Unwanted - I am a constant reminder of your pain

Unwanted – I am a constant reminder of your pain


She gave birth to a beautiful little boy

No pain, no sadness, all he brought was pure joy

A new life into this world, for her to love and to hold and call your very own

Her biggest wish was to have more children, her little boy’s clone


Pity she didn’t know that it would be her biggest woe

A horror memory engraved in her heart and soul, a memory she will never be able to let go

If she knew, would she have still gone through following her heart’s desires?

I don’t believe so, and those who do, are all liars


Two years later she couldn’t wait for the birth of her second baby

This time around, she expected a little girl, but the wait was driving her crazy

This little baby just didn’t want to let go and come out to bloom

Two weeks late after the due arrival she decided to leave the womb


Excruciating labour pains for hours is all she felt

Tears streaming down her cheeks while screaming in agony for help

Instead of giving her a caesarean, or calling a doctor, she was told to be silent

The little new-born girl was coming out bridge, large, but no giant


The new-born tore her open from side to side

She lost so much blood giving birth, she could have died

Nurses took the baby and called the doctor

Who only arrived a day later and simply gave her pain killers, his carelessness shocked her


She didn’t want to see or hear her new-born for days

This little baby girl left her in a constant daze

The baby was to blame for her pain

The baby was to blame that she may never have babies ever again


The baby was to blame that she was left alone in a pool of blood

To scream and suffer with so much tears, almost causing a flood

With no one there to ease her pain, no doctor, no friend, no husband, left alone in vain

The baby was to blame for her dismal future which will forever remain


Yet, days later she called this child ‘’Desire’’

Funny, that one’s biggest desire could turn out to be your biggest heart’s regret fire

For this poor baby girl was once wanted

But once she greeted this world, she was immediately unwanted


Weeks passed, months passed, she loved and cared for a baby girl

But in her mind, she was always reminded of the hell she caused her, this little pearl

Decades passed, the baby grew older into a young precious lady

But still, she could not forgive and forget, she had to tell this child what she did to her as a baby


When the child reached her mid-twenties she decided to tell her of the birth from hell

And confessed that she didn’t want anything to do with her for days after the painful spell

She decided to tell her because the child suffered from depression

Showed signs of a cold heart and unlovable, unwanted, signs of death obsession


But her confession didn’t change the child’s behaviour

What was done to the new-born decades earlier will leave a lasting scar forever

The feeling of being unwanted, left alone and unloved, no matter how long

That loneliness and empty feeling the child will always carry that burden along


It almost seemed to make her happy, taking revenge on her own child, maybe

To remind her daughter on a regular basis of the pain she had caused her as a baby

The regrets that she carries for giving birth and wanting a second child

The regrets that she has still grows very deeply and wild


This baby is now 40, and it is me

Three weeks until I turn 41 I was reminded yet again of all the pain I caused her, she is still not free

If I am so unwanted, a constant reminder of your pain

Why then, does God not take me away from your again?


Why can’t I just die to ease your horror memories and unforgettable, forgivable pain?

Why does God keep me on this earth in your presence if all you want is revenge over again?

You want to get me back for what I did to you in your womb

You want to hurt my heart and health as much as you can to revenge your pain memories until my doom


Once Wanted

Became Unwanted

I am a constant reminder of your misery and pain


Why must I be alive? Why does God not take me away? What do you have to gain?

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Remembered not

He was chained in the depths hell

Surrounded by the realm of sin

He was left for dead

Nobody heard his screams

He had no love nor life 

Broken he was beyond repair

He breathed his last breath

Nobody noticed his absence

He faded into oblivion 

The earth engulfed his body 

Until he existed no more

He was never remembered

No one cared 

So he became Death





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A Hole: Pain Through The Brain


I woke up,

In the mirror I had my closeup.

There was a hole in my throat,

Fastly I slipped into my coat.


I went to the hospital,

I was worried I recall.

I gave the fault to Abra,

Who was able to the macabre.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A dream I had.

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i can tell tales of woe

I can tell tales of woe

By Jfarrell


I can tell tales of woe

Make you cry

Make you hurt

Make you wish

Things I won’t mention.


I can tell tales of destruction

I lit the match

Didn’t mean to, but,

Ashes, ruins, the stench of wet smoke,

How many of us are HERE? Right now?


But, I so wish..


Tales of hope I can do,

I know I need hope;

Tales of encouragement I can do,

I definitely need that.



All of YOU!

Will have to help me with

Tales of love,

I haven’t enough to remember

To recall,

To visualise,

To connect with the feelings…

An experience,

I must have had

Long ago



Author's Notes/Comments: 

if you like my stuff enough to read, thank you

don't know waht else to say

i long to...

I long to….

 By JFarrell


I long to


Let it out, let it all out;

Pain, anger,

Just plain old


I so want to

Let it out.


I long to

fall in love

To love another totally, absolutely

and be loved back

To be held




I long to

Be a better person

Not this stupid, waste of space;


If I were a better person

I wouldn’t have to

Long to….



I am





(may you all have beautiful rainbows in your life)


(and beautiful dragons too)


Author's Notes/Comments: 

what do you long to.....?

I used to be happy.

I used to be happy
Now I don't know what that is
I was a child when everthing went to shit
Two deaths in the family 
And then a friend died 
My mother's boyfriend turned abusive 
I now have scars to hide
Self-harm I started to help with the pain
Until my hand slipped and I had to go to the ER
I was forced to see a therapist 
And things started to get better
Until the day my mothers friend 
Someone like a brother
Decide to see if he liked children 
Everything came crashing back down 
I had a major break down 
My self-harm started back up 
My therapist I quit 
School I stopped going 
I just laid in bed 
Trying not to think 
Two years have passed since then 
My self-harm I stopped 
I go out now 
I even have friends
But i'm not happy
To many scars
Both physical and mental 
Will stop me from ever being happy.

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Haqueian Verse


As a foe,

Gifts miseries,

In body and,


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Baked potatoes and regret

i long for your comfort 

but dare ask not. 

I long for your attention

but give instead of got. 

 i must escape for sanity

reality crushes too harsh 

so instead i just retreat  

To the bites and Pages 

savoring the comfort, however meek

refusing to ask you

i seek to comfort myself

alone, with baked potato regrets. 

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Daily Routine

I sing as the blade parts my flesh.

Why am I doing this?

Been longing for this pain; don’t know what I gain but I love it.

Please stop.

So memorizing and erotic, stimulating and euphoric. The tingle is tantalizing – it makes me quiver and my spine shutter.

Last time.

Keeps me from shooting myself. I don’t know how to escape the nightmare that living has become.

God I need help.





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