met with several friends from work outside of work; but beyond that, I do
not have no outside friends since I have moved to Texas (excluding those that I
met via my past). Because sometimes I do not even know where to start. Don’t
get me wrong, I do, but I am not a bar type of person, I’m too old for clubs
(yes, I am too old in my own eyes); and my “so-called” pick-up lines are
horrible since I am sure every women has heard them before.
I know people should just say, “Hello, I am....”, but I am not brave enough for
that.
Yes, I am nearing Forty, and I am both shy & a coward to women. I understand
it is not something to be proud of, which I am, but I have come to see it
several times.
People always wondered on why I am still unmarried to this day since I flirt
all the time with customers (for good customer service; and I am not denying that
either) , and have liked countless of women in my life, and I cannot seem to
last more than three years with relations; but honestly, I am scared to go
beyond. :-/ Because I am not able to fulfill my destiny and I throw back myself
into looking desperate and that is when women think I am a weird/creepy guy.
And I have come to accept it at times, sadly.
Unsure what I am doing wrong too. People have told me I should change the way I
act, think, present myself, how I dress or even get a new haircut. But that is
not me or who I am. I am just a simple “joe” at times. I am Me... or where I have
placed it in another way, “I am who I am and therefore I am”.
As a ride at one of my jobs, there is a plaque that reads, “You are more
powerfull then you will ever imagine!” (yes, I know “powerful” is misspelled).
I wish that was true at times because then I hope that for a better &
brighter “Me”.

I am sure one day I will be able to find many answers to the following
questions: “Who am I?”, “Why I am here?”, “What do you see?”. But for now, I
hope someone can hear my thoughts & prayers other than God himself when I
try to talk to him (I know he is always listening; but at times I feel ignored
because I know millions are always asking for thousands of question throughout
the entire day 24/7/365.
So as I lay on my bed, in my car, at my jobs’ breaks, I wonder what Life lies
beyond the rim, the stars, the galaxy, life in general and I will wonder what
my next chapter in life, careers, etc are tomorrow and the next day as I embrace life to the
fullest and dream in my sleep and looking forward for a new day, each day since
every day is Day One always because I know between Family, Friends, and
Coworkers, I see that “We Built On Each Other” (from Lego Clutch Powers) to
succeed in life!!

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A new and updated version from my previous "My Thoughts" short essay I wrote back in 2000 which three "updates" from it.  Decided to write a new & fresh one from scratch with 'similar' ideas from the previous one.

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All apologies

All apologies

By jfarrell

 

(Kurt Cobain, Nirvana - genius band - “what else should I be? All apologies)

 

I’m not like you; sorry; I so wish I was;

I can’t feel, think, look, act like you;

I can’t be what you want;

I can only be me.

My very humblest apologies.

 

I can explain precisely, in detail, why;

But, would it matter?

You need me to reflect something of you

But I can only reflect my own emptiness;

I am so very terribly sorry.

 

Mum; mother; mater; ma; Kathy;

I am so very sorry you carried for nine months;

Hoping for that baby girl you’d always dreamed of;

But, I was born a boy;

Please forgive me, I am so very sorry.

So very lonely.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

whats sadder (or stupider) - i still want to hear my mum say 'i love you' - i haven't seen the bitch in 25 years, and i ain't starting now - so, she cant

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Silence, like a cancer grows

Silence, like a cancer grows

By jfarrell

 

(“sounds of silence” by simon and garfunkel, one of the best songs ever written)

 

You have one of them friends, don’t you?

No particular reason,

But you haven’t spoken to them in ages;

And you don’t have time now.

 

It could even be a family member;

But, you don’t have time now.

So, more time passes

And you still don’t speak, can’t find the time.

 

And now, so much time has passed

It feels an insult to speak to them;

It’s been weeks, months….. oh, wow, years;

Getting in touch now, would be a shock.

 

After all this time, though once so close,

You are now strangers;

Keep talking - now, today.

