Enslaving chains and wilderness pains
are broken on healing heavenly domain
plus graceful throne, envisioned.
Method upholds this marauding madness
aflicting us on earthly journeys through
wounded wilderness, deadly disdain
and frighful famine; distressing
humankind and nature.
Twisted minds and wicked souls
torment humankind on this earthly
journey through birth, life and death.
Yet, we came with nothing; and with
nothing, we depart to earth's dust.
Hideous hypocrisy darkens love to
hide this greatest reality from heaven's
green pastures, meadows and
river bed, unchained.
We follow this river path to oceans
lighted by divine mercy and unending
salvation; healing broken hearts and
bleeding, lost souls.
I used to think no one like me
a forest of a single tree
i stood alone head held high
thinking truly they know why
In my mind they was confusion
i was under an illusion
untill after much debate
i had to go back and translate
Everything again all anew
angles seemingly all askew
I had glimpsted me through your eyes
and oh boy! was i surprized
So thank you for prooving me wrong
a delusion of pain i had for so long
it only took just that one soul
to take a wreck and make them whole.
Unsure how to process,
I am living on the edge of forgotteness,
While today, taking out the trash,
Nearly gave me whiplash,
To the past I found myself agazed,
Upon the rough, unforgettable haze,
Containing the choices you have made,
And how I just try my best to wade,
Through the pain,
That left a permanent stain,
And through the disappointment,
That took my enjoyment,
The person that lived in that room,
The one that lacked a broom,
That person was not you,
At least not the one I ever knew,
Having kept that aspect of you separate from my mind,
It was easier to have your role clearly be defined,
But now there's another person that's been along for the ride,
And it takes strength to learn to coincide.
Before his love,
she had been afraid
before his touch,
she had been ashamed
Mirrored in a gaze,
stormy blue
she beheld her Grace,
in clear view
He awoke in her a song
long repressed, so natural
then a dance, demanding rave
with beauty, raw and sensual
He made her feel safe in love,
to yield to body and voice
he taught her it was always
something meant to be rejoiced
i looked behind the curtain,
not out of curiosity mind you
in an effort to save myself.
subliminally i knew you were the reason i couldn’t heal
so my journey was to reveal you. the real you. all the years
i naively chose to believe your lies. what you wanted me to believe.
through no conscious act of my own
its funny how my intuition led me back to you
i crashed right into our toxic ways
only when you destroyed me one last time
laid bare in the hollow of my self esteem
only then could i see clearly
so i bid you adieu with words that once filled me with dread
now i ride like a phoenix
ITS GONE
Still Standing
By jfarrell
For me,
It’s childhood rape and violent child abuse;
For some,
It’s drugs, alcohol, food, stealing;
For some,
It’s cancer, organ failure…
Horrendous stuff I can’t,
And probably, don’t want to imagine.
But
WE ARE STILL STANDING, STILL HERE!
Today sucked less than yesterday,
But,
You know what?
It was an improvement;
However unnoticeable, however slight it was.
We are still standing! You, me, all of us.
And,
It may be all you have right now!
I know 20 years I tried to kill myself;
And I’m still standing;
Lots of you are like me, despite how alone I feel;
We are all STILL standing, after all this time;
Survive? Stop standing - walk!
One step in any direction, and keep walking.
Fuck surviving!
I deserve;
I’ve worked and sacrificed for a life!
Not to survive.
Labels
By jfarrell
I lost mine for a long time,
But labels define us; me, certainly;
Dad, mum, lawyer, thief;
What we do, what we call ourselves, define us.
I used to be a nursery officer,
I worked with young children,
For those unfamiliar with the term,
Then I was ill, and had no label for a long time.
For 17 years I was nothing, maybe still am;
Waste of space drunk became my label;
Mentally ill, depressed, this abbreviation and that abbreviation;
None of them defined me, just made me feel useless.
Now, I’m like a duracell bunny;
Some days I’m a barman; some, a waiter;
And I’m stretching labels in between;
I have a definition, a purpose, after so long.
Important labels I don’t have;
Father, husband, friend;
But, I now have a label that gives me definition;
Note to self: THIS IS NOT THE DESTINATION!
IT’S ONLY THE BEGINNING OF THE JOURNEY
Thanks all for listening :-)
Peeling the onion
By jfarrell
My story, my history
Will come out, layer by layer
Within my poetry
And much of it you won’t like;
“let’s leave those horrors for scary stories”
Like peeling an onion, the deeper you go
The more intense it is
When I started writing poetry recently
I upset my sister with it;
It’s stuff she’s got over and buried in the past;
And she is the only one of my relatives I give a stuff about;
But she doesn’t believe that
She believes I stay away out of hate and spite;
I stay away coz I seem to hurt everything I touch
I promised her I wouldn’t write personal stuff
Sorry, but I’ve got to break that promise
I write for me, I have to write my story
And I have to write it my way
You can choose to not read
But you cannot tell me not to write;
You found your peace;
I’m still searching for mine.
I need to peel this onion.
Arrangement in any minor key
By JFarrell
The music is me
Discordant, harsh, out of tune
A roaring cacophony
Ill composed from its beginning
Composed by a loveless mother
Transcribed by a violent father
A minor key
For sadness and pain
Along the way
It’s been added to, altered
Key changes everywhere
By those who consider themselves conductors
But, now
A new instrument has found its voice
From the depths of my soul
Haunting pizzicato strings stir and swell
An orchestra of strings hails the now
And is answered by woodwind breaths
The angelic harmony of harp song
Envelopes all
With a life of its own
The music of my soul rewrites me
Rewrites all that I was and have become
I am now a movement in the key of E