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There in front of me

Standing

With no way around

It hits me

Waves of pain and devotion

It's an emotional ocean.

There's a sanctuary outside of my mind

But my mind had me confined

Inside of this rhyme

Running out of time

To find

This peace that I must've left behind.

Every tear I cried helped you sail farther away

Every breath I sighed filled your wings to fly

You mastered the wind and waves to leave me

You cried as the storms only pushed you along

And then You, that magnetizing, gravitating whirlpool

Leading men down to watery graves

Pulling the breath from many men's lips

And crushing them in your depths

It was difficult for me to lose you

I heard your siren's call

But I stuffed my ears and tied myself up

I knew you had nothing but death

Lastly to you, I won't say that there isn't beauty in your suffering

Only that those of us who can see it are pretty messed up

Trying desperately to find a silver lining in a thundercloud

A refreshing sea-breeze in a hurricane

Like the aurora borealis

Or the spritely fox-fire

You're a natural mystery

Filled with hidden meanings

My muses

My fates

My inspirations

I gave you all my everything

And you each of you left me wanting

Experienced well in pain,

of every known form,

For me this is nothing,

but my seemingly, 'norm'.

My heart is a punching bag,

battered and bruised.

Neglected, discarded,

tossed aside...and used.

Why am I an easy target,

of other people's abuse?

Am I marked for my life,

Is my hoping, of no use?

I open myself up and take,

these constant, hurtful attacks.

But then they are always shocked,

when finally, I fight back.

Why am I so vulnerable,

and not worthy of affection?

Why am I the hapless victim, 

of this hurt and rejection?

I should know so much better,

been through it, many times before.

I'm my own worst, foolish enemy,

sticking around life, for yet more.

Beating Heart Part 2

Verse 1:

I can feel your heartbeat

Whenever you are with me.

Little did I know

That this would be

My first and last love.

You’re everything I need and want.

Chorus:
Even if I fall in love

With somebody else,

You’re my everything.

No one else compares.

It just won’t work out

As much as we love each other.

‘Cause this beating heart

Is your’s to keep.

Verse 2:

I get tired of waiting.

We both met when

We were young.

It felt right.

Everything fell into place.

‘Cause this is our love story.

Bridge:
When I first met you,

I felt like I knew you.

It was so natural

For both of us

To be together.

Don’t let me go

‘Cause this beating heart

Belongs to only you.

I've never seen an angel bleed

Till I stood with knife in hand

I've never seen a devil cry

Till I looked once through it's eyes

You were my drug

Long before I acclimated

Long before withdrawal

I needed you to survive

I can feel your eyes on my back

Can't you hear me?

I'm silent on the outside

But screaming on the inside

I'm soul-lost

I can't find who I am anymore

Maybe I'll be fine

Perhaps I will survive

But I just don't know if

I can outlast your memory

If I lose myself in drugs and dreams

Or fly away to places and things

To fill the gap you left behind

Consuming body, soul, and mind

But there is no need

To conjure dreams

When life comes

In such radiant colors

They say Pandora is to blame

Her curiosity brought us pain

And fear of darkness in the night

But there was hope in candle-light

From the dark, a light will shine

Before the day, the night has gone

And now we know it burns so fine

That is why it's called, breaking dawn.

And maybe, just maybe

That which dies gives birth to something new

I can't let anyone inside,

they keep trying to stay in stride,

with me they fall behind,

I don't know myself and what I'll find.

It all hurts now,

it throbs away inside every day.

The pain is physical now,

it won't end unless I can say...

that I am done,

that I have control,

that I won't let it rule my world,

no, not anymore.

It's not easy,

to bend and not to break,

I wish you could see me,

that this is more than I can take.

I'm afraid
Of losing
Of being a disappointment
So I never try
I'm afraid
Of being a nuisance
Of being betrayed
So I never get close
I'm afraid
Of being alone
Of my emotions
So I close myself off
I'm afraid
Of myself
I'm so very afraid

*

*

Fish can't scream but

lobsters do

when dropped into

boiling water 

through a scalding

curtain of steam

saiom shriver

https://www.treehugger.com/corporate-responsibility/new-research-suggests-ascreaming-lobstersa-in-boiling-pot-might-really-be-screaming.html