heartbreak

Jealousy

I kept on pushing, believing it will work

But I’m terribly wrong.

You never cared, you never loved

What kind of a person are you?

Was I never special to you?

 

Series of girls’ names I’ve heard

Looks like they got the same treatment as me.

But I was there longer.

 

You never appreciate the things I’ve done.

Let alone the amount of sleep I’ve lost.

 

With those decisions you made,

I’ve arrived to a conclusion,

It was nice knowing you.

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A New York Muse

What is it like?

 

Waking up in the arms of a man you don't know? 

 

His arms draped lazily over your waist as he slumbers

if you close your eyes and let your mind go blank you can nearly imagine him as a long time lover and there is sentiment in his embrace-  

yet instead you lie awake and wonder who he really is and how you got there

 

No familiarity in the gaze that meets you when he wakes

 

 

He'll bring you around the city, pay for your drinks and encourage photographs 

 

A ghost behind the camera

Capturing moments of you alone 

 

Yet you walk in stride with a stranger and fein closeness that could only exist between two intimate beings 

Not a man and a girl with only weeks to solve the anomalies in their stars 

 

He won't hold your hand but will make the kind of love to you in the evening that leaves you panting and wishing he were more than a shadow 

 

Loveless lust in the solitude of a one room apartment that he pays far too much for 

 

He'll bring you to the edge of ecstasy and nearly push you tumbling over, then pull you close and drift off to a noisy sleep, leaving you wondering if you should feel shame or gratitude 

 

You don't know how to speak to him

But how could you? 

 

Your tongue pressed heavily against sharp teeth and words catching between two pressed lips

 

You muse to yourself and think he may find you dull

Perhaps you weren't as lovely as he wanted

 

Whatever it is 

It makes you loathe stealing too many glances 

You want his face to remain slightly blurred in your memory

 

Not a man you could love

Not a man whose green eyes will burn behind a screen of black when you try to sleep

 

Nothing more than a tour guide for a Midwest girl in the big city.

 

 

Confusion

He is so very sincere

He tells me I am beautiful, wonderful and perfect every day

He treats me like a princess and oh, how I swear I hold him dear

But I never dreamed I would feel this way

 

She is like fire and ice

So inconsistent, so confusing

She could break my heart once and I'd thank her twice

She is an act of war and this is a battle I'm losing

 

How am I dating this boy when I am oh so emotionally attached to a girl?

He has my mind on a string wrapped around his little finger and she has my heart

I would walk a thousand miles to feel even one piece of her, even one blonde curl

What am I to do, when this secret is tearing me apart

 

How long am I meant to go on breaking my own heart

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sorry it's a little rollercoastery, I haven't written in a while.

 

Confusion is awful. Boys make me sad. Girls make me want to rip out my heart and hand it to them on a silver platter.

Breakup of Success

Abandoned and afraid
Scared to death I fade
Exhausted and dejected
Anxiety to be expected

.........................................

Only you know what you’ve done
My heart strings toyed for fun
Convinced you’re worth the fight
I went sleepless night after night

.........................................

Lying to my face
I thought you needed space
****, I was wrong
With him now you’re strong

.........................................

Your decision to leave
But you led me to believe
With my heart full of affection
I believed in a re-connection

.........................................

I was too naive
Blind, she won’t deceive?
But now I see the clues
Just a firework with no fuse

.........................................

Bawling for days
Alone with God I praised
A chance to be redeemed
This is what I always dreamed

.........................................

Slowly I found the sun
Finally, it begun!
A path to become a man
God laid out my plan

.........................................

Engineered to perfection
I detached no more connection
Freedom long at last
Happiness unsurpassed

.........................................

I jostled for position
Ignited with ambition
Friends, family and new dates
My single life awaits

.........................................

A 180 degree transition
Now I’m on a mission
Jubilant life grows on
New beginning, I’m a pawn

.........................................

The spring of the upswing
Soon I’ll be a king
Bitterness in the past
Surprised by this contrast

.........................................

