Pain

Gargoyles and peaches

.........


It's a painful stretch to re-loving 

Gargoyles in clusters clutch at my heart 
Talons pierced and locked wings wrapped upon layers
Pulling each one away takes insufferable self violence 
Just to clear a small space to let you through 
Too many years of inequity
have placed needs burning in my heart  
you struggle to relinquish your control,
Your gift of consideration is noted.
Your changes have exceeded my expectations 
Though we are nowhere near even.
Still, I play it peachy, 
Your tenderness, your keeness to please me
Is unnerving, 
too little,  too late
Your heart whispers squeal like whistles in the hunt 
Unsettling the watchdog beasts 
Growling and snarling
Clawing tighter at the leather pith of a stone heart 
Your own needs are barking 
Your expectations are going to be laid,
I'm letting blood Before your debt is even paid 
It's going to be different this time...
Claws tighten, wings gripping tighter 
Artehoke heart,
just another set up 
I keep anticipating the fall.
I go on pretending in the hope It will become real 
Your darkness permeates 
your dark love kills
Still there's something about you 

I can't live without.




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a painful stretch to re-loving 

Gargoyles in clusters clutch at my heart 

Talons pierced and locked wings wrapped upon layers

Pulling each one away takes insufferable self violence 

Just to clear a small space to let you through 

Too many years of inequity

 have placed needs burning in my heart  

you struggle to relinquish your control,

Your gift of consideration is noted.

Your changes have exceeded my expectations 

Though we are nowhere near even.

Still, I play it peachy, 

Your tenderness, your keeness to please me

Is unnerving, too little,  too late

Your heart whispers squeal like whistles in the hunt 

Unsettling the watchdog beasts 

Clawing tighter at the leather pith of a stone heart 

Your own needs are barking 

Your expectations are going to be laid,

Before my debt is even paid I'm letting blood 

It's going to be different this time...

Claws tighten, wings gripping tighter 

Artehoke heart,

the  just another set up 

I cant keep from anticipating the fall.

I go on pretending in the hope It will become real 

Your darkness permeates 

your dark love kills

But there's something about you 

I can't live without.

 

 

 

 

 

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You didn’t Stay!

I said ‘sorry’ thousands of time,


Yet you didn’t stay,


All I wanted was to see you naked,


While departing even a word you didn’t say!


 

I wished to be one with you indeed,


Socrates’ Vulgar Eros was at work,


Is it sinful to love physically?


Is it something dark?


 

Perhaps you will return sooner or later!

 

Perhaps that is not going to happen ever!

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My Heart is Burning like a Cigarette!

My heart is burning like a cigarette!


It burns so slowly ever,


The reason I know,


Yet I cannot cool it down whatsoever!


 

I cannot erase her memories,


Her touches, love and all,


From my brain,


No matter how busy I am after all!


 

Perhaps hearts are meant to be burnt!

 

This is what I have ultimately learnt! 

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So Listen

Love

It hurts your Soul,

Your Mind, Your Body

moveless with heartbreak,

as you try to Understand,

Listen, Remember

your head hurts,

your weeping burns

a hole into your Eyes,

Your Mind, Your Heart

This is true love,

the hearfelt pain

trying to breathe,

but no air getting in-

your throat Closes,

Throbs, Imploads

as the with of death

takes you through

the pain that is - his

Death

But Listen

as time goes on,

on you move,

And find the better

of what life can give-

A New Love

So Listen

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At A Time

At a time that

is of past passing-

A yellow house brown

of blackened sunflowers

In a grey town

And a moon

as red as the, soon,

lives of death

Leads us through hours

beyond this taken breath


The house is dark, a hint of red,

and has a quiet feel, as before nature's warnings-

Then, it was at night,

they could feel a movement, restless,

Surely it was not right

The parents sneaked around

and death hit them in an instant

as the taker ran, never to be found

The childrens' hearts had a hole,

definitely, the three were not full

as they were saddened

at the night that was surely testless

and at that time, it was sure

they were not yet reddened


We open to a placement, a blue day,

where the many have had breath taken-

The children were in the foster

a system, that was very sad

as the brother was not on their roster

The brother, from his foster, he ran

Rightly so, he was definitely not a fan

They had found him by the home

near his siblings, that was a tad

too far for him to roam


Now a windy day, at a sunrise,

a green fire rises, higher and higher-

The boy's parents' sunset, to him, was impart

as he felt, his life was raken

so he set, in the prison, his heart

and went out into the darkness

on a path set out in fire,

where the sun sets on its blackness

and the rain keeps the heat

slow and still, until the time

his vengence must readily beat


He moves as a sunset

brings him closer to darkness-

The path ends at a house,

beyond the row of quinces

where he was sure it was his "workhouse"

