Lonliness

Dancing in the dust By jfarrell

Dancing in the dust

By jfarrell

 

Here we are

Dancing in the dust

The ashes of dreams and hopes

Dancing around us

As we whirl and twirl

Entwined

 

Tango, fox-trot and the hippy hippy shake

We dance in the dust

We cause whirls and eddies about us

Ghostly images pulled together

So that we don’t dance alone

 

After the music, we find ourselves

Dancing in the dust

Reliving what-might-have-beens

Our ghosts respond with what might have been different

Dancing together

 

Dancing in the dust

forever

Author's Notes/Comments: 

for goodness sake - do the hippy hippy shake

This caged bird don’t sing By jfarrell

This caged bird don’t sing

By jfarrell

 

Yes, I want to be free

Free to live, laugh and love

Free to enjoy, to be happy

To be normal.

 

To spread my wings and fly.

But

It’s safe here in my cage

No risk of getting hurt.

 

By something new,

By someone new.

No risk of a new cage,

“better the devil you know…”

 

This bird doesn’t sing;

This bird does dance;

This bird sits sulkily silent in his cage.

Already dead?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

response to a poem i read earlier

Building Bridges

Building Bridges

By jfarrell

 

Watch them burn…

Isn’t it beautiful?

That black, poisonous cloud, 25 years over South-East London…

Last time I saw my mum.

 

The pagoda pub….

Back then… burned down many times since,

With many different names…

Last time I saw my dad.

 

“Jim, you’re so negative……”

“Jim, you should really change your act…”

At least, on this one, I struck the match.

Last time I saw my, so-called, ‘friends’.

 

I’ve done my building bridges;

And all got spat back in my face;

Now I hold the matches

And I will set light to any bridge I see..

 

Take my hand and stand with me,

In the centre of the inferno;

The raging fire of bitterness;

The popping and thundering of burning hurt.

 

Put your arms around my waist,

And dance with me,

As if this was the last night on earth….

And now, is all we have.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

baby with a box of matches

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To be embraced

To be embraced

By jfarrell

 

To be embraced…

For another’s arms to envelope me,

Hold me close,

Hold me tight;

 

To feel another’s warmth;

Not just the physical closeness, the physical heat;

But… the acceptance..

People wanting to hug me.

 

And I so want be hugged;

I dare not….

What if people knew how desperately I wanted that…

How vulnerable, open to attack and mocking, would that make me?

 

In 3 hours I will be 50….

These past 49 years

Been severely lacking in embraces, hugs and all human contact…

Fingers crossed, they’re all saved up and coming my way now.

 

Otherwise…

What point is there?

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

well... noone can say i'm not trying to change things...

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Silence, like a cancer grows

Silence, like a cancer grows

By jfarrell

 

(“sounds of silence” by simon and garfunkel, one of the best songs ever written)

 

You have one of them friends, don’t you?

No particular reason,

But you haven’t spoken to them in ages;

And you don’t have time now.

 

It could even be a family member;

But, you don’t have time now.

So, more time passes

And you still don’t speak, can’t find the time.

 

And now, so much time has passed

It feels an insult to speak to them;

It’s been weeks, months….. oh, wow, years;

Getting in touch now, would be a shock.

 

After all this time, though once so close,

You are now strangers;

Keep talking - now, today.

Don’t let cancerous silence keep you apart.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

hello darkness, my old friend, i've come to talk to you again

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Shout

Shout

By jfarrell

 

I shout a lot;

At the radio, at my cats

At myself.

 

There hasn’t been anyone to talk to

For a very long time,

So, I shout at my radio.

 

In my isolation

I shout, just so I can hear me

Because the silence is deafening.

 

Unspoken conversations run through my head

With real people;

Real people ignorant of my existence.

 

I watch people

Yap, yap, yap,

All day long.

 

I may not talk to people;

But, what I see,

Other people don’t talk to each other either;

 

They just yap, yap, yap;

Shouting at my radio

Probably makes for a better conversation.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

is talking to other people nice, or is it just yap, yap, yap?

ostracised

 

Ostracised

By jfarrell

 

It starts early, that’s all I really understand,

Before I started school I was ‘outside’;

Left to feel ‘not a part’;

Left to feel unwanted.

 

When I started school, I was already the perfect victim;

‘No-one cares, no-one’s gonna stop us’;

Everyone knew it,

And so, they didn’t stop.

 

Bullied from the day I started school

Until the day I left;

I hoped it would stop there;

We’re all adults, now, right?

 

What a fool I was back then.

Maybe.

I hurt, but wasn’t going to school and stabbing someone

Because of it.

 

But, three months short of my 50th birthday, maybe…

I’ve never trusted anyone enough to have friends;

I don’t know how to feel comfortable around people

And I probably never will

 

I don’t know how many billions people on this planet, it doesn’t matter;

I see and hear you, but you are as out of reach

As the people I see on TV screens

And… if I did reach out… and touch one of you… you’d scream

 

Here, outside of everyone, looking in;

I don’t feel lonely; I don’t feel rejected;

I feel hated.

My parents ostracised me back then and this where I sit today.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

there must be a way back in, right?

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New

Scared of the idea, 

But I want to a be a keeper, 

Of the lighthouse on the cliff, 

With the waves crashing in. 

Everytime I look, 

I get a chill down my spine,

Large enough to climb, 

Like the thoughts that I have,

Overwhelming and attatched. 

 

Only now, I see the state,

And maybe I'm too late,

Oblivion has hit,

Turned this place into shit.

I can't just walk away,

And pretend that I've changed. 

I should stick to my word,

And slowly watch my world,

Deteriorate to nothing

'Coz I'll never turn to something,

New

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The Edge

The Edge

By JFarrell

 

We stand here, on the edge,

What do you want to do?

 

Turn back and run away?

Take my hand and jump?

I leave the decision to you,

And I will be by your side.

 

But,

Take a moment….

Close your eyes….

Take a deep breath…

 

Can you hear it?

The blood rushing through your head?

That is the sound of everything.

Listen to it,

Feel it.

Badoom- whoosh, badoom-whoosh.

It pulses with your heartbeat.

That is the sound of the beginning

And the end

All of eternity

Rushing through your ears.

All that was, is

And is to come

Is in that sound.

 

Here,

At the edge

What do you want to do?

Take my hand

And choose.

I will never let you go.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

choose hope