Pain

Soldier


Her little head has a lot of imaginations,

From all the experiences she went through.

All the ups and downs,

She remained strong and happy.

 

No matter how hard he broke her,

She kept her head high

And focused at what matters most.

She’s like a soldier,

Brave, strong and resourceful.

 

Even if she has her friends and family,

She wants to be

That strong independent woman

 

No man will ever make her weak.



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If it hurts... (You're alive)

If it hurts (you're alive)
***********************
How can I move on, when I can't even get up?

How can I stop hurting, when this pain makes me throw up!
In my head; I try to see, where we went wrong;
This feeling I feel; reminds me of; a sad country song.
The one that I love, has thrown me away...
All of a sudden, it just happened one day!
She said, she tried, but she had to pretend
That to her I was no more, then just, an old friend.
Gawd; how it hurt, to hear her say that...
"Had to pretend"... those words knocked me down flat!
Now, I don't think a friend, would string me along...
Or, play me like a violin, now that... would be wrong!
In one breath, she says, she'll always love me
But in the next she says, she never will love me.

How can I forget, all the things we've shared
How can I believe, she never really cared..
I know on my part, I loved her so much
I'm going through withdraws, for lack of her touch!
Help me somebody, I am begging please
I'll try anything, if it puts my pain at ease.
I wake in the morning, but dont get out of bed
I can't face the world, so I'll just hide instead.
No one can see me, so they can't see me cry.
If it would help stop this pain, then I would gladly die!
Someone once told me , the pain would go away
All I need do, is go out and get laid
How can I do that, when she fills my every thought
I'd be lucky to get it up, let alone get it hard as a rock
How can I end this pain, I feel but I can't see?
How can I move on, if she is not with me?
When I love someone, I love with all I am
And to make things work, I'll do whatever I can
Loving someone... is easy to do!
Making a relationship work, requires the efforts of two.
I guess it was to much, or she didn't have the time
Maybe she got tired of just being mine?

All that is certain, is this is killing me
Feeling this pain, that no one can see.
I can't find the strength, to get out of bed
I can't get her beautiful face, out of my head
I can't move on, if I can't even move
How could his happen? Loves not something you lose
Kicked to the curb, she didn't bat an eye...
And she couldn't even tell me, the what or the why.
So this pain that I feel, is all that is left...
Of the love I have for her, until my last breath!!!

©Paul Posney 10/27/2016

'

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Unity

Folder: 
Simple Thoughts

"Tragic, 

tragedy can be, 

with repeating sounds of words, 

or screams and cries;

 

pain is a universal language.

Everyone knows it, 

this I believe. 

But,

 

even then, there's plenty

of discontent for which has and has not

been felt, 

as though suffering is to be measured.

 

I've seen it, you have, too, 

the pain of the neighborhood, 

tires slashed throughout, 

just another siren,

 

crying, 

at my end of the city. 

Such a pity, and then

the loud clash

 

of the car crash, 

one having smashed into the other,

and in this moment of pain, 

this tragedy,

 

comes unity, 

Humanity.

The unprovoked question

of the desire of assistance,

 

the rush to the scene 

seen by me

of the people who live on this block, 

calming the sobbing mother,

 

bringing the young ones out from the cold, 

the old man sweeping the broken glass,

no police having arrived yet.

Yet, nothing but pain

 

bringing us together, 

celebrating that everyone is okay.

 

Silver lining, 

pain unites,

every little thing

is going to be all right,

 

the radio said so."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I recently was invited to be part of my local Lululemons UNTITEd States campaign, and I had such a blast. This is my poem for the them "unity", aptly named.

Home

Verse1: 

Home - A Timeless Reverie (a figment of my dreams) 

Though you're gone forever (rest in peace) 

I still truly believe in us and our love 

Everlasting scenes, it's constantly playing on my mind 

 

Verse2: 

I feel the sun blinding my eyes 

It shines brightly while 

Running into our veins 

Best be sure this is an everlasting moment 

 

Bridge: 

Show me where to go from here 

If I could turn back time (turn back time) 

I found the grace and love in your eyes 

Your smile still comforts me to this day 

(I won't have to live in fear) 

 

Chorus: 

Home - a timeless reverie 

If I could turn back time, you gave me peace, love, joy, and hope 

God grant the same peace, love, hope, and grace in our lives 

Our lives - where does the time fly? 

 

Verse3: 

What shall I do? 

How shall I proceed?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A song I wrote back in 2014 while in a group home in Orange County, CA.

Without You

The days that were before,

O, how have they been lost!

Another tear, the tear,

it will soothe in my love-tossed soul

 

Decidedly, I chose to not forget,

as if there ever was a chance

at this repair, so hopeful I let

the seen things go, until

 

But it is clear, oh very clear

that this soul you don't deserve

that this hopefullness doesn't strike

that it is I you don't care to like

 

for that, I set myself free

from your shackles,

from your tax

upon which you feed,

is there still a chance at this repair?

I stop pondering it,

for my life is to live now,

without this nightmare it's become

without the deceit to overcome

without all the tears you bring into it

Without You

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Were This A Suicide Note From Me

 

Were this a suicide note, from me,

I'd tell you all one final goodbye,

With phony words you won't read,

Saying, For me, please don't cry.

