smile

Smile

Today I can smile

Today I can tell the world of my bliss

Today my tears won't see the horizon

I've grown tired of wiping them away

So they will no longer appear.

I have an authentic,

Purely realistic smile on my face,

And it's there to stay,

If only for today.

Smile

Smile 

they say 

as if it is that easy

but it is,

it doesn't need a special meaning anymore

fake it

but what happens when you can no longer provide that fake smile

your true emotions will show

you don't need to care what they say

just be you

so if they tell me to smile

I'll smirk and say

I don't have to.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this is how i feel when people tell me to cheer up and or smile. It also is what I think when people expect you to be happy because you have to, to seem presentable.

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Erase - November 20, 2012

My recollections are making me change,

making me turn psychotic. This rage,

it's making me cave, opposite of brave,

I just want to start over and behave.

I've lost contact with reality,

and I'm bound to mental simplicity,

consisting of nightmares passed, true.

 

Before I fall, erase me, replace me,

with an unknowing, undamaged clone.

I don't want memories, I want to be free.

I want to peacefully, alone, go home.

I just want to calm down.

I need to calm down.

I don't want to be bound.

I am forever bound.

I am lost in how to solve this;

proof is in the scars, hard to miss.

I don't admit my problem out of fear;

I see only but shame in the mirror.

I refuse pills, and I refuse therapy,

for they will not once ever help me.

 

I need elimination;

obliteration if these thoughts.

I need to find a way, mind how they

slit my dreams, see them sit and rot.

I can't do it, go through with it.

My cowaring mind, endless demise,

won't let me end it all, but calls

to my inner self, my peaceful paradise

of images so right, so unlike

reality in its way to forgive me,

live in me; let me sit and be free.

 

Only one choice lies possible.

It denies in replies to take a toll

on my sanity. Don't you see? I can't stop.

I'm not as strong as you thought I wasn't.

The choice is to sit, so delicately sit,

and fit into my mask, slip it on.

It's so beautiful, it's so perfectly wrong.

The tears drop through, but I'm still in denial.

They can see naught but my pretty smile.

When the day is over and dusk turns to dawn,

my mask, still a smile. My soul forever gone.

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The Silver Line Cast by The Silver Dove


Dyslexic in the language of love
 Where is the silver line cast by the silver dove?
Silence sings a song of gray
The lonely man molds a smile of clay
 His reflection imprinted on a window pane
As he waits for love to cure all bane 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I tried to vary the emotions with the lines. 

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Not the only one going crazy~

Dark night, bright moon,

you lit my heart on fire.

scorching sun, you have given me purpose,

it lifts me higher.

 

drift into sleep, I'm wishing to see you in my dreams...

at least I can feel you there..

I miss the way you'd push back your hair..

off to the side when you just don't care..

 

the taste of June.. 

the scent of July.. 

the warmth of August.. 

September i'll always remember.

October is way worth to forget.

feeble, faint... 

 

painting a portrait with this soul that reminds me of you,

smudged & running.. 

is this all now but a delusion...?

I can't help but question... 

 

please precious smile, stay with me for a long while.

eyes so piercing..

i'm sorry I can't stop myself from recapping..

it's breaking me apart inside

but i'll hold myself together & stick around for the ride..

 

shallow waters.. low tide.

stop trying to pry open my head.. 

i'll keep shaking you off to the side, instead..

if you can't understand these petty complexes..

i'm not the only one going crazy.

i'm not asking you to save me.. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.13.13

She Said

when I look to the window outside, she said. it hurts as the world passes me by, she said.

this sharp ivy grows around my heart, she said.. leaving holes inside.

 

I want to hear the sound of the grass beneath my footsteps.. the wind pushing forward.. 

I want to see the sunlight beam into your eyes, & right through back to me.. so lovely..

to hold you & know it's okay, even for more then awhile, to get lost just lying there, admiring that smile..

you'll always be precious to me.

 

I never gave you up willingly.. it's the way things came to be.. great memories, but greater pain.. 

so full & complete, then so drained.. fragments floating around, everything that used to be..

debris.. in this cloud, drifting down.. 

 

to me your pain is so loud.. I can hear your screams from afar, like they're all kept in a jar.. thrown around..

smashed is the glass, it shatters deep inside of me.. shards left where you once were.. 

the screams are traveling through, these veins course, wishing to intertwine & convene with blood we both keep warm..

become one.. 

 

i'm sorry this pathetic heart is so latched onto you, & that my mind cries out for freedom, to penetrate the atmosphere..

this grey sky feels so confining, like the clouds are keeping us where we are.

no escape.. miserable daze..

some day i'll fly through these clouds, & into my own world of happy haze.. 

where the memories are far weaker then the future, or power of my dreams.. 

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

She stares at me with intense distaste.
I soak in her scrutinizing judgment
As our eyes lock.
A dolorous sobbing begins in her throat
And slowly creeps upon her face as her brow furrows.
Her eyes look on with a new potency;
All hatred has left the cloudy blue spheres,
And in its place a sickening anguish.
Her bleak eyes plead with me for help.
Just as my mouth opens for reassurance
a laugh escapes her lips and her eyes drop to the floor.
Cheerfulness envelopes her body as she cries out with laughter.
I begin to smile back at this playful new friend,
But again I see her eyes.
I helplessly stare into the threshold of her scars and sorrows,
Wishing to once more only see her pseudo-happiness.
Her smile widens,
Knowing I’ve seen past her façade.

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The Mirth of Misery

her contagious smile she hides behind
Touches everyone and everything,
Except for her eyes.

For in those pale blue eyes,
Lies the threshold to the labyrinth
Of scars and sorrows buried deep inside.

Her sweet songs of laughter and happiness
Flood through you until you plunge into
A tranquil state of pure euphoria and bliss.

Never open your ears
If she’s singing her songs,
Or you might hear the cries masked in the giggles.

But if you happen to see her eyes
And or hear her cries,
Be sure not to share.

Silently bathe in the clutch of her woe,
For if you reach out,
You could alleviate her pain.

And when her grins become real and her laughs truly merry,
The aches of humanity
Will need a new heart to carry.

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Smiling Sky

The Sky Brightens,
It Smiles.

It's mood is changing
It is happy.
And it is joyous.

And the smiles shine down on us.
The happiness is so bright.
It's making us happy.

The sky is just like one of Us.

The sky can cry.
The Sky can feel.
The sky can laugh.
The sky can scream.
The sky can smile.

The sky is one of us.

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