personality

Personality Theft

The day shall be imperfect until I find myself
It's pretty hard, I keep trying, I got no inner health

 

 

The cracked mirror
I impatiently wait for the day to be fixed
Hidden fear or
darkness, I couldn't say, the feeling's mixed


Trying to find light within the cracks
Breaking out of night as I listen to the heart attacks
Of the people of broken health I called me, once worn
In the city of myself, not meant to be, a battle born


Cracked skin!
Poison within,
a smile locked in, but inside a fight you couldn't win

Could I stand here and speak lies that this was really me?
Not really, I don't have much of eyes left to see.
as I just kill another one impatiently
so violently.


Until there's a void with complete darkness and nothing left
Just another alleyway destroyed, another empty something, just another personality theft,

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Categories

Compartmentalization and categorization are such crucial aspects that dictate how we engage our reality


Is that a bomb or a clock?

A beloved or a stranger?


The ability to categorize is surely a primordial mechanism that enhanced one primal objective

Survive and reproduce


This means that

That is, or is not, a threat to my survival


I ask myself

Does this compartmentalization… this categorization, permeate my personality?


My me.


Is who I am at any given moment an amorphous, dynamic transition from one category to the next? or is who I am a cast that has not yet cured by the apathy of time?


If the latter, is there time left to influence this structure that will gradually, but inevitably, relinquish its malleability? If the former, am I frozen in a perpetual state of limbo - an individual, but dividable?


Am I discrete or am I a spectrum? Am I both and neither? like the very matter that comprises me?

 

This juxtaposition only recapitulates the riddle. It does not answer.


This is an irony that me, me and me, marvel.

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A Face and A Mirror

and I'll find my way back and fill every crack
of what I dared to abandon and lack
As I hid under a shadow and erased my name
Because all others thought I was just a game

To take the needles called imperfections out of my heart
and use them as the strength to guide me a better part
Where the papers of my chapter aren't so wrinkled and illegible anymore
and I open my real eyes and to the light, beckoning, a real door


To my surprise, all is shining and ever free
and the clear sparkle of waters bring to reflect the real me
So, then, what brings you, what monster are you, foul mirror?
To sacrifice my time and what I hold ever dearer?


I ask you then, will it be a face, or will it be my words?
Or do my words mean nothing, flocking appeal to idle herds?

Bring to me please, the powerful quality and grace of personality
and let beauty paint my face, beauty associated with the pureness of my mentality

ARE WE JUST A LOAD OF ATOMS

ARE WE JUST A LOAD OF ATOMS   Artizan  2014 

 

Are we just a load of atoms

Or made of different flavours

Or electronically controlled

To show our strange behaviours

 

What shapes our personality

Is certainly in question

And if I act abnormally

It’s just my brain’s suggestion

So many theories of the psyche
It’s difficult to chose

Am I an intuitive extrovert

Or just get on people’s nerves

 

Some people may be quite reserved

And others rather brash

Who really knows the reason why 

Personalities tend to clash 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Some thoughts during a recent management workshop about motivation and personality types !!

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What We Are (In the Dark)

Folder: 
Mindscapes

 

Untouchable

Unknowable

Intangible

 

Deeper darkness lurking in the twilight,

Murky depths, rejected by the sunlight.

 

Monsters creeping in the dark, 

Gleaming eyes filled with savagery, 

Mouths filled with glistening teeth.

 

I have walked amongst apparitions. 

I have faced demons and gods. 

No foe or ally is greater than myself.

 

The split, the divide, is as

Different as day and night, 

Greater than the space

 

Between the darkest point of the ocean

And the stars. We exist

Between the realms.

 

Aware of both, grasping one, 

Fearing the other,

When nothing truly exists. 

 

For what is the self other than

A collection of thoughts, 

Of ideas, a ghost?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I should be writing an essay for my english class right now. 

This happened instead.

