Pain

So Listen

Love

It hurts your Soul,

Your Mind, Your Body

moveless with heartbreak,

as you try to Understand,

Listen, Remember

your head hurts,

your weeping burns

a hole into your Eyes,

Your Mind, Your Heart

This is true love,

the hearfelt pain

trying to breathe,

but no air getting in-

your throat Closes,

Throbs, Imploads

as the with of death

takes you through

the pain that is - his

Death

But Listen

as time goes on,

on you move,

And find the better

of what life can give-

A New Love

So Listen

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At A Time

At a time that

is of past passing-

A yellow house brown

of blackened sunflowers

In a grey town

And a moon

as red as the, soon,

lives of death

Leads us through hours

beyond this taken breath


The house is dark, a hint of red,

and has a quiet feel, as before nature's warnings-

Then, it was at night,

they could feel a movement, restless,

Surely it was not right

The parents sneaked around

and death hit them in an instant

as the taker ran, never to be found

The childrens' hearts had a hole,

definitely, the three were not full

as they were saddened

at the night that was surely testless

and at that time, it was sure

they were not yet reddened


We open to a placement, a blue day,

where the many have had breath taken-

The children were in the foster

a system, that was very sad

as the brother was not on their roster

The brother, from his foster, he ran

Rightly so, he was definitely not a fan

They had found him by the home

near his siblings, that was a tad

too far for him to roam


Now a windy day, at a sunrise,

a green fire rises, higher and higher-

The boy's parents' sunset, to him, was impart

as he felt, his life was raken

so he set, in the prison, his heart

and went out into the darkness

on a path set out in fire,

where the sun sets on its blackness

and the rain keeps the heat

slow and still, until the time

his vengence must readily beat


He moves as a sunset

brings him closer to darkness-

The path ends at a house,

beyond the row of quinces

where he was sure it was his "workhouse"

He went in, to catch the killer,

temptation sprang, but he was backed

So, he had to enact

and, for help, became a caller

The tornado finally passes,

after the taker, he catches

but finds the alleges

never discovers him any coolness

from the darkness, and the dankness


What he thought was sunset,

was actually sunrise,

that brought, with all his ties,

him to light, without any debt

Later, in the spring,

the children are grown, the bells ring,

with candles lit,

comes their lives, moonlit

and sunflowers no longer blackened,

and their lives no longer darkened,

but brightened with

Roses, lilies, and pansis

never to forget, their taken breath,

At A Time

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Ghost of You

Folder: 
Thalia

I feel like I'm grasping

At what's already gone
A shade of the past
A cruel man's con

 

And I cannot figure
How we got here
To a place where I shed
Many a tear

 

Where my tears mingle
With the rain
And although I love you
You cause me pain

 

How'd we get here
From a place so bright?
Appeared in darkness
What happened to the light?

 

From a time when we'd
Speak everyday
A time long ago
When "you're perfect" we'd say

 

A time when I'd
Call you sweetheart
When we were together
Yet so far apart

 

It's been a year
Since the start
Were you ever not
In my heart?

 

I'm clinging to
These fond memories
Soaked by my sorrow
Down on my knees

 

A month without you
Feels like eternity
I feel you slipping 
Into anonymity

 

All this history
Was any true?
This unfinished business
The ghost of you

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Letters

If I could write a letter to my past,
There are so many things I would say

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
There are so many things I would ask

 

I would say “it'll get better, stay strong!”

And that would be a lie

 

I would ask, “does it ever get better?”
And I would hope that it does

 

I would say “you're strong, you can hold the world on your shoulders!”
And that would be a lie

 

I would ask, “did you make it through this?”
And I would hope the answer's yes

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I would only be able to lie

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
I don't think I'd want a reply

 

We endured so much in the past,
Scraping by, clawing through the dust and into what we thought was sunlight

 

We'll have endured so much in the future,
And hopefully we'll have emerged in the moonlight

 

We suffered so much pain in the past,
But it feels like nothing but a sliver under our skin compared to now

 

We'll have suffered so much in the future,
That if we're still around I will truly be shocked

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't warn them

 

If I could write a letter to my future,
I wouldn't ask for help

 

Because this pain is what makes us who we are,
This pain defines us,
It binds us and shackles us to our broken version of reality.

 

If I could write a letter to my past,
I wouldn't give help
I wouldn't warn them of the dangers to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very reality
Is all I have left.

 

And if I could write a letter to my future, I wouldn't ask for help,
I wouldn't ask for a heads-up or a warning of everything to come,
Because that pain, the pain that defines my very life,
Will continue to antagonize my every breath,

Leading me to become someone beyond our imaginations.

