I'm afraid

I'm afraid
Of losing
Of being a disappointment
So I never try
I'm afraid
Of being a nuisance
Of being betrayed
So I never get close
I'm afraid
Of being alone
Of my emotions
So I close myself off
I'm afraid
Of myself
I'm so very afraid

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It's not good but I just need to write something before I explode, might delete it later

Anxiety Alive

Racing thoughts taking over my brain,

My head and heart in so much pain,

Thoughts of impending doom fill my head.

Feelings of wishing I were dead,


“Just make it stop!” I scream inside myself.

Feeling as though nothing will ever help.

Knowing that the thoughts will stay in my head.

No matter what anyone has said.


I just want to have some normal thoughts,

And not always feel so out of sorts.

Feeling no one can ever fully understand,

Always seem to have my head in my hands.


The tears flow steady as I write these words,

Wishing I could fly real high like the birds.

Just get away from the racing going on,

Just get away, just be gone.


This is something beyond my control,

Why am I alive, what is my role?

How did I get like this, when did it begin?

Feeling as if I will never win.


So each day continues the same as before,

The racing feeling beginning to soar.

I wonder how will I get through another day,


Trying to keep these feelings at bay.


Afraid I'll outreach myself
Afraid to be wrong
Afraid I'll stick my head
Where it doesn't belong.
Afraid an axe will come down
And behead me
Afraid to be trapped
Afraid to break free.

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Stay Forgotten

The tap tap tapping of his feet grow louder on the hard linoleum floor as his heart beats faster. Pounding in his chest, drowning out the sound in his ears and bringing his eyes to tears. He is lost. How did he get where he is? He has no idea what force brought him to this place. But wait he knows where to go, the next turn is right... no no no left. Breaking left he flies down the corridor. Pictures on the walls, bodies without faces, places he’s been before. Bursting through the double doors at the end of the hallway he enters an open plaza, and there she is.


This is it, this is what he was brought here for. A second chance, forcing his hand to finally make the move on… on… what was her name? What is my name? That hardly matters now, but here she is placed upon a silver platter for him to take as his liking. A noise from behind. He turns and out from whence he came, comes a familiar and distasteful face.


“I see you’ve found what you have been looking for,” says the vile looking man.

“Who are you?”

“I am your antagonist, I am the conflict that chooses where you step, I am your worst fear. I am your failure.”

“What madness are you speaking?”

“Take a look for yourself.”


Turning he notices his lost love, slipping from his grasp again. Down an alley through a busy street she turns without a glance back. Without a further look at this new profound man he is at a sprint again. Faster even than when he feared for his own life. She was more important than his life. What would be left to piece together if he let her walk out of his life again?


SLAM! Right in front of him a taxi from the street hits a light pole inches from his own body. Stopping momentarily he glances in at the driver, only to see the smiling face of his so called “antagonist.”


“Time is running out,” he says.

“Then I have no time to waste on the likes of you!”


Faster and faster he crosses the street and finally makes it to the alleyway that was his destination. He slows to a quick-walk, because it is extremely dark in the alley, even though it was mid-day behind him. Reaching about a third of the way through the alley he notices a curled figure on the floor… no two.


“This is your fault…” the man says grimly.


Tossing him aside, he takes a step toward her heaving, sobbing figure.


“Why must you cry my love? I’ve come to ask for a second… nay a first chance, that I never put forth before.”

She continues weeping for a reason unknown to him.

“Why do you weep at such a time to rejoice?! Speak to me! I’ve done my best, tried my hardest, I deserve at least a word!”


She slowly rights herself into a sitting position, looks up to him, and says, “Goodbye.”


Suddenly he is in his room in his apartment. He recalls his dream, the faces he saw, remembers who they are, remembers what they mean to him, and remembers his own identity. He lies back down, wishing he could forget.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this a few years ago, my friends back then liked it so I hope you like it too. Also I didn't have a title for it until I reread it five minutes ago.

