apologies

Sociopaths Are Only Human

by DaddyO

 

You've Got it Backwards

 

Writing a blog boasting "I'm only human; everyone makes mistakes" might, in some egomaniacal universe you've created in your mind, feel like you are being true to yourself, but it's a shitty way of being truthful to someone you've hurt.

 

It does not resemble in the least the offering of a sincere apology. Hell, it doesn't resemble an apology at all!

 

It's Not Your Suffering We're Trying to Ease

 

Just so ya know, those "mistakes made due to being human" you've cited are supposed to be offered by those who have been hurt, not by the one who caused the pain. Using it for your own personal excuse is the ugliest form of "defense" I can fathom. It does not even remotely resemble a willingness to accept responsibility. Indeed it shirks it. It also speaks volumes as to how clueless a person can be.

 

Empathetic or Just Pathetic?

 

Never feeling regret for a mistake is not a badge of honor. Nope. Sorry. In fact a feeling of regret is what ignites a person's heart providing the attitude to change.

 

Your lack of empathy is contagious too. Instead of people sympathizing with you, this attitude confirms your cockiness, admits your arrogance, and illuminates your egotistical selfishness.

 

More importantly it masterfully answers all questions an outsider might have for giving your stories the benefit of the doubt.

 

Hint: It's the First One

 

So you honestly don't know which is more honorable between someone owning his mistakes or someone who blames everyone else?

 

If you can't answer that question, then I don't think I can convince you which one it is.

 

Regardless where one falls on the learning curve of sociopathic tendencies, it is still important to actually learn.

 

The moral choice is to learn strategies to help you overcome the sociopathic behaviors.

 

The immoral choice is attempting to learn to be a better sociopath by publicly listing your sociopathic traits and excusing them with the "only human" defense. Even then you're not learning to be a better sociopath very well, for you're supposed to offer somewhat believable excuses for the behavior.

 

So Why Do We Even Say "Be True to Yourself"?

 

"Being true to yourself" is something to help spark change in people who are living their lives based on other people's or society's lies or expectations of them. It is intended to energize them into becoming happier and more diverse elements of our society.

 

Five Helpful Examples of "Being True to Yourself":

 

  • 1) The gay man who feels obligated to marry a woman because that's what his parents expect of him, but then chooses to divorce.
  • 2) The person who suppresses their kink because they have been told by people at work that it's shameful, but then decides to be "out" and promote sex positive culture.
  • 3) The woman who grows up in a Catholic family who becomes enlightened and makes the choice to no longer attend mass.
  • 4) The lesbian teens who attend prom together despite being bullied by other classmates.
  • 5) The patriotic NFL athlete who, after 9-11, enlists in the army even though it seems like foolishness to everybody else.

 

"Being true to one's self" is not intended for self righteous douchebags to use as an excuse for being a self righteous douchebag.

 

Being true to other people's feelings and comfort through humility and compassion is a much better goal for being a better person.

 

Humility is Not Humiliating, It's Empowering

 

Practicing humility is vastly different than "humiliation."

 

One might even say: "The ability for one to practice true humility by recognizing their mistakes, feeling regret, apologizing, making amends and doing their damnedest to avoid making the mistake again is the most important element in being a good Dom." 


Feel free to post that on your "about me."  And to demonstrate humility, I don't even care whether or not you quote me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

a rant from 2014 

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Reasons Are Reasonable (to Me)

by Jeph Johnson

 

Call it a pet peeve or even a quirky character flaw, but if I am hurt by someone, an apology is NOT the first thing I look for. In fact, sometimes if a good enough explanation is presented to me, no apology is even necessary.

 

I want a reason.

 

I want them to defend their action.

 

I don't see reasons (often referred to as "excuses") in a negative light. I see reasons as necessary components for producing a more heartfelt remorse in those who've hurt me, and in me, a more valid sense of forgiveness.

 

For me, knowing motives and reasons behind one's actions makes things feel not so hurtful. Reasons become comforting words of reassurance that people are not just being evil assholes or bullies. Understanding a person's reasons behind their actions confirms to me that the hurtful act was not some sort of vengeance or retaliation against a perceived fault of my own.