 

If I could write a letter across time,
There wouldn't be much in it,
Because if there was,

Those letters wouldn't be addressed to me,
They'd be addressed to someone completely different,
Someone who hasn't suffered the pain that defines me.

 

I need that pain.
Without that pain, me wouldn't be me.

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Fucking Lost Again

You Want To Bring Them
Some Sort Of Happiness
But Nothing You Bring
Makes Them Smile At All
Not Even The Slightest Bit


You Wonder What Went Wrong In Your Life
Sometimes You Want Your Life To End
And Sometimes You Don't Know What To Do
But You End Up Moving Foward
Because You Don't Know
What The Else The Fuck To Do


You Don't Have Any Talents
You Don't Have Any Skills
The Dream I've Had
Since I Became A Christian
Hasn't Moved Forward
I Don't Know What To Do
I Don't Know What To Say


I'm Just Lost And I Need To Be Saved Again
And I Need To Feel Lovable, Capable And Worthwhile
I Need To Know I Am Not Alone
I Need To Know I Am Loved Without Strings

 

 

Afraid To Be Alone

Folder: 
Miracles

I've Tried Hide All The Scars
I Left Behind
You Wanted
To Make Me Fresh And New
But I'm Ashamed
I Have Nothing Of No Talent
I Feel I Have Of Nothing Of Use


I Tried Letting It Go
But You Wont Let Me Be
Why Do You Look For Me
When I've Got Nothing
You Cloak Your Cape
And Shower Your Love On Me

These Tears Cannot Express


But I Still Wonder
Why Do You Choose Me
Its Not Your Place
To Follow Me
You Expect Me To Give You Something
But I've Got No Talent
Still I Follow You
Because Of Your Caring Warmth


For Someone Who Has So Much
To Care For Someone Of So Little
Unclenching My Fist
And Opening Up My Soul
Makes Me Exhale My Heart
And Come Forth
With Arms Wide Open


Because Someone Who Cares
Someone Whos There For Me
And Someone Who Knows
Somebody
Who Knows Whats Its Like
Being Afraid To Be Alone

In The Corner

"Sorry to hear about your loss"'s

Are wooden and rigid

Templates learnt and regurgitated

Out of the mouths of puppets.

 

There are the hard-eyed portraits

On the wall with nothing

To say. There are caricatures

Who never cease to stop.

 

"Are you okay?" trickles out

Of the mouths of the mindless.

Questions back me into corners and

I have no choice but to nod my head.

 

The false testimony that is "yes"

Is as wooden and rigid as the rest.

There are too many timber slabs

Around me - I want to burn them all.

 

Let me set fire to your words

Before you bother to let them out.

I am sincerely sorry that I have

A loss for you to be so sorry about.

 

May the match put an end

To your stilted statements and constant

Questions. Unless in that corner,

I can find my grandmother again.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I lost my grandmother recently, and it was my first experience of death in the family - an experience I was old enough to understand, for once, anyway. People I don't know as well have paid me their respects, people I know very well have said nothing at all. It's a very confusing and frustrating time for me, as I'm not quite sure of how I'm feeling or how to take people or how to do anything anymore. My first instinct, after being with my family, was to write. This was what came.

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কষ্ট অভিশাপ নয়, আশীর্বাদ

কষ্ট করলে কেষ্ট মেলে,


কথাটি সর্বক্ষেত্রেই ফলে,


যে যত বেশী খাটে,


তার কপালেই সাফল্য জোটে।


 

আজকের সভ্যতা এই কষ্টেরই সোনালি ফসল,


কষ্ট করে না লাগালে চারা, ধরবে কেমনে গাছে ফল?


কেউ কেউ বন্যা দুর্গতদের মত ভাবে,


কষ্ট অভিশাপ এ ভবে।


 

অনেক জ্ঞানী গুণীদের জন্ম হয়েছে দারিদ্র্যের রাজ্যে,

 

কিন্তু কষ্টকে তুচ্ছ করে, অক্লান্ত পরিশ্রম করে হয়েছে বিজয়ী নিজে!

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tags:

Reversing The Pain

Folder: 
Soul Poetry

 

 

I didn't have value-

never will they say,

I was worthy of love

to those people

who ever mattered

those who cared enough

for me to know

easy

it will  be

to end the pain

at last

even till my time's end

shall pass away

and the lonliness

that seeps my soul

the aching

I will perish

barren of hope

desolate,

and so

broken

I was not really

after all,

loved-

 

(Now read it backwards, line by line...)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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