heartbreak

The poem that shouldn't be written

Folder: 
2017

I always do this to myself.

I think it’s okay to rip off the band aid.

And I end up bleeding

All over again.

 

I think the wound has healed.

But eventually, I always

Tear it open again.

Leaving another hole in me.

 

It seems like we could pick up

Where we left off

Like nothing has changed.

And I could find home in you again.

 

I could easily fall back in love with you

Who says I’m not still.

Part of me wishes I would.

We could be as great if not better than before.

 

Your house still smells the same.

It brought back a lot of memories.

I didn’t realize how much

I missed my second home.

 

I know you feel the same.

I know you hope that

We could pick up where we left off.

You hope that we could make up lost time.

 

I wish I could still be part of your life.

I don’t want you to kiss other people.

I don’t want you to fall for someone else.

But I don’t want to be that girl.

 

I don’t want to keep you from being happy

I just wish I could be part of it.

I can’t be selfish.

I hope you can move on.

 

I can’t go back

Even if part of me wants to.

I know I made the right choice

Even though sometimes it feels wrong.

 

This time I need to let the wound heal,

And not reopen it.

I know it’ll leave a scar.

And when I look at it,

I’ll think of you.

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 6/4/17

Fall

Folder: 
2017

I always fall too hard.

And here I am sitting in a crater

wondering if I’ll ever be able to climb out.

Not that I want to.

 

Falling can be scary,

but landing is worse.

The impact,

the realization that it’s too late to turn back.

 

This fall will bruise me,

like so many before it.

This time I brought a parachute

To soften the landing.

 

The parachute was her smile,

her hair, her lips.

I find my parachute in the way she loves,

laughs, and lives.

 

Leaving the crater will hurt more than the landing did.

I’ll leave when I’m forced out by someone better.

Outside of my crater are her tears

Drowning anything that tries to leave.

 

I don’t want to leave the crater.

I’m in too deep anyways.

Someone might bring a rope to take me out,

only to drop me off another cliff.


 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/19/17 This is my first poem I've put on here and I appreciate feedback! :)

Deserve

Folder: 
2017

I always thought I would run from this,

I would only chase down things I know won’t leave a mark

Now the best my hands have held is you

but I won’t always grip this tight

because I don’t know if you have it wrong.

I want to believe you have it wrong.

 

This is not always what you want to hear

but it is what you deserve,

it is what I need to say.

This is not always what I should believe

but I am thinking the best I can.

 

I am thinking I don’t mind falling through this breathtaking sunset skyline.

I am thinking we sometimes don’t need to breathe.

I am thinking there is something beautiful

crawling out of the mess we made

and as you pull away

I am even more at home

I don’t know if you have it right.

 

Maybe.

Maybe something will break.

Maybe someone will be left shivering under the stars.

Maybe someone will be left shattered.

Maybe it will be worth it.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/31/17

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Heartbreaker

Folder: 
breaking

I thought you would always protect my heart

but instead you damaged it beyond repair

I thought you would love me for eternity 

but instead it lasted for a second

I thought you would never hurt

but instead the scars you inflicted are a painful reminder 

I thought you would always laugh with me

but instead you laugh at me

I thought you would never leave me

but instead you left me smiling 

I thought you were my one and only

but instead I was all alone

You once were my superhero 

the braviest of them all

Until you became a supervillain 

and destroyed everything we had

 

 

 

 

 

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"And Once I Knew, it Was Too Late"

by Jeph Johnson


And once I knew, it was too late

All the signs I had misread
Became the binds that sealed my fate
And the mem'ries I'd retread
O'er the mountains of my joy
'Neath the valleys of despair
All the hope I held, destroyed
With no promise for repair
In an instant love is hate
Giggling carefree through my tears
Apologies I made too late
Must have fallen on deaf ears
How to love her was my aim
Though not accurate or straight
I've only myself to blame
And once I knew, it was too late

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2016 

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Canyon (day 163)

sirens can’t see us here

our legs our lives

dangling off the canyon rim

 

we sit here at the summit

not knowing where the bruises will bloom when we skydive…

must have left my parachute in your arms for safekeeping

we sit here at the summit

not knowing what colors the pain will paint us this time

 

we sing from the same song but once it’s over

we have nowhere to run

we get lost in the aftermath

it’s a maze with no beginning

 

it is not your jokes that make me laugh

but the way they pound my head

even when you’re not here 

 

it is not your tears that make me cry

but the whisper of their memory

 

this love has never crashed with no comeback

or longed to be something else

this love has never roared

or broken on us like a wave

 

this love sings like a canyon

and we don’t fall until the beat comes back

this love sings like a canyon

and it’s the echo that drives us mad

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/6/17

The summit

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Soldier


Her little head has a lot of imaginations,

From all the experiences she went through.

All the ups and downs,

She remained strong and happy.

 

No matter how hard he broke her,

She kept her head high

And focused at what matters most.

She’s like a soldier,

Brave, strong and resourceful.

 

Even if she has her friends and family,

She wants to be

That strong independent woman

 

No man will ever make her weak.



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Cared

Folder: 
Favorites

 

Have you ever…

 

Thought someone cared,
And then they didn’t?
Thought you cared,
And you didn’t?

 

Would you ever…

 

Trust someone,
If you knew they didn’t care?
Be entrusted,
When you know you don’t care?

 

Why do we…

 

Lead each other on?
Break each other’s hearts?
Crush each other’s hopes?
Leave each other broken in the dust?

 

Why do we pretend
To care at all.

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Moving on, Falling back

 

You do all you can,
You forget the past.
A familiar song plays,
Pulls you from first to last.

 

You move on,
You find a new joy.
You fall back into it,
Like an overused toy.

 

At last it is over,
You know this time for sure.
Breaking at the seams,
One last time for a love so pure?

 

It is the endless cycle we face,
And can never leave.
We try again and again,
Because we always believe.

 

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