Goodbye

Goodbye Charles Strange

Let me tell you about a neighbor of mine.

He had been my neighbor since 1979.

He had a loving wife and two children

He has died but we will see him again.

His death is hard for his friends and family to face.

He's in Heaven now which is a far better place.

It's tragic because his life came to an end

He was a great neighbor and a friend.

When I learned that he died, it was very sad.

But now he's in Heaven with my mom and dad.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Dedicated to Charles Strange who died of cancer at the age of 62 on January 9, 2018.

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Packing

Folder: 
2017

I am on top of the world

and then packing up this little room

without warning

I speed down the slope,

I don’t want to count down the days

but that’s all I’m ever doing.

 

I count by tears,

by memories and 3ams,

by your heartbeats when I don’t want to move.

 

I count by unavoidable smiles,

by wishing and bad decisions I still don’t regret,

by sevens and by everything you love.

 

When I break I need to push you away,

please,

I’ve already crumbled

too much in your hands.

 

Nothing will never be close enough as right down the hallway.

 

Every little corner smells like you.

This feels like I am folding up all your little pieces

and when I leave so soon

they are tearing me from you.

 

Every little corner smells like you.

This feels like I am folding up all your little pieces

and bringing them home.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/9/17

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Goodbyes

Folder: 
2017

Goodbyes are the only promises I will make.

 

You can pretend we won’t hang by a thread tomorrow

we can survive the fraying

but from this far away I can’t color you in,

I can’t fit smiles and leaving together like puzzle pieces…

this is the first and last time you will see me cry.

 

Goodbyes are the only things I will leave here.

 

Now I seem to slip down all the slopes,

can’t hold myself to the ground without you,

I have always been afraid of the sky

but I’m more afraid of being buried alone beneath my feet

so I will take a running start.

 

Goodbyes are the only things I will let fall like hope.

 

When I tell my words to touch you for the last time

you know I will take any excuse to stay here a second longer,

I will write you into quicksand so I’m rooted.

 

But goodbyes are the only promises I will make.

Give me a different hello

and I will make you a better promise.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/15/17

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What could've been

Sitting alone with you in the dark,

Intently staring, just waiting for a sign.

You lean over and our mouths collide.

An eruption of passion,

Quickly followed by self control.

Both wanting to give in, but knowing we shouldn't.

Playing a dangerous game and seeing how many lines we can cross.

The warmth of your breath in my ear,

The graze of your lips across my neck,

It's getting harder, I want to explode.

I quickly whisper, "Be careful, you don't know what you're doing."

But, you knew.

As our hearts beat in sync as our chests rise and fall together

You grip me with your legs and gently bite my neck.

Sweat is starting to pour.

My mind and heart is in a race.

I want you!

I need you!

You're begging me without words.

Why can't I give in?

I drive you home and say goodbye.

I turn around and drive away.

Leaving with only the memory of what could've been.

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Treading This Gray (day 76)

It would hurt less if I had enough letters

to find you and know you miss me

or know you don’t at all, you’re happy, you don’t regret any of it, your life is even more beautiful than you.

 

It would hurt less if I wasn’t treading this gray in between.

 

I don’t know if you’re still reaching for the gap in the stars

or if you turned your back and you’re heading home.

I keep lying to myself that every single stroke is the last one for you.

But maybe the more ink I spend

I can reach out past the void and catch you by your string as it drags by,

make you remember when all the other humans were afterthoughts as we stood on the skyline,

knowing no matter how slowly the ship lights traveled we would be home soon and we would have to write our goodbyes.

 

I wish I could say I knew your whole story

instead I’m wading back and forth

between the shoreline and the sea,

pacing the memories paved along my skin.

 

It would hurt less if I wasn’t treading this gray in between.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/11/16

Shoreline

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Hello

 

Goodbye, old friend.

 

They say every goodbye leads to a new hello,

 

But I would rather have another one with you,

 

One more smile, one more hug, one more memory,

 

But now I must let you go,

 

Goodbye, old friend.

 

 

 

Goodbye, old friend.

 

I will never forget that out of control laugh,

 

The music we shared and the love that we had,

 

What I wouldn’t do to sing and laugh with you again,

 

Perhaps one day we can, but for now,

 

Goodbye, old friend.

 

 

 

Goodbye, old friend.

 

Remember those late night car rides?

 

Remember getting in and out of trouble?

 

Remember the fun that we had?

 

Because I will never forget…

 

Goodbye, old friend.

 

 

 

Goodbye, old friend.

 

I suppose this is the last goodbye,

 

The time has come, and I have moved on,

 

I hope one day we can change this,

 

And we can say hello once more, but until that day,

 

Goodbye, old friend.

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Questions that will never be answered (day 64)

I think I might ask too many questions

 

How I couldn’t pick you out from the top of a ski slope but I found you so fast in a crowd

 

How the first word I said to you didn’t come out wrong

 

How of all the humans walking the earth in that place at that moment, the one you kept cutting in line for was me

 

How your smile sounds like a fireplace

even when we’re in a freezing dark gazebo, embracing the almost dawn and trying to hide from the ones who pull us apart

 

How you can’t leave now became you can’t stay but you can’t walk away without starting and not finishing our last conversation

 

How I could cut the strings, how I could say goodbye without wrapping it up and presenting it to you like a memorial with a five hundred pound weight attached to it so you won’t go

 

How the hell I managed to keep my eyes open that night until the glowing cracks of dawn

 

or then again how I could have ever fallen asleep on that picnic bench before even midnight, without knowing you yet

 

Questions that will never be answered…

those are the kinds of questions we ask

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/2/16

Cracks of dawn

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Echo (day 20)

I might be understood
but I’m not,
reading into everything
as if I had a magnifying glass

 

Maybe we’re a crescendo with
too much anticipation,

I thought you were
everything I asked for

 

but even the ending was quiet
and didn’t echo for long.

 

We rose up the scale
like a hurricane wind, died
down before the eye of the storm

 

I linger on a key too long
and you forge ahead,
painting love notes as my
sign of weakness

 

but consciousness fails me
as you draw out my breath
just by moving and opening your mouth

 

I thought a crescendo could be
everything I asked for

but even the ending was quiet
and didn’t echo for long.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/20/16

Crescendo

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Goodbye letter

I write this letter to you
Saying that I am going to miss you
Saying farwell to our memories
Saying farwell to everything we had


We shared everything together

Laughter, Love, Sadness, Joy
We broke each others heart
But we always went back again


When you read this, I will be long gone
Taken by God's hand up to heaven
I know what I did to you
And I would do it again

You have so much more in life
More than I ever could give you


I'm writing this letter to show you
That I love you and always will
I did what I could to make you happy

It's time for me to say Goodbye now
I will see you in heaven

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