Debase Myself For A Lover


Is that of all the things too much to ask; too much to plead with my final dying breath for?

To love and be loved in return; to be a martyr for my own salvation and sanity.

To be driven to debase myself for the sanctity of a lover; a sacred lover defiled by my own desolate heart.

Being loved is martyrdom, but loving in return a sacrifice.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just found this as well as a few others from when i was 13. Back in the summer of 2011.

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Barely Breathing (A song by me)

V1: I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing

Trying to get away, tryna fight this feeling.

My heart feels like its taking a beating.

But I'm holding on tryna stop the bleeding.

Why won't you just try and make it work?

If it's already over, what could it hurt?

I hope this is a nightmare that I'm just dreaming,

Contemplating ways that I could just get even...


Sometimes I feel like the pain is too much,

when I'm missing you and yearning for your touch.

And when I'm falling apart... Oh I'm falling apart...

But you're just too far away from me,

Is that where you really wanna be?

Leaving me stranded and all alone,

Forcing me to remember what its like,

when you have to walk alone.

V2: What do I do when you won't see reason?

When you change your mind more than we change seasons?

When you don't even care that my soul is bleeding?

and that I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing....


V3: Oh, what do I do when I'm drowning in pain?

When I'm crying inside cause things ain't the same?

When I'm screaming and shouting, calling your name?

But you don't even care that you're to blame....

I'm still alive but barely breathing!

Tryna get away, tryna fight this feeling.

When all in the world wants to keep us apart,

but i need you here to repair my heart....

Chorus x2 then fade out:

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Based off of breakeven by The Script but its a rewrite/ remake by me. Its song on the same beat, rhythm, and tune. Its not the best but I love it!!! So yeah hopefully you do too :) I'll post myself singing it when I get a camera :)


Here's the video(by the script)/ Instrumental links:



Don't be stupid

Pain and Heartache

Look around

Don't make a sound.

Swallow back your tears.

Close your eyes,

Whispered goodbyes.

Cold night and lonely years.

Your heart throbs,

Hold back sobs,

Relax and float away.

His cold embrace.

Hand carresses your face.

Don't believe what he may say.

Push him back,

Lie there slack,

So he may see your pain.

Do not fret,

He can't forget,

This is all for his gain.

So swallow pride,

You may confide.

Let him in, on this dark night.

But in the morning,

Your heart is roaring

You must cast him from your sight.

Lay him down,

In him you drown,

But, honey don't be stupid.

He'll dump you flat,

like a welcome mat.

This man, he is no cupid.

Your love is gone,

With the coming dawn,
And you see your tragic mistake.

Once again,

You've let him in

Leaving your broken heart in his wake.

Dear Jan


My one dearest Jan,

Where are you now?

I see you've been gone

From our hometown


It's been three years since I last saw you

I regret that I ever knew you

It was nothing but disgrace

You made me fall far from grace


I was 15 

and knew nothing

You were old enough

To fool my young heart


I loved you too much

And soon when we touched

I never knew when to stop

Then you put me down to drop


That deep feeling was too high

It seemed too new to me

Those sad times were full of lies

But doubts never crossed me


They said I was  lucky to have you

I guess they just don't know the true you

Your sick self that frightened me is far from

Your sweet face you displayed in our last prom


You acted so good

You fooled her too

She fell to your traps

Like me with your match


But you never loved her

Bet her clear vision blurred

'Cause she loved you too

The way I used to


Dear Jan, I'm turning 18 now

But Jan, I still remember how

You lost my trust and love

Replaced by tears and grudge


I played fair through your rules

I played games though so cruel

Then you laughed at the end of it all

Then I cried, "I should have known"


I was 15 and thoughtless

I danced through your flames and traps

You were 18 and ruthless

You planned that sad, heartless match


Dear Jan, I cried back then so hard

'Cause Jan, I gave you all my heart

You made me lose all of my faith

Yet I stood up after those fails


Jan, I'm smiling again now

Jan, I can love again now

Though they failed too

They weren't like you


Even if you answer things I ask

They can never bring back the past

You made myself hide for some time

You made my heart cry the whole time


Lessons from you should be learned

Pictures of you should be burned

Three years ago, I was naïve with you

Recalling you, I now know what to do

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All This Time


You made my heart bleed again

You made my tears drop again

You killed my innocence

You burned my fantasies


I thought this one was the one

Didn't even last a month

It was no better than the first time

You kept me hoping from time to time


I asked you again tonight

I thought they were rays of light

But they only clouded my sky

Made it rain until my hopes died


Still, I trusted you wholly

Still, you kept my head rolling

They cut me like a paper

And now you got me wonder


Didn't I ask you enough?

Did you just stand there and laugh?

Tell me, what did I do?

Tell me, what should I do?


All this time I was pretending

All my time was gone and wasted

All this time I was believing

All my time was appreciated


All this time, I've been fooling myself

All this time, I've forgotten myself

My happiness and dreams

Turned loneliness and sins


This time, I will take some time

Sometimes, we have to ask why

This time, I will find my sky

Sometimes, we need our own time


Maybe after this, I'll find the real me

And find my true happiness

Maybe after this, I won't be naïve

And not go back to this mess

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All That I Need


I must've confessed at the wrong time.


Sublime as what followed should have been;


it wasn't, and I resigned myself


bleakly, to a long life without you.


But before the evident became


obvious, I had searched for our song.


In spite of our intertwining years,


nothing really felt appropriate.


I settled for something familiar,


thinking it best – romantic enough.


But it wasn't, and you never knew.


Now, when it wriggles into my ear


and I'm forced to remember how dim


our shared and supposed spark had turned,


I can at least take some comfort in


knowing that I survived without you –


that you really aren't all that I need.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Inspired, sort of, by Radiohead's "All I Need" (the song in question).

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Giving Them Back


It was a memorable night

Finally, I woke and saw the signs

My own damnation was delayed

The salvation came right away


I'm standing at your room

Holding the only piece we two had

It's too hard to resume

Breaking all I had made you feel glad


I know we can talk this through

And hear your made-up excuse

Like you did the first time

This time, I'm very tired


I washed these pieces you gave me

To remind you I've been real

I'm giving them all back to you

What I want is to forget you


Clean and white is this glass you gave me

As innocent as I thought you'd be

The blade hurt me stronger than I thought

Everything was so wrong all along


What You See Is What You Get

What You See Is What You Get,

Anvil-Heavy Heart,
The Backwards Alphabet,
What You See Is What You Get,
What You See Is What You Get,
Ain't Much,
Too Much,
What You See Is What You Get,
Itchy Grey-Cloud Smile,
Too Old To Be This Wild,
What You See Is What You Get,
The Monster,
The Child,
What You See Is What You Get,
Big Dumb Idiot,
Smartest-Dumb Kid You Never Knew,
What You See Is What You Get,
A Million Times Told Beautiful,
The Monster-Child-Dumb-Idiot Means It A Million More Times,
What You See Is What You Get,
The Off Switch Never Found In The Dark,
How Do You Turn It On?
What You See Is What You Get,
Tracing Words With Fingers On Your Back,
It's Gonna Be 'I Love You' Again,
What You Don't See Is What You Will Never Get
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Set up for failure

He provided the tools...

for my failure.

I went through every trial.

Lost my way once in a while.

Suppose what I really lost was his love.

He set the traps.

Wanting to remain miserable I guess.

Didn't really love me.

But I loved him.

From the deepest depths of my soul.

He just wouldn't come out into the open.

And let it show.

In a way that I could truly know.

So I just sat back and watched him go.

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