Picking a spot on my body

to make my cuts today.

There are so many 

places I can choose from,

so many places that I've already cut on.

Maybe I'll cut on my hand,

maybe on my palm.

Maybe on my wrist,

maybe on my arm.

Maybe on my stomach,

maybe on my waistline.

Maybe on my thigh,

maybe on my legs.

Maybe on my ankle, 

maybe on the insides of my thighs....

Maybe where my underwear can cover,

hell, It's not like I haven't cut there before...

There are so many places

on my body

that I can take a blade to

and draw my art.

One cut here,

another cut there...

maybe a big one here,

and a small one there.

Cut, cut, cut, cut

my head screams to me,

my hands beg of me,

my blade calls to me.

I'm picking a place on 

my body,

a spot to make a new cut,

a new piece of art...

Where will I pick today?

walking through a smokey fume.. in this sealed up dark room..
I saw your eyes bleeding blue.

going up, going down. spin spin around & around
falling to my knees, calling out to God, please
save me from this crucifixion
cut the ties to lifes addictions
spit up the lies you fed, on which I choked
climbing up these ropes
running away from the hoax
insanity, the only word she knows.

deep in the dungeon, I go plunging
searching for the meaning
intervening, I come between two scales..
a lions head with three flaming tails.

i'm not like this.. you're leading me to be crazy..
one day i'll run, forever away from you, maybe...
like the speed of light, in a flash, little hazy.
there's more for me then this demonic plague..
there's more to life then constant conviction.

wrists are shaking & those screams begin to take a toll..
driving round this winding road..
i'm done with your pitiful smold of an existence..
don't act like you know what i'm missing.
so here I plant my feet in the ground, not bending for you now
never again will I twist or turn
because bitch, you've got so much to learn.

.........

honesty can, and

has been known

to strangle

arteries of 

bleeding love 

that feed a 

beating heart,

but flowers 

that never reach 

their intended 

destination 

only leave their 

scent. 

to live half 

of  a life 

is like 

not even 

living  at all, 

but  the seeds 

of dying  flowers 

disagree. 

5:48 PM 8/1/2013 ©

.......

I'm sorry about my burden, how I'm so wrong,

And how I'm so stupid with all that I do.

I'm sorry about the way I am, I dont belong.

I'm sorry that I never at all deserved you.

But you can't see this part of me I'm hiding,

That's so crudely hidden under what you see?

I'm sick of crying, and I can't keep on trying,

Without you I'm worthless, you are so free.

You're my antidote that gets me past every day,

You're the one to always save me from my agony.

I wish I could show you I can't live this way.

I wish I could show you my sorrowful blasphemy.

The infectious pain quickly tears me apart,

And shatters my will within a few words.

I feel so helpless, I wish I could restart,

And go back to when I wasn't such a coward.

You're my lost antidote, come cure this poisoning;

Come reverse me, turn me to my former being.

Please stay forever and keep me from maddening,

And keep me from the edge, stop the bleeding.

CRACKED, SHATTERED, FUCKING BATTERED.

your cold eyes are like a knife coiling through my heart, & from the very start I knew you were ill intentioned.

manifesting hate & digging it into others like it's their own fault...

& your compliment was a penalty..

then you proclaim, that i'm not how you'd like me to be.

i'll rip this knife from my chest & show you I know myself best.

melancholy self destruction, the world around me spiraling into more corruption..

when will Jesus come & be my abduction..?

to free me from this ever-traveling fog..

saliva like venom.. taste just like a bleeding throat infection..

if my feelings were in a needle, i'd give you the injection.

the effects would prove to be quite unexpected.

your vision may experience some clarification..

your body will crave detoxification.

maybe you would stop harming yourself, & run towards perfection..

instead of feeding off of the sickness itself.. 

“Pitch black all around
Was how my life looked
Until you came into it
And brought me light.”

Nah, that’s too cliché

How about:
“I was just fine
Before I met you
And I didn’t even like you much at first
I thought you were cute
But I didn’t like your attitude
Yet you grew on me
Like a rose growing onto a stone wall
But the closer I got to you
The more I could feel the heat of a fire out of my control
It wasn’t that you loved me
It is just your personality
To burn those closest to you
But I couldn’t leave
I had fallen for the flames
And though I sometimes danced in your inferno
I couldn’t help but to come out burned

We’re opposites, you and I
For where you burn
I am ice-cold
So it didn’t hurt me when you left
Not as much as you would’ve felt
But I still want you back
It’s not a pain
But an ache
And the only thing that can melt my heart,
That can teach me to love again
Is you.”

Swirling phantasms all around me
Death and life both in accord
Time is years in seconds counting
And yet no time I can afford

A flash, a face
A twinge of feeling
Just a second
Sends my heart reeling
The old scars
I thought were healing
Suddenly open
And start bleeding

I can’t take it
My heart breaks
All I want is your embrace
Please come back
Don’t leave me here
Don’t leave me to the void I fear

Time is fading, eternity ending
Daylight’s footfalls at the door
Reaching out so you can save me
Just a dream, nothing more.