Don’t let cancerous silence keep you apart.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

hello darkness, my old friend, i've come to talk to you again

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Real life people

Real life people

     By jfarrell

 

My last ‘friend’ I drove away;

There’s only so much “Jim, your always so negative”

I can take;

I wasn’t so negative when I hand over a stack of new films every visit;

Everytime your computer breaks,

I come round and fix it, don’t I?

But always( I getting as bad as him)….

But, often, too often, “Jim, you’re so negative”

Is all you can say.

 

My lovely, wonderful neighbours,

Forcing me to sit through their church service on a Sunday;

I don’t believe; if I want god, I will go to a church, or similar;

You have no right to make me sit through your service;

And yet I’m the anti-social one;

Coz I play my nine inch nails full blast

To drown your prayers and singing

 

This may not come as a surprise

But, I have no real life friends

I don’t make friends, never have

I don’t understand people

All their little mind games, petty feuds

Cliques and in-crowds

And their constant yap, yap, yap;

Being alone most of my time,

I don’t talk much

Just the occasional bout of shouting at the radio;

How people can yap about trivialities constantly,

Baffles me; where do they get the energy to waste?

 

Real life, real people

I try,

But I just don’t understand

And they always hurt, so much.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

my people skills need work

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A Year Or So Ago

Folder: 
Personal

"It's been over a year. 

I realize, 

eyes playing about on dates

of the calender.

 

Suddenly thinking

back to a year before, 

days exactly 364.

So, less than a year, 

 

by hours. When the

lips that pressed were ours.

When our fingers intertwined, 

when we felt each others' bodies, 

 

souls, mind. 

So wrong, so forbidden, 

it felt right.

Written into passing,

 

the scripts and screenplay

of night-time stays, 

never staying until morning. 

Visits, 

 

door left unlocked, 

just in case.

Offered, often heard, 

only once utilized. 

 

She always said she would. 

 

Eventually. 

She did, 

softly cooing my name, 

pulling me out of my slumber, 

 

and instantly hopping into my bed, 

my arms, pulling her close. 

My warm bare skin

 

juxtaposed to her cold clothing. 

We soon matched. 

There was no lack

of mutual attraction, 

 

no shortage of constant communication, 

trips, adventures, 

ridiculous confessions 

and straight-forward denial. 

 

I denied I did wrong, 

to myself. 

Who knows how she felt.

All I know 

 

is that she felt good, 

she felt like home, 

like I belonged. 

Longing for her scent, 

 

I still remember

how it drove me wild.

Past-tense, 

as she liked to point out.

 

It's a lie, 

there is nothing passed. 

Though, once she asked

if she was hurting me.

 

I, misunderstanding, 

replied, 'why, no, 

it's my other shoulder 

that's broken.'

 

She grinned, 

leaning into my arms, 

'no,' she said, 

'this. Us.'

 

It hurt, 

seeing her dog I grew to adore

slowly separate us on the couch 

a year or so ago. 

 

It hurts still

thinking of some details. 

Fond memories, 

so vivid, full of her laughter. 

 

Haunted by scorn, 

the scorn of several people, 

over all that transpired. 

You'd think a year

 

would wash it all away, 

but nothing is past-tense. 

Hence, 

 

the dreams. 

Thoughts I can't deny, 

lying that they're gone.

They aren't.  

 

I was told it was trouble,  

I was warned. 

But still I got in her car, 

she got in mine. 

 

She's a phone call away;

I don't have the heart

to dial, 

knowing damn well

 

I'd immediately answer if she called. 

Does she read my poetry? 

Does she think of me?

Love me like I love her still? 

 

I should have not turned my cheek.

I should have came to her rescue 

against canine off-leash. 

But I didn't. 

 

And I wish I had.

Instead, all I have

is a book with edits, 

another that's a gift

 

belonging to her, 

one of her favorites. 

We even shared a quote, 

'Never lend a book.'

 

An act of affection instead, 

one of several.

She never said the words, 

but she gave me many gifts. 

 

It started with a cold can.

That's how she loved me.

I wish I had realized it

a year or so ago."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem I was too scared to post for a long time. Funny how time heals.