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Self Expression

 

 

You, me, people,

 

I could be mistaken,

 

Because I have been,

 

Often,

 

But---

 

I do think,

 

That people have a right,

 

To inflect a smidgen,

 

Or a bit,

 

Or a touch,

 

Of their personality,

 

Into all they do,

 

And too,

 

They have, at the same time,

 

A responsibility to,

 

When in conversation with others,

 

For reason of accomplishing a task,

 

Or even just enjoyment,

 

Or making small talk,

 

To acknowledge to some degree,

 

The other person's personality,

 

And assess to it, a like or dislike,

 

And either chuck it, 

 

And focus on the subject matter 

 

Of the conversation,

 

Or enjoy it as they choose,

 

But certainly not allow 

 

For your like,

 

Or dislike,

 

To control or influence them,

 

In their evaluation process

 

On a given topic, and then 

 

Take out aggression 

 

On an individual

 

For their inability to

 

Place their feelings

 

About one's personality aside.

 

 

 

 

But alas! There IS a viable solution

 

For such individuals, which would be,

 

To purchase one dozen eggs,

 

Because if someone's personality

 

Bothers you, you can then 

 

Remove one from the carton,

 

And suck on it, 

 

And if it breaks,

 

You still have 11 more,

 

Just be careful of the shell.

 

 

 

 

 

9:32 PM 6/20/2013

 

©

I'M MYSELF

I am myself
I won't be nobody
Of what essence is the
moon's immitation of the sun?
When the Lord of the heavens
has blessed it with it's own
Unique radiance...
Illumination, radiating beauty

I am myself
I won't be nobody
Why should the river envy the ocean?
When the maker of water
Has given it it's taste, it's lovely tide
And with its gentle smile
to the face of the sun

I am myself
I won't be nobody
The dew can't be like the rain
Why should it race to be?
When they both are from the sky
With the dew's soothing touches 
And grace all over the earth

I am myself
I am not nobody
I can't be everybody
'Coz I am somebody
Me...I am myself
I am unique
And I value my uniqueness

Author's Notes/Comments: 

We are created differently and we have varying potentials... So, why don't you be yourself?

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Neutral Balanced Personality

Folder: 
About Me

In order too avoid the predictable
Is too create something original
Someone coming into individualism
Someone coming into sexuality
A self-discovery exploration
About finding traits in a personality
A quality left abnormal
About someone special
Possibly in so many traits
That will forever kept quietly

Manage too stand out from the crowd
Something far beyond creativity
Someone felt more artistic
In order too block out the ignorance
Heighten up the pure naturalism
Relieving other intense security
Balancing out all skepticism
Upholding final nihilistic intentions
Keeping everything forever neutral

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Keeping Neutrally Balanced.

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What type of person are you?

Folder: 
The Rest

I can’t do girls. Or rather, men are so much easier. With men, what you see is mainly and mostly what you get. They don’t put on a face for every occasion and even when they do, that face is mostly transparent. That’s why women jump on inscrutable men. They make the mistake of thinking they must be hugely deep or wonderfully complex, but usually it's a practiced, but not desperately durable act. Those with a complex outside and an equally fascinating inside are truly few and far between.

 

Now women are just harder work. Most of us put on some kind of social facade.  My emotional antenna is far from perfect, but it bugs me how often the words coming out of peoples' mouths and the emotions they broadcast don't match.  Probably why I didn't have many female friends growing up and don't like meeting groups of strangers for the first time.  Too much to process!  People, especially women seem to fall into 3 main types.

 

1. Those who can put on an act, but it's not convincing enough to fool someone for long.

2. Those who put on a damn good act, impress quite a few folk, but still get caught out by astute observers. The more attractive someone is, the more likely they are to succeed in pulling the wool over your eyes.  Relying on willing suspension of disbelief.

3. Those who are incredibly good at being exactly who everyone else wants them to be - so good, you can't spot that it's an act, OR those who can't help being, or decide it's best to be, exactly who they are.  

 

Let me explain more.

