Dancing in the dust
By jfarrell
Here we are
Dancing in the dust
The ashes of dreams and hopes
Dancing around us
As we whirl and twirl
Entwined
Tango, fox-trot and the hippy hippy shake
We dance in the dust
We cause whirls and eddies about us
Ghostly images pulled together
So that we don’t dance alone
After the music, we find ourselves
Dancing in the dust
Reliving what-might-have-beens
Our ghosts respond with what might have been different
Dancing together
Dancing in the dust
forever
This caged bird don’t sing
By jfarrell
Yes, I want to be free
Free to live, laugh and love
Free to enjoy, to be happy
To be normal.
To spread my wings and fly.
But
It’s safe here in my cage
No risk of getting hurt.
By something new,
By someone new.
No risk of a new cage,
“better the devil you know…”
This bird doesn’t sing;
This bird does dance;
This bird sits sulkily silent in his cage.
Already dead?
Building Bridges
By jfarrell
Watch them burn…
Isn’t it beautiful?
That black, poisonous cloud, 25 years over South-East London…
Last time I saw my mum.
The pagoda pub….
Back then… burned down many times since,
With many different names…
Last time I saw my dad.
“Jim, you’re so negative……”
“Jim, you should really change your act…”
At least, on this one, I struck the match.
Last time I saw my, so-called, ‘friends’.
I’ve done my building bridges;
And all got spat back in my face;
Now I hold the matches
And I will set light to any bridge I see..
Take my hand and stand with me,
In the centre of the inferno;
The raging fire of bitterness;
The popping and thundering of burning hurt.
Put your arms around my waist,
And dance with me,
As if this was the last night on earth….
And now, is all we have.
To be embraced
By jfarrell
To be embraced…
For another’s arms to envelope me,
Hold me close,
Hold me tight;
To feel another’s warmth;
Not just the physical closeness, the physical heat;
But… the acceptance..
People wanting to hug me.
And I so want be hugged;
I dare not….
What if people knew how desperately I wanted that…
How vulnerable, open to attack and mocking, would that make me?
In 3 hours I will be 50….
These past 49 years
Been severely lacking in embraces, hugs and all human contact…
Fingers crossed, they’re all saved up and coming my way now.
Otherwise…
What point is there?
Silence, like a cancer grows
By jfarrell
(“sounds of silence” by simon and garfunkel, one of the best songs ever written)
You have one of them friends, don’t you?
No particular reason,
But you haven’t spoken to them in ages;
And you don’t have time now.
It could even be a family member;
But, you don’t have time now.
So, more time passes
And you still don’t speak, can’t find the time.
And now, so much time has passed
It feels an insult to speak to them;
It’s been weeks, months….. oh, wow, years;
Getting in touch now, would be a shock.
After all this time, though once so close,
You are now strangers;
Keep talking - now, today.
Don’t let cancerous silence keep you apart.
Shout
By jfarrell
I shout a lot;
At the radio, at my cats
At myself.
There hasn’t been anyone to talk to
For a very long time,
So, I shout at my radio.
In my isolation
I shout, just so I can hear me
Because the silence is deafening.
Unspoken conversations run through my head
With real people;
Real people ignorant of my existence.
I watch people
Yap, yap, yap,
All day long.
I may not talk to people;
But, what I see,
Other people don’t talk to each other either;
They just yap, yap, yap;
Shouting at my radio
Probably makes for a better conversation.
Ostracised
By jfarrell
It starts early, that’s all I really understand,
Before I started school I was ‘outside’;
Left to feel ‘not a part’;
Left to feel unwanted.
When I started school, I was already the perfect victim;
‘No-one cares, no-one’s gonna stop us’;
Everyone knew it,
And so, they didn’t stop.
Bullied from the day I started school
Until the day I left;
I hoped it would stop there;
We’re all adults, now, right?
What a fool I was back then.
Maybe.
I hurt, but wasn’t going to school and stabbing someone
Because of it.
But, three months short of my 50th birthday, maybe…
I’ve never trusted anyone enough to have friends;
I don’t know how to feel comfortable around people
And I probably never will
I don’t know how many billions people on this planet, it doesn’t matter;
I see and hear you, but you are as out of reach
As the people I see on TV screens
And… if I did reach out… and touch one of you… you’d scream
Here, outside of everyone, looking in;
I don’t feel lonely; I don’t feel rejected;
I feel hated.
My parents ostracised me back then and this where I sit today.
Scared of the idea,
But I want to a be a keeper,
Of the lighthouse on the cliff,
With the waves crashing in.
Everytime I look,
I get a chill down my spine,
Large enough to climb,
Like the thoughts that I have,
Overwhelming and attatched.
Only now, I see the state,
And maybe I'm too late,
Oblivion has hit,
Turned this place into shit.
I can't just walk away,
And pretend that I've changed.
I should stick to my word,
And slowly watch my world,
Deteriorate to nothing
'Coz I'll never turn to something,
New
The Edge
By JFarrell
We stand here, on the edge,
What do you want to do?
Turn back and run away?
Take my hand and jump?
I leave the decision to you,
And I will be by your side.
But,
Take a moment….
Close your eyes….
Take a deep breath…
Can you hear it?
The blood rushing through your head?
That is the sound of everything.
Listen to it,
Feel it.
Badoom- whoosh, badoom-whoosh.
It pulses with your heartbeat.
That is the sound of the beginning
And the end
All of eternity
Rushing through your ears.
All that was, is
And is to come
Is in that sound.
Here,
At the edge
What do you want to do?
Take my hand
And choose.
I will never let you go.