View brother57's Full Portfolio

This Is All I Can Say

I miss you, sometimes painfully,

And I love you so,

And it isn't the parts you think,

But the parts of you that glow,

It's the part only I have ever seen and loved,

I hardly know it, and yet it is the part your heart is of,

And somehow I am ashamed I never knew it,

Because to me, it's amazing...'sunlit',

Even though it's behind all your pain,

Somehow it sings my name, again and again,

But how can I ever know?

If you're afraid to let anyone in,

If you're afraid to grow?



7:44 PM 6/24/2013 ©

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Inside the Closet

D. E. A. F.

We stare into the black abyss

A world surmised by nothingness.

The only illumination is from under the closet door,

and your only companion, the cold hard floor.


You hear them scream, you hear them yell.

But they can't find you, and the dark will never tell.

Curl in a ball and press back against the wall.

Too afraid to answer their call.


We are small and filled with fear,

We cannot sob for they may hear.

We don't want to feel the slap of their palm.

Then have to lie when teachers ask whats wrong.


When they drink like this there is no reason.

And the slightest infraction will bring on a beating.

They'll yell in your face and you smell it on their breathe.

It smells like desperation and it smells of death.


We used to think being in the light was fine.

Until they beat up our body and shattered our mind.

Here in this space, with its absence of light.

Where no matter what time it is the middle of night.


We will stay here, stay safe, and hide away.

Not listening to apologies and lies they say.

It's cold on this floor, without a blanket.

But it still is safer than coming out the closet.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It's another poem about abused children. Who were so abused they believe its better to live in the darkness than outside it.

Its also connected to my other posted poem "They Call Me It"

Feel free to read that one also and give feed back on both

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hello there to the world
never seen you before
I'm a new born baby boy
lying here on the floor
took a good look at myself
didn't like what I saw
I had to change something
I had to rectify the flaw
people are programmed
wired to the board
they wont take time to listen
we're just been ignored
if they could only realise
how easy it could be
that's why I wrote this poem
I hope that they will see

hello there to fear
I'm afraid we haven't met
so your why I worry
why I constantly sweat
you haven't always been here
you crept up on me somehow
cause me to bite my finger's 
put lines above my brow 
everyone is afraid
be it spiders or of the dark
this fear is different
it comes when you lose your spark
so try taking a step back
just to regain your peak
and relight that fire
eradicate the meek

we're afraid about things
that never come to be
afraid for our loved ones
friends and family
its ok to have fear
its healthy in a way
just to see things clearly
its easy for me to say
so if you can accept fear
be true to who you are
don't limit by imitations
go ahead raise the bar
your always holding back
to what you can become
stop telling yourself you cant
just do it and its done

so now that you've realised
you worry out of habit
the world is your oyster
if you see a chance grab it
don't be afraid to fail
it will make you a better man
next time you get afraid
face it if you can
things will get easier
now that you know
instead of hiding under covers
just get up and go

written by Thomas Walsh 
inspired by friends

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I'm Afraid

I’m Afraid

I’m afraid of people
I’m afraid to die
I’m afraid of cars
And planes in the sky

I’m afraid of cancer
Im afraid of death
I’m afraid to choose the wrong direction
Both right and left

I’m afraid of elevators
I’m afraid of heights
I’m afraid to go fast in cars
I’m even afraid of strobe lights

I’m afraid to talk
Or to hear the sound of my own voice
I’m afraid of everything
Of everything that is choice


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My Love

I love you...
And I don't know what to say to you
I'm scared
I don't know what you think of me
I'm afraid of putting myself out there
To be rejected again
I may be Superman on the outside
But inside?
I'm afraid of letting you down
Of not being there for you
Of not being enough for you
Of leaving you to fight your own battles
I know you're capable
But I love fighting them with you
Of supporting you
Of loving you
And I don't know...
Maybe I feel inadequate
Like you're worth so much more than I am
I think you are
I've messed up so many times before
I don't know how to act around you
But until you tell me
I'll continue to be brave
I won't be afraid of fighting for you
I think you're worth it
I'll step out
Take a leap of faith
Because I don't want to lose you
To lose my greatest treasure and my best friend
To the unknown.
I hope you know this already
But if not here it is:
Honestly and truly,
I Love You.