Apathy

Distance

Folder: 
To My Wife

I would say I miss you

But you no longer care

You left long before your body

And left me alone with yourself

 

I'm always thinking of you

Everyone says you aren't worth it

Maybe they're right...

But I thought you were

 

I wish we could be “us” again

But do I truly miss you

Or simply the relationship we had?

I guess I'll never know

 

You've kept me at a distance

So far I'd never reach you

Now I suppose I've finally decided

To stop trying

For Your Ignorance

You decided yourself the idea of you and me, was not quite the reality you’d thought’d bring you harmony. Which might have been fair until you refused to give me the respect to be listened to, and express my antithesis.


Now you’ve left me stuck, self-reciting my sour-salty soliloquy. You tuned me out, showing the epitome of self-servient apathy.


You promised me, mind you had no intention to keep, that you’d still be a friend, until you said the drama’s too deep. It was a vessel you filled with full control and intent. You slithered away and then complained you were spent. You invented excuses and convinced yourself lies, of how I’m just as absurd as other desperate guys.


You made me a villain and issued me blame. Deluded yourself to think shouldn’t feel shame. And you expect me to float off and swallow a this pill that you thought might prescribe a sense that i’m the one who was

ill-mannered, ill-tempered, ill-willed, ill-advised to believe we could salvage the best of our times and harbor a new kind of relationship, where we’d grow apart fondly, with memories

clipped to our dashboards now facing separate directions. Yours, pointed to your fairy tale misconceptions. With your eye fixed on a perfect fairy tale life, glazed to subtle the flavor of inevitable strife.


You seem to forget, I got to know you a bit. Buried your nose in your so called “support” that would never

quit to praise your sadly distorted ambitions, and agree that my warnings were trespassing suspicions. But you never allowed them the transparency I saw, to gaze straight through your Disney princess façade.


Now you desperately grasp for validation with your newest unwitting vessel of self-inflation. You mold yourself hastily to fit in with his life. Tricking him to believe you’ll of course be his wife. When just like the dance you put me through, you’ll get tired and look for something else to do.


That poor young bastard has no clue that there is no way of really pleasing you. With your head in the clouds and expectations too high. You’ll ignorantly fly from him to the next guy.


One day you’ll burn out and PRAY begin to see, that if you’d just sat down and had listened to me. I’d have shown you a more realistic support, and stop racing away from the source of your short-

comings, consistently

fettered to your soul since you’re the cause of your own pain-soaked love letters.


But I owe you one tiny note of praise. Your timing in cutting me out of your days

aligned just the right way to set me up in a daze

with the new love I found, who’s a wonderful dame. If I weren’t so angry I’d spare you the phrase, “she puts you to shame.”


She’s understanding, secure, smart, supportive, thoughtful, and kind. She loving, goodnatured, even when in a bind. My gratitude to you is,

I never would have thought, that I’d find someone else who’s everything were not.

Sitting in my coffin

I'm just sitting in my coffin. 
I forgot my cold tea on the table.
I'm six feet under on the second floor.
Untidy little coffin. Untidy leaking brain.
My ear is itching on the inside.
Must be the worms.
I can move my fingers still.
That's fine, I don't need them.
I'm just sitting in my coffin.

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Half a Queen

I never thought the day would come.

 

The love that used to swell up in my chest, lover, you know- the kind of affection that tightens your throat and awakens a storm of butterflies to stir up madness in your belly-

 

Gone.

 

I grasp desperately at frayed heart strings, hoping upon damned hope that I would catch a fragmented piece of the blind passion I once felt for you,

 

Drowning myself  in the suffocating  fear of something far worse than loving a calloused man;

Losing the ability to feel at all.

 

The pain you've caused, the wounds your lies and deceit have inflicted, has left me numb.

I once knew how to forget the world and slip into a blissful ignorance as I rested in your strong embrace.

 

Now those days flutter in the recesses of my tired mind, and soon memories of what was melds together with dreams of what could have been,like a patchwork quilt forged from  the juxtaposition of the  life you promised us and the much bleaker reality, stitched together with missed phone calls and unexplained late nights.

 

 

When I think of these things, late late at night; when I realize I'll never learn to stifle the voice in my head that tells me your words are poison,

 

because I've learned that small voice tells more truth than your fallacy laced lips,

those are the nights I'm alright with not feeling.

Tonight I clutch numbness close to my chest, nod at the empty pillow, and  smile at the sound of sweet nothing.

Phoenix

Folder: 
Love

Let me lie

Let me freeze again

Till death do we part

And we are on a fast road there

Let me die

Let me live

For death is only the beginning

 

And I will rise again

Atlas

I am Atlas

Cursed to uphold you all

Show me the universe

The world in my hands

The sun at my back

Clouds and nebulas are my clothing

Ill carry your world

 

Time and I converse

As you are born and grow

Earth and I speak

I call out your name

Don’t feel so low

I’ll carry your world

 

Show me your strength

The fire in your eyes

The desire in your fight

Sometimes I feel so low

About to explode

I’ll carry your world

 

The world in your eyes

Adventure in your smile

Love in your life

Strength in your touch

Laughter in your youth

Ill carry your world

 

I call out your name

The world on my shoulders

You hear the thunder from my voice

The lightening in my eyes

The load is not too heavy

I call out your name

I’ll carry your world

 

For I am ATLAS

Cursed to uphold you

I'd drop the world to catch your tears

 

I’ll carry your world

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I Love You

Folder: 
To My Wife

I want to say I love you

But you’ve heard it all before

In different ways

Different places

New schemes on how to say it

How do I make it special?

How do I get across

Just how much I want you

How much I need you

How much that I love you

That I’d give my life away

If I could make you smile once

And I would say it’s worth it

Because I’ll spend my whole life

To make you happy

I’ll give my last breath

To make you feel safe

And needed

 

And loved

Outside of You, A Psalm

Folder: 
Psalms

Outside of you, nothing about me makes sense.

You created the stars with your breath, the sun with your voice.

Great is The Lord, my God, the great leader of hosts!

Who can tell of your greatness, your mercy, your love?

Who can begin to mention who you are; what you do?

Who among men can understand your place?

Men fall to their knees before you and children run into your arms.

Who is like you oh Lord God?

Who is like our daddy in heaven, who is everywhere at once;

Rejoicing next to the reunited lovers, and the hand on the shoulder of mourners?

Consequences

Folder: 
Light and Dark

Where where is darkness
There is light
Where there is daytime
There is night
Where there is peace-time
There is war
When comes after
Look before