 

Type 1. Amateur facade. You know you've found a type 1 if you've had a conversation that never got past the wafer thin superficial.  They will work through “How to greet and interact with other humanoids” 101. Usually expecting their counterpart to follow the same script. From the very start it's pretty obvious if you're "their kind of person”.  You can see various emotions passing behind their eyes like genuine interest, indifference or discomfort.  If you, like me, have an in-bred sense of the socially appropriate, you are likely to play the game.  Keep on trying to react to what their face is saying while you can see their brain doing the “do they belong in my pigeon hole” equation. Not pleasant.  You first grow out of worrying about the lack of a connection with type 1s, then eventually learn to stop wasting your breath having these conversations.  Blame my "nice" upbringing, but I'm not yet able to just cut my losses and walk away from these conversations.  I can often politely sidestep them, but when I can't I end up feeling like I’ve had a bad Chinese e.g. unsatisfied and regretting that’s £10, or in this case 10 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

 

Type 2. Superstar facade. Can be quite awe inspiring the effort that goes in to pulling off fabulous.  Sometimes I can respect that, but other times it leaves me feeling amused, confused, pissed off or downright icky cos I can spot the trickles of what they're really thinking which seep out round the edges. It takes a true multiple personality or a Negative type 3 (see below) to have no discernable seepage. This type of person will seek out others like them, who reinforce the value of the persona they've created.   Usually gathering type 1s to fawn over them or other type 2s as validating partners in crime. They will suck up to negative type 3s, but run scared from or be disturbed by positive type 3s because they won't indulge any bullshit to protect their visciously enforced social rules.

 

Type 2s are usually high functioning, superficially successful types who will either blossom later into positive type 3s (if we’re lucky) or spend their middle age bemoaning their lost looks, lost potency, invisibility to the opposite sex or inability to hold down a relationship with powerful, interesting partners. The rub for type 2 ladies is that intelligent men, with a smattering of substance and integrity, will almost always take an attractive positive type 3 over a drop dead gorgeous type 2 in the long term. Men, as I’ve already said, are far more straightforward souls. They may like your act, but their bullshit detector will kick in and they may not know why, but they will eventually find themselves eschewing your beautifully maintained body for the slightly droopy woman from next door who sometimes forgets to brush her hair, but has a genuinely comfortable confidence and a devilish, unselfconscious belly laugh.

 

Type 3. So fake they look real or so real they can't fake.  Type 3 comes in 2 flavours. Negative and Positive. For me the labels work as described below, but if you asked a type 2 they would almost certainly swap those positive and negative labels around, because, bless their misguided hearts, they would love to have the kind of unbreakable desirable social facade a negative type 3 can put together.

 

Negative Type 3. Your negative type 3 is actually a very rare beast. So invisibly fake, but fabulous that besotted type 2s can sometimes get a very nasty shock. Behind the shiny but impenetrable negative type 3 mask can lurk some extremely disturbed people. They will never need a type 2 or type 1. They will be amused by them, amuse them and find them of use, but socially able negative type 3s only really love one person...themself.

 

Negative’s are just not who they appear to be, with almost everyone, almost all the time. They usually have one or more personae which are so well developed, polished, complex and layered that no-one except their parents (some of the time) or another type 3 (occasionally) knows what lies beneath. Mental illnesses like paranoid schitzophrenia would be at the dark end of this type 3 continuum, but the nastiest permutation is your full blown sociopath. That’s when negative spills over into dangerous.

 

Regardless of a woman’s place on the Negative type 3 continuum I can’t be around her. I can't stand it. My spidey senses are permanently tingling without any discernable reason why. Enough to send me into committal and lithium land. Having said this, some relatively benign type 3s can end up as lonely souls able to provoke my sympathy. Sometimes having a face for every occasion, being the ultimate social butterfly and being accepted into any group, can mean they lose all sense of their true self.  Eventually overwhelmed by others' expectations.

