untitled (former working title: true music)
as if one have
all the value judgements
in this—
tribulation period,
if only wind
instruments were
invented to share
a message, —
would souls
truly speak
in the present moment?
time & its insignificance
like metanoia
—a paradigm shift—
suddenly, anxiety
changing one's drift
from kabbalah
to phonetics
linguistics, semantics
hermeneutics of the Torah
from ancient
to the renaissance
what more can
one presage?
neither—
if a believer
prays to a false God
[of an othered religion]
permitted but
wronged sainthood
senile syllogisms & oblivion
may bagong liwanag
sa bigat nitong dinadala,
kahit buhay ay tila
hindi natatamasa
at walang sigla
gaya mo rin,
ang bawat tao raw
ay may kani-kaniyang
suliranin
mainam na makalaya
na nga, makaliwas ang
puso kong ito
at pati ng katawan
sa lupa
—mula sa kanilang
pagkakagapos
Only You can pick up the pieces
Of my shattered past
And make something beautiful from it
Gathering the shards and placing them
Into an amazing and wondrous design
Like a stained glass window
Each piece meticulously positioned
Into a picture only the designer could see
When I give to You my best
I try so hard to make You proud
My feeble attempts
Like a bruised and broken flower
You hold it gently, press and mount it
Hanging it high for all to see
One day I pray that I can look back
And see my whole life laid before me
All the hurt and pain I experienced
Interwoven with the joy and happiness
A blanket that I can wrap my heart up with
And the knowledge that my life wasn't in vain
That I could see every stitch You made
How You carried me all the way
And brought me home to stay
I did it again
It's a sin
Father forgive me
For I know what I do
I know what I choose
Time and time again
I choose Me over You
The first man condemned me
The last Man redeemed me
The inner man damns me
The new man reviles “Me”
I give up again
It's all I can do
So take “me” away
And fill me with You
For I know once I am more like You
I'll be the best Me I can be
Transcendence (And Body Politic)
Her guises were stripped off
Like paint;
I had wondered where she could
have gotten to—to act like a saint
The earthquakes have multiple meanings, after all:
There are moments of truth.
But our attitudes, in facing them, such are several.
Why should we try to act on certain
situations, just to make us huge?
Her views of change mattered to
me, for lacking subterfuge
'Tis so raw, so fresh,
so debilitatingly godly
When fake media is stressed, let all
disdain blasphemy.
Are we just spirits in human bodies,—
in the physicality?—
For, when— it makes it clear,
our true selves gather up
a multitudes' spirituality!
by Jeph Johnson
The concept of "God's plan" makes the idea of a "prayer-answering relationship with God" ridiculous.
Christians attach themselves to both ideas despite this irresolvable contradiction.
by Jeph Johnson
1. What do you understand the Christian doctrine of sin to be?
The Christian doctrine of sin is that the creator God's will of what a human should be (as represented in the first man Adam) was not fulfilled precisely, due to the serpent in the garden of Eden tempting Adam to eat of the tree of knowledge and Adam giving in to that temptation. The effects of sin became twofold: a "spiritual" and a "physical" death. The spiritual death separated humans from the "perfect" God (who is "sinless"). The physical death separated humans from life. Jesus (the Son of God, and God incarnate) came to earth to live a sinless life as a man, and suffer and die for the sins of the rest of all humans. It is believed by Christians that due to this sacrifice, eternal life is granted to those who believe in him. Two problems I have is that the physical death that is supposedly "conquered" is still apparent: Christians die and are only "saved" from death in a mysterious "Heaven" that is promised but never shown. In regards to the "spiritual re-birth", Christians still sin, and acceptance of Jesus does not really help in that area either, as I personally am a much happier, nicer and well-liked person since abandoning Christianity.
2. Do you think the Christian doctrine of sin is in any way true? If so, explain. If not, what are your objections?
No, it is a made up doctrine intended on giving some explanation for evil in the world. We all do bad things. We all do good things. Morality is relative. Certain actions are just relatively wrong to more people than others.
3. Do you think that you sin?
I do bad things some times, yes.
4. If you do sin, why do you sin?
Because I want to. End of story. And even when I was a Christian, I thought it was a silly cop out to blame the "sin" I committed on Adam. The better explanation is that I sometimes choose to be selfish and put myself first. Christians actually NEVER take responsibility for their actions: Before they accept Christ it's "Adam's fault" and after they accept Christ it's "I'm not perfect, I'm just forgiven." When does a Bible believer ever need to take responsibility for their actions? Okay, I know "repentance" is preached, but is it really necessary? Shouldn't repentance occur because you want to be a good person, and not to "please God", appease for "Adam's sin" or "because Jesus had to die"?
by DaddyO
Women in Daddy/babygirl relationships often are accused of having "daddy issues."