I rose up from the dust
Like a bomb I was combust 
The fire burned inside
Leaping I found my stride 

.........................................

This poem a rendition 
Interpret with conviction
For I have found the way
Forever I will stay

 

Feelings of inexplicable change

Emotions change..

From the yearning hunger of passion's lust

To the deafening crack of ferocious thunder 

The silent act of collecting dust 

The pain of hearts once cleft asunder

"Alas! No longer!

Must I endure such wonders and conundra? 

 

 

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

My first ever poem, what do you think? It was really fun to write.

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remember to forget

The Grayish gloom that resides in the day after the rainy one,

 that is my story.

 Freedom is a curse.

 I lay at the bottom of your deep blues,

 yet im breathing fine.

 Its the feeling of forgetting something,

 and being at the pinicle of remembering.

 Its a trick to breathing under water,

 the danger constant.

 The shadow always standing there in the corner of my eye,

 making me remember  to forget. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

8 good

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Body to body

Body to body 

You steal their soul

Infuse the heart with adrenaline 

Pumping hot blood 

Then left cold 

On silk sheets that caress the skin 

A broken heart is all that's left 

What's broken can never mend 

Only to take and destroy the same

Body to body 

Souls are stolen 

Creating more broken bodies

That thirst for revenge 

Physicality rather then emotion 

We fall soulless to silk sheets 

And sly words 

Goosebumps caress the skin 

Of those with cold hearts

And numb minds 

A broken heart 

Steals to be whole again 

Always searching 

For the first sweet symphony we call

Love 

This generation has too many cold songs

And broken people 

Shattered souls 

And cold hearts 

Love is no longer emotion 

Love is physical 

Love has become evil 

Rather then reveled in 

Broken souls, shattered hearts

Passed body to body 

Yourself Before Another

Yourself Before Another

With all the pain I've felt,
All the sorrow I've lived through,
My broken heart, my shattered soul,
On a straight path,
to a complete loss of control,
While many,
May look up to god and his guidance,
To me, God is no more real,
Than Poseidon and his trident.
My healing doesn't start,
With something outta my control,
My healing starts inside,
When I know,
That I matter, I'm accepted, I'm me,
I'm the realist thing that'll ever be,
To hold onto people who care,
And let go of those who were,
Never really there.

Because I gotta love myself,
Before I can love another,
How can I give my love,
When my heart is smothered,
I thought I'd keep her in my heart forever,
I know my love was true,
But I should've known better,
Not that it couldn't happen,
Or that it couldn't be,
But it's that nothing truly good,
has ever stayed with me.

But my biggest pain isn't losing her,
Or her memory,
But the future,
All the smiles, laughs, kisses and dreams,
That will never be.
The uncertainty is unnerving,
Unsettling, uncannily eerie,
My soul and mind are tired,
My heart is weary,
But I can't seem to escape,
The grip of the pain,
I take a heaping plate of the new,
And get two more portions of the same.

Love is like a towering skyscraper,
With a strong foundation,
A bed of steel and concrete,
Laid down before it's creation,
But heart break shatters more than just glass,
It crumbles, degrades, cracks and destroys,
Everything in its path.

And yet I leave not loathing this experience,
But wondering when I will be so lucky,
To live that life once more,
Sharing my life with someone,
I admire, respect, honor and adore,
So when I say I wanna find love again,
It's not a question of "if" but only "when?"
Then maybe my heart, soul and mind can make amends.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

After almost a year after my last relationship, I'm still reeling from the effects of losing my best friend. Not necessarily in my everyday life, but in the ways she seems to haunt me when I least expect or want it.

The Unstoppable Force Meets the Immovable Object

To late for sorry, to soon to try again. Enough to make you want to forget a face, but to much love to for it to ever end. Put all the space in this place between us untill wer'e at opposites. Let the pain out, wallow in, and follow it. Some things are unredeemable, i know, yet their is always hope. So i wait with a hand full of sand, and a bucket of water, walking in circles. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

10 good

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