 

I once knew a male Negative. He was a very close friend and his ability to be all things to all people drove me mad.  It also nearly drove him mad, but not before it helped him become incredibly socially and professionally successful. Eventually, much to my relief, he worked out who he wanted to be, reigned in his high powered life and climbed to the positive side of the type 3 fence.

 

Positive Type 3s.  So now to the finale of this flagrant bit of stereotyping. Positive type 3s. If it never occured to you to be anything but yourself, or you've tried being someone else and can't do it, you're probably one of these.  To expedite a smooth path through life most can do a reliable type 1 act to keep type 1s happy and ensure that type 2s don’t treat them as a threat. They can also do a good enough type 2 to get what they want for short periods of time, but they're never going to keep it up long enough to really settle down in a type 2 or type 1 dominated world. However, unless born, conditioned or traumatised into it they won't be able to pull off Negative type 3 behaviour.

 

I call this type Positive because of the tendency to face life with a huge dose of openness and honesty.  That, by my yardstick is always preferable to the approaches of the other types. That doesn’t mean that all positive type 3s are good. Truely nasty or disturbed people can have an inability to be any other way, but at least it's easy to spot (unlike an invisbly disturbed Negative).  There are also a subset of Type 3s who are just thick. Too stupid or beligerant to behave appropriately for a given audience or situation (think of the kind of people who say "I just speak my mind!" after spouting something incredibly offensive).

 

Beyond that there are the more common subsets of this type.  Confident Positives and Work in Progress Positives, depending on how life treats them growing up.  Confident positives seem to know from an early age that it's ok to be yourself.  That might be down to having at least one Positive type 3 parent, but some kids just seem to pop out that way.  Understanding inately that any social clics with tortuous membership rules are generally not worth joining. Often the pain of social exclusion bites hardest during adolensence, so even if your type 3 takes a while to find their niche, if they find it before they hit teenagerdom, I'd class them as a Confident Positive.  Beginning that tough phase with friends who value  individuality makes a huge difference to the kind of adult that emerges at the other end.  Often they will be folk happy to be alone, but confident in company.  This isn't about looks or intelligence, far from it, these are just people who've found a place in the word that fits them, rather than changing themselves to fit the world.  That predisposes people to being confident and content, which in turn tends to attact other confident happy people.  The phrase "it's what's on the inside that counts" was coined for these folk.  Your nearest Positive might be your check out lady, bin man or that guy in the wheelchair, but what they have in common is an absolute comfort in their own skin and an ability to make you feel totally comfortable in their company.

 

If you fell into the other Positive 3 subset growing up, you probably had a pretty rough time.  Working your ass off to gain entry to the in crowds.  Constantly getting left on the sidelines because you did't look right, dress right or behave in a way that met their acceptance criteria. Often reading between the lines of what everyone else was saying and doubting your sanity because the words and the intentions didn’t seem to match. Realising that popularity is often not worth the price can take a long time.  A hell of a long time if you manage to graft your way to some kind of half assed admission to one of those groups.  You might have spent years telling yourself it was worth it, before recognising how much effort you put in vs the return you got.  It's a real case of "what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger". 

 

The good news is that positive type 3s, both confident ones and ones still working on that, tend to form friendships characterised by honesty, empathy, longevity, lack of judgement and an ability to be apart for good lengths of time, before returning to the same place they left off.  They also tend to gather more friends as they get older, because 1s and 2s often work out pretending is too much like hard work and come over to the less judgemental Positive side of the fence.  You can even get the odd Negative type 3 convert.  Perhaps trauma, love or age reminds them who they really are and what's important.  If that happens, they can often be deeply inspiring and powerful people because they bring the charisma they built to wow folk in their old life and apply it to their true personality.  It's a hell of a battle to embrace averageness, insecurity and human frailty after forging a path through life by being perfect.  But the knocks from that battle can serve to cement an awesome and attractive depth of confidence.

 

So there's my take on the world.  What type of person are you?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Flagrant, coherentish stereotyping.