Well, I will freely admit: I have babygirl issues!
For those who have wondered or who care, here is a little insight as to why...
My teens and early 20s were chock full of sexual exploration. The only problem, it was...
ALL IN MY IMAGINATION!
When I was growing up, I was a scared-as-hell little boy. My mom was one of the most open people I ever met. She practiced situational ethics to a T.
"Wanna get high? ...then I will get you some pot from your uncle and you will sit here in front of me and try it."
"Wanna have sex? ...save up enough money and we will get you a Prostitute (okay, it wasn't quite that drastic, but she did tell me about a juice bar that had strippers where I could go on my 18th birthday).
Basically, Mom said I could do whatever I wanted. But here was the catch: I had to take responsibility for my actions. Do you hear that? I will say it once again, with the magnitude my Mom used to drill it into me with:
"YOU MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS!!!"
Needless to say, I was scared-as-hell to even touch a girl.
Fatherhood at 15? No thanks!
Venereal disease? Nu uh. Not me!
I had an alcoholic friend who had to sneak his booze from his Dad's liquor cabinet. I saw what a mess he was becoming and the addictive qualities right away. No way was I going to touch alcohol. The sips of beer my Dad gave me were sickening anyway.
Other friends were hooked on narcotics. I remember visiting a close friend (best friend at the time) in a drug treatment program. And was instructed to utilize "tough love" by disassociating myself from him if he relapsed. Well, he relapsed and our friendship ended. So trying drugs? No way!
I knew of sexually active teens who's moms were on the boards of the religious anti-sex education crusade. I saw their hypocrisy and was appalled.
So what does a young man do with his life after seeing all of that? What else- He joins the Christian church! ---and avoids it all even better!
In the Fall of 1988 I "saw the light" quite literally, by having a "born again" experience. Yes, the adrenalin and whatever other chemicals make a person light headed were flowing that night as I sat in a room next to a sexy Christian waitress and gave my life to Christ by saying a prayer of faith I didn't want to believe in. But the very fact that I felt guilty feelings when saying that prayer cemented the idea of a "God" into my psyche. Yes, the fact that I felt guilty NOT believing in God (while saying I did believe), was "proof" enough that God really did exist and it made it "true." I did not think past this concept for ten years, and a "Christian" young man was born.
My mid 20s through mid 30s I was trapped in the bonds of this organized religion ridiculousness, living "for Christ" a life of celibacy. Sure, I tried to court women, but how were you supposed to do such a thing when you were not allowed lustful thoughts? How was a man supposed to get close to a woman without being aroused (and thus "lusting")? If I followed the Christian way of courting, I would have had my first sexual encounter on my wedding night! And seriously, the ladies I was courting were either coming back into the fold/former "backsliders" who were very sexually experienced and thought I was crazy for being celibate, or women so prude they probably didn't even understand that sex was supposed to be fun.
Not a lot to choose from. And had I chose, I was supposed to ask a woman to marry me without even spending any intimate time with her. How fucked up is that?
Ultimately I did get sexual with some of the partners I encountered, but all sexual play was reserved for oral and manual stimulation. I seriously did my best to not lust- and this very well may be why I have such a difficult time now getting an erection. I figured if my cock wasn't hard, I wasn't lusting!
I delved into providing oral sex and like to say, "well, at least Jesus did taught me one thing- he made me good at cunnilingus."
So now I am an older atheist hedonist and have the freedom to explore. I finally have the balls to actually let loose and be free with my sexuality.
I long for what I missed out on when I was supposed to be experimenting and growing sexually with these teenagers and women in their early 20s, hence, my desire for the younger looking/acting females. Age play,; Daddy/babygirl;, it all coalesces for me. It makes more sense than anything else ever has.
So, yes, I do have babygirl issues. And am quite unashamed. Perhaps for the first time in my life.
Peace
The feeling of rest
After a hard day's work
The weightlessness of relaxation
Finally
Serenity
No reason to fear
No longer any worries
My mind is happily blank
White like new-fallen snow
While I sit by the fireplace
On a Christmas morning
Calm
For my spirit is calm
My soul no longer pains me
I'll soon fall asleep
To waking dreams
And an eternity
Of sunrises