 

Unfortunately, this is not the case with most everyone else I have encountered. I have found others feel relief (and presumably forgiveness) immediately after an apology is given.

 

No excuses.

 

No explanations.

 

No alternative stories.

 

And especially no denials.

 

Apparently ownership of one's misdeed is what counts and a person's intent behind their actions or mistake is valued only as a nice curiosity or afterthought.

 

Often I have attempted to convey the rationale behind a questionable action I have done that may have produced unintended results. It has been done with a sincere motive to help ease hurt, only to have the exact opposite thing happen. Instead I am thought of as less sympathetic and less thoughtful and I seem to hurt them more.

 

For some unknown reason, defending one's questionable actions sounds unapologetic, even when an apology is given!

 

"I am sorry I splashed water on you."

 

...apparently holds more clout than:

 

"I was rushing my wife to the hospital with a brain hemorrhage and hydroplaned across the puddle and must have splashed you. I am so sorry. Are you okay?"

 

When someone hurts another, I realize, regardless of what one person felt really happened, the hurt person making the claim (hereby referred to as the "victim") believes their version of an event is true for them. Each person's reality is formed for each individual participant in any activity or event.

 

But shouldn't the victim have their mind open to healing just as much as the alleged perpetrator has their mind open to understanding the victim's feelings? This sort of understanding can only come about through communication. And communication is displayed by conveying reasons as well as understanding feelings.

 

I absolutely hate when someone feels you have hurt them, that the "proper" course of action is to offer up an apology and refrain from explaining yourself, providing excuses or giving justification.

 

I often hear people say in a condescending tone:

 

"You're just trying to justify it!"

 

Well yeah, of course I am. If it wasn't justifiable I would do what everybody else does and offer up my apologies without an excuse!

 

I guess what I don't understand is why providing justification for your actions somehow discredits your apology?

 

Is it "only when asked" that our excuses are valid?

 

I must keep reminding myself that a blanket apology without giving a reason is not an admission of guilt, even if, to me, it sounds just like that.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2014

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My Apologies

Folder: 
All About Me

You were right
I was wrong
I've been sorry
All day long
Next time you say
To do what you said
I'll just shut up
And nod my head.

Brandy Noelle Souza
September 12, 2012

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Me actually admitting I was wrong for once in my life...LOL

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Save It

Apologies are never sufficient,
When something defiles who you are,
They are rooted in winds of insincerity,
The phantom pain of an amputation,
Leaves it's ghost after a scar.

 

Often sprinkled with great expectation,
Expressions of  sorrow, so often bereft,
The sincerity lacking, it wavers,
Under smoldering feelings it left,
And the part most important is missing,
Through cunning footwork arisen from deft.

 

I'd prefer no apologies, but rather,
Tell me how you came under this plea,
And reveal your intentions to change things,
It's amends that sets both of us free.

 

 

 

2:47 PM 6/17/2013 ©

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Apologies are basically a formality, a touch of class, a courtesy. Save it. Prove it.

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Apologies from a Sinner

Last night I dreamt about you. 

you were here, and you loved me too. 

I looked inside your big blue eyes,

and you cracked a smile and forgot all my lies. 

 

 

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Fragrance of the Words

And I heard the words approaching,
So close, so fragrant beneath her pressed lips
I waited, I listened...
Encouraging the woman I thought I loved,
Please, baby pleading with all remaining hope...
It wasn't meant to hurt, it was foolish,..
Perfumed blissful ignorance in my waiting acceptance,
whisper the words love, no other may need hear them,
for they are for my hurt, my scarring heart...
In her beautiful green eyes,.. She wants to,
But there is only the longest pause...
then a tear, shed to roll easily away
and I am no longer the reason for the words
something did happen, robbing the song they produce
in my heart, that in a breath, weakens...
Oh no, no, no, no don't give silence reign over our union.
Silence is nothing to my eardrums, as it is...
Too loud, and wretchedly painful to my heart.
So close, the words, the way to the way it was,
before,... one last kiss will never come...
As she turns and lives forever part,
all that is left, is the fragrance of a whisper
to remember, and words that never were never heard.
I'm sorry, I do love you, I will always, forever...
Words that never come.