There in front of me
Standing
With no way around
It hits me
Waves of pain and devotion
It's an emotional ocean.
There's a sanctuary outside of my mind
But my mind had me confined
Inside of this rhyme
Running out of time
To find
This peace that I must've left behind.
Every tear I cried helped you sail farther away
Every breath I sighed filled your wings to fly
You mastered the wind and waves to leave me
You cried as the storms only pushed you along
And then You, that magnetizing, gravitating whirlpool
Leading men down to watery graves
Pulling the breath from many men's lips
And crushing them in your depths
It was difficult for me to lose you
I heard your siren's call
But I stuffed my ears and tied myself up
I knew you had nothing but death
Lastly to you, I won't say that there isn't beauty in your suffering
Only that those of us who can see it are pretty messed up
Trying desperately to find a silver lining in a thundercloud
A refreshing sea-breeze in a hurricane
Like the aurora borealis
Or the spritely fox-fire
You're a natural mystery
Filled with hidden meanings
My muses
My fates
My inspirations
I gave you all my everything
And you each of you left me wanting
Experienced well in pain,
of every known form,
For me this is nothing,
but my seemingly, 'norm'.
My heart is a punching bag,
battered and bruised.
Neglected, discarded,
tossed aside...and used.
Why am I an easy target,
of other people's abuse?
Am I marked for my life,
Is my hoping, of no use?
I open myself up and take,
these constant, hurtful attacks.
But then they are always shocked,
when finally, I fight back.
Why am I so vulnerable,
and not worthy of affection?
Why am I the hapless victim,
of this hurt and rejection?
I should know so much better,
been through it, many times before.
I'm my own worst, foolish enemy,
sticking around life, for yet more.
Beating Heart Part 2
Verse 1:
I can feel your heartbeat
Whenever you are with me.
Little did I know
That this would be
My first and last love.
You’re everything I need and want.
Chorus:
Even if I fall in love
With somebody else,
You’re my everything.
No one else compares.
It just won’t work out
As much as we love each other.
‘Cause this beating heart
Is your’s to keep.
Verse 2:
I get tired of waiting.
We both met when
We were young.
It felt right.
Everything fell into place.
‘Cause this is our love story.
Bridge:
When I first met you,
I felt like I knew you.
It was so natural
For both of us
To be together.
Don’t let me go
‘Cause this beating heart
Belongs to only you.
I've never seen an angel bleed
Till I stood with knife in hand
I've never seen a devil cry
Till I looked once through it's eyes
You were my drug
Long before I acclimated
Long before withdrawal
I needed you to survive
I can feel your eyes on my back
Can't you hear me?
I'm silent on the outside
But screaming on the inside
I'm soul-lost
I can't find who I am anymore
Maybe I'll be fine
Perhaps I will survive
But I just don't know if
I can outlast your memory
If I lose myself in drugs and dreams
Or fly away to places and things
To fill the gap you left behind
Consuming body, soul, and mind
But there is no need
To conjure dreams
When life comes
In such radiant colors
They say Pandora is to blame
Her curiosity brought us pain
And fear of darkness in the night
But there was hope in candle-light
From the dark, a light will shine
Before the day, the night has gone
And now we know it burns so fine
That is why it's called, breaking dawn.
And maybe, just maybe
That which dies gives birth to something new
I can't let anyone inside,
they keep trying to stay in stride,
with me they fall behind,
I don't know myself and what I'll find.
It all hurts now,
it throbs away inside every day.
The pain is physical now,
it won't end unless I can say...
that I am done,
that I have control,
that I won't let it rule my world,
no, not anymore.
It's not easy,
to bend and not to break,
I wish you could see me,
that this is more than I can take.
I'm afraid
Of losing
Of being a disappointment
So I never try
I'm afraid
Of being a nuisance
Of being betrayed
So I never get close
I'm afraid
Of being alone
Of my emotions
So I close myself off
I'm afraid
Of myself
I'm so very afraid
*
*
Fish can't scream but
lobsters do
when dropped into
boiling water
through a scalding
curtain of steam
saiom shriver