He went in, to catch the killer,

temptation sprang, but he was backed

So, he had to enact

and, for help, became a caller

The tornado finally passes,

after the taker, he catches

but finds the alleges

never discovers him any coolness

from the darkness, and the dankness


What he thought was sunset,

was actually sunrise,

that brought, with all his ties,

him to light, without any debt

Later, in the spring,

the children are grown, the bells ring,

with candles lit,

comes their lives, moonlit

and sunflowers no longer blackened,

and their lives no longer darkened,

but brightened with

Roses, lilies, and pansis

never to forget, their taken breath,

At A Time

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Ghost of You

Folder: 
Thalia

I feel like I'm grasping

At what's already gone
A shade of the past
A cruel man's con

 

And I cannot figure
How we got here
To a place where I shed
Many a tear

 

Where my tears mingle
With the rain
And although I love you
You cause me pain

 

How'd we get here
From a place so bright?
Appeared in darkness
What happened to the light?

 

From a time when we'd
Speak everyday
A time long ago
When "you're perfect" we'd say

 

A time when I'd
Call you sweetheart
When we were together
Yet so far apart

 

It's been a year
Since the start
Were you ever not
In my heart?

 

I'm clinging to
These fond memories
Soaked by my sorrow
Down on my knees

 

A month without you
Feels like eternity
I feel you slipping 
Into anonymity

 

All this history
Was any true?
This unfinished business
The ghost of you

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Letters

If I could write a letter to my past,
There are so many things I would say

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
There are so many things I would ask

 

I would say “it'll get better, stay strong!”

And that would be a lie

 

I would ask, “does it ever get better?”
And I would hope that it does

 

I would say “you're strong, you can hold the world on your shoulders!”
And that would be a lie

 

I would ask, “did you make it through this?”
And I would hope the answer's yes

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I would only be able to lie

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
I don't think I'd want a reply

 

We endured so much in the past,
Scraping by, clawing through the dust and into what we thought was sunlight

 

We'll have endured so much in the future,
And hopefully we'll have emerged in the moonlight

 

We suffered so much pain in the past,
But it feels like nothing but a sliver under our skin compared to now

 

We'll have suffered so much in the future,
That if we're still around I will truly be shocked

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't warn them

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
I wouldn't ask for help

 

Because this pain is what makes us who we are,
This pain defines us,
It binds us and shackles us to our broken version of reality.

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't give help
I wouldn't warn them of the dangers to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very reality
Is all I have left.

 

And if I could write a letter to my future, I wouldn't ask for help,
I wouldn't ask for a heads-up or a warning of everything to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very life,
Will continue to antagonize my every breath,

Leading me to become someone beyond our imaginations.

 

If I could write a letter across time,
There wouldn't be much in it,
Because if there was,

Those letters wouldn't be addressed to me,
They'd be addressed to someone completely different,
Someone who hasn't suffered the pain that defines me.

 

I need that pain.
Without that pain, me wouldn't be me.

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In The Corner

"Sorry to hear about your loss"'s

Are wooden and rigid

Templates learnt and regurgitated

Out of the mouths of puppets.

 

There are the hard-eyed portraits

On the wall with nothing

To say. There are caricatures

Who never cease to stop.

 

"Are you okay?" trickles out

Of the mouths of the mindless.

Questions back me into corners and

I have no choice but to nod my head.

 

The false testimony that is "yes"

Is as wooden and rigid as the rest.

There are too many timber slabs

Around me - I want to burn them all.

 

Let me set fire to your words

Before you bother to let them out.

I am sincerely sorry that I have

A loss for you to be so sorry about.

 

May the match put an end

To your stilted statements and constant

Questions. Unless in that corner,

I can find my grandmother again.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I lost my grandmother recently, and it was my first experience of death in the family - an experience I was old enough to understand, for once, anyway. People I don't know as well have paid me their respects, people I know very well have said nothing at all. It's a very confusing and frustrating time for me, as I'm not quite sure of how I'm feeling or how to take people or how to do anything anymore. My first instinct, after being with my family, was to write. This was what came.

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কষ্ট অভিশাপ নয়, আশীর্বাদ

কষ্ট করলে কেষ্ট মেলে,


কথাটি সর্বক্ষেত্রেই ফলে,


যে যত বেশী খাটে,


তার কপালেই সাফল্য জোটে।


 

আজকের সভ্যতা এই কষ্টেরই সোনালি ফসল,


কষ্ট করে না লাগালে চারা, ধরবে কেমনে গাছে ফল?


কেউ কেউ বন্যা দুর্গতদের মত ভাবে,


কষ্ট অভিশাপ এ ভবে।


 

অনেক জ্ঞানী গুণীদের জন্ম হয়েছে দারিদ্র্যের রাজ্যে,

 

কিন্তু কষ্টকে তুচ্ছ করে, অক্লান্ত পরিশ্রম করে হয়েছে বিজয়ী নিজে!

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