But this is just my simple truth,

So I know no one really even will,

Shed one honest, heartfelt tear,

If my own life...were I to kill.

 

Were this a suicide note, from me,

I'd ask forgiveness for what I've done.

I'd especially be sorry to,

My daughter...and my sons.

But this is my real existance,

So in fact, no one would care,

That I'd felt the need to end it,

Because the pain was too much to bear.

 

Were this a suicide note, from me,

I'd tell the one I gave my heart,

Of how he shouldn't pine and weep for me,

And make a brand new start.

But this is just more factual,

To say he'd get over me real fast.

That those words were empty promises,

That were never meant to last.

 

Were this a suicide note, from me,

I'd say all those final things I'd need to say-

Like, Remember me with smiles,

And remember those happier days.

But this is my own reality,

And they only seem to forget my love,

That for everyone, I only gave my all,

But I was so easy to be disposed of.

 

Were this a suicide note, from me,

I'd remind everyone I love them true.

That this was just my only way out-

To be free from hurt, I did, what I had to do.

But this is just a fantasy note,

Because I'd rather leave it all unsaid.

For they don't care, or love me, while alive,

So why would they, were I dead?

 

 

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Offspring Treason

 

I'm so damn beaten down,

still so emotionally abused,

Cruelly, verbally attacked,

...and so wrongly accused. 

 

From such spiteful, hurtful,

and hateful, misguided fools.

Influenced by others, not aware,

they are being used as tools.

 

Tools, just out to hurt me,

for no actual, damn reason. 

My own flesh and blood-

-An 'offspring-treason'.

 

May as well twist out my heart,

and throw it there, on the floor.

Because it can't take this pain,

or this hurting, anymore.

 

All I've done is try harder,

and cry too many endless tears.

Anything I even try to say,

falls upon, deafened ears.

 

They can't see what they do,

through such tainted eyes.

And no more can I take,

all the vicious attacks and the lies.

 

I birthed them, I nursed them,

I raised and susatined their very lives.

Just to now be paid back in full,

with their back-stabbing knives.

 

It shames me now, to admit,

this abuse, by two children of mine.

Taught so well by him, how to hurt,

and how to abuse and to malign.


For I did not raise them with hate,

only showed them my love and affection.

Their outcome-a result of watching abuse,

and learning all about, his rejection.

 

They are too tainted now, to see truth,

though I pray it someday, can be done.

For even through all this heart-wrenching pain,

I still love my daughter, and my son.

 

New Possibilty

Folder: 
My Ex-Jellybean

I really don't know what to think. 

It's been a few weeks, I believe 

I'm developing feelings 

For another girl. Honestly, 

I just don't want to be

The guy who is always dating

A girl. I'd Like to tell you, but see

I made it clear that I get clearly 

Hurt that you treat 

Me worse than any 

Of your friends. It was me

Who held your hand while you were contemplating,

You just repaid me with extreme 

And utterly crushing misery.

I might see how I feel while seeing 

A new girl. I think that's what I need.

I stayed strong for three

Or four weeks with us just friends, I didn't forsee

I'd end up falling

For her. If it hurts you, I'm sorry,

But it's my own trail that I'm blazing.

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Parsimonious

Folder: 
Personal

"So hot headed,

but heavy is the hand

that is kept from raising.

Which,

 

being how soft

the surface below 

it would fall upon,

it is al and well

 

no hand was raised,

indeed,

but there is no praise 

for such common sense.

 

Uncommon men

and situations

make for comics 

and comical accusations,

 

life's a joke

so sometimes I laugh at it,

but this time around

I keep frowning.

 

So here it is,

laid on the table

the meal made,

with much forethought.

 

And in the end,

all it causes is heat,

feet stomping,

no use for a cooler,

 

all around fire is sprayed

and it keeps trying

to catch, 

skin not lit.

 

Whatever the reason,

be it power or to tower above,

stepping in increases rage,

decreases range.

 

Within striking distance,

add more fuel to the fire

burning deep inside,

taught to never lay a finger

 

on the fairer sex,

but the moment tests all control,

reveal, resist,

total consequence in the rearview.

 

SLew of words,

which hold meaning

spoken out of love or anger,

babble dipping into ears

 

is all tuned out;

been inside my head for hours

already.

So you go,

 

but not before raising your own hand,

no pain felt with the blow,

no weight to it.

But damned if the point isn't realized,

 

asked to leave 

only to come once I'm gone,

leaving my abode vandalized.

How dissapointing.

 

An anger so roasting

kept cool with a conversation

with a friend, 

longboarder, car hoarder,

 

keeps one in check

before diving into a bitter 

back-and-forth.

The bitter look

 

thrown with an intense glare

with one more pass,

feeling sick to the stomach,

but if one wants,

 

just ask.

I can be more specific.

Penurious of kindness,

parsimonious of respect."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Parsimonious, not to insult anyone's intelligence, is to be stingy; to be witholding (usually of money). Something that you have, but decide not to give, or spend, or show. Being parsimonious is a common reaction to many a great painful events in our lives. But maybe it shouldn't be. For once.